Facing Your Fears: Overcoming The Things That Scare You The Most

Everyone has something they’re scared of, even the strongest, bravest people. According to Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, "Fear signals that there is danger and is a universal emotion experienced all over the world.” Fear is a natural part of the human psyche, and though it’s not entirely possible to eliminate fear, it is possible to manage your fears. This article explores common fears, how they can be faced safely, and support resources that can help.

Common fears and how they affect daily life

Each and every individual is unique, and therefore they may have different fears. Oftentimes, these fears can be caused by a combination of genetics, cultural norms, learned behaviors, and traumatic experiences. Some common fears people may experience include:

• Walking alone at night
• Encountering dogs
• Driving 
• Social situations
• Public speaking
• Heights
• Confined spaces, otherwise known as claustrophobia

There may also be sex differences in fear. For example, women may be more likely to fear walking at night, with research showing they tend to be hyperaware of areas outside the path (such as dark areas and bushes), while men are more likely to focus on the path they are walking. This study shows how fear can impact everyday behaviors and experiences. 

When fear becomes a mental health concern

When fear starts to interfere with daily life, it may signal a mental health concern. Fear may trigger avoidance behavior and stop you from going to school or work, maintaining relationships, and performing routine activities. If fear is irrational and disproportionate to the actual situation, it can be helpful to seek support from a healthcare professional.

How anxiety disorders are connected to fear

The amygdala, which is a region in the brain responsible for governing fear and activating the fight-or-flight response, is often hyperactive in people with anxiety disorders. Fear is often rooted in the here and now and involves responding to present threats, while anxiety is future-oriented and often irrational. However, since the amygdala is hyperactive in both cases, fear and anxiety may present similar physical symptoms.

Signs fear may be part of an anxiety disorder 

If fear is persistent, disproportionate to the actual threat, and future-oriented, you may be experiencing an anxiety disorder. In 2021, approximately 4.4% of the population, or 359 million people, experienced an anxiety disorder, with rates increasing each year. If you’ve experienced some of the following symptoms for 6 or more months, it may be a sign of an anxiety disorder:

• Restlessness or feeling on edge
• Muscle tension, nausea, and shortness of breath
• Avoiding situations that trigger anxiety
• Racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, and excessive worry
• Trouble sleeping and fatigue

What does it mean to face your fears

Facing your fears may involve identifying them, understanding them, and managing them so that they don’t affect your daily life. You may have to confront fears and step outside your comfort zone from time to time. For example, someone with social anxiety may attend social gatherings despite feeling anxious.  

Why avoidance makes fears stronger

When faced with a situation they fear, people’s initial response may be to avoid it. This may be a natural emotional reaction. But if your fear is of something that doesn’t make logical sense (i.e., there’s not a threat of imminent danger), then avoidance can be counterproductive. 

Benefits of facing your fears

Not only can facing your fears stop you from avoiding situations, friends, and meaningful activities, but it may also benefit your mental and emotional health. 

Long-term resilience and confidence

One of the advantages of facing your fears is that you can develop confidence and resilience in various areas of your life, not only when it comes to facing the things you’re afraid of. Whenever something happens that’s concerning, or that touches on other fears, no matter how major or minor, you can be better equipped to manage your emotions and physical responses to the fear (or the anticipation of it). In the book “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges,” psychiatrists suggest that facing your fears is associated with resilience.

Mental well-being and compassion

A study on students with autism or suspected autism found that students who faced their fears experienced less anxiety than those who didn’t. This suggests that facing your fears can improve well-being by reducing symptoms of anxiety and allowing you to live in the present moment. 

Also, learning how to face and cope with your fears can help cultivate compassion. When you recognize and confront your own anxieties and fears with love and respect for yourself, you’re more likely to start working with other people in the same calm way, whether it be a loved one, employee, boss, or even just a person on the street.

How to face fears safely

Creating a fear ladder 

A fear ladder, also known as an exposure hierarchy, is a tool that allows you to rank your fears from the least to the most distressing. By gradually exposing yourself to more fearful situations using this ladder, you can learn to experience fearful, unwanted sensations while functioning in the world. This is a common tool used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy. With the guidance of a therapist, you can map out your fears and create a step-by-step plan to overcome them at a manageable pace.

Depending on the fear, this may be more or less difficult to actually do, and depending on the intensity of the fear, you may need to start by approaching the fear for only 2-3 minutes at a time. As a more tangible example, someone with a fear of spiders might watch someone else safely interact with a spider first — a method known as modeling. During an interaction, it may help to focus on how you breathe, making sure your muscles are relaxed as you remind your mind and body that you are not at risk of any harm.

Knowing when to pause or seek help

When you’re actively engaging with specific fears, it can be helpful to remember that you can always take a step back from the fearful situation to take a break. Second, you may reward yourself after confronting your fear by engaging in a positive and enjoyable activity that will help you relax. This could be taking a bath, reading your favorite book, or spending time with loved ones.

You may also consider asking someone you have a close relationship with, such as a friend or family member, to act as extra support while you work through your fear. Alternatively, a therapist can be a source of comfort and support at this time. 

Evidence-based ways to face your fears

One thing that’s commonly overlooked regarding fear is that, often, they have something to teach you. Many people who struggle with phobias have some core, underlying set of beliefs, life events, or thought patterns that fuel the fear. Through therapeutic interventions and self-guided strategies, you can try to honor the anxiety, learn about it, and grow from it.

Exposure therapy and gradual steps

Cognitive-behavioral therapy employs a technique called “desensitization,” more often referred to as exposure therapy, to treat and manage fears by gradually exposing the patient to the fear over time. Exposure therapy can be approached in two distinct ways. Patients can confront their most feared stimuli directly (flooding) or seek assistance from a fear ladder to expose themselves to more and more intense stimuli over time (gradual exposure). Research suggests that both approaches can effectively reduce fear symptoms.  

Therapy CBT techniques for fear

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) combines regular talk therapy with specialized techniques that directly target fears. These techniques may include cognitive restructuring, relaxation techniques, and behavioral experiments. Cognitive restructuring helps individuals identify and challenge irrational fears, providing a more balanced perspective. Patients may also be guided through relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, to manage fear symptoms during exposure. Behavioral experiments involve testing feared outcomes in a controlled manner so patients can witness illogical beliefs firsthand. 

Self-guided strategies

The human body can manifest a physiological response in the face of fear, so it’s helpful to find ways to wind down and relax. Some self-guided strategies to promote ease and calm include:

• Noticing safety signals such as relaxed conversation nearby
• Practicing breathing exercises to calm your nervous system
• Observing others who are handling the situation with calmness
• Exercising to release endorphins and ease anxiety

Getting support through BetterHelp

Today, you may not have to go into a therapist’s office to receive the help you need. Online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy, especially when it comes to behavioral treatments. It may be useful for those who have complicated schedules, for those seeking affordable care, or for those in a specific situation where fear makes it difficult for them to leave their home. Since you may be stepping outside of your comfort zone when facing fears, a therapist who can guide you through the process — and is available at a time that suits you — may be helpful. 

If you're currently struggling with a phobia, consider contacting the team of licensed therapists at BetterHelp. You can match with a therapist in as little as 48 hours. You can also message your therapist at any time, meaning you can record your reactions to fear stimuli in the moment for a more accurate response.