How And Why To Ask For Help When You Need It

Many individuals have needed support at some point or another. It's often normal and healthy to have people you can go to during difficult times or moments of emotional distress. So what should you do if you’re having the thought, “I need help”? It can be tough to know how to ask for help. We may tell ourselves that we don't deserve it or can manage just fine on our own.

Others may have led us to believe that admitting we are in trouble or need help means we are weak. However, there can be power in admitting when you need help and acting on that recognition.

How to know when you need help

In general, you may need to ask for help when something in your daily life is affecting your ability to function. For example, you may struggle to attend work, parent your child, or maintain romantic and platonic relationships. You might also start to experience physical symptoms or problems with your mental health.

While you may choose to handle some issues alone, feeling overwhelmed or out of control may signal that you need support from another individual. Depending on your needs, this could be a friend, family, doctor, trained crisis counselor, or mental health professional.

How and why to ask for help

Some people don't see the value of involving others in their struggles. Whether they've been let down in the past or feel shameful about needing help, asking for help may feel difficult for some.

However, asking for help may assist you in moving forward more efficiently than if you dealt with all your problems alone. You may not have the tools, resources, or coping mechanisms you need to heal in every situation that comes your way. However, you can learn these skills with time and new resources by reaching out for support.

Make a plan to ask someone you trust. Be direct in your communication and clear about your needs. Let the other person respond and respect what they have to say. Someone else may be available and willing if they can't offer you help.

Barriers to asking for help

Asking for help may not come naturally to everyone. Here are some obstacles you might face while seeking support.

Denial

If you're experiencing denial, you might have difficulty asking for help because you feel that there are no problems. You may tell yourself everything is fine, even if you know that's not the case deep down. Denial can be a complex issue that sociocultural factors could worsen.

For example, some men experiencing depression may feel discouraged from recognizing their condition and seeking help. They may struggle if they come from a family, culture, or location where it's considered "weak" to be depressed or discuss emotions with others.

Shame

You might feel that you shouldn't be struggling as badly as you are and avoid seeking help due to this thought. Perhaps your problem seems manageable in your mind, and you struggle to understand why you can't handle it alone.

Others might have made you feel embarrassed or weak for needing support. Due to the stigma associated with seeking help for various issues (including self-harm) shame can convince you to keep your problems to yourself. In these cases, you may feel that you’ll experience more shame from expressing these thoughts to someone else.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text 988 to talk to someone over SMS. Support is available 24/7. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Shame is an emotion that is commonly felt by those who have experienced trauma. If this is the case for you, you may benefit from seeking trauma therapy. Although it can feel challenging to take the first step and reach out, connection and validation from an external party may reduce feelings of shame.

Stigma

Stigmas can be social, cultural, societal, or systemic. Those living with mental health problems are prone to experiencing stigma from friends, society, or even a family member or medical provider while they are seeking help.

Individuals with mental health conditions might be denied work or housing opportunities, get mislabeled, or feel bad about themselves for struggling. Stigma often keeps people from reaching out for support at all. However, this doesn't mean valuable mental health care and compassion are unavailable.

Acceptance: A way forward

Acceptance may be the antidote to denial. By accepting that we need help, we may get started on the pathway toward healing. You can move toward acceptance by practicing vulnerability, expanding your support group, and allowing others to be there for you. You can also help others, when able, to get used to the idea of giving and receiving.

When acceptance comes, you may feel a burden lifted. While it can be scary to think about getting the help you need, this is often a vital step on your journey to a healthier life. If you're unsure how to prompt acceptance, consider trying acceptance exercises, like the radical acceptance skill from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).

Considering your options

Once you've come to terms with the need for help, you may choose to weigh your options and explore the resources available to you.

There are several possibilities you might consider when it's time to ask for help:

• Reach out to a friend
• Confide in a family
• Talk with a mentor
• Talk with a religious advisor
• Turn to a support group
• Try a hotline (which may offer an incognito source of assistance)
• Find a helpful internet forum
• Seek the help of a mental health professional
• Look for viable treatment facilities

You might first choose to discuss your issues with those you're close to who are not licensed mental health experts. While they may not be able to offer you medical advice, their support can still be helpful. There are also options for those that feel they need a more intense form of assistance. Persons seeking treatment facilities should search for reputable institutions in their area or ask their doctor for help finding an appropriate facility. 

At times, opening up to a friend or loved one can be enough to help you feel better and provide you with alternate perspectives that can change your mindset. In some cases, this won’t be as effective as seeking out professional crisis counseling. 

Trial and error

Seeking help in different areas may help you determine what you need, what works for you, and what doesn't. Talking with a trusted friend or loved one may be incredibly helpful for some issues, but tends to be a less anonymous source of assistance. 

For others, seeking a support group focused on specific issues (such as depression, an eating disorder, relationship troubles, or addiction) might offer a greater sense of understanding, belonging, and support.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

A mental health professional may be most able to provide you with the care you need for a specific concern.

Depending on the severity of the issue(s) you're facing, you may want to call a toll-free crisis line or seek the help of a licensed counselor. Should you be limited in the people in your life you feel you can open up to, your therapist can be a consistent presence to guide you.

Asking for help can feel challenging. You may benefit from connecting with a therapist online if you are facing barriers in your search to find treatment, such as location or cost. Online therapy allows you to call or text your therapist as the need arises. You can also contact them through video calls. 

In a recent study, online therapy was found to be just as effective as in-person therapy for various mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Each of these categories and ratings was compared to in-person counseling, with the latter's figures also included in the findings.

If you're ready to take the brave step of reaching out for help, you might consider an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. Regardless of your need, many counselors are available with expertise in a variety of topics.