Why Do I Cry When I Get Mad?

Medically reviewed by Majesty Purvis, LCMHC

Updated May 27, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Almost everyone cries sometimes. It’s human nature. However, you may wonder, "Why do I cry when I'm mad?"

Anger can be a complicated emotion, sometimes expressed through crying. You may become overwhelmed or explosive when you become upset, or you may cry. Everyone expresses anger differently, and crying can be a natural response for you.

In many parts of the world, including the United States, society can gender emotional states, attributing different values to some emotions as opposed to others. We tend to think of anger as powerful and associate it with yelling and violence, while sadness may be seen as weakness and associate it with crying. It’s no wonder crying can be confusing.

If you become so mad you start crying angry tears, you're not alone, and it doesn't mean you’re “weak.” Emotional tears are okay whether you’re angry, sad, happy, or feeling anything else.

Getty/PeopleImages

People can experience anger differently

Talk through your emotions with a therapist

Crying can be a result of intense emotions

Some people can be overwhelmed by angry feelings and may lash out at others, expressing themselves through harsh words or yelling. In other cases, anger may be expressed through tears. Sometimes, it might be difficult to stop crying when you’re mad.

Tears are often associated with sadness but may also represent feeling scared, relieved, happy, anxious, confused, curious, ashamed, or guilty.

Some people may have a challenging time expressing their anger, and instead of yelling, they become flustered or emotional when they’re feeling hurt. Their feelings can be so intense they let their anger out by crying angry tears.

Research also shows that as adults, we often react differently to circumstances depending on how we were treated as kids. Professionals often encourage individuals or couples navigating a hard time to explore what they learned in childhood about expressing emotion.

Does crying make you weak?

When you cry out of anger, you may feel like you’re “weak.” Feelings aren’t facts, though. Crying when you’re mad may be a typical way for you to express emotions.

However, if you would like to manage or express your anger differently, there may be helpful tools and coping mechanisms you can use when you’re having intense feelings. Some resources include meditation, deep breaths, therapy, and journaling.

A potentially healthy expression of anger

Anger is considered a secondary emotion, with primary emotions hiding beneath the outward response. Many people may cry when they experience anger because they have bypassed the anger and gone straight to the emotion underneath. While this situation may sound like another example of “weakness,” crying can sometimes be a healthier and more mature coping mechanism for struggling with strong emotions.

There's nothing wrong with crying when you feel mad. It’s safe to express anger if you're not hurting yourself or anyone else. Angry tears are one way to let these feelings out safely and healthily. If you want to understand where this behavior may come from or tips for navigating it, a mental health professional can help walk you through it.

Tears can be healthy whether they’ are due to anger or not, and a therapist can help you to ensure you’re managing your emotions in healthy ways. Some people may be more in touch with their emotions and have stronger feelings than others. If you’re one of those people, you might cry when you feel angry or overwhelmed, but this doesn't mean you’re weak.

Helpful tools to manage anger

Crying is healthy. However, there are some instances where your angry tears might be inconvenient, and you may need techniques to stop them. Below are some approaches that may help.

Meditation

Anger can be a healthy emotion when you know how to communicate it in a safe space without hurting others. However, persistent and frequent rage may hurt your quality of life and potentially result in high blood pressure. According to peer-reviewed studies from the journal Consciousness and Cognition, a single meditation and deep breathing session can reduce an individual's feelings of anger.

Anger triggers your sympathetic nervous system to release distress signals. Your breathing becomes shallow and your heart rate and blood pressure increase. Meditation may help to reduce these symptoms. Meditation can help calm the central nervous system, relaxing the body and mind. You may try relaxing your facial muscles to let go of the anger you’ve been feeling inside, which can help you keep tears at bay. Meditation may also help you cope with specific emotions.

Meditation slows your body's responses and can help you respond before reacting. By practicing 20 minutes of daily meditation and taking deep breaths, you can increase your control over your mind and body, training yourself to remain calm. Meditating at a specific time every day, such as when you wake up, before you go to bed, or during your lunch hour, can be beneficial,but so can meditating any time you start to feel angry tears.

Getty/Xavier Lorenzo

Journaling

A structured thought journal where you practice expressive writing can help you understand and manage anger. Writing your feelings down can allow you to identify what triggered your anger and why, and how to respond to it.

You can note situations where you are frustrated or struggle with anger. This practice can help you make a concerted effort to change your behavior.

Here's an example journaling template:

Event: Write down the event that caused you to feel angry.
Thought: What was your immediate reaction to the event?
Behavior: What did you do next? Did you yell back at your boss? Did you cry in the bathroom?
Feeling: How do you feel after your response to the event? For example, maybe you feel embarrassed or hurt.
Actions: It can be helpful to write down what you do when you become angry. Understanding why you're taking the actions you take can help you learn and grow.
Consequences: What happens due to these thoughts, feelings, and actions? What are the potential consequences of your actions? Do they make you feel less alone in your anger? Do they help to address what triggered your anger in the first place?

Anger: emotion or reaction?

One of the reasons people may struggle with crying when they feel angry could be that most people do not think of anger as an emotion but as a reaction. Anger can be interpreted as a distress signal prompted by a specific event. People may lash out when they experience anger, through slamming doors, shouting, throwing things, or, in extreme cases, physically assaulting someone.*

People may act in many different ways during an episode of anger, including with angry tears. They may lose sight of anger as a legitimate and authentic emotion that is a part of the human experience.

*If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

It's okay to cry

People who cry when angry probably also cry when they're sad or happy. Crying is a normal physiological reaction to strong emotions. Feeling like crying when you’re frustrated or angry can be healthy.

Anger is a human emotion, and crying can be a beneficial way of experiencing those feelings. If you worry about how others may treat you, you can try being honest and saying, "I sometimes cry when I'm mad.” You may feel shy or embarrassed about crying when experiencing anger, but it may be a physiological reaction you can’t necessarily control. And that’s okay.

Many people may have difficulty accepting that they are crying due to anger. If you believe your tendency to cry may be negatively impacting your life, a therapist might be able to help you understand your feelings and why you frequently cry. Your tears may stem from intense anger, but they could also indicate something more serious.

Getty

People can experience anger differently

Talk through your emotions with a therapist

Professional support can help

Anger and crying can be normal reactions to intense emotions. Still, if you feel angry or like you’re crying for "no apparent reason," you may need to talk to someone to help understand what could be happening beneath the surface. A counselor can help teach you ways to slow down and communicate what matters to you so you can get your point across, possibly without angry tears.

It can be challenging to find a therapist, especially if you live in a busy city or rural area. Even if you can find a therapist, therapy can be expensive. For someone struggling with strong emotions, these barriers to treatment may be too stressful. Online therapy may be a better alternative. With online therapy, you can attend internet-based counseling from the comfort of your home. It can also be more convenient, with appointments available around the clock.

Online therapy has been the subject of much research in the mental health field. A recent study showed remote counseling can help reduce feelings of anger. Online therapy has also been found to help with stress management.

Online platforms like BetterHelp can help you find a therapist from among thousands of professional and licensed therapists and counselors. If you find a therapist and later determine they aren’t right for you, you can meet with another one who may be a beter fit.

Takeaway

Everyone has a different relationship with anger and how they express it. If you find it hard to tell people you're mad without crying, an online therapist can help you explore those feelings. Your counselor can support you in discussing your feelings, including anger, and can help you express anger on your terms.

The counselors at BetterHelp understand complex emotions, including anger. Angry tears may stem from anxiety or depression; therapy can help you address these potential mental health conditions. Reach out to discover the source of your intense emotions and learn to manage them effectively.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What is it called when you cry when you're mad?

People may use the phrases "angry tears," "tears of anger," "angry crying," or "rage crying" to refer to crying that happens as the result of anger as opposed to other underlying emotions.

Multiple researchers have found that strong feelings, like anger, can trigger crying and stimulate strong reactions in people. Only humans cry tears because of anger or other strong emotions. When both anger and a feeling of helplessness are combined, a person may be especially likely to cry.

What to do when you're so mad you cry?

Crying can be a normal and healthy reaction to a variety of strong emotions, including anger. If you feel so mad you want to cry, it is okay to allow yourself to cry. Crying may provide a sense of emotional release. If you would rather not cry in front of people, consider excusing yourself to the bathroom and allowing yourself to cry there.

Is trauma crying the same as normal crying?

The phrase "trauma crying" is not an official psychological term, but it is sometimes used in casual conversation to refer to crying over a past traumatic or stressful event rather than crying over something that just happened recently.

Some people, such as those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), may find themselves repeatedly crying over the same traumatic memory. With PTSD, a person's mind and body can react as if they are experiencing the trauma right now, even if it occurred years ago. Online therapy has been found to effectively treat PTSD symptoms.

Why am I so sensitive and cry easily?

A variety of factors can impact how often a person cries. For example, research has found that, on average, women tend to cry about five times per month while men only cry about once per month. This difference may stem from differences in hormones. Also, the culture a person lives in may impact how often they cry.

While some people cry more than others, it is perfectly normal to cry multiple times a month. People express strong feelings in multiple ways, including through crying. People often cry in response to strong emotions, such as sadness, anger, fear, or even happiness. Also, people often cry when they feel frustrated or helpless, even in what may be considered a mundane situation.

Sometimes, people cry more often than what is normal for them because they are experiencing a mental illness, like anxiety or depression. In these instances, other symptoms beyond crying would be present, such as low energy, hopeless thoughts, increased irritability, or difficulty concentrating.

How do I know if I have anger issues?

Anger is a normal emotional response that all people experience. However, some people have excessive anger or find their anger difficult to control. In these instances, anger might be related to a mental illness or a neurological disorder. It's important to seek help for anger if it leads you to break things or act in violent ways toward yourself or others.

Similarly, consider seeking help for your anger if you find that you are becoming angry much more easily than you used to, or you are feeling angry most of the time. It's also important to seek help if you aren't expressing your anger in healthy ways and your expressions of anger are negatively impacting your work or relationships.

How do you hold back tears?

There is no foolproof method for holding back tears when you feel a need to cry. Not everyone can utilize self-control or stifle strong reactions while feeling overwhelmed. Sadness, anger, and other emotions can prompt crying, which may actually help flush the stress hormone cortisol out of the body and lead to feeling calmer.

However, if you know that you often cry in certain situations or while experiencing certain emotions, you can try to step away when you feel yourself reaching the point at which you'd usually cry. Try telling others that you need a moment to yourself to think or, if you don't feel comfortable saying that, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Take deep breaths, then come back to the situation when you feel calm and centered.

Practicing healthy habits may make you less likely to cry as often. For example, people may cry more during times in which they are sleep-deprived, under more stress, experiencing worsened health, or drinking more alcohol. If you want to cry less overall, focus on obtaining adequate sleep, engaging in relaxing activities, eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, and drinking less alcohol.

Is crying during an argument manipulative?

Many people cry during arguments or even minor conflicts with others, and it doesn't mean they are manipulative. Crying during an argument is only manipulative if a person intentionally does it with the purpose of influencing the other person's behavior.

Often, people cry during an argument when they feel frustrated, angry, or helpless about the situation. Crying is a way of self-soothing anger and other emotions that may feel overwhelming. Also, crying stimulates the release of feel-good chemicals that can ease the stress and pain a person feels when arguing with someone, like a family member or significant other.

Why do I get mad so easily?

Some people naturally become angry more easily than others. People might become angry more easily because they struggle with emotional controlor they have a low tolerance for situations that are frustrating or inconvenient. This quality could be something a person was born with, or it could be the result of not having learned how to constructively handle anger or communicate about emotions often thought of as negative.

Why do I cry when I defend myself?

Research has found that people often cry during arguments or after being criticized. The crying may stem from feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, or helplessness. If you are defending yourself, you may cry because you feel hurt by perceived criticism or frustrated by being misunderstood. If a person isn't seeing your point of view, you may cry because you feel helpless to change the situation.

Why do I shake when I get mad?

Anger can cause people to shake because of how the autonomic nervous system operates. Our fight-or-flight response has evolved to help us survive dangerous situations. Shaking stems from an influx of energy that, when facing danger like an enemy or vicious animal, could be used to either fight or run away. During a fight-or-flight reaction, a person may also experience sweaty palms, an increased heart rate, and pale or flushed skin.

Seeking to improve your mental health?

Connect with a BetterHelp therapist online

The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.

Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet started

Top Categories

See all categories