Guilt Tripping: Warning Signs & Mental Health Impacts

A “guilt trip” may be an attempt by someone to cause another person to feel guilty for something that may not be their responsibility. Guilt tripping may be a form of coercion or psychological manipulation, or it may be self-inflicted. Guilt-tripping can be common in an unhealthy friendship or romantic relationship, and it can significantly impact the emotional connection between two people, sometimes leading to pain, feeling hurt, and struggling to separate one’s true feelings from the guilt-induced ones. While there are methods to overcome and resist guilt trips, you might want to have a complete understanding of all that a guilt trip entails in order to avoid them. Although most people have either experienced guilt-tripping or guilt-tripped another person at some point in life, the truth is that it can be hard to identify guilt-tripping in the moment unless you’re aware of common signs. A therapist can help you understand your true feelings and address any mental health challenges related to guilt you may be experiencing.

What are guilt trips? 

People who attempt to cause guilt in others through guilt trips may do so out of an urge to:

• Get revenge
• Cause an emotional response
• Remove responsibility from themselves for an action or behavior

Guilt-tripping can be seen as a form of emotional manipulation, and it may accompany other negative behaviors, such as emotional neglect and conflicting messages. The person on the receiving end may end up feeling hurt and experiencing a sense of emotional disconnection.

A guilt trip is often unhealthy and unreasonable. Anyone may be on the receiving end of a guilt trip. If you wonder if you have been guilt tripped, there are several warning signs to look out for. An awareness of the signals might help you set, and keep, healthy boundaries. 

Signs you are experiencing a guilt trip 

Dealing with people who use guilt-tripping tactics honestly requires understanding their intentions to make someone else feel responsible for a complaint or behavior. These tactics can include nagging, refusing to let up on the subject, or blaming the victim outright. A study of these behaviors reveals that they often cause emotional distress, making it easier for the manipulator to gain control over the situation. Thanks to increased awareness, it's possible to recognize and avoid such scenarios, which may help you avoid becoming emotionally drained.

One example of guilt-tripping includes someone visiting a new city and being approached by an individual trying to sell wares. They might tell you no one wants their product and that you’re the only one who can help them while refusing any attempts you make to set a boundary. Or they may physically put their product in your hands and tell you that you must buy it now that it was touched. This behavior is an example of a guilt trip being used to induce a response. However, guilt trips can often happen in family relationships and friendships, as well as in a person’s romantic relationship. They can often lead people to become emotionally distant and have a sense of feeling disconnected from the other person. When guilt-tripping happens frequently, individuals may have a hard time recognizing the truth of their own feelings. They may not realize that the guilt and pain they’re experiencing have resulted from the other person’s guilt-tripping behaviors.

Guilt-tripping behaviors may include isolation, silent treatments, or explicit antagonism. The behavior often upsets the target enough that the individual may gain control over the situation. Individuals employing this tactic may bring up past occasions to stir feelings of guilt. They could make statements like:

• “Look how much I did for you” 
• “If it weren’t for me, where would you be?” 
• “Remember when I was there for you” 

You might feel tempted to support them to pay them back for previous support, or to get them to stop asking. On the surface, it could appear that the individual is being reasonable. However, they may not be. A person who supports you with pure intentions is not likely to later bribe/threaten you with that occurrence for personal gain. 

The emotional toll of guilt trips on relationships

When guilt-tripping happens in a romantic relationship or within married couples, it can greatly affect their emotional connection and may even lead to emotional neglect. Guilt-tripping may significantly impact the receiving individual’s mental health over time, and they may not feel connected to their partner after repeated guilt-tripping. Often, it’s necessary for both partners to improve their communication skills and learn how to express the truth about their mutual feelings. Couples therapy can be helpful in relationships where guilt-tripping is common.

When do guilt trips happen? 

Those who are the target of guilt trips may be families, close friends, or partners. An attachment with someone may cause them to feel they can manipulate you. The target of the manipulative individual may catch on and feel conflicted. Guilt could turn into resentment or unease in a relationship, which could cause a subject to want to retaliate or end a relationship. 

Children may experience a guilt trip from their caregivers because they are often defenseless and might not recognize signs of psychological abuse. A parent may ask their children to care for them, ignore mistreatment, or behave in unhealthy ways to reward them for basic needs, such as food, water, or care. Children who are the targets of a guilt trip from parents may grow up struggling with their mental health and avoid their parents. They may suffer from low self-esteem and other emotional issues. 

At times, a guilt trip may be rooted in a desire for attention or reassurance, and it's true that an individual might try to make another person feel guilty if they feel bad about their own actions. Over the course of several weeks, one may observe how these words and actions can transfer blame and responsibility through a guilt trip, even when it's misplaced.

How past hurts and relationship dynamics play a role

It can be important to note that guilt-tripping is not always intentional, and it often stems from unmet needs, insecurity, and learned behavior. In some cases, individuals may not have the self-awareness to realize they are using past hurts to guilt-trip others. This can happen between immediate or extended family members, romantic partners, or friends. When people don’t process and heal from the emotional pain associated with past relationship challenges, they may frequently bring up the ways in which the other person hurt them previously in an attempt to make them feel guilty and control their behavior.

 In situations like these, finding a middle ground where both people can work together to manage their own feelings and communicate clearly can be important. If both you and others are having a hard time doing this, speaking with a therapist may be helpful.

Setting boundaries and communicating effectively

Effective communication skills can lead to positive changes in relationships and may help people feel connected. When you notice that someone is trying to induce guilty feelings or is holding your responsible for their own happiness or well-being, you might set boundaries like the following:

• “I’m not comfortable with you using guilt to get me to do things. Let’s figure out a better way to work through this.”
• “I’m going to step away from this conversation if the guilt-tripping continues.”

Recognizing guilt-tripping behavior can help you separate your own feelings from ones that are being placed upon you by others. Often, guilt-tripping is accompanied by other negative behaviors, but it’s possible to replace them with positive ones with time and effort. Calmly letting the other person know that you’re feeling hurt may help you find a middle ground and maintain mutual feelings of positivity toward each other.

When guilt trips affect married couples or family relationships

Frequent guilt trips can negatively affect married couples, people in a romantic relationship, and family relationships, even among extended family. To feel connected and maintain positive mutual feelings for the people in your life, you might consider working with a therapist to improve your communication skills. Therapy can help you make positive changes in interpersonal relationships, and it may also help you recognize whether you’ve been unintentionally guilt-tripping others and how to communicate in other ways.

How to avoid guilt trips

Below are a few methods of avoiding a guilt trip from others and setting firm boundaries. 

Maintain high self-esteem 

Vulnerable individuals who suffer from low self-esteem, or difficulty saying “no,” may face guilt trips throughout life. They may doubt themselves and ignore their intuition when an unhealthy behavior occurs. If you feel an intuitive sense that a situation is unhealthy, it might be. Maintain self-esteem by surrounding yourself with healthy individuals, learning to set boundaries, and caring for your mental and physical health daily. Developing self-awareness and learning to recognize and manage your own feelings can also be helpful.

Stand up for yourself 

If you’re being pushed to feel bad for something you didn’t do, stand up for yourself and tell the individual that what they’re doing is unhealthy and you aren’t going to accept the guilt trip. Tell them “no” if they’re making a request that feels wrong. If they persist, leave the situation when possible. Although it can be challenging to do this in the moment, it can lead to personal growth and help you realize that you have power over your actions.

Distance yourself 

Promptly and permanently ending contact with someone trying to manipulate you may be valuable. If a relationship feels unhealthy, one-sided, or controlling, it might be detrimental to your mental and physical health. In some cases, it may be considered emotional abuse.* 

If you believe you have been the target of a guilt trip or feel you may be in the company of someone who is manipulating you, expert advice tailored to your situation may make a meaningful difference. If you are feeling hurt, emotionally drained, or like your mental health is being negatively affected by guilt-tripping or other harmful behaviors, consider connecting with a therapist for professional support.

*If you are facing, or witnessing, abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 for support. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

Counseling options: How relationship therapy can help you heal

People can find their way to therapy through a number of avenues. You may talk to a doctor about your mental health struggles so they can offer their professional medical advice. Diagnosis or treatments for mental health conditions may be suggested and your doctor may be able to help with those options. They may also refer you to a psychiatrist for official diagnosis and to prescribe any medications to help manage symptoms of a mental health condition. You may also receive referrals to a therapist to talk to a professional about your mental health challenges or for help managing difficult situations such as how to handle someone who regularly guilt trips you.

You may also consider online therapy if you’re looking for a discreet and affordable option. With online counseling, you can speak to a counselor through live chat, phone calls, or video calling. Online relationship therapy can help married couples or those in a romantic relationship develop self-awareness, better communication skills, and an understanding of their own feelings, as well as their mutual feelings for each other. A qualified therapist can help partners make positive changes and move forward together.

Either in-person or online therapy can be beneficial, although they are equally effective. Additionally, studies show that online counseling can be especially effective for those healing from, or experiencing, abuse or unhealthy relationships. If you’re interested in trying an internet-based treatment method, consider a platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples.