How To Be More Compassionate In Everyday Life
Compassion can have different meanings for different people, and we all have unique ways in which we show compassion. For some, this involves helping when people are suffering. For others, it means being connected to others' emotions and practicing empathy. Compassion can also be expressed through gratitude or understanding and managing your own emotions so you can use them for the benefit of others.
While compassion can contribute to our well-being, it isn't so easy to have all the time. We might have trouble finding compassion for human beings we find unpleasant or who we feel have wronged us in some way. We may have more trouble finding our compassion when we're stressed, burned out, or in a hurry. Some of us have more trouble with self-compassion and find it challenging to show ourselves empathy and kindness.
But there are ways we can develop a greater sense of compassion for all people, including ourselves. In this post, we'll explore what compassion is, how it's beneficial, and provide some everyday tips to cultivate compassion in your life. We'll also discuss why finding our compassion is sometimes a struggle and how to get help overcoming those obstacles.
What is compassion and how can it benefit you?
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word compassion is derived from Latin, meaning "to suffer together with" and is defined as "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it."
A 2012 paper by Buddhist scholar Geshe Thupten Jinpa et al. published in The Journal of Happiness Studies further defines compassion as having four key components:
- Cognitive/empathic awareness— The awareness of suffering.
- Affective component— A sympathetic concern related to being emotionally moved by suffering.
- Intention— A wish to see the relief of that suffering.
- Motivational— A responsiveness or readiness to help relieve that suffering.
A growing body of scientific research suggests that compassion is beneficial in several meaningful and measurable ways— including, but not limited to, our physical and psychological well-being, interpersonal relationships, work and productivity, and for society as a whole.
While many people use empathy as a synonym for compassion, the two are different concepts. Both involve how we react to others' emotions. Still, empathy is characterized as the ability to feel another's pain, while compassion includes acting on this ability to relieve the suffering of others.
Tips for cultivating greater compassion
Becoming more compassionate involves nurturing a mindset and adopting behaviors that prioritize sincere understanding, empathy, and kindness toward others and oneself. Here are some tips to help you develop and express more compassion:
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion is commonly cited as the first step towards developing more profound compassion for others. You can benefit greatly if you treat yourself with kindness, acknowledge your own feelings, and avoid self-criticism, but that isn't always easy to do if you aren't used to it. To nurture more self-compassion, try:
- Treating yourself as you'd treat a child, a pet, or someone else you care for.
- Permitting yourself to make mistakes without negative self-talk and judgment.
- Letting go of relying on others for validation.
- Caring for your body by eating nourishing food, getting plenty of rest, and engaging in regular physical activities you enjoy.
- Journaling about your thoughts and experiences.
- Practicing mindfulness with yoga, tai chi, or deep breathing exercises. Meditation, particularly loving-kindness meditation, can be a useful practice for learning to love yourself and building self-compassion.
- Establishing healthy boundaries, being mindful of your limits, and prioritizing self-care.
- Getting support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.
Be present and practice active listening
When interacting with others, try to be fully present in the moment and ensure they know they're being heard. You may do this through body language like eye contact, nodding, and leaning into the person when they're speaking. Respond thoughtfully and appropriately to demonstrate that you value their perspective and feelings. Be sure to put away distractions and give them your full attention.
Cultivate empathy
For some people, discovering their empathetic abilities is the first step towards developing compassion. You can try to understand the emotions and experiences of others by placing yourself in their position. This allows you to respond to them more sensitively and build a stronger connection.
Avoid judgment
Avoid hastily forming opinions about others, as each person has their own set of struggles and challenges. By withholding judgment, you allow yourself to approach situations with an unbiased and open-minded perspective, paving the way for a more compassionate point of view.
Practice kindness
Engage in simple acts of kindness, such as holding the door for someone, offering a kind word, or helping with a task. These small gestures can make a significant difference in someone's day and impact how you think about compassion.
Volunteer to help others
Engaging in activities that allow you to help others, whether through volunteering, contributing to a charitable cause, or simply assisting someone in need, is often its own reward. This can also be a way to strengthen your compassion for others and lead a more meaningful life.
Be mindful
It's important to consider how our words and actions may affect those around us. We can strive to communicate with kindness and avoid using any language that may come across as critical or harsh. In addition, implementing mindfulness practices such as compassion meditation can be highly beneficial in fostering positive interactions and relationships.
Express gratitude
Consider acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your life and the people around you. Expressing gratitude can help cultivate a positive and compassionate mindset.
Educate yourself
Consider learning about diverse cultures, varied experiences, and different perspectives. This could potentially allow you to approach situations with heightened empathy and understanding.
Forgive and let go
Practicing forgiveness can help you cultivate a mindset of compassion. Letting go of grudges and forgiving both yourself and others can help you maintain healthy relationships and promote positivity.
Why some struggle with compassion
How we understand and experience compassion varies between people and circumstances. For example, even otherwise compassionate people may find it challenging to maintain when they feel overwhelmed with stress, burnout, or personal challenges.
However, other factors can consume an individual's emotional resources, leaving them less able to empathize with or feel compassion for others. Here are some common issues that might contribute to difficulties with compassion:
Personal experiences
Some individuals with past negative experiences like trauma, neglect, or abuse might find it challenging to empathize with and connect emotionally with others. However, studies on past trauma and its relationship with future compassion are conflicting, and some research suggests that individuals can develop an increased capacity for compassion through posttraumatic growth.
Lack of understanding
Some individuals may not have had the opportunity to fully appreciate or understand the experiences and emotions of others, perhaps due to limited exposure to diverse perspectives, cultures, or life circumstances.
Fear and self-protection
It is not uncommon for individuals to develop emotional barriers stemming from past experiences or perceived threats as a protective mechanism against potential vulnerability and emotional harm. Such walls can make establishing meaningful and authentic connections with others challenging.
Compassion fatigue
When a caregiver takes on the trauma and suffering of another person, they can develop secondary traumatic stress (STS). While diminished compassion isn't always a symptom of STS, it can give rise to negative emotions, including intolerance, cynicism, hopelessness, annoyance, irritability, and skepticism (among other symptoms). In severe cases, this can challenge one's ability to maintain empathy and compassion.
Cultural or societal influences
Cultural and societal norms can have an impact on shaping attitudes and behaviors. While some cultures may place greater emphasis on individualism, competition, or self-preservation, this can sometimes lead to a lack of focus on compassion.
Mental health issues
The mental stress associated with depressive and anxiety disorders can sometimes contribute to diminished compassion. However, there are some mental health conditions for which a lack of empathy and compassion is a clinical symptom, such as antisocial and narcissistic personality disorders.
Cognitive biases
Cognitive biases like stereotyping or judgmental thinking can interfere with an individual's ability to see situations from another person's perspective, potentially hindering the development of compassion.
Lack of support
Compassionate behavior may be affected by the absence of supportive relationships and positive social interactions.
Lack of self-compassion
Sometimes, individuals who tend to be overly self-critical, lack self-acceptance, or struggle to extend compassion to themselves may find it challenging to offer the same level of understanding and kindness to others.
How online therapy can help you build compassion
Many people find speaking to a counselor about ways to develop greater compassion beneficial. However, some experience barriers to treatment that may prevent them from seeking help. For example, some people have difficulty scheduling or commuting to appointments. Others don't feel comfortable speaking to a therapist in person or assume they can't afford counseling.
But accessibility, scheduling, and financial barriers don't have to interfere with your desire to cultivate greater compassion for others and yourself. Virtual therapy through online platforms like BetterHelp offers you the opportunity to seek support from the comfort of your own home on your schedule via video chat, online messaging, or phone.
Online therapy can be more cost-effective than traditional in-person counseling without insurance, and research shows it's just as effective for treating a wide range of mental health disorders and helping individuals build stronger self-compassion and self-esteem.
Reach out to a BetterHelp counselor and learn how to practice compassion for others, develop confidence and self-compassion, and begin your journey to better mental health.
Takeaway
Encouraging transparent communication, fostering empathy, and creating an atmosphere that is both supportive and nurturing can significantly aid in cultivating compassion in individuals and communities. By approaching others, and yourself, with a compassionate and empathetic mindset, you can benefit yourself, others, and society in numerous ways and build healthier relationships.
Remember that developing compassion is sometimes a gradual process, and everyone may have their own unique challenges or reasons for having difficulty being compassionate, so be kind to yourself and take small steps toward improvement if needed. Reflecting regularly on your interactions and consciously building positive habits can make you a more compassionate person over time.
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