How To Deal With Frustration & Foster Mental Health

It can often be difficult to calm down quickly in tense situations. While anger and frustration can come quickly and cloud a person's judgment, a sudden burst of frustration does not have to mean that they are immediately overcome with negative emotions. 

Several coping strategies can be used to prevent frustration from building or tamp it down once it appears.

What is frustration?

Frustration is an emotion that may occur when things don’t go to plan or as expected. This may include failing to meet a goal, traffic being heavier than usual, or a partner not tidying up after themselves. When your expectations do not align with the reality of a given situation, you may begin feeling sad, dissatisfied, or frustrated. 

Common causes of frustration

Frustration can stem from external factors such as financial struggles, internal factors like unmet expectations, or sometimes mental health conditions. Some common causes of frustration may include:

• Daily interruptions such as traffic jams, grocery lines, or sudden responsibilities that interfere with work.
• Misunderstandings with loved ones due to a lack of communication or not meeting each other's needs.
• Unmet personal expectations, such as failing to get a job or perform as well as you expected in a sporting event. 
• Physiological factors such as a lack of sleep, poor eating habits, and hormonal imbalances.
• Mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, and ADHD, can lead to poor frustration tolerance.

How frustration affects emotions and behavior

When a frustrating event occurs in your life, it may lead to negative emotional and behavioral responses, impacting relationships, well-being, and the safety of yourself and those around you. Being aware of these reactions can help you respond consciously when frustration arises. 

Emotional responses to frustration

Feelings of frustration may be accompanied by other negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, or disappointment, especially since feelings of frustration may be in response to a specific event. Different types of frustration may be associated with different emotional responses. For example, you may experience a mix of frustration and sadness if your partner can’t make it to a date night. 

Behavioral reactions

Frustration may overwhelm positive emotions and shape how individuals respond to events, causing them to react in negative, unhealthy, and sometimes reckless ways. Research highlights this, suggesting that frustrated drivers may drive more recklessly after experiencing a traffic jam. Other behavioral reactions may include withdrawing from social interactions, acting impulsively, and displaying anger.

Healthy ways to cope with frustration

When you focus more energy on prioritizing healthy habits, calming the body, and building a growth mindset, it may help you to respond consciously when frustration arises. 

Pause and calm your body

Taking some time to pause and calm your body may reduce feelings of frustration. Some exercises you can try include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and visualization. 

To practice deep breathing meditation, you can simply sit in a quiet space, close your eyes, and pay attention to each inhale and exhale. Every time you notice yourself thinking – whether about your dinner or plans for the future – you can simply return your focus to the breath. 

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is widely considered the gold standard for relaxation and frustration relief. Find a comfortable position, then clench your toes while inhaling deeply. Afterwards, release them slowly, exhaling as you do so. Move upward through your body, progressively clenching different muscle groups.

You can also take time to reset by imagining calming scenes and soothing imagery. Evidence suggests that picturing comforting scenes can significantly reduce stress.

Practice self-care

Self-care practices involve calming the nervous system and boosting positive emotions, so that frustration is less likely to cause negative emotional and behavioral reactions. Some self-care practices you can try include:

• Engage in regular exercise to improve mood and overall well-being.
• Prioritize sleep, rest, and healthy eating.
• Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy.
• Socialize with friends, family, and loved ones.
• Spend time in nature to decompress the nervous system. 
• Paint, cook, or get creative with a personal project.

Reframing mistakes and expectations

In addition to engaging in practices that promote well-being, it can be helpful to change your outlook on certain aspects of life. Rather than dwelling on mistakes and unmet expectations, you may see them as moments for growth. Research suggests that a growth mindset can stimulate long-term learning and help people bounce back from setbacks. This perspective may give you a fresh start after making mistakes.  

How to respond to frustration in daily life

Sometimes, frustration and anger may stem from unrealistic expectations at home or in the workplace. For example, you might expect a young child to clean up perfectly after themselves or hope to save enough money to buy a house in the near future. In these scenarios, adjusting expectations to match the people and circumstances involved and creating a realistic plan for your future can help reduce frustration.

Helping kids and teens manage frustration

Parents can act as role models for kids, showing them how to manage frustration by modeling healthy behaviors in their own lives, as well as offering consistent support.  

Supporting emotional regulation and teaching problem-solving skills

Caregivers can teach kids to regulate and cope with frustration when it arises by:

• Validating emotions and helping them to identify feelings of frustration and why they’ve occurred in that moment. 
• Building consistent routines, such as a predictable sleep schedule, can help improve their emotional and behavioral regulation.
• Modeling healthy behaviors by engaging in their own practices, whether deep breathing, painting, or exercise, to cope with frustration.
• Encouraging flexibility, patience, and a growth mindset to help children respond to setbacks in a healthy manner. 

Journaling to become aware of frustration

Anger and frustration can often appear suddenly, and it may not always be apparent what is causing the feelings. A commonly used mental health tool, journaling, offers a potential solution. Consider keeping a record of when you have become frustrated enough that you need to take active steps to calm yourself down. You can keep a physical journal or maintain one digitally, as long as you remember to write down what you recall after an episode of frustration.

Journaling as a tool to understand yourself

Journaling may not help much at the moment, but it can be an extremely valuable tool for better understanding yourself and your feelings. You can record any information about the encounter you consider to be relevant, including the date, time, and location, the persons involved, any triggering events, and the steps you took to calm down. 

As you look back through your journal, you may be able to recognize patterns or glean insights that weren't immediately obvious. Once you identify patterns, you can take steps to avoid or mitigate your frustration triggers.

Fostering communication to prevent frustration

Frustration often appears because of misunderstandings or jumping to conclusions too early. Practicing communication skills can help you choose non-confrontational reactions and will likely allow you to stop and evaluate the situation before continuing. You will likely also become better at getting the information you need and asking clarifying questions that do not appear defensive or antagonistic.

Tips for making communication frustration-free

• Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of "You never care about my feelings," consider something like "I don't feel heard when I express how I feel."
• Exit the conversation and take some personal time before reacting in an angry or frustrated manner. If you're able, try to offer a promise to come back at another time and finish the discussion, if necessary.
• Take note of your nonverbal cues. Make sure your posture, facial expression, and tone of voice are neutral and not aggressive.
• Ask open-ended questions that allow the other person to explain their point of view. Open-ended questions usually begin with "why," "how," or "what" and cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. An example might be, "What do you think we could do to improve next time?"

A calm, non-threatening demeanor can be beneficial during heated discussions, and leaving the conversation may be acceptable if it threatens to become hostile. You can find more information about healthy communication here.

When frustration may signal a mental health concern

Sometimes, frustration is a normal emotional response to external stressors or events. However, if frustration becomes a persistent emotion, arising during various aspects of daily life and negatively impacting daily functioning, it may be a sign of an underlying mental health condition. Research suggests that persistent frustration and other forms of emotional dysregulation are strongly linked with depression, ADHD, and anxiety.  

Getting support through BetterHelp

Online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp offers an opportunity to benefit from the skills of a mental health professional without leaving home. If you're concerned that your frustration is difficult to handle, seeking the help of a therapist is likely to provide you with helpful solutions and guidance. Online therapy is often appealing because it removes common barriers to therapy, like traveling to an office or being restricted to nearby therapists only.

Benefits of online therapy for your mental health

Online therapists have the same training and credentials as traditional therapists, and they use the same evidence-based techniques to help their clients manage feelings of frustration and anger, such as emotional control. A therapist can also help with stress management, improving communication, or almost any concern that affects your well-being. Although online therapists deliver their services remotely, evidence indicates that it is just as effective as in-person therapy.