How To Start A Conversation: Best Practices, Conversation Starters, And Insights
Knowing how to start a conversation can be a beneficial skill. Whether you want to chat with a love interest, impress a client, or get to know a new acquaintance, being able to start a conversation (and keep it going) can help you feel more confident and comfortable in social situations. Asking open-ended questions, staying positive, maintaining open body language, and sharing the conversation can be effective strategies. If you have trouble starting conversations or navigating social situations, it may be beneficial to address any underlying difficulties with a licensed therapist.
How to initiate conversations and keep them going
While you may enjoy deep conversations, small talk is usually necessary to lay the foundation for them. It generally helps you break the ice, conquer social discomfort, and find common ground with your conversation partner. Research shows that small talk can also be critical for relationship-building. Therefore, mastering small talk may be the key to starting a great conversation.
However, getting comfortable making light conversation can still be challenging, especially for people who are shy and those who live with social anxiety, ADHD, autism, or other disorders that may make social interactions more difficult. With a few best practices, it can be possible for many people to learn how to initiate small talk and maintain a good conversation.
Practice beforehand
Engaging in practice conversations, either with yourself in the mirror or with trusted friends, may be one way to ease the discomfort of starting conversations. Rehearsing generally enables you to experiment with different conversation openers, topics, and responses to find what feels most natural to you. Preparing ahead of time can also reduce anxiety and improve your delivery in actual conversations.
Actively listen
Active listening can be key to making a conversation flow naturally. It usually involves fully paying attention to what's being said rather than passively hearing the message. Active listening normally requires you to show genuine interest, ask follow-up questions, and respond thoughtfully, and it can be an excellent way to demonstrate that you value a person's thoughts and opinions.
Start simple
Initiating a conversation doesn't always require a complex pick-up line or lengthy joke. Simple greetings or comments about the immediate environment or situation can be effective. For example, commenting on the weather, the event you're both attending, or a piece of artwork in the room can open the door for further dialogue.
Ask questions
One of the best ways to start a conversation may be to ask a question. It doesn't have to be a complicated question. Instead, it's often better to go with something simple but open-ended.
Open-ended inquiries typically require more than a yes or no answer and encourage the other person to share more about themselves. This can lead to more engaging and interesting conversations.
It may be worth noting that while questions can be great for keeping conversations going, it can be important to ensure they don't come across as an interrogation. Maintaining a friendly tone and pacing your questions can ensure conversations flow more naturally and don't seem like an interview.
Avoid potential conversation stoppers
Be mindful of topics that might make the other person uncomfortable or defensive, such as politics, religion, offensive jokes, or personal finances. Sticking to more neutral topics is usually best until you know the person better and can gauge their comfort level with more sensitive subjects.
Be aware of your body language
Often, what you don't verbalize is just as impactful as what you do. As you begin chatting with someone, paying attention to your nonverbal communication can be important. Body language can convey emotion and interest in the same way your words can.
For example, frowning and crossing your arms while talking to someone may make them believe you aren't interested in what they have to say. Some examples of nonverbal cues that can strengthen conversations include the following:
- A comfortable stance: Rather than a tense, uncomfortable position, try to adopt a stance that shows you're relaxed and open to conversation.
- Open posture: Having an open posture generally involves keeping your body open and your arms relaxed. Having an open posture can show you're engaged and interested in connecting.
- Good eye contact: Maintaining an appropriate level of eye contact can signal interest and sincerity.
- Friendly expression: A smile or friendly facial expression can make you appear more approachable and encourage others to engage with you.
Stay positive
It's typically smart to start your conversations on a positive note. Try to steer clear of negative observations or complaints. Keeping the conversation positive can make it more enjoyable for everyone involved. Positivity tends to be contagious and can make interactions more pleasant and memorable.
Follow simple conversation best practices
In addition to the above tips, it can be valuable to follow some best practices when trying to spark a conversation with someone.
- Avoid interrupting: Allow the other person to complete their thoughts before responding. Interrupting can make you seem disrespectful or disinterested.
- Share the conversation: Ensure that you're not the only one talking. Encourage others to share their thoughts and experiences to create a more equal exchange.
- Focus on shared interests: Finding something everyone is interested in can be a terrific way to start a conversation and keep it rolling.
- Match tone and energy: Pay attention to others’ tones and energies and try to match them to create a harmonious exchange. Matching someone's energy can show empathy and make conversations more comfortable for everyone.
- Use their name: Sprinkling the conversation with the other people's names can make the conversation feel more personal and engaging. It can show that you pay attention and make others feel seen.
- Validate their feelings: If someone shares an opinion or feeling, taking time to validate it can enhance the quality of the conversation. For example, if someone says, "These chairs are uncomfortable," you can validate their feelings by agreeing with them or offering to move to another seat.
Meet with a professional
If starting conversations is challenging for you, it may be beneficial to meet with a therapist who can help you develop tactics for breaking the ice and provide a space to practice conversations. They can also help you identify and address any underlying issues that may be making social interactions more difficult for you.
Benefits of online therapy
If having a conversation with a therapist in person makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable, online therapy might be worth considering. With an online therapist, you can attend sessions via video, phone call, or online chat from wherever you feel most comfortable.
Effectiveness of online therapy
Research shows that online therapy is usually as effective as traditional therapy for treating common conditions like social anxiety, other anxiety disorders, and depression. It can be a valid treatment option for those who are interested in seeking professional support for their mental health.
Conversation starters for meaningful conversations
When you aren't sure how to transition a conversation from small talk to deeper topics, here are a few icebreakers to get you started.
Questions to ask in any situation
Open-ended questions can be a great way to get a conversation moving. Once you move beyond questions about your surroundings (i.e., What do you think about the food? How about the weather lately? What do you think about the conference? How did you meet the host? etc.), it can be helpful to move into questions that may help you learn about the person you're with.
- How has your day been so far?
- Are you watching or reading anything interesting?
- What would be your ideal weekend?
- What's the best thing you purchased online lately?
- What are your hobbies?
- What's your dream job?
- If you could visit any country in the world, what would it be and why?
- What's the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?
- What's something you've done that you're proud of?
- What song are you listening to on repeat right now?
Topic areas to discuss
Aside from questions, talking about neutral subjects that most people have opinions on can be a great way to get everyone involved and keep the conversation flowing. There are several topic areas that are generally safe to discuss and tend to lead to more meaningful conversations, including the following:
- TV shows
- Movies
- Books
- Music
- Food
- Travel
- Hobbies
- Sports
- Technology
- Arts
- Positive current events
- Pets
- Nature
- Work or career
Other ways to initiate a conversation
Here are a few other ways to initiate a conversation that don't involve asking a question:
- Asking for help with something
- Wearing a conversation-starting article of clothing
- Giving a compliment
- Offering an observation
- Recommending something
- Telling a lighthearted joke
Takeaway
With effective strategies, regular practice, and helpful conversation openers, starting a conversation may be easier. Try to practice active listening, ask questions, stick to positive topics, and remain aware of your body language. If you struggle with small talk or live with social anxiety, working with a therapist online or in person can help.
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