How To Start A Conversation With A Guy In Five Easy Steps

Updated October 4, 2022by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Learning how to start a conversation with a guy can be a difficult thing to do. After all, if you're trying to start a conversation then that probably means you're interested in him to some extent.

Striking Up A Conversation With Someone New Is Nerve Wracking


However, the issue is that starting a conversation with a guy you're interested in can feel nerve-racking and scary. What if you walk up and make a fool of yourself? What if there's just dead silence? What if you say something stupid? It can be confusing trying to figure out if the guy you are interested in is interested in you, too. You may be wondering how you can get your love interest's attention, or show him that you like him. For some people starting a conversation may come naturally and for others, it may take a little more practice.

Luckily, there are some easy steps you can follow to help you start a conversation and avoid these cumbersome emotions that are getting in the way of your potential love interest.

How to start a conversation with a guy in five easy steps:

  1. Get yourself ready.

Getting yourself ready before you start a conversation with a guy, both physically and emotionally, is important. Put on something you feel great in and make sure you are in a positive mental state. Putting thought and effort into your outward appearance may seem vain but doing so shows your confidence and care for yourself. Paying attention to your dress is also a way to show your style and uniqueness. First impressions can be lasting, and you want to be sure to put your best foot forward.

Remember, confidence shows. If you believe you are an interesting, attractive, and intelligent person, then that is what you will exude. Nevertheless, if you are having trouble getting to this point, try spending some time with yourself, or possibly seek counseling, so you can gain that confidence you will need. Sometimes, past rejection and other experiences can shake our confidence in ourselves. Talking to a therapist can help you work through those insecurities.


  1. Introduce yourself.

Now that you're ready, you need to go up and introduce yourself. This is pretty straightforward. Just walk up to him and open with a simple line. You don't need to be clever or funny right off the bat. Say something along the lines of, "Hey, I've seen you around here a few times. My name is Jade. What's yours?" Simple and right to the point! Taking the first step to introduce yourself shows that you have confidence and it may set you apart from girls who just simply wait for a guy to approach first. Try to be yourself and just be casual. Trying too hard to come across a certain way may have you coming off as inauthentic.

  1. Transition into an actual conversation with a common subject.

You don't know a lot about him at this point, so discussion topics you can both relate to will be pretty limited. Luckily, you already have one thing in common: you're both in the same place! Thus, talking about the environment (the weather, the band playing, the cool ambiance, etc.) is a good starting point. Avoid statements that don't invite a response such as, "I like this band." This sentence doesn't encourage much of a response back. Look for commonalities the two of you may have. Is there a common interest or reason that brings you to the same place? Pointing out something in your environment that you both may have some interest in is a good way to transition from an introduction to an engaging conversation. If one topic falls flat, try transitioning to another topic. Usually, if a guy is interested in you, he will help move the conversation with you as well.

  1. Ask a question.

Once you've established a bit of a rapport, go ahead and ask him a question. People enjoy talking about themselves, and this shows your interest in him as a person. Make sure, though, to avoid questions with a one-word response like, "What's your favorite drink?"You should ask open-ended questions like, "What do you do for a living?"This opens the door for additional questions and a continued conversation. Asking yes or no questions will lead to limited responses that won't move the conversation along.

Asking questions about him will usually lead to him asking questions about you as well. This is your opportunity to show off what makes you and special and unique. Try not to brag or talk about yourself too much. You want to show your best qualities not only by sharing interesting things about yourself but also by showing that you are a great listener who isn't self-involved. It keeps the conversation moving along. If he is engaging with you, then this is a good sign that he has some interest in you as well. Smiling and continuing to ask a question and engage in the conversation lets him know you are still interested as well, and that it is okay to continue the conversation if he wants. Try going back to things he's already told you about himself. This is another way to let him know that you are a good listener and that you have an interest in him.

  1. Use their name.

Using his name several times throughout a conversation is a great way to establish a more personal connection right away. It's been proven that using a person's name while holding a conversation with them makes them feel special. It shows your interest in them and increases their chances of remembering you. Just be sure to work it in naturally. Saying their name at random moments will just come across as a bit weird. Instead, you can try saying his name when commenting on something he has shared about himself. For example, commenting on his job, "David, I think you do cool work."People will remember how you treat them and how you made them feel. Adding that personal touch will show him that he is memorable to you, and will make you memorable to him as well.

Striking Up A Conversation With Someone New Is Nerve Wracking


That's it! If you follow these five simple steps, you can start a conversation with virtually any guy you see. Just remember that confidence is the key. You are awesome all on your own, and when it comes down to it, it's just a conversation. Even if it goes badly it's not the end of the world. There will always be another conversation to be had with a different guy next time! Even if things feel awkward, that does not mean that you've ruined your chances with him. Your conversation doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to show some of who you are. As long as you are being yourself, you will be able to show what makes you special.

Build a Rapport With BetterHelp

Recent research has shown that online therapy is a useful way of helping people manage feelings of shyness or nervousness. For example, in a study published by the Journal of Medical Internet Research, online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) was found to be effective in managing the symptoms of social anxiety at a five-year follow-up. Researchers noted that online CBT produced significant long-lasting effects when it came to social interactions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy works by reframing intrusive, unhelpful thoughts so that certain situations—such as potentially uncomfortable conversations—are less likely to trigger unwanted emotions and behaviors.

As mentioned above, online therapy can help you better manage certain social situations, so that you can feel confident in your interactions. If you’re already dealing with some form of social anxiety, you may not feel comfortable meeting face to face with a therapist. With BetterHelp, you can interact with your therapist from the comfort of your home. And you’ll also have the option of messaging your licensed counselor outside of sessions. Just send them a message whenever you want, and they will get back to you as soon as they are able. The mental health professionals at BetterHelp can help you to interact with guys in a more pleasant, engaging way. Read below for reviews of counselors, from those who have sought help in the past. 

Counselor Reviews

“I am a therapy newbie but knew it could be helpful to sort through some of my anxiety and other feelings. I like working with Angela; I always leave sessions feeling so much better than when we started. She is extremely understanding and is always teaching me new ways to understand something or view something differently. I can be a bit shy, so I appreciate that she helps the conversation flow naturally.”

“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He’s not only supported me but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self-improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight into my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”


If you are having trouble finding the confidence to date and start conversations with guys, talking to a therapist can help you to build your sense of confidence. Sometimes the disappointments of dating or experiencing rejection can leave us feeling insecure. Sometimes difficulty starting and maintaining a conversation with a guy you are interested in can be due to anxiety. Help is available from a licensed counselor online. It is a convenient way to find strategies that can help you overcome any hang-ups you are experiencing. Working with a therapist may help you to put your best foot forward so that potential love interests can see the best version of you.

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