How To Let Go Of The Past And Live In The Present

We may all have moments in our lives that we would like to forget. Whether it’s an embarrassing moment, a mistake, or a traumatic incident, these memories can haunt us and make it hard to move on with our lives. But no matter how painful the past may be, living in the present can be essential for your mental well-being. Many strategies can help you let go of your past and live more fully in the present moment. From self-reflection exercises to creative activities, mindfulness, forgiveness, goal-setting, and healthy boundaries, it can be possible to move forward. Therapy, whether in person or online, can also help you work through past experiences that may be holding you back.

Understanding how grief and trauma can impact the brain

Grief can be an emotional response to the loss or absence of someone or something that we care deeply about. It can be a natural process that many people experience in some form throughout their lives. Grief can range from mild sadness to deep despair and often includes a wide range of emotions, like guilt, anger, fear, and confusion.

We often think of grieving as something that happens over time, but it can be important to recognize the immediate impact it can have on our mental health and cognitive function. Grief can manifest in many ways, from difficulty focusing to impaired memory and judgment, often affecting parts of the brain responsible for learning and memory.

Meanwhile, trauma is usually defined as an experience that causes intense fear, helplessness, or horror in the person who experiences it. Like grief, trauma can profoundly affect mental health and well-being. It can cause intrusive memories, nightmares, flashbacks, depression, and anxiety. It can also lead to physical symptoms, like changes in heart rate or breathing. 

Traumatic experiences can result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is typically characterized by hyperarousal of the body’s stress response system and long-term emotional disturbances. Trauma can be triggered by a range of experiences, from physical abuse* or neglect to natural disasters and even everyday stressors. 

When faced with a stressful situation, your body usually reacts with a “fight-or-flight” response. This reaction can release hormones like adrenaline and cortisol that may help you cope with the situation by readying your body for action. However, when this stress response is activated too often or for too long, it can take a toll on your mental health, potentially leading to disorders like depression and anxiety.

*If you or a loved one is witnessing or experiencing any form of abuse, please know that help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Strategies to help you let go of the past

Now that you know a bit more about how grief, trauma, and stress can impact the brain, let’s look at five strategies you can use to move on from your past and live in the present.

Mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness generally refers to being aware and present in each moment without judgment. It often involves focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations as they arise. By doing this, you can become more aware of patterns in your thinking and behavior that may impact your ability to move on from your past.

Meditation is a tool you can use to cultivate mindfulness. There can be many types of meditation practices, but some common techniques may include breathing exercises, visualization, and body scans. These techniques can help you focus on the present moment and tune out distractions so that you can observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment or attachment.

Incorporating meditation into your daily routine can help you stay grounded and in the present. By practicing mindfulness and meditation, you can become more aware of how past experiences may impact your current state of mind and develop the skills to let go and live in the present. Doing so may help you move on from your past and find peace in the present moment.

Acceptance and forgiveness

Acceptance and forgiveness can also be key components of moving on from the past. Acceptance usually involves acknowledging the pain and difficulty of an experience without judgment or attachment. It is not necessarily about condoning or excusing behavior, but instead, recognizing that what has happened has already happened and that it may be time to move on.

Practicing self-compassion can help you learn to accept your experiences with understanding and kindness rather than criticism and shame. By cultivating self-compassion, you can create space for healing and growth in the present moment.

The process of forgiveness can involve letting go of resentment and bitterness toward yourself or someone who has hurt you in the past. Letting go doesn’t always mean forgetting what happened or denying its significance, but instead, allowing yourself to move on and release any negative feelings associated with the experience.

Forgiveness can be a difficult process that may involve acknowledging your pain and hurt while making room for understanding and compassion. It can be important to remember that forgiveness is not always about condoning the behavior of someone who has hurt you, but rather about setting yourself free from the emotional burden of resentment and bitterness.

By learning to accept your experiences and forgive those who have hurt you in the past, you can create space for healing and peace in the present moment. Doing so may help you move on from traumatic events or difficult relationships so you can live more fully in the present.

Setting realistic goals and expectations

Setting realistic goals and expectations can be another important part of letting go of the past and living in the present. Planning for your future can help you focus on the here and now instead of dwelling on past mistakes or disappointments.

When setting goals, it can be vital to be realistic and practical. The SMART goal-setting framework can help you create manageable objectives that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely. Breaking down your goals into smaller steps can also make them more achievable by giving yourself space to make mistakes without feeling overwhelmed or discouraged.

It can also be helpful to set realistic expectations for yourself so that you don’t become discouraged if things don’t go according to plan. Learning how to manage your expectations can help you identify and prioritize the most important things in life so you can stay focused on what is within your control.

Creating healthy boundaries

Creating healthy boundaries can be essential for emotional well-being. Boundaries can be defined as the limits and expectations you set for yourself and others to safeguard your mental, physical, and emotional health.

Identifying your boundaries and values can help you create a foundation for how you want to be treated by others and how you will interact with the world. However, it can be crucial to remember that boundaries can be flexible and should be adjusted as your needs change.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, but communicating them effectively is often essential. When setting boundaries, try to be firm yet compassionate to defend yourself without alienating others.

It can also be important to recognize and respect the boundaries of others as much as possible. If someone violates your boundaries, it can be helpful to calmly explain why their behavior was unacceptable and how you would like to be treated in the future.

By establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, you can create a space of respect and safety for yourself while also honoring the needs and rights of others. These boundaries can help you develop healthier relationships with yourself and those around you.

Engaging in positive and meaningful activities

Engaging in activities that promote well-being can be an important part of living in the present. Participating in positive activities can help you focus on the present instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Positive activities can include hobbies and creative pursuits, physical activity, and exercise. It can be important to find activities that align with your values and passions. These activities can ensure that you are doing something meaningful to you instead of just going through the motions of life.

Social interaction can also be a great way to stay present. Connecting with family, friends, and other supportive people can boost your mood, reduce stress, and provide helpful perspectives when things get tough.

If you find it difficult to move forward from your past, you may consider speaking with a professional. 

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy can provide the guidance and support you need to create healthy habits for living fully in the present. If you find it difficult to talk about past experiences that may still be affecting you, it may make you more comfortable to be able to choose between video call, phone call, and online chat options for connecting with your therapist.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Although not much research currently exists focusing on the efficacy of online therapy for helping people live in the present, studies generally show that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy at addressing a wide variety of mental health concerns and disorders.