How To Stop Talking About Things That Don't Matter
It can be frustrating to find yourself hung up on things you don't want to be hung up on. Whether it's a past relationship, an old conflict, past embarrassments, or something else entirely, you may find yourself thinking and talking about things that don't matter to you. In this article, we'll talk about techniques for moving past subjects you don't want to discuss and how to get unstuck and focused on the things that matter to you.
Tap into your passions
The things you find important and stimulating may differ from what other people find important. In other words, it could be valuable to assess whether what you're talking about matters to you.
If you aren’t sure what your hobbies or passions are, consider trying to identify things you enjoy doing. Once you know your passions or hobbies, try to spend time thinking and talking about them – instead of things that don't matter to you.
Letting go of what we cannot control
There are many things in life we can't control. For instance, you cannot control how other people behave. No matter how hard you may try, even if you are right and they are wrong, you cannot make anyone act like you want them to.
Similarly, you also cannot control how other people feel. You may be trying to convince someone that they do not need to worry about something, but you cannot make someone feel a certain way, relax someone just by telling them to relax, or make someone happy just by telling them to be happy. Although talking to others about their feelings is okay, trying to convince them to feel or not feel a certain way is an example of falling into the trap of talking about things that you can’t control.
You cannot control the weather, time, or the past. No matter how nice it would be to take back past regrets or speed through tough times, it isn’t possible. While talking about your experiences in your past or present is normal and healthy, if you find yourself stuck talking about things you can’t control, consider trying to focus on things you can, like your effort, honesty, passions, and actions.
Take a deeper look
Consider taking time to identify the themes in your life, specifically keeping an eye out for the things that bring you joy. This can be as simple as your eating schedule, when and under what circumstances you work best, or what snacks or drinks make you feel your best.
Consider journaling about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to see if any common themes arise. Doing so can help you better understand yourself and may illuminate why you’re stuck in certain thought patterns.
Another way to help you stop concentrating on things that don't matter is by concentrating on things that do matter. Think more about being happy by doing things you love to do and spending time with those you most enjoy interacting with. Concentrate more on being healthy and relaxed. Try to hang around with positive people who make you feel good—because being around negative people who bring you down may not be good for your mental and physical health and may keep you talking about things you don’t want to discuss.
Reach out for help
There can come a time when you start to feel as if you don't have appropriate channels for your energy, leading you to experience distress and frustration as you get further trapped in negative thought patterns.
If you can’t break out of the thought patterns and stop talking about things that don’t matter to you, consider therapy.
With therapy, you can talk to a mental health care expert experienced in handling all types of mental and emotional health concerns. There are also quite a few support groups with people who have the same or similar issues as you. Talking to others who share your hardships can be helpful. However, if talking to a therapist in person doesn’t seem plausible, consider online therapy. With online therapy, you can talk about whatever you want from the comfort of your home and get guidance on what is and isn’t something you need to stop talking about.
Research shows that online therapy can help those living with anxiety or similar mental health issues find meaning in life and eliminate extraneous distractions. In a study published in Current Opinion in Psychiatry, researchers stated that online therapy is effective in treating anxiety, noting specifically the benefits of online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
Cognitive-behavioral therapy works by replacing unhelpful thoughts—such as those related to distracting or trivial subjects—in those experiencing mental health issues.
Takeaway
How do I stop compulsive talking?
If you’re struggling to talk less, even after trying to stop, it may be worth seeing a mental health professional to discuss your concerns. Compulsive talking can be a feature of some mental health disorders, including ADHD, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. Discussing your concerns with a therapist or other professional is likely worthwhile. They can complete an evaluation to help root out underlying causes and recommend strategies to help you manage the amount you talk. They can also initiate psychotherapies, like cognitive behavioral therapy, to help you restructure your thought process and make it easier to consciously control your speaking habits.
What is it called when you can’t stop talking about something?
Many clinicians use terms like “excessive speech” to describe someone who talks more than is considered typical, as well as other clinical terms that more appropriately describe how someone’s speech differs from the norm. In recent years, the word “talkaholism” has become more popular in the media and everyday conversation. The phrase was coined in the early 1990s by communication researchers James McCroskey and Virginia Richmond to describe compulsive overtalking.
Is it better to be quiet or talkative?
Evidence suggests that compulsive overtalking may lead to personal and professional challenges. At the same time, being too quiet may create problems with self-advocacy and assertiveness. Balancing quietness and talkativeness likely leads to the best outcomes. A person needs to be able to assert their point completely, but overtalking could lead to less engagement from listeners. Overtalking might also inadvertently lead to oversharing - giving too much information while speaking.
Overtalkers might also find some aspects of friendships and romantic relationships challenging. If one person talks too much, the other person may struggle to feel heard or like their opinion is not being considered. However, being too quiet can impact relationships too, as someone who struggles to communicate their thoughts may be unable to reach an appropriate compromise or mutual understanding with a friend or loved one.
How can I talk less, even with ADHD?
Excessive talking is a common symptom of ADHD. Those who are diagnosed as children often receive behavioral therapy to help improve their impulse control, which subsequently helps them reduce the amount they speak and interrupt others less frequently. Although therapy is likely most effective when a person is young, adults can likely also benefit. It may be worthwhile to consider speaking to a therapist or other mental health professional, ideally who specializes in ADHD, for help managing excessive speech.
In the meantime, you can try these common tips to speak less:
- Pretend you are a ghost at a seance. Your thoughts and opinions don’t matter unless summoned by the person talking.
- Tell stories like you’re sending a voice note, short and to the point.
- If you become distracted, stop and ask someone to repeat their question rather than rambling on until you become reoriented.
- Count to three after a person finishes speaking, and then ask them a question regarding their thoughts or feelings about what they have shared. Don’t immediately jump to discussing your own experiences.
What mental disorder makes you talk too much?
There are several mental disorders associated with excessive speech. ADHD is likely the most well-known, but other disorders can also interfere with speech inhibition. The manic features common in bipolar disorder may present with rapid speech that is often difficult for a listener to follow. Those on the autism spectrum may present with idiosyncratic speech that may contain frequent repetitions, including repetitions of what the other person has said. Anxiety disorders of all types can also increase speech rate and frequency.
What is speech OCD?
Speech OCD is commonly used by laypeople to refer to compulsive speaking behavior. It is important to note that speech OCD is not a real condition that a mental health professional can diagnose. The “OCD” in speech OCD refers to obsessive-compulsive disorder, a mental condition characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior. OCD is a real condition and can be diagnosed, but popular culture likely uses “speech OCD” to refer to someone who talks more than average or identifies as having a compulsion to do so. Another term, “talkaholism,” is also popular, roughly synonymous, and likely less confusing than “speech OCD.”
Do people with bipolar disorder talk a lot?
One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder, manic episodes, is associated with an elevated energy level, racing thoughts, jumpiness, and excessive speech. A person experiencing a manic episode may be very talkative, often jumping from topic to topic, which can make conversation difficult to follow. However, it is important to note that bipolar disorder causes significant mood shifts, and manic episodes are contrasted by depressive episodes. While a person with bipolar disorder may be extremely talkative while experiencing a manic episode, the reverse is true in a depressive episode. They are likely to talk very little and may struggle to think of anything to say.
Do narcissists talk a lot?
While excessive talking is not considered a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder, people with narcissistic tendencies may tend to talk more to gain control or assert their perceived superiority. Narcissists tend to require more admiration and validation than most people and may talk about personal stories of triumph, put others down, or otherwise use speech to display their grandiose tendencies.
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