How To Talk To A Guy You Like The Easy Way
By: Robert Porter
Updated June 16, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC
It can be difficult to approach a guy you have a crush on or are feeling attracted to. Once you recognize that you're interested, it's easy to get nervous that you might make a bad impression. Even so, approaching a guy to get to know him or spend more time with him doesn't have to be stressful. Here's some advice on how to talk to a guy you like the easy way.
Tip #1: No expectations
When you're preparing yourself to talk to a guy you're interested in, are you afraid you’re going to blow it? It's understandable that you want to make a good impression, but you really don't need to concentrate on it too much. Just because you feel infatuated with this guy doesn't mean he's absolutely perfect or that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, even if it may feel that way as your hormones rush over you. Instead, tell yourself that this guy is just like any other person, and that you're only here to chat with him.
If you go into the conversation without expectations, then you're less likely to have hurt feelings if things don't go as planned. When we plan for things and create a scenario of how they should go, we become quickly disappointed if the reality is different than what we had hoped for. Having fewer set expectations sets us up for success and helps diminish disappointment. Think of it this way, if you have no expectations of him asking you out, then you won't be upset if he doesn't; however, if he does ask you out, then you'll have received more than you were expecting.
Tip #2: Remember what's important
What is the most important thing you should look for when initially trying to establish a "more than friends" relationship with someone?Your happiness!
Although one of the keys to a successful relationship is looking out for your partner's happiness, you first need to make sure they are worthy of your time. So first, make sure that you are happy with this person before worrying about whether they are happy with you. Both sides should feel like they would benefit from the relationship, without one person bending over backward or being a "doormat."
Happiness in a relationship is not about being in a relationship with someone, it is about being happy with who you are when you are with them. Does this guy support and encourage you to be the best version of yourself, or are you settling for a mediocre person and accepting whatever it is he's willing to give to you? If he is not supporting you emotionally on the road to being the best version of yourself, then maybe he is not the right partner for you.
Tip #3: Yes, be yourself
You've probably heard this advice repeatedly, yet many relationship seekers continue to ignore it and sculpt an "ideal self" to display during the early period of getting to know someone. Unfortunately, that is one of the worst things you can do when starting a relationship because it leads to false expectations from both partners. When your true self starts to show through, as it eventually will, you may find that you have invested time and energy into a relationship that's not mutually enjoyable. This is also related to the point in tip number two—you will only be happy if you can be yourself in your close relationships.
Sometimes it can be difficult to be your true self if you do not have a grasp on who you are. That is perfectly okay. However, you probably have a good idea of the type of person you are at heart. Some questions to ask yourself would be: What do I enjoy doing for fun? What qualities are important to me in a relationship? What do I value most in a person? Who do I want to be when I "growup?”
If you can answer a few of those questions, you will have a better idea of the type of person you are, and what you would like in a relationship. If you love to go dancing and attend concerts, but the guy you are interested in only likes to stay home, this likely won't work for you in the long term. If you are just looking for a guy to hang out with and have fun, then it may not matter to you if you have much in common and you might find his interests as something you would like to learn more about. If this is the case, still, be yourself.
Tip #4: Take it slow
There's usually no reason to rush into getting to know someone. For a first conversation, offer a sincere compliment and ask him something about himself. Guys often enjoy getting a chance to talk about their interests (most people do!) and this tactic plays double duty. Not only does he feel good that you're interested in what he wants to talk about, but also you get to find out more about him and whether he would be compatible.
After the first date, stay in contact, but don't overdo it. Continue to do your own thing. The best relationships involve two people who still have their own separate interests while finding activities they enjoy doing together.
Guys like to have a little distance when they first start dating someone. They might not want to rush into things, so sometimes, letting them lead the way is a good idea in the beginning. If they text you to check-in, text them back when you have a moment. You don't need to sit with your phone in your hand waiting to send back an instant reply. Allow yourself time to respond. By waiting a half hour to reply to a casual text, you allow yourself the space to think clearly about your response, and you give yourself the time to craft a message that you will not regret.
If things got a little heavy on the first date and now you are thinking that you are in a relationship with him, think again. Sex normally does not constitute a commitment.It may be a good idea to take time out to get to know him before deciding to resume sexual contact. This way you can decide if this is someone that you want to have a relationship with, or if sex is as far as it will go. If you decide that a mostly sexual relationshipis all that you see in the future, make sure that he is on board with this before entering into that type of relationship. Just because you had sex on the first date does not mean that that is all he is looking for.
Let BetterHelp Assist You
Studies have shown that online therapy platforms can provide effective tools for people who experience symptoms that often arise out of social anxiety. For example, a study published in PLOS One, a peer-reviewed scientific journal, found that online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an accessible method of treating symptoms of social anxiety disorder. At follow-up, researchers noted that 64% of participants had made significant improvements in their symptoms. This can be added to existing research showing the benefits of onlinetherapy, including increased privacy, cost-effectiveness, and convenience. CBT is a widely used method of therapy that helps participants reframe problematic thought patterns that are often underlying certain emotions and behavior, making specific situations (such as social interactions) easier to address.
If you’re already unsure in social situations, face-to-face therapy might seem like an uncomfortable prospect. With BetterHelp, you’ll have the ability to connect with a licensed counselor from the comfort of your home—via message, voice call, videoconferencing, or live chat. And, if you choose, you can participate in therapy completely anonymously. Simply select a “nickname” when you register, and your privacy will remain protected throughout the duration of your therapy plan. The qualified mental health professionals at BetterHelp have helped thousands of people navigate difficult social situations, such as dating or falling in love.Look at the following counselor reviews to see how they have helped others in similar situations.
"When I first started seeing Vanessa, I was very nervous, scared to death even. Yet in such a short time, I learned I could share my feelings and thoughts without doubting myself or others. I'll forever be grateful for Venessa and her empathy, and words of wisdom. I look forward now to the next chapter in my life and I have her to thank for it. She is a saint. May god bless her and her family."
"Lori is so friendly and kind. She puts me at ease quickly and I feel comfortable talking to her. I would recommend her to anyone who is a bit shy or nervous and needs a gentle touch."
Being able to confidently talk to the guy that you like might seem like a dream right now, but you're going to be able to do just fine. And if you need help, you'll always have the support of dedicated counselors. You can find love with a nice guy and you'll be happy that you took the right steps to talk to him—all you need are the right tools.
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