How To Talk To A Guy You Like With Ease: 7 Tips

Tip #1: Avoid Expectations

When you're preparing to talk to a guy you're interested in, are you afraid you’re going to say something wrong? Do you have a specific vision of how the conversation will go? It's understandable that you want to make a good impression. However, going in with expectations can make it hard to have an organic, enjoyable conversation.

While having a good plan can help, try to avoid having a set, preconceived idea of how the interaction will go. This can help you stay flexible during the conversation if things change or don't go as planned. When we create a scenario of how things should go when we talk with a guy, we can become disappointed if the reality is different than how we had hoped. For example, you may imagine that he is an outgoing, gregarious guy who will want to carry on a long conversation. In reality, you may find that he’s shy and reserved, which could throw you off. In the above situation, coming in without set expectations can make it easier to react and create a more relaxed atmosphere for your conversation. 

Tip #2: Be Confident

As you approach a guy you’re interested in, remember that you bring a lot to the table and are worth getting to know. Many guys find confidence attractive, so maintaining a self-assured attitude while you talk to your crush can be helpful. You can do this by stating your opinions clearly, talking about yourself in positive terms, and speaking steadily. You can also project confidence through your body language: try to relax your shoulders, keep a level gaze, and point your feet toward your crush.

Tip #3: Don't Forget To Be Yourself

You've probably heard this advice repeatedly, yet many people focus on projecting an ideal version of themselves to the person they like. This can make conversation less authentic, though, and may lead to expectations that are hard to fulfill. When you are being your authentic self, you can find out whether you and the guy you’re attracted to are truly a good fit. 

If you love to go dancing and attend concerts, but the guy you are interested in only likes to stay home, this may not work for you in the long term. Honesty can help you avoid misleading your crush and allow you to show him who you really are. Additionally, research shows that your individual happiness can contribute to a successful relationship. So, try to be true to who you are and show him the real you. 

Tip #4: Ask About His Interests

During your first conversation, consider asking him about himself. Guys often enjoy getting a chance to talk about their interests (most people do!). And this tactic plays double duty: It shows that you’re interested in his life, and it allows you to find out more about him and whether you would be compatible. This is also a good opportunity for you to find common ground. 

Tip #5: Know How To Manage Anxiety

One common reason people have trouble approaching guys they like is nervousness or anxiety surrounding social situations. In some cases, this can be a sign of a mental health condition like social anxiety disorder. Anxiety can cause serious mental and physical symptoms that often make it hard to converse comfortably. 

If you experience anxiety when talking to someone you like, there are some effective strategies for managing it in the short term. Prior to approaching a guy, try to relax your shoulders, take deep breaths, and think about what you’re going to say (along with possible topics you can add when necessary). In the long run, you can practice having conversations with guy friends or others who you feel comfortable around. You can also talk to a mental health professional, who can help you develop your communication skills and manage symptoms of an anxiety disorder. 

Tip #6: Maintain Eye Contact

Looking a guy in the eye as you talk to him can show that you’re confident, present, and interested in what he has to say. While you’re speaking—and listening—try to meet his gaze. Research shows that the proper amount of time to maintain eye contact is around three seconds. Experts also suggest that you make eye contact about half the time you’re speaking and just over half the time you’re listening. Eye contact is thought to be an important part of attraction—and it can show that you’re engaged in the conversation.

Tip #7: Take It Slow

As you start interacting with this guy, try to keep it simple. Consider giving him a compliment or asking him how his day went. When we like someone, it can be tempting to interact with them as much as possible. Some guys may not want to rush into things, though; so, as you talk to your crush, you may want to look for signs that indicate what he’s looking for romance-wise. 

If he texts you often to check in or otherwise reaches out frequently, he may want to get closer early on. If, however, he mentions that he’s recently gotten out of a relationship, or you notice he is a bit more guarded, it may be a good idea to give him some space. Either way, a good rule of thumb is to err on the side of taking things slow. 

How Online Therapy Can Help

Studies have shown that online therapy platforms can provide effective tools for people who experience shyness or other feelings that may arise out of social anxiety. For example, a study published in PLOS One, a peer-reviewed scientific journal, found that online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an accessible method of treating symptoms of social anxiety disorder. At a six-month follow-up, researchers noted that 64% of participants had made significant improvements in their symptoms. These results can be added to those from an increasingly large number of studies that point to the benefits of online therapy, including increased safety, cost-effectiveness, and convenience. 

If you’re already unsure in social situations, face-to-face therapy might seem like an uncomfortable prospect. With BetterHelp, you’ll have the ability to connect and talk with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home—through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging. And, if you choose, you can participate in therapy completely unknown. The qualified mental health professionals at BetterHelp have helped many people navigate potentially complicated social situations, like dating and falling in love, and address feelings like nervousness or fear. Keep reading to see how BetterHelp therapists have helped others address similar concerns.

Therapist Reviews

"When I first started seeing Vanessa, I was very nervous, scared to death even. Yet in such a short time, I learned I could tell my feelings and thoughts without doubting myself or others. I'll forever be grateful for Venessa and her empathy, and words of wisdom. I look forward now to the next chapter in my life and I have her to thank for it. She is a saint. May god bless her and her family."

Trying To Find The Right Things To Say To That Special Guy? 

Talk To Us. A Board-Certified Relationship Therapist Can Help. 

"Lori is so friendly and kind. She puts me at ease quickly and I feel comfortable speaking to her. I would recommend her to anyone who is a bit shy or nervous and needs a gentle touch."

Takeaway

Approaching a new person and starting a conversation can be daunting, particularly when it is a guy you feel attracted to. Although talking to a guy you like might seem hard now, with confidence and the above tips, it is within your reach. If you would like additional support and guidance, a licensed therapist can help you develop your communication skills, manage anxiety, and address challenges that may make social interaction difficult. Working with a professional can be a proactive step toward great conversations and improved emotional well-being.