How To Know If You Like Someone: Ask Yourself These 5 Questions
By Toni Hoy
Updated December 05, 2019
Figuring out whether you like someone (as a friend or more) is a difficult task. As we grow older, many of us like to keep our circle small. When you're looking for new friends, it's important to make sure you are inviting the right kind of people into your life.
Wondering how to know if you like someone? Ask yourself these 5 questions to get a better idea:
- Do they make you feel good?
Before you make anyone a regular part of your life, you should ask yourself: Do they make you feel good? This doesn't mean that your potential friend or love interest needs to breathe positivity and rainbows every day. But it is important to consider how they make you feel overall, by asking yourself if you are happy when you are around them and if you enjoy spending quality time with them. Since you probably don't want to spend more time with someone who constantly makes you angry, annoyed, or sad, it is always best to not ignore and consider your feelings when they are around.
- Do you think about them a lot?
Do you find yourself thinking about this person a lot? Friends and loved ones are important to us and cross our minds throughout the day.
Maybe you see something that reminds you of the person you like, or you read something funny and you make a note to share it with them later. If you find yourself thinking about a person a lot, there's a pretty good chance that you like them on some personal level.
- What do you like about them?
If you really want to know whether you like someone, take out a piece of paper and write down the things that you like about them. If you have nothing good to say or describe them, is this person really someone you want to be friends or in a relationship with?
If you really like someone it is not hard to come up with a list of things that you like about them.
- What do you dislike about them?
Now take a moment and do the opposite. Write down the things that you dislike about the person (to make sure that you are getting a well-rounded picture). No one's perfect and it's fine if you have a couple of things on this list.
Are the things that you wrote down small things that you can live with, or do you and this person have some major value and ideological differences? Are there a lot more things that you dislike about this person compared to things you like?
This type of pro/con list can help you decide if you like someone by because it brings clarity to how you feel about this person and confirms why you are in a relationship with them. Either you like a lot about them, or you don't. There is no middle ground unless the things you like about the person are so important to you that you're willing to ignore the things that you don't like about them.
- Do you want to tell them when good or bad things happen to you?
A good way to tell if you like someone is to notice if you enjoy sharing important things in your life with them. Just like our friends and loved ones come to mind throughout our day, we can't wait to tell the important people in our lives when something big happens to us.
Along with these five questions, in an article entitled "5 Ways to Tell That Someone Likes You" by Jack Schafer, Ph.D. informs that there are also five nonverbal cues that show whether someone likes you or not. They are as follows:
- Mutual Eye Contact:
Persons look at people they like and evade looking at individuals they don't like. The neurochemical oxytocin may be the cause for increased eye contact as elevated oxytocin levels boost mutual eye observation and offer a sense of well-being, which enhances mutual attraction. Oxytocin also increases pupil dilation, which signifies attraction. The wider the dilation, the more appeal persons feel toward one another. Therefore, it is believed that if the person you are with maintains eye contact, they like you.
- A Light Touch
Individuals regularly touch a person they like. In romantic relationships, women may lightly touch the arm of the individual they are chatting with. This light touch should not be mistaken as an invitation to a sexual encounter; it simply implies she likes you. Men convey their liking for other men by fist bumping, chest bumping, or lightly punching the other individual on the shoulder with a closed fist. Men express them like for a woman by engaging in good-natured physical activities. Touching is a good gauge as to whether a person likes or dislikes you. So, if you nonchalantly touch another person and they sharply pull away, the individual does not like you or is not ready for a closer relationship.
- Inward Leaning
Body positioning is another significant indicator that the individual you are talking to likes you. People tend to lean toward another person they like and distance themselves from persons they dislike. Inward leaning increases as a tighter bond are formed.
People who like one another copy each other's body positions. Mirroring can help determine affinity and can also be used to check whether the individual you are talking with likes you or not. It sends a subconscious signal to the individual you are with that you like them; in turn, they are prone to like you. Therefore, when you meet someone, copy their body position and then at some point later change your body position. If the other individual copies you within several seconds, they probably like you as well.
Individuals who like each get rid of any obstacles between them. People who do not like another person often put barriers between themselves and the individual that they dislike. Barriers can comprise of personal items such as purses, newspapers, backpacks, publications, cups, pillows, etc. A barrier does not automatically mean that another person does not like you, but it does let you know that a connection has not yet been formed. As the conversation continues, keep an eye on where the person places their cup or glass. If they place it to one side or the other and remove the makeshift barrier that was between you, they probably like you.
The best way to tell if you like someone is to take your time and be aware of how you feel when they are around. If you are still feeling confused about your feelings, consider online counseling. Services like BetterHelp give people a secure and easy way to talk about their feelings with a licensed professional via chat, phone, or video calls.
Schafer., J. (2016). 5 Ways to Tell That Someone Likes You. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-ways-tell-someone-likes-you