Finding out or realizing that there’s no hope of entering into a relationship with a guy you like can be a difficult experience. You may be left feeling sad, lonely, hurt, angry, frustrated, or experiencing a host of other real feelings. Dealing with this type of challenging situation can be possible with the right tools and emotional support. Read on for strategies on how to stop talking to someone so you can feel better and begin to move forward with your life.
Situations Where There May Be No Hope Of A Relationship
First, it can be useful to take a look at the reasons you feel there’s no hope of a relationship with this person before you throw in the towel.
Low self-esteem, for example, may have you thinking that others won’t like you, but working on your confidence can help. Over time, you could come to recognize and embrace your many positive qualities and feel more certain about telling the person that you’ve been developing feelings for them. Or, if past trauma and negative thoughts are holding you back from believing you can have healthy relationships in the future, you may want to address this with a therapist.
That said, there are various, valid reasons that a relationship may simply not be possible with a guy you like. He could already be in a monogamous relationship with someone else, or he could be in a polyamorous relationship when you yourself are monogamous. He might not be interested in you romantically, perhaps only wanting to be friends—or he could have a different sexual orientation than you do. Perhaps you tried having a relationship with this person and then went through a nasty breakup, so you know things won’t be different in the future. Maybe he has qualities you don’t like or that are even harmful, but you’re still grappling with feelings of love and affection for him. He could live far away from you, or the relationship could be impractical for other reasons: age, different life goals, etc. Whatever the reason, accepting that the relationship isn’t possible can be the first step in moving forward.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse in any form, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for immediate support, advice, and assistance.
Tips For Getting Over A Guy You Can’t Be With
There’s no one, easy way to make your romantic feelings for someone disappear. When learning how to get over a crush, it can be helpful to understand that it usually takes time for the feelings to dissipate. There are a few strategies you can try to help the process along, though; consider the following productive ways to get over an unrequited love.
Reduce Or Cut Off Contact
While it can sometimes be tempting to try to stay friends, most people find it difficult to heal from a rejection, breakup, or the realization that they can’t be with someone they like when that person is still a large part of their daily life. Frequent interactions may trigger unhelpful thoughts of your crush and slow the grieving process. If you work or go to school with the guy you like, you may not be able to control how often you see him. In this case, however, it may help you to set boundaries around how much contact you’ll have with him going forward—at least while you work through your feelings of sadness and hurt. You may want to distance yourself from him by reducing how often you text, talk on the phone, or see each other. You might choose to avoid social situations where he may be for a while, and you could also choose to mute or unfollow him on social media. Whether your measures of reducing contact with this person are temporary or long-term is up to you, but giving yourself some kind of break from constant reminders of him can give you the space to start to feel better.
Be Realistic About Them
When you’re in love or infatuated with a new person, it’s not uncommon to overlook their flaws in favor of their good qualities. Researchers call this “directional bias”, a term that usually refers to how an individual may consistently rank their partner’s qualities more highly than others would. So, if you’re having trouble getting someone out of your head that you have no hope of being in a relationship with, intentionally being more realistic about who they are may help. You might remind yourself of qualities of theirs that you actually don’t like, significant lifestyle differences, or elements of their worldview or future plans that wouldn’t have been compatible with yours. Holding on to a flawless image of this person in your mind is unrealistic and is unlikely to help you move on from them.
Enrich Your Life In Other Ways
While you may not feel especially sociable when you’re sad, putting yourself out there and enriching your life in new ways may help you feel better and move past this person. While you may not be ready to enter the dating pool or broadcast your relationship status, you may decide to spend more time with close friends and family. Forming new relationships may also be helpful in taking your mind off your crush. You could pick up a new hobby or join a sports league or a club. You could also spend time focusing on your own mental and physical health, such as starting an exercise routine or learning how to meditate. Activities like these might help you to focus on all the possibilities that are in front of you instead of on what you may be missing in your life.
Avoid Judging Yourself
Even if you didn’t know this person very well or if the chances of a relationship were always slim, it can still hurt when you find out or realize for sure that things won’t work out. In cases like these, you might not feel entitled to feeling sad or upset, and you might judge yourself for these emotions. However, research suggests that judging yourself for how you feel will typically do more harm than good. In fact one study reports that “a judgmental attitude toward one’s thoughts and feelings is the strongest predictor of both depression and anxiety”. Instead, you’re likely to be able to move past these emotions in a healthy way if you allow yourself to feel them in the moment and treat yourself with gentleness and self-compassion while you’re hurting or disappointed.
Consider Seeking The Support Of A Therapist
Sometimes it can be hard to move through difficult feelings like disappointment, rejection, and hurt related to romantic relationships on our own. If you’re having trouble coping with the fact that you can’t be with the guy you want, seeking the compassionate, nonjudgmental support of a therapist may be helpful. They can offer you a safe space where you can express and process your emotions, and a relationship expert can assist you in developing healthy coping techniques for handling difficult feelings.
Some people find it uncomfortable to meet with a therapist in person, while others live in an area where there aren’t many providers or they have a busy schedule that makes it hard to attend in-person appointments. Research suggests that online therapy can offer similar benefits to in-person sessions, so individuals in situations like these might consider it as an alternative. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can expect to be matched with a licensed therapist with whom you can speak via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Read on for reviews of BetterHelp counselors who have helped clients in similar situations. Regardless of the format you may choose, support is available if you feel you may need or benefit from it.
"I would totally recommend Christine. She was very supportive and assertive when counseling me. I like that she was attentive and always kept the communication and the conversation flowing. The information that she gave me was very useful and I would have love to keep in her counseling. She is excellent at romantic relationship issues. :-)"
"A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try BetterHelp.com. My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn't on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about."
What are some signs that you may need to stop liking a guy?
How can I avoid seeing the guy I like?
Should I tell the guy I like that I want to stop liking him?
Is it possible to force myself to stop liking a guy?
How can I distract myself from thinking about the guy I like?
What are some healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with unrequited love?
Should I cut off contact with the guy I like to stop liking him?
Is it okay to start dating someone else while trying to stop liking a guy?
How do I know if I'm really over the guy I used to like?
What if the guy I like keeps pursuing me even after I've tried to stop liking him?
Can therapy or counseling help me stop liking a guy?
How do I handle mutual friends or common social circles after I've stopped liking a guy?
Is it possible to be friends with the guy I used to like after I've stopped liking him?
How long does it usually take to stop liking someone?
What if I can't stop liking the guy even though I know it's not good for me?
- Previous Article
- Next Article