How Can I Move Forward After A Crush?
A “crush” may be defined as the desire to be with someone who you find is attractive and exceptionally special with the underlying possibility that you will never become a couple. With this definition, it is understood that people experiencing a crush know their expectations are unrealistic. Maybe it is incompatibility, unrequited feelings, or that the person is already taken. One thing is for sure: these emotions can feel all-consuming. Feeling anxious, angry, hurt, bitter, hopeless, or isolated is completely natural and part of this experience. If you want to know how to get over a crush, how to get stop thinking about someone, or how to stop liking someone and quit obsessing over them, it is important to consider your new crush in objective terms. Continue reading to learn about ways you can cope with getting over a crush and how to work through difficult feelings associated with the loss.
A Crush Will Not Last Forever
Most crushes are short-lived--they either progress into a romantic relationship or dissolve within a few weeks or months. Often a person can experience heartache, helplessness, loneliness, stress, regret, embarrassment, fear, and frustration after a crush does not work out. Even if you feel stuck in some intense feelings about this crush, it is good to know that the most destructive and heart-wrenching feelings of disappointment will eventually pass.
According to psychologists and studies, most crushes will last only a few months with a small percentage actually developing into a relationship. This most likely stems from a crush being founded in infatuation as opposed to attachment. For example, a recent study published in PLoS One looked at how romantic love is perceived in its different phases, including crushes or infatuation and perceived attachment. What the researchers discovered was that people can intentionally up- and down-control their love feelings for another person depending on their behavior. In other words, feelings of love for another person may simply be just that, a feeling that subsides once the initial phase of infatuation subsides.
Healthy Coping Techniques To Let Go Of A Crush
If you want to get over a crush, consider talking to them as a friend and not as a true love or a romantic partner. Try spending time with them to talk and find out if you have anything in common. Having conversations with this person can give you the clarity you need. After getting to know your crush, you may be shocked to discover that they are nothing like you imagined them to be. Their morals and ethics may be beneath you or intellectually lacking in conversation. Lastly, you may realize you both simply have nothing in common. It will benefit your wellness and happiness if you find closure. You may realize they are not the only person for you, as you once believed.
If you realize that even after meeting with your crush that the feelings do not subside and you are unable to stop thinking about them, the following strategies may help you know how to get rid of a crush:
Do Not Avoid Your Crush
In avoiding your crush, you may keep the fantasy of a future relationship vivid in the forefront of your mind (and heart). You may find there is no chemistry between the two of you. You can begin to make the break from the fantasy to move on with your grieving process.
A healthy relationship is developed through trust and understanding of each other’s values and interests. In talking to them, you can find out if you have anything in common or similar values. Ask what is going on in their lives. As mentioned above, you might be surprised to find that their personality is nothing like you imagined it to be just by talking to them as friends. You may even find that you disagree on important topics or that they are intellectually lacking. Do not be scared to ask them deep questions that allow you to really get to know them.
Get Busy With Other Aspects Of Life
If your heart is aching and you are feeling sad about your vision of a relationship not working out, return to focusing on the things that bring you joy. This does not mean you will instantly get over your crush or that you need to find someone else right away. Look to finding the motivation to push beyond the difficulties and set your sight on the state you want to be in.
For instance, join some groups that participate in activities you enjoy or go to a place that makes you feel at peace. Reach out to a friend. Distractions that you find fulfilling can take your mind off the person and remind you of finding meaning in life beyond this attraction. Focus on your education, your work, your personal growth, or volunteering for a charity. If you are struggling with getting back to enjoying activities and your life in general, you can talk to a therapist or counselor to learn some new coping skills.
Confide With Your Loved Ones About Your Crush
Surrounding yourself with the people that mean the most to you--people who love and respect you for you--can improve your well-being and remind you that you are whole, with or without a partner. This includes family and your best friends.
Furthermore, they may surprise you with a great piece of advice that worked for them regarding how to get over a crush. A trusted loved one may help you understand why you have a crush on this person and what that says about you. They have had their own experience and can impart some words of wisdom about how to handle the situation. Lastly, they can give you a new perspective on your love life and help you recognize unhealthy relationship patterns so you can find someone who can return your love.
Question Yourself About The Origin Of This Crush
Take the emphasis off them and focus on your relationship with yourself. Why do you feel this way? Could there have been other circumstances that led to the crush? Maybe you were having negative thoughts the day you first met, and they smiled at you at the right moment. Sometimes, feelings can be situational and when that person becomes an actual part of our lives, we may feel differently. You may consider that you created a fantasy relationship in your mind. Ask yourself if this person has the qualities you desire in a partner. You may be projecting attributes that do not exist. Understanding the reality of the relationship can help you in the healing process.
Give Yourself A Chance To Grieve
If you do believe, after trying these strategies, that you have missed out on your true love, give yourself space to feel sad about it. You may be feeling a great sense of loss, or grief. Acknowledge these emotions and process the loss of a potential relationship. Do you best to ignore them or bury them, as doing so can lead to unresolved feelings that you will eventually have to address. It might help to take out a pen and paper and write down your feelings in a journal. Allow yourself to grieve the feelings that were there. You probably spent a good amount of time fantasizing, and that can feel amazing. When the fantasy ends, it can be jarring and uncomfortable.
Stop Following Them On Social Media Platforms
You do not need reminders of them or updates about what they are doing every minute of the day while getting over a crush. Furthermore, most people only post the best of what is happening in their lives, so you will likely not be looking at the full picture, just places and parts of their life they want others to see. If a mutual friend posts with your crush or about them, it may be worth it to avoid their social media for a bit too.
Open Yourself Up To Dating
Remind yourself that there are plenty of other people who want to date you. You can join an online dating site, ask your friends to set you up, or join a club that explores one of your interests. All of these are ways to get over your crush and meet new and interesting people while giving yourself a little distance from your old crush.
Reaching Out For Professional Support
Wanting a relationship with another person can get your hopes up and let you down when it does not work. You may be experiencing extreme sadness and even depressive symptoms. Remember- there is always someone ready to talk to you, so you do not feel isolated, even if parents, family, or friends are unavailable. Seeking professional help to work out these feelings is an option that can give you a path out of these sad places.
BetterHelp provides an objective perspective from a clinical psychologist trained in the field of relationships. You can receive advice for your situation in confidence and a safe space from an online counselor professionally trained on the subject. While it is common to feel infatuation with someone, it helps to discuss your feelings and learn how to deal with them productively. Reaching out for support from a licensed therapist can help you manage these feelings and lift any shame, confusion, or anger you may be experiencing.
If you find that it is difficult to find a therapist in-person, especially considering the cost, online therapy is supported by research to be a cost-effective and highly beneficial alternative to in-person therapy. For example, a current study published in Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics researched the efficacy and cost-effectiveness of online therapy versus in-person in 154 participants who were managing depressive disorder. The researchers concluded that online therapy was equally effective at treating depression and was significantly cost-effective as compared to in-person therapy, with an average savings of USD 945 after an eight to twelve-week treatment series.
Final Thoughts On How To Move On
Moving forward can help you to remember you are worthy of love and compassion from someone who feels the same way about you. You do not have to go through these difficulties alone. Know help is available to assist you in taking the first step to fulfilling relationships today. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.
BetterHelp Therapist Reviews
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"I enjoyed my sessions with Dr. Anstadt. He helped me see how one issue was affecting multiple aspects of my life. He has greatly improved my relationships with the people I'm closest to and even the way I approach work. I have seen a huge difference in my relationships already, and I have several tools to help me manage the issues I started seeking therapy. I cannot express how thankful I am to Dr. I Anstadt!"
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How Do You Get Over A Crush In A Relationship?
This question could mean one of two things: you are in a relationship and are crushing on someone, or you have a crush on a person, but they are in a relationship.
Either way, there are some steps you can take to get over a crush.
Avoid any contact with your crush. You do not have to block them on social media, but do not talk to them as much. This may help your feelings subside.
Get over your crush by distracting yourself with activities that make you feel happier. For example, try a new hobby, call your best friend, go out and make new friends, or do something else to keep your mind off your crush.
Practice mindfulness and meditation. Doing this can keep your crush from taking over your thoughts.
What Causes A Crush?
If you have a sudden, new crush, you may wonder what caused these feelings:. Often a crush begins with a physical attraction and you may want to have a sexual encounter with the person. You may be attracted to their personality or their social status. Some people are attracted to another simply because they are a celebrity or wealthy. Sometimes, a crush does not have an explanation. You may look at the person you had a crush on and think to yourself, “What did I ever see in them?” Of course, there is no shame in having a crush.
Is It OK To Have A Crush While Married?
Having feelings for someone else while married is more common than you think. Even when married, many people may see someone they find attractive.
For the most part, it is common. Like any relationship that will not work out, do your best to distract yourself from these feelings. Time will eventually heal these feelings and you can look for someone who is not committed and can love you appropriately. If you feel like the relationship could be something more, talk with a therapist to help you work through these feelings.
Are Crushes Healthy?
Most people, especially in their younger years, have crushes. These feelings of infatuation and intense attraction are natural and typically subside with time. If you find you are obsessively preoccupied about the person, consider talking to a licensed therapist.
Why Is It Called Crush?
English can be an interesting language with multiple definitions of words that do not seem to be related. “Crush” usually means to destroy something with strong compression. You crush a can under your feet, for example. So how did the word “crush” also become the word used to describe a brief infatuation with someone?
Like many slang terms, the exact origins are unknown, but there have been a few explanations. The term has been used since the late 1800s, at least recorded, and the best explanation is that the word is a variation on the word “mash,” which was a term also used to describe an infatuation with someone. Since the word “mash” and “crush” have similar definitions in the pulverizing context, they soon had something else in common, too.
How Do I Stop Thinking About Someone?
To stop thinking about someone, you often need to do something else to distract you from them. Get out, start talking with other people, make a friend, have a good time. Practice mindfulness and meditation, two techniques that can push self-defeating thoughts out of your mind.
Therapy is a good way to learn some techniques to help you to stop thinking of someone.
How Do You Get Over A Crush Fast?
It is not always easy to get over a crush. However, if you want to focus on moving on, there are a few things you can do to help speed the process along.
Get out and meet new people. If you take the time to meet and spend time with new people, you may find that you do not have as much free time to think about your crush.
Check your social media accounts. If you have saved pictures of them or if you are following them, erase everything related to them and unfollow/unfriend them.
Try to not talk about them. The more you talk about someone, the more likely you are going to want to talk about them. This is counterproductive if you truly want to get over your crush.
Do not romanticize them. Instead of focusing on the things that you think are great about your crush, purposefully look for flaws. This may seem contradictory to anything you ever learned about acceptance of people. However, if you change the way you look at them, you may not have a “rose-colored glasses” view of them anymore.
Start a new hobby. You don’t have to go buy some expensive recreational toy or spend lots of money on trips or other expensive things. Just get busy. Find ways of incorporating new things into your daily life that have nothing to do with your crush.
How Do You Know If Your Crush Likes You?
If you have a crush on someone, it is natural to wonder if they may like you or are developing feelings for you. Even if your crush likes you secretly, there are a few things that may signal they are beginning to like you, too.
Is your crush one of the first people you hear from each day? If you are receiving texts or phone calls early in the day, chances are you are one of the first things they think of as they start their day.
Do they follow you on social media and make it a point to comment on your posts or like pictures you post? Again, your crush may be trying to show signs of interest.
Does your crush respond to your text messages, phone calls, or voicemails? Keep in mind, if the person you are crushing on has a job or other responsibilities, they may not be able to respond right away. However, if you get some type of response within a few hours, this is a sign that they are interested. A person who is interested in you will put forth the effort to make sure you know you are not being ignored.
How Can I Be Friends With My Crush After Rejection?
The truth is, not everyone can be friends with a crush after rejection. If your crushes do not return the feelings for you, they can cause you to feel real pain. It is easy for unrequited feelings to make you question the chance of having a healthy relationship that involves mutual love and respect.
Pay attention to the way the other person acts around you. If your crushes are not friendly towards you or if they go out of their way to not talk to you or be around you, you may need to back off the idea of pursuing a friendship. For a while, it may even be best to cut off contact with your crushes. On the other hand, if your crushes act like they are happy to see you and you have mutual friends and interests in common, it may be easier to develop a friendship. It is important to remember that if your crush is not interested in a romantic relationship, your reaction should constitute acceptance of their choice.
If you take the rejection hard, you may go through a grieving process as you are faced with the reality of unrequited love. During this time, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist or counselor to help you deal with the feelings of rejection you are experiencing. Once you have been able to process your feelings, you may then consider the idea of developing a mutual friendship with the person who used to be your crush.
How Can You Get Someone Off Your Mind?
One of the best ways to get your crushes off your mind is to spend time with others. You may spend time with your best friend or family and engage in activities that expose you to opportunities to meet new people. Also, if you are trying to get your mind off someone, it is important to cut off contact with them as much as possible. Even if you are not ready to start dating, you can still find activities that involve friends and family that will help occupy your time and keep your mind distracted from the thoughts of the person you have been focusing on. Consider starting a new exercise or workout routine. Exercise is a great way to clear your mind and focus on your own physical and mental health.
Additionally, if your thoughts about your crushes are persistent or obsessive, it may be a good idea to consider talking to a therapist or mental health counselor. While not all crushes are bad, if you think about the object of your affection so much that it interferes with your daily life and responsibilities, you may need to learn ways of addressing your feelings and how you feel about the unrequited love you are experiencing.
Will Therapy Help Me?
Therapy is a personal experience and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. However, your therapist will do their best to make a unique therapy program to help you work through your difficult challenges and give you strategies to improve your mental health and general well-being.
If you are still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at email@example.com. BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns.
Therapy And Mental Health Is Personal
Therapy is a personal experience; not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of your specific goals.
If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org. BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out to email@example.com. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) - 1-800-656-4673
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233
- NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) - 1-800-950-6264
For more information on mental health and healthy relationships, please see:
- SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
- Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest
- WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
- NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter,NIMH YouTube
- APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIn, APA Instagram