How To Get Rid Of A Crush And Quit Obsessive Thoughts
Very often, people experiencing a crush know their expectations are unrealistic. They may even be aware that they do not have a chance with this person. Maybe it is incompatibility, unrequited feelings, or that the person is already taken. One thing is for sure: these emotions can feel all-consuming. Feeling anxious, angry, hurt, bitter, hopeless, or isolated is completely normal and part of this experience. If you want to know how to get over a crush, how to get stop thinking about someone, or how to stop liking someone and quit obsessing over them, it is important to consider your new crush in objective terms. Continue reading to learn more tips.
A Crush Doesn't Last Forever
Most crushes are short-lived--they either progress into a romantic relationship or dissolve within a few weeks or months. Often times a person can experience heartache, helplessness, loneliness, stress, regret, embarrassment, fear and frustration after a crush doesn’t work out. But don’t worry. Even if you feel stuck in some intense feelings about this crush, it's good to know that the most destructive and heart-wrenching feelings of disappointment will pass soon. According to modern psychologists and studies, most crushes only last four months. Naturally, if we're chemically attracted to someone's looks, we may always think they're handsome or pretty--even years down the road. But the intensity of the romantic feelings and romance will eventually subside until we are no longer disappointed or frustrated we aren't with them, or if we’ve found someone else. We may come to realize that the pain that came with what we thought was an out-of-control love affair may have just been a mild case of "summer love" in reality. You might realize that this crush wasn't meant to be in your life long term. You have the ability to change your narrative and protect your well-being by finding clarity in past relationships or situations. There may be a reason why this didn't work out.
That said, if you develop feelings for someone, you should be sure the feelings you have for this person are not reciprocated. Otherwise, you could be missing out on a great and healthy relationship and feel regretful you never said anything! Guilt can cause pain and tears, and make you think about the reasons why you shouldn't have ended something. Imagine if you never said a word about all your feelings and found out down the line that it wasn’t unrequited love – they actually liked you back… talk about a missed opportunity! You may even envy the you that had an opportunity in the past. There are ways to find this information about a new crush without facing humiliation, risking your emotions, or ending up embarrassed, but the fact is that most of the time, you know if someone is interested.
Healthy Coping Techniques To Let Go Of A Crush
If you’re trying to get over a crush, the best thing to do is to talk to the person as a friend and try to interact with them like a normal person and not as true love, a perfect match, a romantic partner, or a person you are developing feelings for. Try spending time with them to talk and find out if you have anything in common or what's going on in their lives. Having conversations with this person can leave to clarity. After all, getting to know someone and their daily life is the backbone of any real relationship, and fostering intimacy is what really allows you to know someone, according to Women’s Health assistant editor Alexis Jones.
After getting to know your crush, you may be shocked to discover that they're nothing like you imagined them to be. Their morals and ethics may be beneath you. Their social media accounts may be offensive or inappropriate. They may do things without remorse that would leave you feeling terribly guilty. They may be intellectually lacking in conversation. Their lifestyle may be the opposite of what you want in life. They may make you feel miserable when you are around them or realize you just simply have nothing in common. So the worst thing to do is to just avoid the person and keep fantasizing about him/her. You owe it to yourself to contact your crush, stop idealizing them have a real-world conversation. It will benefit your wellness and happiness if you find closure. Release this pressure from your body. You may realize they’re not the only person for you, as you once believed. If there's no chemistry there, make the right decisions when it comes to moving on. There will be someone out there who has interest in the same activities, tv show, games, pop culture tastes, and world views as you and who knows where you might find them- your workplace, at the gym during your workout routine, your local coffee shop, taking up a new hobby, at happy hour, or even online! Follow your own path and follow your gut.
Ways To Get Rid Of A Crush
So what do you do if you find yourself lost in a crush? How do you get over a crush or unrequited love while keeping your self-confidence intact? Below are a number of ideas on how to get rid of a crush:
- Talk To Them and find out if you have anything in common or share similar values. Ask what's going on in their lives. As mentioned above, you might be surprised to find that their personality is nothing like you'd imagined it to be just by talking to them as friends. You may even find that you disagree on important topics, or that they're intellectually lacking which can lead you to be over your crush. Don't be scared to ask them deep questions that allow you to really get to know them.
- Do Not Avoid Your Crush. In doing so, you may keep the paranoid fantasy alive. You owe it to yourself to have a real conversation with them and to find their flaws. You may find there is no chemistry between the two of you, and at that point it’s OK to take a little space or move on with your grieving process rather than feeling suspicious about why you feel a certain way. You need to see if there is an attraction or meaning to the relationship.
- Get Busy With Other Aspects Of Life. You had a friends, hobbies, and a whole life before meeting this person, and that life continues despite your feelings for this crush. No one should make you stop your life for them. Get back to that life, and focus on the things that bring you joy. This doesn’t mean you have to throw a party the moment you start to get over your crush or to find someone else right away, the idea is to find the motivation to push beyond the difficulties and set your sight on the state you want to be in. Remember that you are not alone, even if you are feeling lonely in the moment. For instance, join some groups that participate in activities you enjoy or go to a place that makes you feel at peace. Reach out to a friend. If you have kids, try hanging out with your children more to get more involved in their lives. Distractions that you find fulfilling can take your mind off the person and remind you that you have a lot going for you with or without this person in your life. Focus on your education, your work, your personal growth, or volunteering for a charity. You can even consider talking to a therapist or counselor to learn some new coping skills. Don't over-exert yourself while trying to get to know your crush and force a relationship.
- Spend Time With Family And Friends. Surrounding yourself with the people that mean the most to you--people who love and respect you for you--can improve your well being and remind you that you are whole, with or without a partner. This includes family and your best friends.
- Confide With Your Loved Ones About Your Crush. They may surprise you with a great piece of advice that worked for them regarding how to get over a crush. For instance, a trusted family member might share why they think you have a crush on this person and what that says about you. Or perhaps they have had their own experience and can impart some words of wisdom about how to handle the situation. Perhaps you have dating patterns that you don't see, and they can shed some light on the subject of your choices. Don’t take it as relationship expert advice, but consider that maybe this new perspective on your love life could help you in your healing process while moving on.
- Question Yourself About The Origin Of This Crush. Take the emphasis off of them, and focus on your relationship with yourself. Why do you feel this way? Could there have been other circumstances that led to the crush? Maybe you were having negative thoughts the day you first met, and they smiled at you at the right moment? Sometimes, feelings can be situational, and when that person becomes an actual part of our lives, we may feel differently.
- Take A Look At The Reality Of The Situation In Its Entirety. Is this a fantasy relationship that you've created in your mind? Ask yourself, "does this person have the qualities of the person I want to be with? Or am I projecting them onto them?” Asking yourself this can help you in the healing process.
- Give Yourself A Chance To Grieve. If you do believe, after trying all of the above, that you've missed out on your true love, give yourself space to feel sad about it. You likely feel a great sense of loss, which is grief. Acknowledge and sit with those emotions while you get over your crush and process the loss of a potential relationship; don’t ignore them or bury them because this will only lead to unresolved feelings that you’ll have to address down the road. It might help to take out a pen and paper and write down your feelings in a journal. Or if you’ve determined that your crush was ju’t that. Allow yourself to grieve the feelings that were there. You probably spent a good amount of time fantasizing, and that can feel amazing. When the fantasy ends, it can be jarring and uncomfortable.
- Stop Following Them On Social Media Platforms. You do not need reminders of them or updates about what they are doing every minute of the day while getting over a crush. Furthermore, most people only post the best of what's happening in their lives, so you will likely not be looking at the full picture, just places and parts of their life they want others to see. If a mutual friend posts with your crush or about them, it may be worth it to avoid their social media for a bit too.
- Lastly, The Most Fun Option. Put yourself out there to remind yourself that there are plenty of other people who want to date you. You can join an online dating site, ask your friends to set you up, or join a club that explores one of your interests. All of these are great ways to get over your crush and meet new and interesting people while giving yourself a little distance from your old crush.
How Love Can Affect Your Thoughts And Feelings
Relationships can get your hopes up and let you down. Idealization about your dream relationship could impact how getting into a relationship with someone affects you. Somewhere, the right person is out there for you. Remember- there is always someone ready to talk to you so you don't feel isolated, even if parents, family members, or friends are unavailable. You don't have to feel sadness and heartbreak alone. BetterHelp provides an objective perspective from a clinical psychologist trained in the field of relationships. You can receive advice for your situation in confidence and a safe space from an online counselor, trained on the subject. In addition to therapy, practicing self care, like positive self-talk and yoga can help you reconnect and appreciate yourself. There are many treatment options and solutions. While it is common to feel infatuation with someone, it helps to discuss your feelings and learn how to deal with them productively, so you don’t feel worse if your feelings aren't reciprocated and you end up feeling ashamed, confused, hopeless, or upset. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues. Get help in finding strength!
BetterHelp Therapist Reviews
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"I enjoyed my sessions with Dr. Anstadt. He helped me see how one issue was affecting multiple aspects of my life. He has greatly improved my relationships with the people I'm closest to and even the way I approach work. I have seen a huge difference in my relationships already, and I have several tools to help me manage the issues I started seeking therapy. I cannot express how thankful I am to Dr. I Anstadt!"
Final Thoughts On How To Move On
You'll feel better about moving forward when you remember you're worthy of love and compassion from someone who feels the same way about you. You don't have to go through these difficulties alone- anyone looking for help should know that there are people out there ready to help you feel less upset, worried, sad, or sense of heartbreak. get rid of the distractions and take the first step to fulfilling relationships today.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How Do You Get Over A Crush In A Relationship?
This question could mean one of two things: you’re in a relationship and are crushing on someone, or you have a crush on a person, but they are in a relationship.
Either way, there are some steps you can take to get over a crush.
- Avoid any contact with your crush. You don’t have to block them on social media or anything, but don’t talk to them as much. Usually, crushes pass when you stop talking with them so much.
- Get over your crush by distracting yourself with activities that make you feel happier. For example, you may get into a new hobby, call your best friend, go out and make new friends, or do something else to keep your mind off your crush.
- Practice mindfulness and meditation. Doing this can keep your crush from taking over your thoughts.
With that said, if your crush is the one in a relationship, keep them at a distance, but don’t close the door. You may get lucky if the crush breaks up with their partner. With that said, don’t be a homewrecker, either.
What Causes A Crush?
If you have a sudden, new crush, you may wonder what the causes are. This can depend, and there are several causes that it can be:
- You are physically attracted to the person. Usually, a crush is a lust. You think they look great, and you may want to have a sexual encounter with the person.
- Sometimes, you’re attracted to their personality. Maybe you feel like you can spend hours and hours talking or their personality gels with your own. When you have a new crush who you like personality-wise, this could blossom into a relationship.
- A new crush can be due to social status. You may like the person because they are a celebrity, or a higher-up at your school, work, or another area in your life.
And sometimes, a crush doesn’t have an explanation. You may look at the person you had a crush on and think to yourself, “What did I ever see in them?” Of course, there is no shame in having a crush.
How Do You Know Someone Is Thinking About You?
If you look this question up, you’re going to find many articles claiming that there are psychic signs that someone may be thinking about you. A common phenomenon like sneezing, hiccupping, and a sudden change in mood, all of these are apparent signs that someone is thinking about you.
Of course, there isn’t any scientific evidence for this. However, there are some signs you can tell if someone’s thinking about you that have more evidence. For example, if someone checks upon you, or they talk about you to their peers. This can mean that you’re occupying their mind.
Is It OK To Have A Crush While Married?
Having feelings for someone else while married is more common than you think. Even when married, many people may see someone they find attractive.
For the most part, it’s common, and if you aren’t committing infidelity, it’s nothing to worried about. With a crush, you’re usually going to forget about them in a few weeks, anyway. If you feel like the relationship could be something more, that’s when you should talk with a couple's therapist or someone else who can help you make sense of how you’re feeling.
Are Crushes Healthy?
Most people, especially in their younger years, have crushes. If they were all unhealthy, we’d all be in danger! For most people, developing feelings is a normal part of life. Pop culture sometimes glorifies crushes, making us feel like we’re incomplete without someone to project our feelings onto. However, everything is bad in excess, and crushes are no different. If you’re constantly obsessing and stalking them (we mostly mean physically, not perusing your crush’s social media on occasion), you may need some help. Otherwise, it’s a healthy part of life.
Why Is It Called Crush?
English can be an odd language, with multiple definitions of words that don’t seem to be related. “Crush” usually means to destroy something with strong compression. You crush a can under your feet, for example. So how did the word “crush” also become the word used to describe a brief infatuation with someone?
Like many slang terms, the exact origins are unknown, but there have been a few explanations. The term has been used since the late 1800s, at least recorded, and the best explanation is that the word is a variation on the word “mash,” which was a term also used to describe an infatuation with someone. Since the word “mash” and “crush” have similar definitions in the pulverizing context, they soon had something else in common, too.
How Do I Stop Thinking About Someone?
When someone tells you to stop thinking about someone, it’s easier said than done. Let’s give you an example. Don’t think of an apple. The first thing that’s in your head is an apple, isn’t it?
To stop thinking about someone, you often need to do something else to distract you from them. Get out, start talking with other people, make a friend, have a good time. Practice mindfulness and meditation, two techniques that can push self-defeating thoughts out of your mind.
Therapy is a good way to learn some techniques to help you to stop thinking of someone.
How Do You Get Over A Crush Fast?
It’s not always easy to get over a crush. However, if you want to focus on moving on, there are a few things you can do to help speed the process along.
- Get out and meet new people. If you take the time to meet and spend time with new people, you may find that you don’t have as much free time to think or obsess about your crush.
- Check your social media accounts. If you have saved pictures of them or if you are following them, delete everything related to them and unfollow/unfriend them.
- Try to not talk about them. The more you talk about someone, the more likely you are going to want to talk about them. This is counterproductive if you truly want to get over your crush.
- Don’t romanticize them. Instead of focusing on the things that you think are great about your crush, purposefully look for flaws. This may seem contradictory to anything you ever learned about acceptance of people. However, if you change the way you look at them, you may not have a “rose-colored glasses” view of them anymore.
- Start a new hobby. You don’t have to go buy some expensive recreational toy or spend lots of money on trips or other expensive things. Just get busy. Find ways of incorporating new things into your daily life that have nothing to do with your crush.
How Do You Know If Your Crush Likes You?
If you have a crush on someone, it’s natural to wonder if they may like you or are developing feelings for you. Even if your crush likes you secretly, there are a few things that may signal they are beginning to like you, too.
- Is your crush one of the first people you hear from each day? If you are receiving texts or phone calls early in the day, chances are you are one of the first things they think of as they start their day. This is a big sign that they are interested!
- Do they follow you on social media and make it a point to comment on your posts or like pictures you post? Again, your crush may be trying to show signs of interest.
- Does your crush respond to your text messages, phone calls, or voicemails? Keep in mind, if the person you are crushing on has a job or other responsibilities, they may not be able to respond right away. However, if you get some type of response within a few hours, this is a sign that they are interested. A person who is interested in you will put forth the effort to make sure you know you are not being ignored.
How Can I Be Friends With My Crush After Rejection?
The truth is, not everyone can be friends with a crush after rejection. If your crushes don't return the feelings for you, they can cause you to feel real pain. It’s easy for unrequited feelings to make you question the chance of having a healthy relationship that involves mutual love and respect. So, there’s a lot to consider if you think you want to be friends with your crush after being rejected.
Pay attention to the way the other person acts around you. If your crushes aren't friendly towards you or if they go out of their way to not talk to you or be around you, you may need to back off the idea of pursuing a friendship. For a while, it may even be best to cut off contact with your crushes.
On the other hand, if your crushes act like they are happy to see you and you have mutual friends and interests in common, it may be easier to develop a friendship. It’s important to remember, that if your crush isn’t interested in a romantic relationship, your reaction should constitute acceptance of their choice.
If you take the rejection hard, you may go through a grieving process as you are faced with the reality of unrequited love. During this time, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist or counselor to help you deal with the feelings of rejection you are experiencing. Once you have been able to process your feelings, you may then consider the idea of developing a mutual friendship with the person who used to be your crush.
How Can You Get Someone Off Your Mind?
One of the best ways to get your crushes off your mind is to spend time with others. You may spend time with your best friend or family members, and engage in activities that expose you to opportunities to meet new people. Also, if you are trying to get your mind off someone, it’s important to cut off contact with them as much as possible. Even if you are not ready to start dating, you can still find activities that involve friends and family that will help occupy your time and keep your mind distracted from the thoughts of the person you have been focusing on. Consider starting a new exercise or workout routine. Exercise is a great way to clear your mind and focus on your own physical and mental health.
Additionally, if your thoughts about your crushes are persistent or obsessive, it may be a good idea to consider talking to a therapist or mental health counselor. While not all crushes are bad, if you think about the object of your affection so much that it interferes with your daily life and responsibilities, you may need to learn ways of addressing your feelings and how you feel about the unrequited love you are experiencing.
How Can You Win A Guy's Heart?
There are several opinions regarding what are the best ways you can win a guy’s heart. Some methods work for one person while others may need to try a different approach. A few things you can do to help make a guy notice you include the following.
- Have self-confidence, but who is not conceited. (Yes. There is a difference.)
- Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep so that you can be alert and responsive if he approaches you. Practice good personal hygiene. Wash your face, brush your teeth, fix your hair and wear clean clothes!
- Try to have a sense of humor. At the end of the day, it is not likely that a guy wants to spend the evening with someone who is grumpy or who seems to be negative about everything. Learn to laugh at a joke or him or yourself. Just have fun!
- Be yourself. Anyone can be fake for a while to impress someone. However, fake attitudes and personalities usually fade with time. If you want to win a guy’s heart, learn to be comfortable with who you are.
- Show genuine interest in him. Any healthy relationship requires both partners to be open to the thoughts and ideas of one another. Even if you aren’t interested in football, if he went to a game and had a great time, be glad for him. If he is considering applying for a new job or promotion, encourage him.
How Do Crushes Start?
Typically, crushes start when a person feels a form of admiration for another. You may see someone who has an outgoing personality, is attractive or has a character trait that you find appealing. Often crashes occur when a person idealizes what they believe the other person is like.
At What Age Do Girls Start Liking Boys?
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, on average, girls begin liking boys around approximately 12 years old. A girl’s upbringing, family and religious beliefs, and exposure to boys may influence how early she begins to like boys.
Therapy And Mental Health Is Personal
Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.
If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at contact@betterhelp.com. BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out to contact@betterhelp.com. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) - 1-800-656-4673
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233
- NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) - 1-800-950-6264
For more information on mental health and healthy relationships, please see:
- SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
- Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest
- WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
- NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter, NIMH YouTube
- APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIn, APA Instagram