How To Get Rid Of A Crush And Quit Obsessive Thoughts

By Tanisha Herrin|Updated April 26, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Christy Booze, LCSW

Very often, people experiencing a crush know their expectations are unrealistic. They may even be aware that they do not have a chance with this person. Maybe it is incompatibility or maybe the person is already taken. One thing is for sure: these emotions can feel all-consuming. If you want to know how to get over someone and quit obsessing over them, it is important to consider your crush in objective terms. Continue reading to learn more.

Learn How To Deal With Your Feelings In A Productive Manner

A Crush Doesn't Last Forever

Most crushes are short-lived--they either progress into a relationship or dissolve. Even if your feelings are intense, it's good to know that the most destructive and heart-wrenching feelings will pass soon. According to modern psychologists, most crushes only last four months. Naturally, if we're chemically attracted to someone, we may always think they're handsome or pretty--even years down the road. But the intensity of the romantic feelings will eventually subside. We may come to realize that what we thought was an out-of-control love affair may have just been a mild case of "summer love."

That said, you should be sure the feelings you have for this person are not reciprocated. Otherwise, you could be missing out on a great relationship! Imagine if you never said a word and found out down the line that they liked you back; talk about a missed opportunity. There are ways to find this information without facing humiliation, but most of the time, you know if someone is interested.

Healthy Coping Techniques To Let Go Of A Crush

The best thing to do is to talk to the person as a friend and try to interact with them like a normal person and not as true love or romantic partner. Talk to them and find out if you have anything in common or what's going on in their lives.

You may be shocked to discover that they're nothing like you imagined them to be. Their morals and ethics may be beneath you. They may be intellectually lacking in conversation. Their lifestyle may be the opposite of what you want in life. So the worst thing to do is to just avoid the person and keep fantasizing about him/her. You owe it to yourself to go talk to them and have a real-world conversation. If there's no chemistry there, decide to move on.

Ways To Get Rid Of A Crush

So what do you do if you find yourself caught up in a crush? Below are some ideas on how to get rid of a crush:

1. Talk to them and find out if you have anything in common. Ask what's going on in their lives. As mentioned above, you might be surprised to find that their personality is nothing like you'd imagined it to be. You may even find that you disagree on important topics, or that they're intellectually lacking which can lead you to be over your crush.

2. Do not avoid your crush. In doing so, you may keep the fantasy alive. You owe it to yourself to have a real conversation with them. You may find there is no chemistry between the two of you and decide to move on.

3. Get busy with other aspects of life. You had a life before meeting this person, and that life continues despite your feelings for him or her. Get back to that life, and focus on the things that bring you joy. Distractions that you find fulfilling can take your mind off the person and remind you that you have a lot going for you with or without this person in your life. Focus on your education, your work, volunteering for a charity, or even learning a new hobby. Don't over-exert yourself while trying to get to know your crush.

4. Spend time with family and friends. Surrounding yourself with the people that mean the most to you-people who love and respect you for you--can remind you that you are whole, with or without a partner.

crush crush's crushes crushing

5. Confide with your loved ones about your crush. They may surprise you with a great piece of advice. For instance, a parent or aunt might share why they think you have a crush on this person and what that says about you. Or perhaps they have had their own experience and can impart some words of wisdom about how to handle the situation. Perhaps you have dating patterns that you don't see, and they can shed some light on your choices. Maybe this new perspective on your love life could help you figure out how to move on.

6. Question yourself about the origin of this crush. Take the emphasis off of him or her, and focus on yourself. Why do you feel this way? Could there have been other circumstances that led to the crush? Maybe you were feeling down the day you first met, and they smiled at you at the right moment? Sometimes, feelings can be situational, and when that person becomes an actual part of our lives, we may feel differently.

7. Take a look at the reality of the situation in its entirety. Is this a fantasy relationship that you've created in your mind? Ask yourself, "does this person have the qualities of the person I want to be with? Or am I projecting them onto him or her?

8. Give yourself a chance to grieve. If you do believe, after trying all of the above, that you've missed out on your true love, give yourself space to feel sad about it. Acknowledge and sit with those emotions; don't ignore them or bury them because this will only lead to unresolved feelings that you'll have to address down the road. Or if you've determined that your crush was just that. Allow yourself to grieve the feelings that were there. You probably spent a good amount of time fantasizing, and that can be fun and exciting. When the fantasy ends, it can be jarring and uncomfortable.

9. Stop following them on social media. You do not need reminders of him or her or updates about what he or she is doing every minute of the day. Furthermore, most people only post the best of what's happening in their lives, so you will likely not be looking at the full picture.

10. Lastly, the most fun option Put yourself out there to remind yourself that there are plenty of other people who want to date you. You can join an online dating site, ask your friends to set you up or join a club that explores one of your interests. All of these are great ways to meet new and interesting people.

How Love Can Affect Your Thoughts And Feelings

And remember- there is always someone ready to talk to you, even if parents, family members, or friends are unavailable. BetterHelp provides an objective perspective from someone trained in the field of relationships. You can receive advice for your situation in confidence from an online counselor. While it is common to feel infatuation with someone, it helps to discuss your feelings and learn how to deal with them productively, so you can minimize emotional pain if your feelings aren't reciprocated. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.

Learn How To Deal With Your Feelings In A Productive Manner

BetterHelp Therapist Reviews

"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"

"I enjoyed my sessions with Dr. Anstadt. He helped me see how one issue was affecting multiple aspects of my life. He has greatly improved my relationships with the people I'm closest to and even the way I approach work. I have seen a huge difference in my relationships already, and I have several tools to help me manage the issues I started seeking therapy. I cannot express how thankful I am to Dr. I Anstadt!"



Final Thoughts On How To Move On

You'll feel better about moving forward when you remember you're worthy of love and compassion from someone who feels the same way about you. Take the first step to fulfilling relationships today.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How do you get over a crush in a relationship?

This question could mean one of two things: you’re in a relationship and are crushing on someone, or you have a crush on a person, but they are in a relationship.

Either way, there are some steps you can take to get over a crush.

  • Avoid any contact with your crush. You don’t have to block them on social media or anything, but don’t talk to them as much. Usually, crushes pass when you don’t talk to them a lot.
  • Distract yourself with activities that make you feel happier. For example, you may get into a new hobby, make new friends, or do something else to keep your mind off your crush.
  • Practice mindfulness and meditation. Doing this can keep your crush from taking over your thoughts.

With that said, if your crush is the one in a relationship, keep them at a distance, but don’t close the door. You may get lucky if the crush breaks up with their partner. With that said, don’t be a homewrecker, either.

What causes a crush?

If you have a sudden, new crush, you may wonder what the causes are. This can depend, and there are several causes that it can be:

  • You are physically attracted to the person. Usually, a crush is a lust. You think they look great, and you may want to have a sexual encounter with the person.
  • Sometimes, you’re attracted to their personality. Maybe they are a smooth talker or their personality gels with your own. When you have a new crush who you like personality-wise, this could blossom into a relationship.
  • A new crush can be due to social status. You may like the person because they are a celebrity, or a higher-up at your school, work, or another area in your life.

And sometimes, a crush doesn’t have an explanation. You may look at the person you had a crush on and think to yourself, “What did I ever see in them?” Of course, there is no shame in having a crush.

How do you know someone is thinking about you?

If you look this question up, you’re going to find many articles claiming that there are psychic signs that someone may be thinking about you. A common phenomenon like sneezing, hiccupping, and a sudden change in mood, all of these are apparent signs that someone is thinking about you.

Of course, there isn’t any scientific evidence for this. However, there are some signs you can tell if someone’s thinking about you that have more evidence. For example, if someone checks upon you, or they talk about you to their peers. This can mean that you’re occupying their mind.

Is it OK to have a crush while married?

Having feelings for someone else while married is more common than you think. Even when married, many people may see someone they find attractive.

For the most part, it’s common, and if you aren’t committing infidelity, it’s nothing to worried about. With a crush, you’re usually going to forget about them in a few weeks, anyway. If you feel like the relationship could be something more, that’s when you should talk with a couple's therapist or someone else who can help you make sense of how you’re feeling.

Are crushes healthy?

Most people, especially in their younger years, have crushes. If they were all unhealthy, we’d all be in danger! For most people, developing feelings is a normal part of life. However, everything is bad in excess, and crushes are no different. If you’re constantly obsessing and stalking them (we mostly mean physically, not perusing your crush’s social media on occasion), you may need some help. Otherwise, it’s a healthy part of life.

Why is it called crush?

English can be an odd language, with multiple definitions of words that don’t seem to be related. “Crush” usually means to destroy something with strong compression. You crush a can under your feet, for example. So how did the word “crush” also become the word used to describe a brief infatuation with someone?

Like many slang terms, the exact origins are unknown, but there have been a few explanations. The term has been used since the late 1800s, at least recorded, and the best explanation is that the word is a variation on the word “mash,” which was a term also used to describe an infatuation with someone. Since the word “mash” and “crush” have similar definitions in the pulverizing context, they soon had something else in common, too.

How do I stop thinking about someone?

When someone tells you to stop thinking about someone, it’s easier said than done. Let’s give you an example. Don’t think of an apple. The first thing that’s in your head is an apple, isn’t it?

To stop thinking about someone, you often need to do something else to distract you from them. Get out, talk with other people, and have a good time. Practice mindfulness and meditation, two techniques that can push self-defeating thoughts out of your mind.

Therapy is a good way to learn some techniques to help you to stop thinking of someone.

How do you get over a crush fast?

It’s not always easy to get over a crush.  However, if you want to focus on moving on, there are a few things you can do to help speed the process along. 

  1. Get out and meet new people. If you take the time to meet and spend time with new people, you may find that you don’t have as much free time to think or obsess about your crush.
  2. Check your social media accounts. If you have saved pictures of them or if you are following them, delete everything related to them and unfollow/unfriend them. 
  3. Try to not talk about them. The more you talk about someone, the more likely you are going to want to talk about them.  This is counterproductive if you truly want to get over your crush.
  4. Don’t romanticize them. Instead of focusing on the things that you think are great about your crush, purposefully look for flaws.  This may seem contradictory to anything you ever learned about acceptance of people.  However, if you change the way you look at them, you may not have a “rose-colored glasses” view of them anymore. 
  5. Start a new hobby. You don’t have to go buy some expensive recreational toy or spend lots of money on trips or other expensive things.  Just get busy.  Find ways of incorporating new things into your daily life that have nothing to do with your crush.

How do you know if your crush likes you?

If you have a crush on someone, it’s natural to wonder if they may like you or are developing feelings for you.  Even if your crush likes you secretly, there are a few things that may signal they are beginning to like you, too.

  1. Is your crush one of the first people you hear from each day?  If you are receiving texts or phone calls early in the day, chances are you are one of the first things they think of as they start their day.  This is a big sign that they are interested!
  2. Do they follow you on social media and make it a point to comment on your posts or like pictures you post? Again, your crush may be trying to show signs of interest.
  3. Does your crush respond to your text messages, phone calls, or voicemails? Keep in mind, if the person you are crushing on has a job or other responsibilities, they may not be able to respond right away.  However, if you get some type of response within a few hours, this is a sign that they are interested.  A person who is interested in you will put forth the effort to make sure you know you are not being ignored.

How can I be friends with my crush after rejection?

The truth is, not everyone can be friends with a crush after rejection.  If your crushes don't return the feelings for you, they can cause you to feel real pain.  It’s easy for unrequited feelings to make you question the chance of having a healthy relationship that involves mutual love and respect.  So, there’s a lot to consider if you think you want to be friends with your crush after being rejected. 

Pay attention to the way the other person acts around you.  If your crushes aren't friendly towards you or if they go out of their way to not talk to you or be around you, you may need to back off the idea of pursuing a friendship. For a while, it may even be best to cut off contact with your crushes.

On the other hand, if your crushes act like they are happy to see you and you have mutual friends and interests in common, it may be easier to develop a friendship.  It’s important to remember, that if your crush isn’t interested in a romantic relationship, your reaction should constitute acceptance of their choice. 

If you take the rejection hard, you may go through a grieving process as you are faced with the reality of unrequited love.  During this time, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist or counselor to help you deal with the feelings of rejection you are experiencing.  Once you have been able to process your feelings, you may then consider the idea of developing a mutual friendship with the person who used to be your crush.

 How can you get someone off your mind?

One of the best ways to get your crushes off your mind is to spend time with others.  You may spend time with your best friend or family members, and engage in activities that expose you to opportunities to meet new people.  Also, if you are trying to get your mind off someone, it’s important to cut off contact with them as much as possible.  Even if you are not ready to start dating, you can still find activities that involve friends and family that will help occupy your time and keep your mind distracted from the thoughts of the person you have been focusing on.  Consider starting a new exercise or workout routine.  Exercise is a great way to clear your mind and focus on your own physical and mental health.

Additionally, if your thoughts about your crushes are persistent or obsessive, it may be a good idea to consider talking to a therapist or mental health counselor.  While not all crushes are bad, if you think about the object of your affection so much that it interferes with your daily life and responsibilities, you may need to learn ways of addressing your feelings and how you feel about the unrequited love you are experiencing. 

How can you win a guy's heart?

There are several opinions regarding what are the best ways you can win a guy’s heart.  Some methods work for one person while others may need to try a different approach.  A few things you can do to help make a guy notice you include the following.

  • Have self-confidence, but who is not conceited. (Yes.  There is a difference.)
  • Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep so that you can be alert and responsive if he approaches you.  Practice good personal hygiene.  Wash your face, brush your teeth, fix your hair and wear clean clothes!
  • Try to have a sense of humor. At the end of the day, it is not likely that a guy wants to spend the evening with someone who is grumpy or who seems to be negative about everything.  Learn to laugh at a joke or him or yourself.  Just have fun!
  • Be yourself. Anyone can be fake for a while to impress someone.  However, fake attitudes and personalities usually fade with time.  If you want to win a guy’s heart, learn to be comfortable with who you are. 
  • Show genuine interest in him. Any healthy relationship requires both partners to be open to the thoughts and ideas of one another.  Even if you aren’t interested in football, if he went to a game and had a great time, be glad for him.  If he is considering applying for a new job or promotion, encourage him. 

How do crushes start?

Typically, crushes start when a person feels a form of admiration for another.  You may see someone who has an outgoing personality, is attractive or has a character trait that you find appealing.  Often crashes occur when a person idealizes what they believe the other person is like. 

At what age do girls start liking boys?

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, on average, girls begin liking boys around approximately 12 years old.  A girl’s upbringing, family and religious beliefs,  and exposure to boys may influence how early she begins to like boys. 

Therapy and Mental Health Is Personal

Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.

If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at contact@betterhelp.com. BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out to contact@betterhelp.com. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on 

If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:

For more information on mental health and healthy relationships, please see:

For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Therapist
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.