How To Get Rid Of A Crush And Quit Obsessive Thoughts

By Tanisha Herrin|Updated August 3, 2022

Very often, people experiencing a crush know their expectations are unrealistic. They may even be aware that they do not have a chance with this person. Maybe it is incompatibility, unrequited feelings, or that the person is already taken. One thing is for sure: these emotions can feel all-consuming. Feeling anxious, angry, hurt, bitter, hopeless, or isolated is completely normal and part of this experience. If you want to know how to get over a crush, how to get stop thinking about someone, or how to stop liking someone and quit obsessing over them, it is important to consider your new crush in objective terms. Continue reading to learn more tips.

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A Crush Doesn't Last Forever

Most crushes are short-lived--they either progress into a romantic relationship or dissolve within a few weeks or months. Often times a person can experience heartache, helplessness, loneliness, stress, regret, embarrassment, fear and frustration after a crush doesn’t work out. But don’t worry. Even if you feel stuck in some intense feelings about this crush, it's good to know that the most destructive and heart-wrenching feelings of disappointment will pass soon. According to modern psychologists and studies, most crushes only last four months. Naturally, if we're chemically attracted to someone's looks, we may always think they're handsome or pretty--even years down the road. But the intensity of the romantic feelings and romance will eventually subside until we are no longer disappointed or frustrated we aren't with them, or if we’ve found someone else. We may come to realize that the pain that came with what we thought was an out-of-control love affair may have just been a mild case of "summer love" in reality. You might realize that this crush wasn't meant to be in your life long term. You have the ability to change your narrative and protect your well-being by finding clarity in past relationships or situations. There may be a reason why this didn't work out.

That said, if you develop feelings for someone, you should be sure the feelings you have for this person are not reciprocated. Otherwise, you could be missing out on a great and healthy relationship and feel regretful you never said anything! Guilt can cause pain and tears, and make you think about the reasons why you shouldn't have ended something.  Imagine if you never said a word about all your feelings and found out down the line that it wasn’t unrequited love – they actually liked you back… talk about a missed opportunity! You may even envy the you that had an opportunity in the past. There are ways to find this information about a new crush without facing humiliation, risking your emotions, or ending up embarrassed, but the fact is that most of the time, you know if someone is interested.

Healthy Coping Techniques To Let Go Of A Crush

If you’re trying to get over a crush, the best thing to do is to talk to the person as a friend and try to interact with them like a normal person and not as true love, a perfect match, a romantic partner, or a person you are developing feelings for. Try spending time with them to talk and find out if you have anything in common or what's going on in their lives. Having conversations with this person can leave to clarity. After all, getting to know someone and their daily life is the backbone of any real relationship, and fostering intimacy is what really allows you to know someone, according to Women’s Health assistant editor Alexis Jones.

After getting to know your crush, you may be shocked to discover that they're nothing like you imagined them to be. Their morals and ethics may be beneath you. Their social media accounts may be offensive or inappropriate. They may do things without remorse that would leave you feeling terribly guilty. They may be intellectually lacking in conversation. Their lifestyle may be the opposite of what you want in life. They may make you feel miserable when you are around them or realize you just simply have nothing in common. So the worst thing to do is to just avoid the person and keep fantasizing about him/her. You owe it to yourself to contact your crush, stop idealizing them have a real-world conversation. It will benefit your wellness and happiness if you find closure. Release this pressure from your body. You may realize they’re not the only person for you, as you once believed. If there's no chemistry there, make the right decisions when it comes to moving on. There will be someone out there who has interest in the same activities, tv show, games, pop culture tastes, and world views as you and who knows where you might find them- your workplace, at the gym during your workout routine, your local coffee shop, taking up a new hobby, at happy hour, or even online! Follow your own path and follow your gut.

Ways To Get Rid Of A Crush

So what do you do if you find yourself lost in a crush? How do you get over a crush or unrequited love while keeping your self-confidence intact? Below are a number of ideas on how to get rid of a crush:

  1. Talk To Them and find out if you have anything in common or share similar values. Ask what's going on in their lives. As mentioned above, you might be surprised to find that their personality is nothing like you'd imagined it to be just by talking to them as friends. You may even find that you disagree on important topics, or that they're intellectually lacking which can lead you to be over your crush. Don't be scared to ask them deep questions that allow you to really get to know them.
  2. Do Not Avoid Your Crush. In doing so, you may keep the paranoid fantasy alive. You owe it to yourself to have a real conversation with them and to find their flaws. You may find there is no chemistry between the two of you, and at that point it’s OK to take a little space or move on with your grieving process rather than feeling suspicious about why you feel a certain way. You need to see if there is an attraction or meaning to the relationship.
  3. Get Busy With Other Aspects Of Life. You had a friends, hobbies, and a whole life before meeting this person, and that life continues despite your feelings for this crush. No one should make you stop your life for them. Get back to that life, and focus on the things that bring you joy. This doesn’t mean you have to throw a party the moment you start to get over your crush or to find someone else right away, the idea is to find the motivation to push beyond the difficulties and set your sight on the state you want to be in. Remember that you are not alone, even if you are feeling lonely in the moment. For instance, join some groups that participate in activities you enjoy or go to a place that makes you feel at peace. Reach out to a friend. If you have kids, try hanging out with your children more to get more involved in their lives. Distractions that you find fulfilling can take your mind off the person and remind you that you have a lot going for you with or without this person in your life. Focus on your education, your work, your personal growth, or volunteering for a charity. You can even consider talking to a therapist or counselor to learn some new coping skills. Don't over-exert yourself while trying to get to know your crush and force a relationship.
  4. Spend Time With Family And Friends. Surrounding yourself with the people that mean the most to you--people who love and respect you for you--can improve your well being and remind you that you are whole, with or without a partner. This includes family and your best friends.

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  1. Confide With Your Loved Ones About Your Crush. They may surprise you with a great piece of advice that worked for them regarding how to get over a crush. For instance, a trusted family member might share why they think you have a crush on this person and what that says about you. Or perhaps they have had their own experience and can impart some words of wisdom about how to handle the situation. Perhaps you have dating patterns that you don't see, and they can shed some light on the subject of your choices. Don’t take it as relationship expert advice, but consider that maybe this new perspective on your love life could help you in your healing process while moving on.
  2. Question Yourself About The Origin Of This Crush. Take the emphasis off of them, and focus on your relationship with yourself. Why do you feel this way? Could there have been other circumstances that led to the crush? Maybe you were having negative thoughts the day you first met, and they smiled at you at the right moment? Sometimes, feelings can be situational, and when that person becomes an actual part of our lives, we may feel differently.
  3. Take A Look At The Reality Of The Situation In Its Entirety. Is this a fantasy relationship that you've created in your mind? Ask yourself, "does this person have the qualities of the person I want to be with? Or am I projecting them onto them?” Asking yourself this can help you in the healing process.
  4. Give Yourself A Chance To Grieve. If you do believe, after trying all of the above, that you've missed out on your true love, give yourself space to feel sad about it. You likely feel a great sense of loss, which is grief. Acknowledge and sit with those emotions while you get over your crush and process the loss of a potential relationship; don’t ignore them or bury them because this will only lead to unresolved feelings that you’ll have to address down the road. It might help to take out a pen and paper and write down your feelings in a journal. Or if you’ve determined that your crush was ju’t that. Allow yourself to grieve the feelings that were there. You probably spent a good amount of time fantasizing, and that can feel amazing. When the fantasy ends, it can be jarring and uncomfortable.
  5. Stop Following Them On Social Media Platforms. You do not need reminders of them or updates about what they are doing every minute of the day while getting over a crush. Furthermore, most people only post the best of what's happening in their lives, so you will likely not be looking at the full picture, just places and parts of their life they want others to see. If a mutual friend posts with your crush or about them, it may be worth it to avoid their social media for a bit too.
  6. Lastly, The Most Fun Option. Put yourself out there to remind yourself that there are plenty of other people who want to date you. You can join an online dating site, ask your friends to set you up, or join a club that explores one of your interests. All of these are great ways to get over your crush and meet new and interesting people while giving yourself a little distance from your old crush.

How Love Can Affect Your Thoughts And Feelings

Relationships can get your hopes up and let you down. Idealization about your dream relationship could impact how getting into a relationship with someone affects you. Somewhere, the right person is out there for you. Remember- there is always someone ready to talk to you so you don't feel isolated, even if parents, family members, or friends are unavailable. You don't have to feel sadness and heartbreak alone.  BetterHelp provides an objective perspective from a clinical psychologist trained in the field of relationships. You can receive advice for your situation in confidence and a safe space from an online counselor, trained on the subject. In addition to therapy, practicing self care, like positive self-talk and yoga can help you reconnect and appreciate yourself. There are many treatment options and solutions. While it is common to feel infatuation with someone, it helps to discuss your feelings and learn how to deal with them productively, so you don’t feel worse if your feelings aren't reciprocated and you end up feeling ashamed, confused, hopeless, or upset. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues. Get help in finding strength!

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BetterHelp Therapist Reviews

"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"

"I enjoyed my sessions with Dr. Anstadt. He helped me see how one issue was affecting multiple aspects of my life. He has greatly improved my relationships with the people I'm closest to and even the way I approach work. I have seen a huge difference in my relationships already, and I have several tools to help me manage the issues I started seeking therapy. I cannot express how thankful I am to Dr. I Anstadt!"

Final Thoughts On How To Move On

You'll feel better about moving forward when you remember you're worthy of love and compassion from someone who feels the same way about you. You don't have to go through these difficulties alone- anyone looking for help should know that there are people out there ready to help you feel less upset, worried, sad, or sense of heartbreak. get rid of the distractions and take the first step to fulfilling relationships today.

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