How To Talk To Your Ex After It’s Over
People come into and out of our lives. Have you ever wondered why it's so much harder to talk to an ex after a breakup than any other relationship that you've decided to end? You keep telling yourself there's a reason it's over and that you're happy with your decision. Yet, emotions flood your mind at the very thought of contacting your ex. The relationship changed the minute that it ended and that means that you need to change how to talk to your ex.
Your ex shouldn't be your crutch and vice versa. It's time to create some boundaries.
Contacting Your Ex: Necessary or An Excuse?
Your mind is wandering, and when a certain thought comes into your head, you find yourself grabbing the phone to tell your ex about it before you realize that you're no longer together. Thinking of your ex and grabbing the phone is nothing more than habit.
However, you are now at a crossroads in your thinking. Do you really need to talk with your ex? Or would making the call or sending the text really just be an excuse to re-establish contact?
Good Reasons to Talk to Your Ex
Depending on the situation, you may have a good reason for talking with your ex. Just be sure that your list of reasons is a short-list. Here are a few reasons that might justify contact with an ex:
- They have a family member that is ill or dying.
- You have a specific question or need advice that only your ex would know.
- To offer congratulations on a graduation or landing that dream job.
- You need to return something your ex can't live without.
Breakups are always emotional, regardless of whether they were confrontational or something that you both agreed on. Raw emotion makes it hard to discern your motives for contacting an ex.
It can help to talk it out with a therapist, like the professional online therapists at BetterHelp, who can help you set some boundaries and move forward.
Rules and Boundaries for How to Talk to Your Ex
Before you pick up the phone, think about your tone and demeanor. Use a tone of voice that is neutral, confident, and pleasant. Adding a little humor to the conversation can take off some of the edginess and awkwardness. Think about ways to make some small talk before you start the call. Ask your ex questions about things you know they are passionate about and use it as a distraction.
Conversations to Avoid When Talking to an Ex
In most relationships, both people are partially at fault. Don't bring up past mistakes or things you know that will cause hard feelings. Avoid being critical-the time for that has past, so leave it there. Don't keep apologizing or compare your ex to current relationships. There aren't any helpful reasons for doing this. If you can't stop yourself from bashing your ex on social media, it's best to stay away from it for a while.
Be mindful of the fact that you won't always feel the way that you feel right after a breakup, and that your feelings will fade over time. Sometimes, it's just best to wait it out.