How To Talk To Men When You’re Nervous
We all feel nervous around a person we feel attracted to in some way. It's natural to feel inclined to avoid a situation that involves risk. We want to protect ourselves and our emotions, and opening up to someone is a gamble. What if they don't feel the same way for you? Or what if you make a terrible first impression and embarrass yourself immensely? But getting those fears into perspective reveals that there is not so much to be nervous about after all. Looking at the situation in a different way can help you learn how to talk to men despite anxiety.
Putting it in perspective
When you are about to talk to someone you're interested in, remember that you don't know him well yet, so you don't know if he's the best (or even a good) option as a romantic partner. If you fail miserably at making a good first impression on this person, there will be another chance with someone else. In the meantime, you can try a few suggestions for getting comfortable talking to men.
- Practice talking to men you are not attracted to or who do not make you nervous, like friends or relatives.
- Practice reducing social anxiety by spending time doing activities that involve groups of men and women.
- Practice letting go of worries about events that haven't happened yet and live in the present moment, where you have not made a bad impression and are just being yourself.
How to talk to men
Once you've gotten over the general nerves or anxiety, here are some strategies to make approaching a man easier.
- Ask a friend to approach him with you. Sometimes being with someone who already thinks you're wonderful can make it easier to feel good about yourself when you're talking to someone you don't know as well.
- Come up with conversation topics ahead of time. Part of being nervous can be not knowing what to talk about. Prepare a few things to say, including questions to ask him.
- Turn anxiety into curiosity. Instead of worrying about whether he is judging you or not, ask questions to find out more about him. After all, it's just as important that he makes a good impression on you once you get to know him better.
- Avoid making assumptions or reading into things he does or says.
- Focus on him, not on your internal dialogue.
- Be honest with him. If you disagree with something he says or does, don't be afraid to say so. Provide honest answers to the questions he asks. Being nervous may tempt you to respond in ways that sound agreeable to his opinions, but it only makes anxiety worse in the long run. Also, starting a potential relationship with dishonesty is a bad sign.
The more practice you get talking to men, the easier it becomes. Remember that no one is perfect, and minor social missteps are bound to happen. Most people are not going to base their entire judgment of you on one small mistake. In cases where your anxiety makes it impossible to have conversations, consider speaking with a certified therapist to help you cope with nervous behaviors.