Tips For Interacting With Fake People Socially Or In The Workplace

While many people intend to be genuine, some may come off as fake, insincere, or presenting a façade different from who they may be at home or with others. It can be normal and healthy to expect others to say what they mean and mean what they say, so it might be challenging to interact with people who aren't genuine and trustworthy, whether you encounter them personally or at work.  

Healthily identifying and interacting with fake people can be valuable for various situations and environments. There are a few tips you can keep in mind as you navigate these relationships and find ways to remain true to yourself and your values.  

Tips for interacting with fake people in your social circle

Studies showcase that trust and mutuality are essential factors in platonic relationships. If you have a friend who acts differently with you than they do with others or presents a façade, you're not alone. Coping with a "fake" friendship can be unpleasant, uncomfortable, and hurtful. Depending on the situation and their behavior, it may be worth addressing or reevaluating the friendship. Below are a few tips for how to navigate this situation. 

Be true to yourself

Keep your distance 

It may not be necessary to be close friends with everyone you see or interact with regularly. If you find that one friend is causing you harm or confusion, you can set boundaries on your time with them. If you see this person during events with your friends or if they are a close friend of someone you love, approach them politely and cordially but don't attempt to form a deeper connection if you don't want to. 

Be careful what you discuss with them

If you have a friend you cannot trust, be careful what information you divulge to them. If they have previously told someone your secrets or have used what you tell them against you, they might not have your best intentions at heart. If you don't want someone else to hear about something in your life, don't tell this person about it. 

Consider ending the friendship

If a friendship or social connection harms you or makes you uncomfortable, you can choose to end the relationship. Consider conversing briefly with the person to express where you're coming from. You can decide how much or how little to say. For example, you could say, "I feel it would be best if we went our separate ways," or "I'm uncomfortable with your disregard for my boundaries, so I'm no longer interested in being friends." 

Tips for interacting with fake people at work

While it may not be possible to cut ties with fake colleagues entirely, below are a few tips for coping with their behavior while at work. 

Be healthy, even when they aren't 

When you have a coworker who acts fake toward you or others, try to remain healthy, kind, and collected, even if they aren't. Remain calm, stick to the facts, and avoid personal attacks. Taking the high road can help you keep your credibility and reputation intact if anything occurs. If they try to lie about you to a boss, you can back up your behavior through the testimonies of other coworkers and prove your work through facts instead of tying yourself to their behaviors. 

Focus on your own work

A fake colleague can be frustrating and distracting but try to focus on what you can control by ensuring quality work. A fake colleague might pretend to be more influential than they are. Rather than worrying about their façade or trying to engage with them, focusing on your accomplishments can show management and others that you are making an effort and succeeding through your talents instead of how you act toward others. 

Distance yourself if possible 

While you may not fully disengage from a fake colleague, you can distance yourself from them sometimes. For example, you can try to develop closer connections with other, more genuine colleagues while minimizing interaction with this individual. If there are times when you have agency over collaborating with certain colleagues, it may be helpful to try to work with others instead of this person. 

Report their behavior 

If you work on a team with this individual or have experienced direct harm due to their behaviors, you may have grounds to report them to your human resources (HR) department. By reporting their behavior, management may help you feel safer at work. However, this step may only apply if their behavior goes against company policy, emotionally or physically harms you or someone else, or involves lying and false representation of their skills or credentials.   

How to find support 

While the above tips may help you cope with social or professional social challenges, you might benefit from further guidance if you are unsure about how to move forward. A licensed therapist can guide you in forming healthy connections and understanding how to set boundaries with others.  

If you struggle to find time for therapy, you can also try an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. Research has found that online therapy can be an effective option for reducing stress, including work-related stress. For instance, one study examined the effectiveness of digital cognitive-behavioral treatment of work-related stress. It found that the individuals who received the treatment "improved significantly more" than those on the waiting list. 

You're not alone if you have a friend, acquaintance, coworker, or boss who acts in untrustworthy, strange, or fake ways. By talking to an online therapist, you can choose an appointment outside of standard business hours to receive support before or after work. You can also journal about your experiences using online journaling prompts.