Neurodiversity Masking: Why We Mask, And How To Be Your Authentic Self

In general, “masking” is a term used by the neurodivergent community to describe behaviors and habits that one forms over a lifetime to "hide" neurodivergent behaviors, traits, desires, and accessibility needs. Some people may use autism masking or autistic camouflaging as a form of protection from social ostracization, while others may do it because they feel different from those they love and desire to fit in. Regardless of the reason someone chooses to mask, masking can negatively affect mental health in the long term. Finding ways to reduce these behaviors may help neurodivergent individuals move forward more authentically in life. A licensed therapist, whether in person or online, can help individuals embrace their true selves.

What is neurodivergent masking? 

Masking can be defined as a behavior some neurodivergent people adopt to hide symptoms or behaviors that are part of who they are. For example, an Autistic adult may mask by memorizing a social script to repeat when others make small talk with them. They may push themselves to make eye contact, remain still, and avoid discussing their interests in detail. 

Masking vs camouflage in autistic research

In autism research, masking is often referred to as camouflaging. A systematic review published in the Clinical Psychological Review by Cook, Hull, et al found that there are two distinct approaches to classifying this behavior: observable behavioral presentations and self-perceived camouflaging efforts. The team recommended further research into measuring these behaviors to help understand how they can be managed. 

Who masks and why? 

Autistic people and individuals living with ADHD or other developmental disorders learn to mask as a way to avoid stigma, negative stereotypes, or social threat. There may be several reasons people mask as a coping strategy, including but not limited to the following. 

• Protection from bullying and social shame. Masking can develop as a protective measure. Neurodivergent children and teens tend to be bullied significantly more often than their peers. One study by the Kennedy Krieger Institute  conducted in 2016 found that 63% of Autistic children studied had been bullied at school for their autistic traits. To avoid bullying and further social ostracization, some Autistic and other neurodivergent children develop defense mechanisms like masking.
• Parental pressure to be neurotypical. Some neurodivergent folks grow up with neurotypical parents who pressure them to act neurotypically or tell them that their behaviors and identity are "unhealthy" or wrong. These messages can cause neurodivergent people to believe that they are different, unlovable, and strange to other people. When one's parents see a neurodivergent identity as a disease or something to "train" out of someone, it can lead a person to believe that their identity is flawed and cannot or should not be shared with others. 
• To succeed in professional environments. Masking in neurodivergent adults may occur to succeed in a professional environment by conforming to workplace norms. Some workplaces may not initially accommodate or understand neurodivergent challenges due to misunderstandings, stigmas, and harmful stereotypes surrounding these behaviors. 
• To make friends. It can be challenging to make friends with neurotypical people as a neurodivergent individual. One study found that autistic people were usually more likely to interact successfully and form friendships with other Autistic and neurodivergent people than with neurotypical people. 

Common ways people mask neurodivergent traits

Although masking neurodivergent traits creates behaviors that may be seen as socially acceptable and healthy to others, these behaviors can hide neurodivergent individuals' true selves and authenticity. 

Behavioral masking

Behavioral masking is common and can include things like forcing eye contact, suppressing stimming, or quietly working extra hours to accommodate a work environment that doesn’t support one’s needs. Masking behaviors that feel unnatural, such as forced eye contact have been scientifically associated with decreased brain processing and increased distress for Autistic people. 

Masking often occurs in professional environments to conform to company rules and reduce the chances of being fired for being "different" or acting outside the norm. It can be seen as a coping mechanism that may lead to severe autistic burnout and exhaustion over time. 

Sensory and emotional suppression

Sensory suppression is another way that neurodivergent people may mask. This includes forcing themselves to visit and remain in loud and chaotic environments, and avoiding quiet spaces despite extreme discomfort. 

Appearance and communication masking 

Masking is not limited to suppressing actions, and may even involve shifting and changing how an individual expresses themselves. Neurodivergent people will frequently mask by changing their preferred communication style and dress sense to stay more “in line” with societal norms. 

Who is affected by masking

Neurodivergence generally refers to those with differences in brain function and behavior, typically those with a few particular diagnostic labels or identities. There are different groups who mask, and the ways this behavior can affect people may vary. 

Individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) 

Autism spectrum disorder exists on a spectrum and differs depending on the individual and circumstances. ASD typically involves what is called “autistic masking” conscious or subconscious behaviors to suppress neurodivergent behaviors that may be displayed by those with ASD, such as stimming, to “fit in” more with society. Autistic women in particular are often undiagnosed until later in life due to their ability to mask, while men with diagnosed autism and autistic teenagers with an autism diagnosis are often trained throughout their school years to actively mask their autistic behaviors. 

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) 

Individuals with ADHD can face different challenges in society. Some with ADHD may have trouble completing tasks and projects for work or school, or focusing on and remembering some conversations. Others may experience difficulty holding still for long periods of time, and may lose interest in tasks and activities easily. As with the rest of this list, ADHD exists on a spectrum and is an individual experience.

Masking across developmental trajectories

Those with developmental disorders will often feel the pressure to mask across developmental trajectories. Many people are diagnosed with one or more developmental disorders and are frequently not supported by their environments.

For instance, learning disorders like dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia, or dysphonia offer unique challenges for the individuals living with them. Traditional educational settings and techniques (such as standardized memorization and testing) are not effective for many neurodiverse individuals, as they do not take into account the unique skills, interests, or methods of learning that would be more beneficial for those with increased neurodiversity. 

Tourette’s syndrome is another complex neurological and psychological condition that impacts one’s motor skills. Individuals with TS can often experience difficulty completing everyday tasks due to adverse impacts on their motor functioning. For example, those with TS may experience verbal tics (such as repeating words, phrases, or sounds) or motor tics (such as excessive tapping, jerking limbs, or blinking). 

The mental impact of long term masking

Neurodivergence is not usually seen as a mental illness and can be considered a variation in what it means to be human. These conditions generally cannot be "cured" and are not necessarily harmful, but managing societal expectations can lead to certain mental health challenges, such as: 

Autistic burnout and emotional exhaustion

Autistic burnout can take not only an emotional, but a physical toll on the body. The energy expended acting in a way that is not natural or genuine to one’s identity can cause a trauma response such as agitation, irritation, and mental and physical exhaustion. 

Anxiety, depression, and well-being

Other mental health concerns can occur due to the stress of masking, most commonly anxiety or depression. The pressure of keeping up a facade and tuning in to what is “acceptable” to others can lead to distress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms. Anxiety and depression frequently co-occur with neurodevelopmental disorders. 

How masking affects identity and self-perception

Identity management is an important aspect of living in a healthy and authentic way for neurodivergent individuals. When you are unable to embrace natural expressions of your personality, or honor internal resources, it can lead to conflict and loss of true identity. For many, learning to embrace their autistic ways and natural expressions of themselves is an important way to improve mental health and well-being. 

How to “take off the mask” 

Unmasking can be uncomfortable and difficult for someone who has masked their whole life or for a significant time. It may seem like part of your personality, and it may take time to find out who you are without it. However, finding your authentic self and internal resources of validation can go a long way toward avoiding negative outcomes for mental health. Below are a few ways to start unmasking, one step at a time. 

Recognize your own masking patterns

Learning to realize what feels unnatural is an important first step in unmasking and can take some honest self-reflection. When we expend so much time and energy on our own masking, it can be difficult to identify the many aspects of our identity that have been suppressed for so long. You can learn how masking can affect people’s behavior, and what you might be doing, by taking an online survey like the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire. 

Choose safe environments and people  

As we discussed earlier, neurodivergent people often connect best with other neurodivergent people. Making friends with those who understand you, accept you, and are easy to talk to can be beneficial. To find other neurodivergent friends, consider the following strategies: 

• Attend a neurodivergent meetup or support group in your area
• Attend a therapy group for people with your identity 
• Talk to people who intentionally strive to help you feel comfortable and safe
• Look for friends who don't turn away from you when you're yourself 
• Connect with neurodivergent colleagues at work

Although it can be common and healthy to have friendships with neurotypical people, it may also be helpful to have a community where you believe you belong. 

Unmasking in work and social situations 

Some people with neurodivergence may have passions and interests on which they fixate. These passions can differ from person to person but may bring enjoyment, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives. For example, one person might dedicate their time to learning about marine biology, while another might focus on cat breeds and training. 

Someone passionate about marine biology might be equipped for a career at an aquarium, whereas someone interested in cats might enjoy working at an animal shelter. Finding a job that enables you to interact with your passions can help you stay focused, motivated, and happy at work. In addition, your passion for the job may help you perform effectively and get promotions. 

If you resist authority, dislike customer service, or prefer not to work in an in-person setting, you could also try a remote job like freelance work, contracting, or remote support. Being your own boss can offer time to accommodate your needs.  Other ways to accommodate yourself could include the following: 

• Asking for a flexible schedule at work 
• Taking five-minute breaks after every hour of work if you are your own boss
• Using a fidget toy while working at your desk 
• Taking shortcuts during chores 
• Setting multiple alarms or calendar notifications throughout the day for minor tasks that you might forget 
• Taking breaks from social interactions in safe, quiet spaces when you need to
• Breaking tasks down into the smallest steps possible before starting 
• Bringing a small bag of fidget items in case you experience sensory overload outside the house 
• If you hang out with a friend, agreeing on an end time to leave without pressure

Therapy support for unmasking

Some people with neurodivergent identities may experience internalized ableism, which can involve beliefs like, "I'm not enough" or, "At least I’m not as ‘bad’ as other neurodivergent people." These beliefs can cause you to reject parts of yourself that may have been present your whole life. Unpacking these beliefs can be difficult, but some individuals find relief by talking to a professional with experience in neurodivergence.

How BetterHelp supports neurodivergent individuals

Talking to a professional can be an effective way of reducing masking behaviors. If you struggle with the idea of commuting to a therapy appointment or adding another obligation to your day, you can try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. Online therapy typically offers clients the opportunity to attend therapy from home, which may be comforting for someone who doesn't like new environments. With a professional pool of 30,000 practitioners, you may also find easier access to therapists who specialize in understanding an autistic perspective, or who actively work with the autistic community. In addition, clients can choose between phone, video, or online chat sessions, empowering those with social anxiety to talk over a chat or decide not to show their faces during sessions. 

Effectiveness of online therapy for neurodiversity and masking

Studies have also backed up the effectiveness of online therapy to improve mental health and well-being. One study found that an internet-based intervention for Autistic adults could effectively reduce distress. The study researchers concluded that online therapy could empower Autistic adults to save social energy and receive support. 

Takeaway 

Masking can be challenging to overcome, but there may be ways to start accommodating yourself to become the most authentic version of who you are. You might start by finding friends who understand you, finding a suitable job, and unpacking internalized ableism and judgment. If you’d like further support and guidance in this area, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional in person or online. You're not alone, and neurodivergent-informed professionals are available to support you.