Discovering Your Worth: A Guide On Ways To Increase Self-love

The idea that self-love is important for happiness and well-being has become so widespread that it can seem like a cliché. Yet, research suggests that there can be real benefits to treating yourself with compassion. Below, we’ll outline seven ways you can incorporate self-love in your day-to-day life.

What self-love is and isn’t

According to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation, self-love means appreciating yourself and respecting your own needs, well-being, and happiness.

Self-love reflects a harmonious relationship with oneself that reduces self-criticism and promotes emotional well-being. This practice lays a solid groundwork for healthier relationships, helping individuals focus on both personal and interpersonal growth.

Other sources may refer to this quality using terms like:

• Self-esteem
• Self-compassion 
• Self-worth
• Self-awareness 
• Self-trust
• Self-acceptance
• Self-efficacy
• Positive self-regard

Components of self-love

The healthy variety of self-love can be broken down into three key components:

1. Connecting with yourself: Taking time to pay attention to your own feelings, emotions, sensations, and needs can be an important first step in self-love. If you don’t do this deliberately, it can be easy to “lose touch” with yourself amid the pressures of life and the needs of others around you.
2. Accepting yourself: Learning to acknowledge and accept your strengths and weaknesses can have a transformative impact on your well-being. You may need to develop a sense of self-worth that doesn’t depend on perfection. 
3. Caring for yourself: The other two aspects of self-love may not help much if you don’t also take action to help yourself stay healthy, safe, and happy. Self-care can take many forms, from pursuing personal growth to stepping back from situations that are emotionally damaging to you.

Certain individuals may find some of these elements of self-love more challenging than others. However, they may all be necessary for personal flourishing and fulfillment.

How self-love can improve your life

Aside from simply feeling better about yourself, how exactly does self-love help you? Research into this question is ongoing, but evidence is emerging that practicing self-love may have benefits, including the following:

• Better mental health
• Stronger relationships with others
• More romantic happiness
• Greater life satisfaction

Living your life to the fullest may be easier if you're able to find ways to treat yourself with love. When you develop self-love and set boundaries, you not only have self-respect, but you also create a positive light from which you can extend compassion and gratitude towards others. This foundation can help you build healthy relationships with friends and loved ones, making every interaction more fulfilling.

Seven helpful ways to practice self-love

Below, we outline a few ways you can start to practice self love.

Use positive self-talk

The way someone talks to themselves can have a significant impact on their mental health and self-perception. For example, negative self-talk is associated with higher rates of depression and anxiety. 

To unlearn this habit, you can try deliberately talking to yourself the way you would a beloved friend. Many of us tend to be much harsher with ourselves than we are with others. Thinking of your body and your personality as trusted lifelong companions may make it easier to give yourself encouragement and compassion.

Studies show that practicing positive self-talk is associated with self-compassion. Engaging in positive self-talk may be a productive practice that, over time, helps build self-compassion.

Celebrate your achievements

When you’re not accustomed to self-love, you may tend to disregard your accomplishments. Making a point of congratulating and celebrating yourself for the little victories in life can help your self-confidence and self-esteem. 

It’s often a good idea to start by taking the time to feel good, even for the little things. When you have trouble loving yourself, you may not be a great judge of which achievements are significant. You can fight the tendency to belittle your successes by congratulating yourself (and maybe treating yourself in some small way), even for seemingly minor “wins.”

Accept compliments

In addition to taking joy in your victories, you might also need to practice letting others celebrate your good qualities. It can be common for people to get into the habit of brushing off compliments and minimizing their positive qualities, but this can make it harder to maintain a healthy sense of self-love. 

Instead, you can simply make a conscious effort to say “thank you” when you get a compliment. This might make you feel arrogant or self-centered at first. Over time, though, it should help you become more comfortable with directing positive feelings toward yourself. 

Set healthy boundaries

One of the biggest obstacles to self-love for many people can be the demands placed on them by others. When your efforts to be there for other people in your life get in the way of your own self-care, it can leave you fatigued and stressed, affecting your mental health.

In these situations, establishing firm boundaries can be a crucial self-love practice. Setting healthy boundaries might include:

• Budgeting time for yourself and not allowing (non-emergency) interruptions
• Limiting contact with specific people
• Refusing to engage in conversation on topics that trigger anxiety or always lead to arguments
• Establishing rules about personal space and physical contact
• Placing limits on the material and financial assistance you offer others

When someone in your life crosses one of these lines, you may need to politely but firmly remind them that you’ve asked them to avoid this behavior. If they persist in their actions or dispute your boundaries, reducing contact with them may be necessary.

This can be difficult at first, as enforcing boundaries can seem rude or cruel, especially if you've habitually struggled with self-love. You may need to remind yourself that setting boundaries on your time, energy, money, etc., is simply a recognition of your worth as a person.

Practice meditation

Researchers have known for some time now that people who meditate regularly seem to be happier. More recent studies suggest that this may be because meditation helps increase self-kindness and self-compassion.

Some meditative styles directly aim to cultivate compassion for the self and others, such as loving-kindness meditation. However, even basic mindfulness meditation can have similar positive effects. Consider setting aside 15 to 20 minutes each day to practice some form of meditation, such as paying attention to your breathing and gently returning your thoughts to the breath if they start to wander.

Challenge negative self-talk

A lack of self-love is often reinforced by persistent negative thoughts, often based on false beliefs or assumptions. You may be able to take away the power of these thoughts using techniques drawn from cognitive-behavioral therapy, which has been repeatedly found effective for treating conditions like anxiety and depression.

Asking yourself questions, such as, “Is it really true that I always say the wrong thing?” can break through the distorted assumptions getting in the way of self-love. 

Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and acknowledging this can help reduce the pressure you put on yourself. Understand that nobody's perfect, and it can be helpful to stop comparing your journey with others, as everyone's path is unique and filled with different challenges and achievements.

Practice gratitude

Practicing gratitude is a powerful step toward self-love, and you can practice it as a regular exercise in self-care daily. Dedicate time each day to write in a gratitude journal, noting the things you're thankful for, big or small. This simple act may help lower stress levels and shift your focus from what you lack to the abundance present in your life. 

Celebrate small wins. In addition to noting things you're thankful for, make it a habit to celebrate your daily achievements, no matter how small. For example, if you managed to drink the recommended amount of water for the day or took a short walk during your lunch break, acknowledge and be grateful for these steps toward a healthier lifestyle.

Positive affirmations

Start your day with powerful positive affirmations, reinforcing a sense of self-worth and inner strength. These affirmations are a daily ritual that fortifies your belief in personal progress and builds resilience against negative self-talk.

Embrace the power of positive affirmations by adding specific, uplifting statements to your routine. Phrases like "I am capable and strong," "I choose to be happy today," and "I am worthy of success and love" can act as verbal anchors, grounding you in positivity. By regularly vocalizing these empowering words, you can help solidify them in your consciousness, gradually reshaping your thought patterns to be more positive.

Affirm your values

Some of us lose sight of our self-worth because we try to ground it in the wrong things. You may feel negatively toward yourself because you don’t make as much money as you’d like to, or you don’t think you’re smart enough, or any of a thousand other plausible-seeming reasons. Yet, you likely wouldn’t view those as good reasons to think of someone else as unworthy of love.

Thinking through your core values can give you a firmer ground for self-love. You can do this by making a list of the things you think are most important in life, such as the following:

• Treating others with kindness and respect
• Spending time with family
• Pursuing personal passions or creative projects
• Honoring your spirituality
• Learning more about the world and other people

Once you have your list, start reminding yourself of how you live out these values, even in small ways. This practice, often known as self-affirmation, can help you achieve a more stable, healthy sense of self-esteem.

What about the times when you fall short of your values? That’s when cultivating self-compassion can help. Forgiving yourself when you stumble and focusing on how you’re trying to do better can be vital to self-love.

Do you struggle with knowing your worth?

Learning to love yourself can be easier with help from a mental health professional who can identify the potential barriers getting in the way of your self-worth. Together, you can work on setting realistic expectations for your personal growth and self-love journey. 

People experiencing mental health challenges due to low self-worth may find it difficult to leave their house. With online therapy, you can attend therapy sessions from the comfort of your own home.

Online therapy can be an effective way to help improve self-worth and confidence. One study observed the effects of internet-based therapy in teens with low self-esteem. At the end of seven weeks of online therapy, teens reported higher levels of self-esteem.