Letting Go Of Stubborn Love
Have you been experiencing conflicting feelings about a relationship and finding it hard to let go of stubborn love? If so, you’re not alone.
Loving someone and simultaneously knowing that the relationship doesn’t work can be painful. However, there are strategies that may help you resolve conflicting feelings and let go of stubborn love. Read on to learn how to let go of stubborn love and move forward with confidence.
What is stubborn love?
Many people have experienced lingering feelings after a breakup. Aside from the love a person experiences for their ex, their emotions could be tied up with other memories, places, and people, which can make it hard to let them go. It can be common to have lingering, intense feelings after ending a relationship, particularly if it was a long or intense pairing.
Knowing when to let go of stubborn love
It can be challenging to know when it’s time to let go of a relationship. The love you feel for a person can make it difficult to recognize signs that a relationship may be unhealthy. Below are some :
- You no longer feel supported or encouraged by your partner. The time you spend together may not inspire positive feelings, and it may feel as if your interests and needs aren’t important to your partner.
- Ongoing stress leaves you feeling constantly drained and on edge.
- You’ve been hoping things would change for a while, and you spend a lot of time reminiscing about how much fun it used to be with your partner.
- Criticism, resentment, and sarcasm tinge on many of your conversations, and your communication rarely involves kindness, understanding, or mutual respect.
- You’ve become isolated from friends and family to avoid explaining what’s happening or prevent conflict with your partner.
What is the difference between abuse and toxicity?
Toxicity can take multiple forms, such as emotional or verbal negativity, and it isn’t always easy to see the line between abuse* and toxicity in a relationship. Toxic behavior isn’t always intentional. Sometimes, people learn unhealthy ways to relate to others during childhood, and insecure attachment styles can influence their adult actions. Abuse, however, is often intentional and focused on a desire to use power to control another’s behavior.
Research published in the journal Health Psychology Research shows that abusive relationships rarely involve constant abuse but instead alternate between four stages: tension building, acting out (abuse), the honeymoon period, and a time of calm before the cycle repeats. Even if you don’t recognize these four stages, there is help available if you’ve experienced abuse of any kind.
Tips to break away from stubborn love
If you’re still in a relationship and choose to end it, you may benefit from some of the following tips for moving past the stubborn, lingering love that often remains after a breakup:
- Give yourself time to heal. You likely invested a great deal of yourself in the relationship, and you may need time to recover from the upheaval its loss may cause in your life.
- Work through your emotions. Rather than bottling up what you feel after a breakup, you might allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions. Research published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research shows that suppressing emotions can have negative effects on your health.
- Seek out personal growth opportunities. Although it may be difficult at first, you might find that you can eventually use the breakup as a chance to make positive changes in your life. Recent studies show that personal growth after a breakup can lead to higher levels of independence, emotional stability, and self-confidence.
- Reflect on what went wrong and how you can learn from it. Even if you weren’t typically the source of conflict, you might look at how you reacted to conflict and ways you can react more skillfully in the future.
- Practice self-care. Before you attempt another connection, it may help to take some time to actively care for yourself. Self-care can look different for each person, but it may involve prioritizing sleep, healthy eating, and mental health care.
Overcome fear of the unknown
One of the reasons people may stay in an unhealthy relationship is typically fear of the unknown or lack of confidence that they can be independent. It may be helpful to lean on your support network and trust yourself to be strong enough to get through the recovery period. Instead of fearing the unknown, you might try a technique called cognitive restructuring. With this technique, you may be able to identify self-defeating beliefs and replace them with more positive, accurate thoughts. A therapist may be able to help you with this process, which may help you build self-confidence and shift your thought patterns.
Make a clean break
Staying in touch with your ex after ending the relationship may make it harder to let go of stubborn, lingering feelings of love. It may be more helpful to make a clean break rather than having regular contact. Maintaining contact, whether in person or online, may interfere with the healing process.
Reach out for help
Recovering from the end of a relationship and letting go of stubborn love on your own can be challenging. During this difficult time, you may find it helpful to lean on your friends and family for support. It may also be beneficial to reach out to a therapist. A licensed therapist may be able to help you work through your emotions and develop ways to heal from your past relationship so you can move forward with healthy habits and increased self-confidence.
Practice self-love
In an unhealthy relationship, negativity can sometimes be internalized, and you may not be as kind or compassionate with yourself as you should be. You might use this opportunity to make practicing self-love a habit.
- Shift your focus. You may find it helpful to channel your energy into something positive, like advancing your career, working on your personal development, or rebuilding other relationships.
- Accept your mistakes and work on ways to improve moving forward. If you make mistakes in the relationship, it’s okay to accept that and practice self-forgiveness.
- Eat well, exercise, and get plenty of rest. Taking care of your body can have a positive impact on your mood and mental health.
- Learn to enjoy your independence. Perhaps you couldn’t do certain things during your relationship because your former partner objected to them. This could be a good time to try something new and prove to yourself that you can thrive on your own.
How therapy may help you move on from stubborn love
Many people experience difficulty letting go of stubborn love and moving forward. Working with a therapist may help you mitigate the pain of a breakup and move on from lingering emotions. If what you’re experiencing makes it difficult to attend therapy in person at this time, you may benefit from online therapy, which research has demonstrated to be just as effective as in-office therapy.
With online therapy at BetterHelp, you can communicate with a therapist via audio, video, or live chat. You can also reach out to your therapist 24/7 through in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as they can. This may prove to be useful if you experience challenging thoughts and emotions in between sessions.
Takeaway
- Previous Article
- Next Article