Infatuation Vs. Love: What's The Difference?
Crushes and new relationships can be intense, causing emotional responses that may be difficult to understand. In some cases, it might seem like you love someone until time wears off your initial infatuation and shows that you might not have much in common. Understanding the difference between infatuation and love often depends on how long you experience it. An infatuation is often intense and short-lived, while love is more stable and long-lived. In addition, infatuation is often sexual or romantic in nature, whereas love can be sexual, romantic, platonic, spiritual, and familial.
The chemical components behind infatuation and love
The difference between infatuation and love is often chemical. Infatuation is often lust, a physical attraction, and a sexual drive. You may lust after someone because you find them attractive. You may also find their personality pleasing or enjoy the way you feel when you're around them. However, this infatuation doesn't necessarily mean the relationship may last.
Chemically, physical attraction and lust are fueled by the hormones estrogen and testosterone. Both are required to some degree to experience lust. As these hormone levels ramp up, one may become antsy and aggressive, losing focus on anything outside of sexual or romantic gratification. From an evolutionary perspective, this obsession with sex helped humans survive. However, some people don't feel sexual attraction to others or may not be compelled to have sex, regardless of attraction. In these cases, infatuation may be romantic.
When your feelings for someone move beyond lust into emotional attraction, the brain releases dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine causes happiness and a sense of being rewarded. When you spend time with someone who evokes these feelings, your brain is rewarded. When that person is not around, the brain makes you want the person more.
Oxytocin is called "the bonding chemical." In situations like breastfeeding, pregnancy, cuddling, and sex, oxytocin chemically compels humans to become emotionally and physically closer to another person. Like dopamine, oxytocin can be tempting and may increase cravings for affection. It is also considered a "love neurotransmitter."
Infatuation happens when one craves the chemical release of oxytocin and dopamine to the point where one wants to be around a person all the time. Love may be more related to values and the affection that grows over time in a close relationship.
How do you know you're in love?
In relationships, many people may crave love and connection. The infatuation stage is filled with intense emotions, but a romantic relationship can often offer stability, closeness, and a social support system. Infatuation may die off without love and cause an individual to realize they don't love the person they're with.
There aren't specific milestones indicating a connection has successfully transformed from the infatuation or "honeymoon phase" into love, as the process is often gradual. Try to avoid unrealistic expectations for immediate true love in a new relationship. Infatuation isn't destructive if treated carefully and not mistaken for love.
When you love someone, you may have the desire to be selfless and put their needs first. In addition, you may want to build a long-term life together, build a family, or complete other "relationship milestones." If you love someone, your care for them may not diminish over time and instead grow as you get to know them and see them grow, as well. Contrarily, infatuation may be more like obsession than mature love. This feeling can be dramatic, intense, and all-consuming.
10 ways to spot love vs. infatuation
Below are ten ways you may be able to tell the difference between love and infatuation:
- Love may not be about being perfect but being together respectfully.
- Love is considerate.
- Love is often about a deeper connection.
- Love takes time, while infatuation can be instant.
- Love is often genuine and selfless.
- Love can be timeless. You may continue to love someone, even if you're apart or can't be together.
- Love is refreshing, while infatuation may take a significant amount of energy.
- Love can be confident, while infatuation may be insecure.
- Love encourages growth.
- Love goes beyond sex, while infatuation is often physical.
In the early stages of a relationship, it can be challenging to know if you're in love. When Googling phrases like "Am I in love," you may see posts highlighting infatuation's symptoms and calling it love. With hormones cycling, a person can feel so intensely they struggle to think about anything other than the person of their desire.
However, if you're not sure you're in love, you may be experiencing infatuation. Love is often an innate sense and may be easy to identify. It can involve a desire for commitment and a conscious decision to be with someone, even when relationships get complicated.
You might not be obsessed with understanding how others feel about you when you're in love. Instead, you may consider their interests, put them first, and consider them an integral part of your life. Even when you're angry or disagree, you may still feel love for them. If you're infatuated with someone, a disagreement or core personality difference may cause your feelings to change quickly.
How to cope with infatuation
In time, infatuation often goes away on its own. For some people, this process takes a few weeks to a few months. For others, it might take a few years. Coping with infatuation, especially in cases of unrequited love, can also depend on how much time you spend with someone, whether you feel obsessed with them, and whether they are stringing you along. If the person sometimes reciprocates your feelings and sometimes doesn't, your infatuation may last longer, as your brain craves dopamine and oxytocin, which is only offered sometimes.
If you are infatuated with someone to the point of significant obsession or stalking behaviors, this may be dangerous. Instead of continuing to attempt to contact, follow, or check up on this person, it may be beneficial to reach out to a licensed professional to discuss the reason you're struggling to let go.
Finding professional support
If you're struggling to understand your feelings for a person or want to move forward from an unhealthy infatuation, it may be beneficial to talk to a counselor. You don't have to have a mental illness to go to therapy, and therapy can also be attended online through platforms like BetterHelp.
Through an online platform, clients can use tools like webinar classes, group therapy sessions, journaling prompts, and worksheets to take control of their mental health journey. In addition, they can choose between phone, video, or live chat individual sessions with their therapist and send messages throughout the week if questions arise.
Studies show that online therapy can be effective for many people. One review of 17 studies found that internet-based interventions were more effective than in-person therapy in some scenarios, especially for those living with depressive disorders. However, these modalities can also be effective for those living with relationship challenges.
Takeaway
Which Is Stronger - Infatuation Or Love?
Authentic love and infatuation can both cause intense feelings. Infatuation tends to be intense but short-lived, whereas real love typically lasts longer and involves more stability and intimacy. While infatuation may feel stronger due to the initial intensity, love tends to actually be stronger and longer lasting.
Why Is It Important To Know The Difference Between Love And Infatuation? How Does It Affect Your Relationships?
Knowing when you're feeling love and when it's just infatuation can be important for the health and longevity of your relationship. Infatuation is often described as an intense but short-lived passion characterized by a strong desire and an idealized view of the other person. While it can be exciting and may seem like true love in the beginning, it doesn't necessarily have the same depth or endurance that genuine love can offer.
True love generally involves a deeper connection and understanding between you and your partner. It's often built on trust, mutual respect, and a genuine interest in each other's well-being. Over time, relationships built on love tend to develop resilience through common experiences and challenges.
When you base your relationship primarily on infatuation, there's a risk that when the initial intensity fades, the relationship may feel empty or unsatisfying. On the other hand, a relationship grounded in genuine love can grow and change over time, providing a nurturing environment for everyone.
Can You Confuse Infatuation And Love?
It can be easy to confuse love and infatuation, especially since infatuation can often lead to love. Infatuation often presents itself as an overwhelming attraction to a person. It can feel like the real thing because of its intensity and the deep longing to be with the person. However, with infatuation, there's often a focus on the present moment. It's not uncommon to overlook red flags and not consider the future or deeper layers of the relationship.
Since falling in love often begins with some level of infatuation, the difficulty often lies in knowing when there's a potential for something stronger to build. It can be important to evaluate your feelings regularly and understand that both infatuation and love are valid emotions but serve different roles in our lives. Seeking clarity and understanding about your emotions can help foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
What Happens When Infatuation Ends?
When the infatuation turn is over, a range of emotions and reactions can emerge, including:
- Disappointment - As the rose-colored glasses come off, you might start to see the other person's flaws or inconsistencies that you may have previously overlooked, leading to disappointment or a realization that the relationship might not be what you initially thought it was.
- A Sense Of Loss – The end of infatuation can feel like a loss. As the intense emotions and excitement start to fade, it's not uncommon to feel sadness or nostalgia for the emotions you once felt.
- Clarity – The end of infatuation can provide clarity. You might begin to evaluate the relationship more honestly, making it possible to determine whether there's a deeper connection or compatibility outside the initial attraction.
- Transition – For some, the end of infatuation marks the start of genuine love. The relationship can transition into a more stable, deep, and enduring connection.
- End Of The Relationship – Once the infatuation fades, some people may realize they weren't truly compatible or that their relationship lacks depth. This can lead to a decision to part ways.
- Self-Reflection – The end of infatuation can also be a time for introspection and an opportunity to understand your emotions and genuine desires in a relationship.
The end of infatuation is a natural phase in many relationships. Emotions evolve, and relationships shift. Understanding these changes allows people to make informed decisions about their relationships and personal growth.
What Is The Difference Between Love And Infatuation Desire?
The difference between love and infatuation desire lies primarily in depth, duration, and understanding. Infatuation desire is often considered "temporary love." It's a powerful, almost magnetic attraction to someone, filled with heightened emotions, idealizations, and a sense of urgency. This desire can be all-consuming but is typically short-lived.
Love is a profound and lasting emotional bond. When you're in love, you not only desire the person, but you often value them, wish the best for them, and feel safe in their presence. Love often involves integrating that person into all facets of your life and imagining a common future.
How Do You Control Infatuation?
Controlling infatuation begins with self-awareness and recognizing the signs, like idealizing someone or feeling an overwhelming urgency about the relationship. It might be helpful to take a step back and assess logically. It can also be important to continue to spend time with friends and family who may be able to offer a balanced perspective on the relationship. Seeking guidance from a therapist can also be helpful for navigating these emotions.
How Long Can Infatuation Last?
The duration of infatuation often depends on the person and situation. For some people, infatuation can last weeks. For others, it might be a few years. Situations like unrequited love or when one person is stringing the other along the infatuation can last longer because the dopamine and oxytocin from the relationship aren't reliably offered.
Why Does Infatuation Happen?
When you feel emotionally drawn to someone beyond physical attraction, your brain releases chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine brings about feelings of joy and satisfaction. Interacting with someone who prompts these emotions gives the brain a sense of reward, and when you aren't around them, the brain often longs for them even more.
Oxytocin, frequently referred to as "the bonding chemical," plays a vital role in moments like childbirth, nursing, and physical touch. It encourages humans to form closer emotional and physical ties with others. Like dopamine, the pull of oxytocin can increase our desires for closeness and emotional connection.
Infatuation occurs when there's an intense desire for the effects of oxytocin and dopamine, leading one to seek constant proximity to the source of these feelings. In contrast, love is deeply rooted in mutual values and the emotional bond that strengthens over time within a lasting relationship.
What Is The Difference Between Obsession And Infatuation?
Infatuation is a strong, often fleeting, attraction to someone. It's characterized by intense emotions and the tendency to idealize the other person. There's a sense of excitement and admiration, and sometimes, this infatuation can turn into genuine love as individuals get to know each other better.
Conversely, obsession is an unhealthy fixation on someone or something. It's marked by intrusive and persistent thoughts and a compulsive need to be close to or possess the object of obsession. This can result in controlling behaviors. Obsession can make individuals lose touch with reality, and they may struggle to accept anything they perceive as "wrong" with the object of their fixation.
While both states involve strong feelings, obsession leans more towards unhealthy attachment, whereas infatuation is generally a more temporary and benign phase of attraction.
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