Is Sternberg’s Triangular Theory Of Love Still Valid?

Love is a complex phenomenon and arguably a unique experience for everybody. The varied nature of love makes it challenging to define scientifically, but researchers continue to tackle the challenge and propose new, evidence-based models of love. Some scientists focus on the complex neurochemical processes that produce feelings of love within the brain, and others prefer to define it through a social lens, such as the developers of the quadruple framework.

One researcher, Robert Sternberg, developed a popular theory to explain how love works across different interpersonal relationships. Much of the research in this area has centered around romance, but Sternberg sought to explain love that exists beyond the romantic sense, such as the love between family members or close friends. His work led to the development of his triangular theory of love, a three-component framework that seeks to explain how love exists in different modes of interpersonal connection. This article will explore this love theory and examine whether it still applies today. 

The various components of the research

Sternberg’s triangular theory of love divides love into three distinct components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. In his view, different forms of a loving relationship are created through different combinations of the three components. 

Passion component

Many people consider “passion” synonymous with “physical passion,” but that’s not entirely accurate. According to Sternberg, passion drives the fundamental feelings and deep emotional investment, as well as the sexual desire, that characterize the most intimate details of a relationship. Passion can be associated with either physical arousal or emotional stimulation and is often likened to being struck by Cupid's arrow, where the sudden and intense feeling of love captivates one's entire being. Generally, passion is defined as a strong feeling of love or excitement that causes people to act differently from the norm, or a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone. 

The last definition of passion, relating to sexual or romantic feelings, is likely the most well-known, but non-sexual relationships can also be passionate. It may be helpful to think about someone who is passionate about a hobby or interest. That form of passion is generally non-sexual, but it represents an enthusiastic pursuit of something the person loves. In the same way, non-sexual passion in the triangular love theory generally represents an enthusiastic desire to associate with someone they love. 

Intimacy component

Much like passion, intimacy is often associated with sex and physical attraction, but there are many more types of intimacy than just physical intimacy. In his love theory, Sternberg defines intimacy as feelings of closeness or attachment that promote deep affection, a strong bond, and related phenomena within a loving relationship. Intimacy contains elements of trust and is theorized to be part of how individuals feel at ease with one another. 

Intimacy commonly involves sexual intimacy in romantic relationships, but other close relationships can also be intimate. For example, two friends who know each other well and engage in trusting behaviors, like discussing deep secrets, likely have a close, intimate friendship. 

Commitment component

While passion and intimacy are largely subconscious components of love, Sternberg theorized that the commitment element was a conscious choice. He believed that the strength of a person’s commitment, whether it be in a long-term relationship or an arranged marriage, was proportional to the satisfaction they obtained from the relationship and their partner's love. Like the other two components, long-term commitment doesn’t only pertain to romantic partnerships. Friendships and other platonic relationships also have a commitment component. 

Generally speaking, no matter what type of relationship, most people want to commit to someone who enriches their lives and is pleasant to be around. Sternberg believed that unpleasant relationships blocked a person’s drive to commit and reduced the strength of their love overall.

The seven types of connection in the Sternberg’s model

The triangular theory of love defines seven different types of love that can be created through different combinations of the theory’s three, triangular components of love. In other words, the components of love interact with one another to form various types of love experiences. The model also defines a “no love” type that does not include any of the components of the love triangle, representing the absence of a close interpersonal connection. The seven types of love are outlined below: 

• Liking/friendship is love high in intimacy but low in passion and commitment. Most friendships and acquaintances fall into this category. 
• Infatuated love embodies passionate love without the depth of intimacy or the stability of commitment. Romance often starts with infatuation before intimacy and commitment increase. It is also sometimes referred to as “puppy love.” 
• Empty love is the third type of love, high in commitment but low in intimacy and passion. A romantic relationship may start with higher levels of intimacy and passion, only to have them fade over time. It is also likely possible for the reverse to be true. 
• Romantic love has high levels of intimacy and passion but low levels of commitment. This type of love generally describes friends-with-benefits arrangements or one-night stands. 
• Companionate love is high on commitment and intimacy but lacks the passionate love component. It is often observed in long-term relationships where the couple is deeply committed and feels strong affection for their partner, but passionate love is no longer present. 
• Fatuous love can be intensely passionate and committed yet lacks intimacy. It is commonly exemplified by a whirlwind courtship that happens quickly. It is also associated with “love at first sight” and rapid sexual consummation of the relationship.
• Commitment/Consummate love is considered the “complete” form of love in this theory. This type of love represents one relationship that many consider to be the pinnacle of romantic achievement, integrating passion, intimacy, and commitment. It's the embodiment of an ideal relationship where other forms of love converge into a harmonious whole. In many cases, consummate love consists of long-term happiness, great sex even years into the relationship, and the ability to manage problems with grace. 

Does this model hold up in modern relationships?

You may have noticed that the triangular model of love is a substantial simplification. As stated above, love is extremely complex and a unique process for everybody. Because of the limitations imposed by observing only three components of love, there are likely romantic or loving interpersonal relationships that this model does not adequately capture.

For example, consider a romantic relationship between two asexual individuals. An asexual person is someone who feels little or no sexual attraction or drive to have sex. It is a type of sexual orientation, and many people believe that those who are asexual are uninterested in dating or falling in love. However, evidence indicates that asexual people can have happy, healthy romantic partnerships that closely mirror what is considered “normal” by allosexual (non-asexual) couples. Many asexual people desire dating, love, and romance, which separates them from aromantic individuals, who feel little or no desire for a romantic partnership.

It is challenging to say how aromantic and asexual individuals fit within this theory of love. One could argue that asexual people lack a vital component of love or passion and that their love is inherently incomplete. However, a psychological review refuted this position, asserting that asexual couples can have relationships that are just as fulfilling as their allosexual counterparts. This model would also suggest that aromantic people are inherently deprived of the strongest forms of love, but it is difficult to find evidence to support that position. 

Sternberg’s model also struggles to define consensually non-monogamous (CNM) or polyamorous relationships. CNM relationships are generally considered to be synonymous with “open relationships,” wherein two people engage in a romantic relationship but do not have sex exclusively with each other. Polyamorous relationships are romantic partnerships that consist of more than two people. The most common arrangement is likely the “thruple,” wherein three people are in an equally committed relationship of love.

How can I learn more about my type of love?

Sternberg’s model is far from a conclusive framework about how love works. One of the problems with theories like this is how much love can differ from person to person. The substantial differences in the perception of love make it hard to measure and likely make it difficult to generalize broad theories to every individual. If you want to learn more about how love works for you, it is probably helpful to consider this model in an individual context.

You might consider thinking deeply about what love means to you and how you, as an individual, define passion, intimacy, and commitment. You might also consider working with a therapist or other mental health professional. Therapists are experts at helping people learn about themselves and make deep connections; one could likely help you better understand how love works for you. 

Online counseling

For added convenience, you might consider online therapy. You can attend online therapy from your home and may have a reach to more practitioners than are available in your local area. Online therapists have the same training and credentials as traditional therapists. They also use the same evidence-based techniques, like mindfulness interventions, which may be helpful when engaging in deep self-examination. 

An online therapist can also help you examine your perception of personal relationships, develop and improve relationship skills, or address almost any mental health need. Online therapy has recently experienced a surge of new patients, prompting researchers to investigate whether online therapy is as effective as face-to-face therapy. Consistent with the opinion of most mental health professionals, research showed that online therapy is as effective as traditional therapy in most circumstances.