Philia
What is philia love? Well, let’s talk about love! When most people hear the word “love,” they instantly think of romantic relationships. That’s what love is, right? Well, kind of. There are actually several different kinds of love. One of the kinds that probably gets thought about the least is philia love.
What Is It?
To understand philia love, you need a quick background in the different types of love.
Agape love is unconditional love. This is the greatest type of love and what people seek most often. It’s a love that accepts you for who you are, despite your flaws and imperfections. This is known as the highest form of love. It is pure and completely unselfish.
Storge love is also known as familial love. This is the type of love that happens naturally within most parent-child relationships. This is the love that allows a parent to instinctively love their child, no matter what.
Eros love is the intense and passionate love. This is where romantic feelings come from. It is the love that is present in the beginning of relationships that’s connected with sex and emotions. It’s not necessarily a lasting love, but it can turn into that.
Philia love is the love of friendship. In Greek, Philia means brotherly love and it originated from Aristotle's ethics, but has been used in different contexts since.
A Little More About It
To have a successful long-term relationship, it’s important that you are friends with the other person, too. But think of your friendships; you most likely aren’t friends with people that you don’t have things in common with. For the same reason, it’s important that you have this type of love and affection for your spouse or significant other, as well. But let’s get back to how philia love impacts your friendships. While philia love is brotherly love, it’s also an important part of marriage and long-term relationships.
Why It Is Important In Friendships
Aristotle established that there were three main types of friendships. These types were established based on what someone was getting from the relationship.
- Useful – This is when you’re friends with someone because there is a connection and you’re getting something from that. It’s leading to something that you desire, such as a job, business contact, or medicine.
- Pleasurable – This is when a friendship is based on just the pleasure that’s coming from it. This could be hanging out and talking with your friends, or going out for drinks.
- Virtue – This is when a friendship is based on true friendship and not what someone is getting out of the relationship. This is a deeper connection and includes you considering the welfare of the other person.
Healthy friendships are an important part of life. Obviously, the best type of love to have within a friendship is the type that is mutually beneficial. This is where you form your connections with another person and build a relationship based on trust and companionship. The fondness and warmth that come from having a good friend cannot be replaced.
This is important in friendships, because this is what allows your relationship to be healthy and long-lasting. Both people are able to benefit from and contribute to the relationship. This is how we form deep friendships that help you to better yourself and grow as a person. Attachment in such a relationship is also important because it allows you to have someone that you connect well with and enjoy spending time with.
Tips On Building Healthy Relationships
It’s important to have friends in life. On the one hand, even if you’re in a romantic relationship, it is unrealistic for you to expect that one person to meet all of your needs. For example, if you love going shopping and picking up new clothes and your significant other can’t stand it, it’s a great time for you to spend with some friends that have something in common with you so you don't always have to practice self sufficiency.
Real friends are also incredibly valuable because they provide you with a safe place to bounce ideas back and forth. Real, caring friends will not judge you or look down on you for your imperfections, and they won’t be afraid to call you out on behavior that you have that isn’t quite right. This isn’t always easy to find. For your own sake and in order to build a healthy friendship, you should work on the following:
Building Trust
You need to be able to trust them and have confidence that they are not going to judge you or talk about you with other people after you have confided in them.
Balance And Equality
It’s not a healthy relationship if one person is gaining from the relationship and the other person is constantly giving. Oftentimes, people that have low self-esteem find themselves in relationships where they are the doormats. They’re constantly doing things for the other person without getting much in return. This is not a healthy form of friendship.
Being Empathetic And Compassionate
Compassion is an important part of friendship. A good friend is someone who will stay alongside you when you’re going through a difficult time. Even if they don’t understand exactly what you’re going through, they will work to try to understand it the best that they can. When they don’t know exactly what to do to make the situation better, they will still be there for you the best way that they know how. Friends work to support each other and are there for the other person even when others aren’t.
Honesty
Real friends don’t just tell each other what they think the other person wants to hear. Instead, they work to be open and honest with each other, even when it’s not something that the other person wants to hear. They know that the truth is more important than just trying to keep the other person happy.
This is such an important part of friendship and something that many friendships are missing. Your true friends are going to know you better than most other people will and so it’s important that they’re able to be honest with you to help you see the truths about yourself that you may be missing. You should be able to do the same for them, with one caveat: real friends also know how to do this in a way that doesn’t hurt more than it needs to.
A Little Independence
Just because you are good friends—even best friends—with a person does not mean that you need to solely rely on them or spend all of your time with them. Independence is an important part of friendships, and it’s often what keeps friendship strong.
Many times, when people are trying to spend all of their time together, they end up burning out on each other. It’s important to know that you can have more than one friend. There may be some friends that you were closer with for some reason, and others that you’re closer with in different areas of your life. That’s perfectly okay and normal. If you want to maintain good friendships in a healthy way, make sure that you’re not trying to smother the other person.
When A Friendship Is Turning Into Something More
But if you find yourself in a friendship that you feel like is starting to become something more, the first thing that you need to do is be honest about your feelings. Your friendship will not continue to be healthy if you are hiding feelings that you have for the other person. Therefore, you need to discuss the change that you’re experiencing with your friend to see how they respond. If they’re feeling the same way, then your relationship can naturally progress into new areas. And if not, you’ve been open and honest and the two of you can decide how to continue your friendship.There are a lot of differing opinions on whether a relationship can be successful when you start out as friends. Some people believe that the best relationships start out as friendships. Then, there are people who believe it’s impossible to have a friendship with someone that you’re attracted to, which is an important part of a healthy romantic relationship. Therefore, they don’t think you can have a relationship that turns into something more.
Getting Help With Love
Research shows that online therapy can help people cope with difficult-to-process emotions associated with relationships, including friendships. In one broad-based report, the overall efficacy of online counseling when addressing a wide range of mental health concerns was examined. Researchers combined over 90 studies—covering post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, and other disorders—with nearly 10,000 total participants, concluding that online therapy was an effective means of providing mental health treatment. The study specifically notes that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) was the most effective method. CBT works by helping individuals reframe negative thought patterns that may be underlying unwanted thoughts and behaviors—such as difficulty cultivating loving relationships.
When you are having trouble connecting with friends, family, or romantic partners on a deeper level, online therapy can help. With a BetterHelp online counselor, you’ll have the opportunity to reach out 24/7. When you want to discuss something from your session, have a question, or simply want to talk, just send your therapist a message and they will get back to you as soon as they are able. The mental health professionals at BetterHelp have helped thousands in learning how to create stronger relationships. Read below for reviews, from those who have sought help in the past.
Counselor Reviews
“I feel real care and compassion from Dr. Sawyer. She read through and between the lines of the background information I gave her, and in our first conversation she quickly focused on my real needs and gave me effective work to do. I immediately felt a sense of hope and direction. I am very confident that I will improve my life and my relationships.”
“I am so happy I got paired with Ruthie Brooks. My sessions with her have been a positive and insightful experience. As a result, I can see my relationships improving and I have a better understanding of myself. She is very professional, kind, and great at what she does.”
Conclusion
Love is not an easy thing, even when it’s in friendships. If you find that you’re struggling with forming healthy relationships, it can help to talk to an experienced therapist. They can help you to identify any areas that are holding you back from forming good friendships and to spot any areas that you need to work on changing.
It’s helpful to have people in life that you can turn to in times of need and laugh with during the good times. Even if you’re already in a romantic relationship, having good, healthy friendships is still important—making philia a vital part of a healthy, full life.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):
What kind of love is philia?
In Aristotle’s “Nicomachean Ethics,” he identifies numerous different ideas about the theory of love, among them the idea of “Philia,” or brotherly love.
One of the most commonly-discussed ancient Greek words for love, “agape,” has erroneously been attributed the definition of “brotherly love.”
What are the types of philia?
The types of Philia, then, all involve platonic love, though the exact expression of platonic love can vary. While the words for love found among Greek words for love may initially seem complicated, they reflect many of the same views on and experiences of love that people continue to experience today.
What are the 4 types of love?
The 4 most common Greek words for love include Agape, Eros, Philia, and Storge. Each of these words for love involves a different type of love—both in terms of experience, and in terms of expression. Agape, for instance, is often attributed to philosophy, religious views, love between mankind and God, or the love expressed toward mankind from God. Among the words for love, Agape is perhaps the most ethereal philosophy of love, as it is not readily measured by everyone. People who are not religious might not comprehend or entertain the possibility of a love between God and mankind, and instead consider Agape love the type of love felt from one person for all of mankind—compassionate love, in essence, that does not have a single figure or person to attach to.
Eros is the more obsessive love type—the one that focuses largely on physical attractiveness and includes sexual interest or passion. Eros is also often considered the source of love at first sight; because eros is largely sexual in nature, it is typically the source of visual passion and interest. Eros is the love typically celebrated on Valentine’s Day, for instance, and is the considered the romantic love basis, love letter love, and enduring romantic passion love. Although eros is recognized as the source of romantic love, it is so deeply ingrained in passion and sexuality, that it has also been relegated to the status of “puppy love.” If you apply the Yaghan “mamihlapinatapai” concepts, color wheel theory can help explain the different avenues to (or away from) romantic loves, including eros.
Philia is not falling in love; friendship or companionship is, instead, the aim and breadth of philia. There is, in Philia, a biological basis. Love letters and other romantic tokens are not exchanged in philia; instead, tokens of affection are often exchanged, such as thoughtful gifts, meaningful cards, or the simple, immeasurable gifts of trust, respect, and affection.
Storge is another theory of love that has a strong biological basis, and is a compassionate form of love. Conjugal love, courtly love, addiction love, falling in love, friendship, and most other types of love all require the recipient of an individual’s attention and affection to be worthy of said love and affection, but this is not the case in the love described by Greek language texts as “storge.” Storge is unearned, freely given, and driven by something deeper than earned love. It is the unconditional love given to children by their parents, which (typically) starts at birth and persists well into adulthood and beyond.
What are the 7 Greek love words?
The 7 Greek words for love most commonly found on the internet encyclopedia, the color wheel theory of love, and other sites dedicated to Greek words and phrases include:
- Agape love is often one of the more complicated types of love to understand, as it does not describe falling in love, friendship, romantic zone, interpersonal relationships, intimacy, limerence, love addiction, or other forms of one-to-one love or affection. Instead, agape refers to the kind of love that encompasses all of humanity. Most commonly, agape is likened to compassion, empathy, and often involves social views (anarchist free social views, most commonly), because agape focuses heavily on experiencing love and care for everyone, without focusing or homing in on an individual person to even people group. Agape is typically associated with the love of the Judeo-Christian God and the people this God created, but has also been used to describe other deities’’ feelings toward their people, and may be used to describe the ideal behavior of humans as a whole.
- Eros is what most people first think of when they think of love. Eros is well within the romantic zone, interpersonal relationships being the norm with Eros love. Eros love leans heavily on physical attractiveness (triangular theory and its components are typically involved, as well), and may fall prey to the exposure effect, similarity, physical attractiveness, and is often expressed through love letters, love, “magic,” Valentine’s Day, and sexual interest. Eros does not necessarily have to involve typical shows of romance, but will always have some element of sex or attraction involved.
- Ludus is used to describe the love experienced in the beginning of most relationships, and may be associated with courtly love, courtship, troubadours falling in love and composing songs about their paramours, and similarly youthful, rich, and excited love. Ludus love might focus more on love, affection, bonding, broken hearts when apart, and other youthful (even somewhat silly) notions of love and affection. Teenage relationships are often rich with ludus, as are relationships still in their beginning stages. As is the case with eros, ludus involves relationship intimacy, limerence, love, and emerging interest in someone, and may or may not involve sex. Ludus is also noncommittal, and can be used to describe young love, the beginning stages of love, or even interest, attention, or affection without any solid commitment.
- Philautia is one of the least-discussed types of love. Sad though it may be, this seems to be in keeping with many cultures’ opinions regarding self and self-love. Greek words describing Philautia have also been translated to Chinese “Yuanfen,” French “Amour Propre,” Spanish “amour de soi,” unconditional love in modern English and more—describes self love, or a type of love that does not involve romance. Self love, amour propre—these phrases are used to describe a sense of care, attention, and devotion to oneself, most often expressed through self-confidence and a sense of contentment. Philautia can be described positively, but can also be associated with negative traits, such as narcissism and self-absorption. A healthy balance of humility and confidence is the ideal expression of Philautia.
- Philia is among the words and phrases used to describe the type of love modern English might call “brotherly love” or “familial love.” Philia is an easygoing type of love, characterized by affection, mutual respect, and mutual care. It is the type of love most commonly associated with familial relationships (siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles), friendships, and community relationships, such as those you might find within a church or subculture.
- Pragma is often the goal of a long-term relationship. Pragma involves a relationship, intimacy, limerence, love, and enduring affection, but relies most heavily on intimacy, affection, and commitment. Limerence is useful in the beginning stages of pragma love, but will typically cease as a relationship continues. Pragma is the type of love that is less frequently associated with similarity, physical attractiveness, triangular theory, and obsession, as pragma involves long-term commitment and a devotion to making a relationship work, even when other types of love, affection, and interest have faded. A love triangle, lovesickness, lovestruck, obsessive behavior, and addiction are the least likely elements to be involved in pragma, as it is typically the type of love found in successful, long-term marriages, and joyful, long-term partnerships.
- This type of love is separate from other types primarily because it bears a unique type of unconditional love. Parents, in healthy parental relationships, do not base their love for their children on what their children do, what they say, or what they offer them. Instead, parents base their love for their children on the biological basis of deep, unending love and care. Storge love is a perpetual “upload file” of love onto a child’s proverbial hard drive.
What is the highest form of love?
The highest form of love is highly dependent on the type of love valued most by a given individual. For some, agape is the most important form of love, because it describes the love expressed and felt for people by religious views’ love, deities’; mere exposure effect is associated with ludus love, which some people find vitally important, as it is how most relationships start; others believe pragma is the most important type of love because it is involved in long-term, ongoing commitment. The highest form of love, according to most articles containing ancient Greek point to agape, while many cultures seem to revere the love contained within relationships exhibited pragma.
What does philia love mean?
Philia is a comfortable love, and may not even be used to characterize exceedingly passionate or close friendships, reserved instead for relationships marked by comfort, steady affection, and ease. Once again using the analogy of a computer, philia love is a give-and-take relationship, where both parties are continually hitting the “upload file” button in the relationship, equally imparting effort and attention to the relationship.
What is Uranophile?
Auranophile is someone who dearly loves the stars and the moon, or gleans a lot of comfort or a sense of safety from the moon and stars. The word is made up of “urano,” taken from the word for “the heavens,” and “phile,” which is taken from the word “philos,” which means “dear” or “beloved.”
What is a Melophile?
The word “melophile” is made up of two words: “melo,” from “melos,” which means musical phrase, melody, or song, and “phile,” taken from the word “philos,” which means dear, or beloved. Put together, a melophile is someone who loves music.
What is agape love mean?
Agape love is a form of love that is most commonly attributed to religious views; love, deities’, mere existence all come together to create a type of love that is usually reserved for the love between God (or gods) and humans. Agape love is identified as one of the most superlative forms of love because it does not rely upon affection, bonding, broken hearts, or proving one’s worthiness; instead, agape love is the unconditional, ongoing, and unending love offered to humanity by a deity, the universe, or even by other human beings. It is included on the color wheel theory of love, and is one of the most important concepts color wheel theory addresses, though this version of agape love includes romantic attention and attachment.
What is the purest form of love?
According to most, agape love is the purest form of love. Although all forms of love are considered essential and important, agape love is considered the purest form because it is used to describe a type of love that is selfless, unconditional, and eternal. Agape love is not like the anarchist free love embraced by ludus love, nor is it the amour propre (Greek words term it Philautia) that describes love of oneself. Agape is not borne of bonding, broken heart, compassionate interest, or self-interest, but is instead the greatest expression of unadulterated, all-encompassing, and unconditional love possible.
What is the strongest kind of love?
The strongest kind of love depends on the context of the loving relationship. A religious person, for instance, might adhere to the notion that Valentine’s day, philosophy, religious beliefs, and mankind as a whole are all pointing to the strength and enduring nature of agape love. A parent who has felt the overwhelming care and affection for a child might argue that Storge is the strongest kind of love. Someone who has been married for fifty years and has experienced the power of weathering life’s storms with another person might argue that pragma is the strongest kind of love.
There are different classification systems for love; although there are the 7 Greek types of love, there are also the 4 types of love described in the bible, and the types of love identified in the color wheel theory of love. Biological, romantic, interpersonal, and self-love are all targets of these love descriptors, each of them imbued with its own degree of importance and difficulty, each of them having the potential to be considered the “strongest” to one person or another. While agape love might be the strongest type of love to someone with deeply held religious beliefs or spiritual practices, philautia love might be the strongest form of love for someone who has defied great odds, escaped an abusive relationship, and rediscovered independence. The strongest form of love may even change from person to person and situation to situation.
What are the 7 types of love?
Amore, charity—Portuguese “saudade”—there are countless ways to describe love and the people or objects it attaches to. Although there are many different classification systems for the types of love identified in Greek writings, most focus on a specific seven that include agape, eros, ludus, philautia, philia, pragma, and storge. Recently, some of these original Greek words have been included in a romantic love focused theory, called the “Color Wheel Theory of Love,” including eros, ludus, mania, philautia, and agape, but the 7 original types of love may offer a more robust picture of what love is. These include:
- Agape love is the type of love associated with deities, and is typically discussed in conjunction with God or traditional Judeo-Christian beliefs.
- Eros is, as may be guessed, the type of love associated with romance and sex. Eros is the erotic type of love, focused largely on romance and attraction, and can be found in many a love and dating article. Talk variants, views, and interpretations of eros may vary, but most involve romance and the beginning stages of relationships. Outside of the friend zone, interpersonal relationship, intimacy—all of these can fall under the category of eros love.
- Ludus is the type of love that might espouse less conventional romantic views (anarchist free love ideals, a disbelief in commitment, or an adherence to casual relationships).
- Philautia is self-love. Like unrequited love, social views of philautia often trend toward the negative, seeing self-love as unnecessary or overhyped. Nevertheless, philautia is a form of self-love that does not devolve into narcissism, but instead encourages self-respect and confidence.
- It is a love known for its comfort, its ease, and its mutual respect, and is typically considered possible only between equals.
- Pragma is the type of love that is often envied by people still enmeshed in eros or ludus; pragma is the type of love that couples who have been married for 50 years boast of, and is so named due to the pragmatic nature of a long-term romantic entanglement. Though it may seem boring to some, pragma is not intended to describe a boring or uninteresting relationship, but a relationship that can stand (and has stood) the test of time.
- Storge is a type of love that focuses on parents and children. As anyone healthy and safe who has a child can likely attest, the love you feel for a child is unlike any other type of love, in that it is immediate, overwhelming, and unconditional. Children can be quite difficult to deal with, and require a massive amount of time, patience, and energy. Storge is the form of love that wholeheartedly embraces the needs and requirements of parent-child relationships.