What To Do When I Love My Best Friend?

By Michael Arangua

Updated December 07, 2018

Reviewer Kristen Hardin

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It isn't uncommon for a friendship to develop into something more. It can be really confusing to realize you have feelings for a friend and even more confusing to know what to do with these feelings.

How to Tell if Your Feelings Have Changed to Romantic Ones?

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about them? Are they the first person you want to call when something good or bad happens? Do you find that you feel nervous around them now when before you didn't? Do you find yourself looking for reasons to be around them more often? Do you notice yourself touching them when you are together? These could all be signs that you have developed feelings for your friend.

What's Wrong with Me?

Nothing. It's perfectly normal to have your feelings for someone change and developing feelings for your best friend can lead to a great relationship. The problem is when the feelings are not reciprocated. Taking that step between friendship and relationship can be tough. If realize you have romantic feelings for your best friend you may be worried about it changing the friendship if they don't have the same feelings for you. It is a risk and you have to decide if you want to take it or not. It can be helpful to talk to another friend, family member, or therapist before having that conversation.

What If They're the Same Sex?

It will depend on your friend and if they have the same feelings for you. It does not mean that you won't be able to take your friendship to the next level of a romantic relationship. It is one more thing to consider. Knowing your friend, have you ever had the impression they might be open to a same sex relationship? This is another instance where talking it out with a therapist can be helpful.

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What if They Say Yes?

How exciting! Now you and your friend can talk about what you want your relationship to look like and it's a good idea to also discuss what would happen to the friendship in the event that the two of you break-up since you did start as friends.

What if They Say No?

It will be disappointing for you and you may want to step away from the friendship either temporarily or permanently. You friend may feel uncomfortable as well. Depending on the friendship, it doesn't mean that you can't still be friends. Hopefully you and your friend can have an honest and direct

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What Now?

Talk to Someone

Your best friend isn't likely to be the appropriate person to talk to so consider another friend, family member, or a therapist, Express and explore your feelings and allow yourself to mourn and grieve this loss. It can feel like a break-up and you need time and space to heal.

Focus on Self-Care

It's amazing what a little pampering will do when you're dealing with a breakup. Spend some time on you - do your nails, have a massage, and find music that helps. There are tons of feel-good playlists out there and while you might end up having a good cry at some of the songs which can be very therapeutic.


When we're putting energy into a relationship, we often neglect our self-growth. To keep your mind busy try to be proactive and work on something that improves you as a person. Consider taking some classes, starting a fitness routine, doing some yoga, or even learning a new language. By using your time productively, you'll likely heal faster.

What If I can't Get Over Them?

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This is when talking to a therapist is especially helpful. Sometimes our well intending family members and friends don't know how to help. A therapist can give you the time and space to grieve and process and help you create a plan for moving forward. You can get started right away with a trained therapist on BetterHelp anywhere you have an internet connection.

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