Why Understanding Love Can Be Beneficial For Your Relationships

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D.
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Love and understanding may occur hand-in-hand in many intimate relationships. Understanding love might also help you recognize patterns in your interpersonal connections or attachment style. If you know what loves feels like, you might feel more comfortable expressing it and moving forward when you don't feel it.

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Seeing another person’s point of view

When considering the way your partner loves, you may be able to consider situations from their point of view. Love may involve empathy, sympathy, or compassion for those you care about. If you can only think or act from your point of view, you may struggle to relate with others or show love in a way someone else understands. 

In a romantic relationship, do your best to understand your partner's motivations and goals. They might come from a different background than you or have a different love language. They might approach a relationship in a way you do not understand. For example, if they show love to you through physical touch, but you only understand love through words of affirmation, you might feel your partner has never shown you love, even if they have been trying to. 

Knowing your differences and considering how your partner feels might allow you to reduce conflict. Love may feel invisible when a couple isn't willing to compromise or try to understand each other. Trying to empathize with your partner might make it feel easier to get along with them and lead to a smoother relationship.

Taking the time to learn about others

If you want to understand someone you love, you might try to learn about their interests, family, and personality. Everyone may have a story, motivations, values, and morals. Learning your partner's background might surprise you or allow you to love more about them. 

Communicate with your partner and ask them questions. Try to get them to open up about their past, interests, and feelings about certain situations. You could ask the following questions:

  • "What is something you regret?" 

  • "What is the most interesting fact you've ever learned?"

  • "What would a dream date night look like to you?"

  • "What makes you feel loved?" 

  • "What expression of love do you most appreciate that I already do?" 

Engaging in these conversations may create an enhanced sense of closeness in your relationship and a greater appreciation of one another. Additionally, you might understand how love can motivate individuals to learn more. 

You can also increase feelings of platonic love with friends in this way. Open up a dialogue if you want to improve your understanding of who they are and why they do what they do. Studies show that love can have physical health benefits. For this reason, you may want to increase love in every relationship. 

Accepting differences 

Understanding love may help you accept differences in those you care about. If you try to push the way that you feel or think on your partner, they might feel controlled or confused. Try to accept that your partner may have varying opinions, ideals, or morals based on their life story. Although you do not have to stay in a relationship with someone with values that go against your core beliefs, accepting differences in more minor areas can be beneficial. 

Love may help you face your partner from a place of understanding and care. You might find that your partner's differences teach you something about yourself or help you grow as an individual. If you want your partner to be exactly like you or never have any flaws, ask yourself how that benefits you in the long run. 

Everyone can make mistakes, and focusing on yourself may be a natural human experience. However, understand that there are many philosophies in the world. Although you and your partner might agree on some topics, you may not agree on all, which can be okay. Show love through respect and curiosity when your partner discusses a topic you're unsure about.


Accepting the flaws of others 

Some individuals may believe that relationships must be perfect to be healthy. However, many people have flaws, and you might not find someone who meets your definition of "perfect." You may find aspects you want to change in your partner, or you might sometimes feel irritated. Love could teach you to love others with their flaws, including accepting and understanding that some aspects of personality can take time to change. 

You may face conflicts in your relationships or notice moments where your partner experiences stress or poor behavior. Love may drive you to feel empathetic and understanding toward your partner's needs while not undermining your own. You may create a balance between supporting them and receiving support. Although you can still set boundaries on your time and emotional energy, your partner may appreciate any expressions of love you can offer in difficult times. 

Whether you feel your relationship is perfect or not, you may still find it healthy and enjoyable. Your significant other may support you in return. Love may prompt you to grow through difficulties and feel you come out as a team with the person you love. 

Love and communication 

Taking the time to understand your romantic partner may improve your relationship. Often, love motivates communication and the desire to connect. It can lead to having more understanding, validation, and respect for one another. A few skills you can utilize to increase communication include the following: 

  • Scheduling relationship "check-ins" 

  • Discussing feelings when they occur or scheduling a date to discuss them 

  • Reaching out to your partner when you feel concerned 

  • Actively listening by listening to understand instead of listening to respond 

  • Using validating statements to help your partner feel heard 

  • Using "I" statements like, "I feel hurt when I have to take out the trash every time." 

  • Asking for consent to hug, kiss, or touch your partner 

  • Asking for consent each time you have sex 

  • Being open to criticism as much as possible 

  • Accepting that communication might not be perfect 

Being open with others can feel intimidating for some people at first. They might not understand their emotions or feel embarrassed, shameful, or weak when expressing them. Be as validating as possible.

If you continue to struggle with communication in a relationship, it may be beneficial to attend couples therapy to gain insight into how to connect on a more profound level. Your therapist might also offer resources on more easily discussing topics that feel challenging in your connection. 

Counseling options 

Many couples consider therapy when deciding how to improve their connection or increase the amount of love in their relationship. If you or your partner faces barriers to in-person counseling, you can also consider online therapy. Online therapists can provide expert relationship counseling. You can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions, and you may be able to find availability early in the morning, at night, or on weekends.

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Studies show that online counseling for couples has been as effective as traditional therapy. One controlled trial about couples counseling online found that couples who attended internet-based sessions found relief in symptoms related to depression, anxiety, stress, and conflict comparable to other studies on traditional therapy. If you're interested in trying this treatment, consider reaching out to a counselor through an online platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples. Both platforms offer thousands of therapists specializing in various areas, including love, relationships, and interpersonal conflicts. 


Understanding love may allow you to understand the varying aspects of your connection with those you care about. Love may motivate communication, understanding, empathy, and acceptance in romantic relationships. If you struggle to understand how love impacts your relationship or are experiencing distressing conflicts with your partner, consider reaching out to a counselor for further compassionate insight.
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