Exploring The Impact Of Monogamy And Non-Monogamy On Relationship Satisfaction

The cultural conversation about romantic and sexual relationship styles has taken off in recent years. Today, the single-partner format of monogamy is not the only option, with various non-monogamous relationship types gaining in popularity. The type of relationship you may choose to pursue is a personal decision based on your own needs, desires, and lifestyle. That said, you may wonder what the research says about how happy people in different types of dynamics tend to be. The short answer is that individuals can find happiness in a wide variety of dynamics, but each one has the potential to affect satisfaction in different ways depending on many factors. Here, we’ll examine what recent studies say about monogamy and relationship satisfaction.

Definitions: Monogamy versus non-monogamy

For starters, it can be helpful to have a basic understanding of some of the diverse relationship types out there before we explore the concept of satisfaction levels in any of them. Again, monogamy generally refers to romantic and/or sexual relationships that are exclusive, meaning that the partners have agreed to only have this type of relationship with each other. Non-monogamous relationships don’t abide by this rule.

Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for romantic and/or sexual relationships in which one or more partners engage with multiple romantic and/or sexual connections simultaneously. In the context of this article, we'll be discussing ethical or consensual non-monogamy (sometimes referred to as ENM or CNM), which simply means that everyone involved knows about and has consented to the arrangement. Non-monogamy can take many different forms because each individual, couple, or group of partners can design their own rules and parameters according to their unique needs and desires. That said, a few broad, common types of non-monogamy include:

• Polyamory, or when a person may be in multiple committed, concurrent romantic and/or sexual relationships
• Open relationships, a broad term that often refers to when a couple has agreed to allow each other to seek sexual—though not always romantic/emotional—contact outside of their core or “primary” relationship
• Swinging, which is when couples have sexual encounters with other couples, usually in the setting of a specific type of party or club

Estimates from 2022 suggest that between 3–7% of individuals in North America are currently engaged in an ENM relationship of some kind and that as many as 20% have ever been. So although monogamy seems to still be the most common relationship format, alternative styles such as types of ENM are significantly widespread. 

Factors that may affect relationship satisfaction

What makes people feel happy in their romantic or sexual relationships? There are several factors that seem to typically play a role in this measure in both monogamous and ENM relationships alike—such as communication, trust, and compatibility. 

When researchers talk about relationship satisfaction, they often look specifically at emotional closeness, how happy people are with their sex lives, if applicable, and their perceived level of commitment to their partner(s). More specifically, one review of several dozen studies suggests that the most important factors for relationship satisfaction according to the research include:

• Positive affect (e.g., happiness, excitement)
• The quality of conflict management and resolution
• Affection and appreciation
• Supportiveness
• Empathy

In addition, consider the findings of a 2019 research review about the potential correlation between sacrifice and relationship satisfaction. It suggests that when people make sacrifices for positive reasons—such as for their partner’s happiness or to make the relationship better—they may experience improvements in their well-being and the overall quality of their relationship. In contrast, if people sacrifice to avoid negative things, such as conflict, they might be more likely to experience negative effects on their well-being and relationship quality. In other words, finding the balance between advocating for your own needs and finding compromise can be important in relationship dynamics of all types.

Sexual satisfaction is another component to consider for those whose relationships involve sexual connection, though some do not. In relationships with a sexual element, this type of satisfaction can closely relate to overall relationship satisfaction because it pertains to both the emotional and the physical link between partners. Higher sexual satisfaction often correlates to higher intimacy, which can strengthen a bond overall. 

Relationship style and relationship satisfaction: What’s the connection?

Again, people can generally find satisfaction in whatever relationship type they’ve deemed to be best for them. That said, there are a few factors that research suggests may give individuals in certain types of relationships a slight advantage or disadvantage in this area.

For example, consider the importance of sexual satisfaction, as stated above. Because honest, specific, and frequent communication is often required in order for ENM relationships to function at all, these individuals may be more likely to experience increased sexual satisfaction—since research suggests that communication may correlate with sexual satisfaction. This is one possible explanation for a 2023 study that suggests that sexual satisfaction among monogamous couples is slightly lower than that of ENM partners. 

On the other hand, interacting with more partners regularly can introduce more opportunities for conflict. It can add stress to one’s life due to additional time constraints as well. Someone in a monogamous relationship may experience a greater sense of stability in these regards, though relationship stressors of other types may, of course, still arise. 

Finally, it’s also worth noting that social stigma could affect a person’s satisfaction with their relationship. As a recent review indicates, despite its growing popularity, people in CNM relationships tend to be viewed as “more promiscuous, immoral, and untrustworthy.” This kind of judgment and stigma could make it harder for ENM individuals to feel at ease, be open about their relationship status, or parent, not to mention the legal challenges they may face.

Deciding which relationship style may be right for you

The bottom line is that people in ENM relationships can experience the same levels of relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being, and sexual satisfaction (if applicable) as those in monogamous relationships, as indicated by research. So how can you know which type of relationship style may be right for you? For many people, it takes time and experience to figure this out, and your preferences may also change over time. Just remember to be clear with others about where you’re at in your journey and what expectations and boundaries you have for your relationships, which is a basic way to provide care and consideration for yourself and those you engage with.

Self-reflection is one method that could help you learn more about the relationship style that may be right for you at a given time in your life. Considering your values, goals, level of flexibility, and the type of lifestyle you want now and in the future could all inform your choice. Journaling is one way to explore these factors. You might also spend time learning about different relationship styles so you can have a better understanding of the options you have. To this end, there are many different books, podcasts, and other resources out there about both monogamy and ENM.

How therapy may help

Whether you’re having trouble figuring out your preferred relationship style or are facing challenges in an existing relationship, you may benefit from speaking with a therapist. They can offer you a safe space to express and sort through complex emotions and help you develop greater self-awareness, communication skills, and other important elements of engaging in relationships of all kinds.

If you’re looking for a more convenient way to engage with a licensed therapist, you might consider online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. You can get matched with a licensed provider in a matter of days, and you can then meet with them via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging. This format offers increased flexibility ideal for those with busy schedules or a lack of reliable transportation. Research suggests that virtual therapy is “no less efficacious” than traditional in-person sessions, so you can typically choose whichever format appeals most to you.

Takeaway

Research suggests that the potential for finding satisfaction in a romantic and/or sexual relationship doesn’t meaningfully differ between monogamous and non-monogamous connections. Many factors go into the experience of relationship satisfaction, and one of the most important may be finding the format that works best for you. If you’re not sure, journaling, learning about different relationship styles, and meeting with a therapist might be constructive actions to take.