Mind If We Talk? Season 2: How We Can Help Men Open Up

Welcome to Episode 6 of Mind If We Talk? Season 2

Mind If We Talk? is an original mental health podcast created by BetterHelp and Acast Creative Studios that opens up real conversations about life’s challenging moments, and how therapy can help us navigate them. Over the course of 10 episodes, Season 2 brings two people together to share different perspectives on experiences that are deeply felt, yet rarely discussed. Through guided conversation, guests reflect on what they wish others understood about their inner world and what it means to truly listen and be seen. Each episode is hosted by Dr. Sreela Roy-Greene, a licensed BetterHelp therapist, who gently guides the conversation and offers therapeutic insight along the way.

Episode 6: How We Can Help Men Open Up

Many men grow up receiving the same messages: be strong, stay tough, don’t show too much emotion. But what actually happens when vulnerability, creativity, or sensitivity start to feel like things that need to be hidden?

On this episode of Mind If We Talk?, host and licensed mental health counselor Sreela Roy-Greene sits down with author and podcast host Cory Allen and writer and poet James McCrae for a deeply personal conversation about masculinity, emotional suppression, and learning how to reconnect with themselves. As a child, James felt he had to hide his love of poetry, while Cory was raised by a father he calls a “Texas Tony Soprano.” Together with Sreela, they each explore how vulnerability ultimately became a path toward deeper connection — and how confronting childhood trauma can reshape the way we experience and express emotion.

Later in the episode, BetterHelp therapist David Yadush joins Sreela to unpack the psychology behind emotional literacy, affect labeling, and why so many men struggle to express what they’re feeling — and what we can do to help.

If you’ve ever felt pressure to suppress your emotions, wondered how to become more emotionally available, or want to better support the men in your life, this episode is for you.

When emotions become something to hide

CORY:

My father was kind of like a Texas Tony Soprano vibe character … the time that I spent with him was all about being tough and aggressive and taking people down … And even as a kid, I thought: why would someone want to live like that?

SREELA:

Welcome back to ‘Mind If We Talk?’, where you get to be a fly on the wall for mini therapy sessions, and learn some mental health tips in the process.

I’m your host Sreela Roy-Greene, a licensed mental health counselor with over 19 years of experience.

“Don’t cry.” “Man up.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” These are messages that many men absorb from an early age. And on today’s show, we’re joined by two guests who reflect on the impact of being taught to suppress their emotions — and how they each eventually learned to become, as one of them puts it, “full spectrum humans.”

Early experiences that shaped emotional expression

SREELA:

For you, Cory, when you were growing up, what were some of the ways you experienced emotional expression in your household?

CORY:

It wasn’t really a safe environment for me. I discovered very early to express emotions. There was an expectation to always uphold the status quo — to create this false feeling of everything being okay. One of my earliest memories is the first time I felt something was wrong and tried to share an emotion — I was attacked for doing that. It made me feel like emotions should be compartmentalized, hidden.

SREELA:

You were never given permission to be vulnerable. It was like a punishment if you expressed any sort of humanity, any sort of realness.

CORY:

Exactly. And to this day I’m still aware of a bit of identity management — how people are perceiving me. But fortunately I’ve worked on it a lot over the years. Now I know when it’s happening and I can put those walls down and reopen.

SREELA:

That makes a lot of sense. James, same question — what were your early experiences and how did they shape how you emotionally express yourself?

JAMES:

When I think about emotionally expressing myself, so much of that has been through my writing. I’m a poet — I’ve really been a poet my whole life. I started writing poetry consistently when I was 13. Poetry gave me an outlet in a way I didn’t have in real life. I had this dichotomy of persona because people didn’t know I was writing poetry. I felt like I would’ve been made fun of. It wasn’t normal for a boy in small town Minnesota at that time. I almost felt embarrassed — like it would’ve been a social liability to share my poetry with friends. Even my good friends didn’t know.

SREELA:

The emotion that stood out to me as you were sharing that is shame. There was this deep shame around just being you. Both of you have that same experience: hiding parts of yourselves in different ways, but nonetheless hiding.

JAMES:

I thought that I wasn’t man enough. What was considered cool or masculine — kids were into sports, trucks, more stereotypical masculine things. There was no example around me of a softer, more empathetic, sensitive form of masculinity. So I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn’t fit that mold.

“I took solace in artists and musicians — people I didn’t know, but whose books I could read. It was still an internal experience rather than an outer expression.” — James

How masculinity models shape us

SREELA:

Cory, how do you feel your experiences impacted your views on masculinity and emotional expression?

CORY:

My father was kind of like a Texas Tony Soprano vibe character. Very alpha, tough, cutthroat. He died when I was young. He always had a gun on him, slept with guns under his bed. He ate in restaurants with his back to the wall, watching the entrance. And even as a kid, I thought: why would someone want to live like that? I want to be excited about who I’m going to see around the corner, not scared.

From that early stage, it made me realize that the messaging around masculinity I was observing wasn’t necessarily accurate. It wasn’t the full picture, and it certainly wasn’t who I wanted to be. As I leaned into compassion and the strength that comes with sharing your humanity, it revealed something that was missing in my father: authentic, real human connection.

JAMES:

Cory brought up something really critical — generational trauma. My father was 18 years old when he was sent to Vietnam. He still wakes up with night terrors of enemies that don’t even exist. This is such a shock to the nervous system. And that’s sort of the culture men have grown up in — where to be masculine out of survival means to be tough, to suppress your emotions. But what you suppress long enough will eventually explode.

It’s been so important in my life to create a release valve where pent up emotions can be released in a healthy way. We don’t have to live with clenched fists. We can actually live with open hands.

Treating emotions like a wine tasting

CORY:

One thing I’d share from working on myself: treat emotions almost like wine tasting. Whenever you feel frustrated — instead of reacting, denying, or numbing with alcohol or disassociation — sit with it. Close your eyes and start naming. Drop little words to label any edge of what’s arising. Okay, there’s frustration, there’s sadness, there’s fear. It starts to build a picture. You can frame what you’re actually feeling. And then ask yourself: why might I be feeling these things? You slowly build the language to understand yourself — and then you’re able to articulate it to other people.

SREELA:

I love that analogy because, as a therapist, that’s often what I say: embrace the emotion, feel it, stop judging it — evaluate it, but don’t judge it.

JAMES:

The first step is a subtle shift in awareness from the intellect — the mind, the ego — into the body. Most men are locked into an intellectual paradigm. And the intellect is so limited in a way. When we tune into the wisdom of the body, we open ourselves up to a whole world of subtle intelligence outside the reach of the conscious mind. My biggest breakthrough was connecting with my body, thinking less and feeling more, and not trying to assign judgment on what I was feeling — just being there with it.

“Thinking less and feeling more.” — James

The emotional armor we wear

SREELA:

Let’s get into the emotional armor we wear. Even as a therapist — someone who talks to people about their feelings all the time — I still have to wear a certain amount of armor. What have your experiences been like with that, and how has it impacted your relationships?

CORY:

One thing I learned to do — and I definitely suggest any man who has issues with this try it — is micro expressing emotions throughout the day. Whenever someone says, how was your day? Instead of “it was fine,” you say: “oh, it was really stressful — here’s why.” You test the waters. You learn it’s safe to share a little piece of what you’re feeling.

Men are in an interesting position: we’re told to be strong, get things done, man up — and then also told we should be emotional and vulnerable. And what happens is that when a man does express his emotion, sometimes the person receiving it — even against their own intention — shifts their perception of him. Maybe they see him as weaker, less stable. I’ve talked to a lot of men who say they feel kind of stuck because of that.

JAMES:

To master something is an art of delicate balance. True alpha requires you to be emotionally attuned to the tribe. That is true strength — to lead through empathy rather than ego. In my studies of Taoism, there’s this idea of forcefulness versus stepping back and allowing. It actually does require strength to be gentle. You can’t be of service if you’re trying to lead through force. You need to lead by listening, by being emotionally attuned, by allowing some degree of sensitivity. That’s true strength.

“It actually does require strength to be gentle.” — James

Finding the right environment to open up

SREELA:

When you’ve had the opportunity to be vulnerable, to take down the armor — how has that been?

CORY:

I’ve been very fortunate. I’ve been with my wife for 20 years. She was responsible for creating the container — having the understanding and the patience when I was younger — to grow that part of myself and share it openly. She’s not afraid to confront me with challenging things about the way I’m approaching topics. And I welcome that.

JAMES:

Your environment is so critical to all of this. Not all environments are equally safe to be expressive. If I had stayed in that small town in Minnesota, I may never have found the ability to open up the way I have. It’s so critical to find people that will accept you — the friend group, the partner where you feel safe to express yourself, to be yourself.

SREELA:

Finding your tribe. As therapists, we say it quite often — but there’s a huge truth to it. Sometimes we’re so used to unhealthy or toxic dynamics that we forget we have options.

Passing it on — parenting and the next generation

SREELA:

James, you’re a father. How has the work you’ve done on yourself — learning to navigate emotions — impacted your relationship with your daughter?

JAMES:

So much. My daughter is almost two. Every day is a full spectrum of emotion with her. One of my favorite things to do is sing with her — just make the silliest sounds together. I’m the ultimate silly dad. But I’m also helping her feel completely comfortable expressing herself, to vocalize what she’s feeling. My whole goal is to be a safe place for her to say anything, to share anything. Number one is to make her laugh. But even more than that — to be a safe place for her.

SREELA:

Thinking back to younger James and younger Cory — what would you say your relationship with emotions is today in comparison to your childhood self?

CORY:

Well, first off, I have a relationship with them now. I look at emotions as not only a positive thing, but essential. Our emotions are a different form of wisdom — they speak through a felt sense of self. My goal as a person is to be a full spectrum human. I want to have my mind, my emotions, everything in tune — so I can experience everything it is to be a person and share it with others.

JAMES:

I’m so optimistic about where this is all going as a culture. When I was a kid, hip hop was hyper masculine — all ego and toughness. And then at a certain point, hip hop started to get emotional. Artists like Kid Cudi and Drake started talking about their feelings. As a listener, it felt so liberating — they were giving me permission to be vulnerable, not only in my art, but in my life. There’s been breadcrumbs laid out that it’s okay. A permission slip.

I want to demonstrate a form of masculinity that is more vulnerable, more sensitive — and carry that into my life and work and relationships. Because I feel like we’re in a time of expanding consciousness, and opening up to our emotions is certainly part of that.

I wish you knew…

SREELA:

I want to wrap up by asking you each to finish a sentence: I wish you knew…

JAMES:

I wish you knew how fun and easy and expansive it can be. The image that comes to mind is someone on a diving board, fearful of jumping off because the water means exposure. But once you do it — wow, that wasn’t as bad as I thought. And now I’m in the water and I can swim, and it’s an expansive experience. You can have a richer experience of life than you would if you were just holding it all in.

CORY:

I wish you knew that you didn’t have to be seen as being strong all the time. Once you start softening and allow yourself to really share what you’re actually thinking and feeling with the people that you care about, all of that tension and heaviness and pressure will start to release. And what you’ll feel is emotional freedom.

“Once you start softening — all of that tension and heaviness will start to release. What you’ll feel is emotional freedom.” — Cory

What emotional suppression actually does to us

SREELA:

Cory and James both described what it was like to grow up feeling like parts of themselves had to stay hidden — whether that meant suppressing emotion, or being a young man who loved poetry but felt like he couldn’t say that out loud.

Cory’s “wine tasting” analogy gives us such a useful way to think about deconstructing those feelings: instead of judging what we feel, we can slow down, notice the notes, and start naming those emotions.

But where do those messages about masculinity and vulnerability actually come from? And how do we begin to unlearn them?

To dig deeper, I sat down with BetterHelp therapist David Yadush. Together, we unpacked emotional literacy, shame, and why vulnerability might actually be one of the strongest things we can practice.

SREELA:

David, we had a listener write in to Instagram asking: why do men so often feel they have to carry all the burden and can’t open up to partners or family?

DAVID:

There are so many cultural factors at play. When we grow up male in this society, we’re often encouraged to suppress certain emotions and only express others. Anger and frustration are seen as okay. But softer emotions — happiness, joy, care, sadness — aren’t as acceptable. So we learn we have to push it down. And from that, it makes it really difficult as we get older to know how to name, emote, and share our emotions.

SREELA:

There’s almost a stigma around crying or expressing vulnerability — like it means you’re weak. One of the things James talked about was embarrassment around being themselves. There was so much shame, and fear as a result. How does suppressing that authenticity impact us into adulthood?

DAVID:

Shame is a really difficult emotion. Shame doesn’t erase sensitivity — it just teaches it to go underground. It teaches sensitivity to hide. The more we suppress and hide that as young men, the harder it is to express those emotions as we get older, and the harder it is to truly experience the world fully. If nothing else comes from this, I hope that every young man growing up who likes something that’s not part of the cultural norm — that they have the strength and the support to express those things. Because there’s nothing inherently wrong or non-masculine about those experiences. It’s just what culture has decided. And the more we talk about it, the better it’s going to be for everyone.

What is emotional literacy — and why does it matter?

SREELA:

I want to talk about emotional literacy. What does that term mean to you?

DAVID:

Emotional literacy is the ability to understand, connect with, and communicate emotions — the full spectrum of them. We often talk about anger, fear, joy, sadness — these core basic emotions. But there’s a whole wheel, a whole spectrum in between. Emotional literacy is something you have to work towards and build understanding around. And it connects to something called affect labeling: if you can put a name to what you’re feeling, it takes some of the bite away from it.

Think of it like walking into a dark room. You don’t know what’s there and you’re scared. When you turn the lights on, the fear of the unknown lessens. Emotional literacy is turning the lights on — understanding what you’re feeling, and the underlying things that might exist beneath those feelings. It can expand your experience and take a lot of the fear away from expressing and living within your emotions.

“Emotional literacy is turning the lights on — understanding what you’re feeling, and the underlying things that might exist beneath those feelings.” — David

The mind-body connection and somatic work

SREELA:

James talked about how getting in tune with his physical self helped him get clarity around his emotional self. What are your thoughts on somatic work and the mind-body connection when it comes to emotional literacy?

DAVID:

Incredibly powerful. Somatic work can unlock the blocks around emotion. If we never learned the words for things, we still feel them in our bodies. Our amygdala understands fear, understands excitement — but we may not be able to express it in words. Our body feels it. Our body knows what’s happening.

If you can get in tune with what it means when your stomach is doing flips, or your heart is suddenly pounding — you can start putting more words to those emotions. And the great thing is: there are so many ways to do this that don’t feel like work. Working out, running, doing something physical with your hands like washing the dishes — physical activity can help move emotions through your body and help you process what’s going on in a way that’s much harder to do verbally.

SREELA:

That’s the crucial piece people often miss. When you’re doing those physical activities, you’re actually creating mental strength and neuroplasticity — a better ability to understand your cognition and your emotional self. You’re not just taking care of your physical self. You’re taking care of up here too.

Green flags for healthy vulnerability in relationships

SREELA:

When it comes to what healthy vulnerability looks like — especially for men — what are some green flags?

DAVID:

A huge green flag is when someone is able to say “I can’t talk about this right now” or “I need a moment.” There is something so powerful about recognizing: I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’m feeling something I can’t even name, and I need a moment before I can continue this conversation. Also — someone who’s open to listening to someone else’s vulnerability and being receptive to how they’re feeling. Vulnerability and relationship are a two-way street. Intimacy can’t exist without vulnerability. If someone isn’t willing to share those parts of themselves, that intimacy is going to have holes in it.

SREELA:

The ability to ask for space and hold space — that’s how I’d summarize it. Because it is a partnership. It needs to go both ways.

DAVID:

Perfectly put. And reinforcing those moments of vulnerability makes a big difference. If your partner struggles with vulnerability and they share something — even if it’s just “I don’t know what I need right now” — communicating “I really appreciate you sharing this” without trying to fix it can make leaps and bounds in improving that communication. Responding negatively or pushing back can shut people down and make it harder to express in the future.

How to help a man become more emotionally available

SREELA:

We had another listener question: how can I help a man become more emotionally available?

DAVID:

As a partner, you can’t make anyone become emotionally available. You can’t force it or change the behavior. But if you create the space for them to be emotionally available — if you model it yourself, if you communicate that way — that’s a great way for others to start that journey. If I can express something that’s going on for me, that might trigger something for your partner: yeah, that’s what I’m feeling too. That’s the challenge I couldn’t name before.

SREELA:

The modeling piece is so important. We learn by watching.

Can parenthood change our emotional connection?

SREELA:

James has a two-year-old daughter and is really trying to model experiencing the full spectrum of emotion — acknowledging it, embracing it. Do you think parenthood has the ability to change our own connection with our emotional experiences?

DAVID:

Absolutely. Kids don’t come out of the womb suppressing how they’re feeling — that’s a learned behavior. When you can see a child expressing themselves and you work to understand what they’re feeling and how to support them, that’s going to help you expand personally as well. You build your own emotional intelligence from that experience.

SREELA:

Parenting stretches you. And for a man who has suppressed and hidden himself growing up — becoming a father makes that not even an option. That proves the point: there’s no real age limit to learning. We can learn and relearn at any stage. It’s just a question of whether you’re ready and willing to do that work.

What it means to be a full spectrum human

SREELA:

Cory spoke about aspiring to be what he called a “full spectrum human.” What does that mean to you?

DAVID:

A full spectrum human is someone who no longer exiles parts of themselves in order to feel worthy. Someone who is able to connect with all of those parts — the good, the bad, everything in between — and recognizes that they’re worthy as the person they are fully, without having to push those things aside. The more you suppress even the bad stuff — the more you push down sadness — the less you can feel joy. Everything starts to get a little numb. A full spectrum human is someone who can live within that spectrum and is open to feeling it all.

SREELA:

Thank you so much, David. I really love and enjoy going through these episodes with you — you always add such great depth to the conversation.

CREDITS:

SREELA:

I want to give a big thank you to BetterHelp for their passion for this project, and for giving us a platform to champion the well-being in all of us. Mind If We Talk is produced by Acast Creative Studios in collaboration with BetterHelp, and hosted by me, Sreela Roy-Greene. If you like what you just heard, drop us a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and share the episode with your friends! Maybe one of our topics will help someone in your life. And remember, your happiness matters.

Mind If We Talk is intended for entertainment and education, not for mental health diagnosis or medical advice.