How To Move On When You Can't Stop Thinking About Him
Have you gone through a recent breakup that’s left you thinking constantly about your ex? If so, you are not alone.
After a breakup, many people find it difficult to stop thinking about their ex. The person you loved may be constantly on your mind, even when you’re around other people or otherwise preoccupied with life.
When you’re not sure how to stop thinking about someone, it can be frustrating and can even take a toll on your mental health. However, there are steps you can take that may help you break the cycle of rumination and begin to heal. Ultimately, this may help you move on to different relationships, pursue new passions, and gain a fresh outlook on life.
I can’t stop thinking about him
It can be difficult to change and take control of your thoughts when they circle around the same subject. Rumination tends to be common after the end of a romantic relationship, and people often have difficulty bringing this negative cycle to an end. If you feel discouraged, you might consider that simply searching for an end to your repetitive thinking patterns is a start within itself. You may not know how to stop thinking about him yet, but this is a skill you can learn.
Thought reframing
If you want to stop thinking about your ex, you might consider trying a technique called cognitive restructuring. When you notice a thought, you can first recognize it and then ask yourself whether it is true. If it isn’t, then you can replace the thought with something else.
For example, if you experience a negative or inaccurate thought, such as “This breakup happened because there’s something wrong with me,” you might tell yourself, “People go through breakups all the time and for many reasons. This has nothing to do with me.” Over time, the intrusive thoughts may not bother you as frequently, and when they do occur, they may bring you less emotional distress.
Find new activities you never did with him
Thought reframing may help you curb repetitive thoughts, but your days might seem empty at times without your ex. If you spend all your time doing activities you once participated in together, you may be confronted with constant reminders of him.
It may help to look for new activities that you enjoy on your own, especially activities that require you to be fully engaged, mentally as well as physically. Doing something that takes little concentration, such as watching TV, may lead you back to thoughts of him. However, if you take up an activity like cycling, you must focus on the road ahead and keep your body in motion if you want to keep from falling. This kind of activity can occupy your mind and body and give you a new experience at the same time.
Revisiting places you frequented together may also cause you to think of your ex more often. It may help to try to create new memories that don’t involve him so that you can begin to move on. The less you are confronted with reminders of him, the easier it may be to think healthier, more productive thoughts.
It’s okay to think of him sometimes
If you had a positive relationship with your ex, you might not want to forget it entirely. You may have pleasant memories that you can enjoy from time to time. You may consider setting up a short amount of time in which you let yourself think about him, maybe 5-10 minutes. Once that time is up, you can focus on your own growth, including what you can bring to a new relationship if you choose to begin one.
Once you learn how to control your thoughts of him, it may not bother you to think of him occasionally. While you cannot control all of the thoughts that come into your mind, you can decide how you respond to them. It may help to give yourself grace and be patient as you work through this process, allowing yourself plenty of time to heal.
Over time, with the help of some of these suggestions, you may find it easier to accept thoughts of your ex as they arise, let those thoughts fade, and continue about your day. It may help to keep working toward this goal even when you experience setbacks. With dedication and consistent effort, you may find that you experience freedom from rumination about your ex.
Talking to a counselor about rumination
If you’ve tried everything to stop thinking about your ex and still can’t overcome the rumination, a therapist may be able to help. If you don’t feel comfortable visiting a therapist’s office after a breakup, you may benefit from online therapy. With online therapy at BetterHelp, you can speak with a licensed therapist from home or anywhere you feel comfortable, as long as you have an internet connection. You can communicate via audio, video, live chat, or a combination of these modalities.
Also, since you’ll have 24/7 access to in-app messaging, you can reach out to your therapist any time the thoughts feel overwhelming or out of control. Knowing that you have an outlet in which to express yourself at any time may help you cope more effectively with any emotional distress you’re facing.
The efficacy of online counseling
Online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy in treating common mental health disorders and other concerns. One study assessed the effectiveness of an internet-based intervention for those struggling with repetitive negative thinking. Researchers found that participants experienced fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and distress. Additionally, they had fewer episodes of repetitive negative thinking and were more able to take control of their thoughts.
Takeaway
When a romantic relationship comes to an end, it can be challenging to stop thinking about your ex. Your thoughts might come back to them often throughout the day, and you may feel unable to let them go. While changing your thought patterns can be difficult, you can learn how to take more control over how you respond to your thoughts. An online therapist may be able to teach you strategies for stopping your negative thoughts in their tracks and give you tips for healing from the loss as well. Take the first step toward freedom from rumination about your ex and contact BetterHelp today.
What does it mean if I can't stop thinking about him?
Not being able to quit thinking about someone could have a variety of different meanings depending on your relationship, your mental health, and your typical thought patterns. In some cases, obsessive thoughts can be a sign of a mental health condition like anxiety. Or, it could also mean you have some kind of strong feelings related to this person—that you want to form or rekindle a relationship with them, that they challenge you or have made you think in some way, or that you care for them. If you’re having trouble sorting out your thoughts and feelings about someone, spending time journaling and/or meeting with a mental health professional could help.
What does it mean if you can't stop thinking about someone?
Having constant thoughts about someone in your daily life often means you are experiencing some kind of intense emotions related to them. It could be physical attraction or romantic attraction, unresolved feelings from a past relationship, or even concerns about what they think or hurt as a result of something they said or did. Taking time to sit with your emotions and express them through journaling or speaking with a marriage and family therapist (who has a master’s degree and is licensed in their state) could help you get to the bottom of it.
Why am I constantly thinking about him?
It depends on the relationship you have with this person. If he’s an ex-boyfriend, your mind could be ruminating on the end of the relationship or how it made you feel. If he’s someone you’re dating or just getting to know, constantly thinking about him could indicate an intense attraction or at least a curiosity to get to know him better. If these thoughts are making you feel anxious, confusing you, or otherwise preventing you from living a fulfilled life, meeting with a therapist could help you address them.
Can someone feel you thinking about them?
There’s no scientific evidence that potential romantic partners or anyone else can feel it when you’re thinking of them, although some individuals and cultures believe this to be true.
Does he think of me when I think of him?
There’s no way to know for sure what someone else is thinking. If there’s mutual attraction between you and another person, it’s possible that he’s thinking of you while you’re thinking of him. To know how he feels about you, it’s generally best to ask. In addition, certain clues when you’re together—such as intimate body language, showing an interest in getting to know you, and being vulnerable—could indicate that a person may be interested in you and thinking of you often.
How do you know he is thinking of you?
You can’t know what someone else is thinking unless you ask. If they’ve expressed attraction for you, it’s possible they’re thinking about you even when you’re apart.
How do I stop longing for someone?
It can take time for romantic feelings of longing for someone to dissipate. Taking up new hobbies, spending time with friends, engaging in mental and physical self-care, expressing your emotions in healthy ways, focusing on your personal growth, and taking time to grieve the relationship or the future you envisioned can all be helpful in letting such intense emotions run their course.
Why do I obsessively think about someone?
Obsessively thinking about someone could be how some people experience the early days of romantic love. It could also be a sign of an anxiety disorder or another mental health challenge. If you’re concerned about your thought patterns or if they’re causing you distress, it may be worth speaking with a therapist or counselor.
How do I know I am in love?
People may experience romantic love in different ways. In general though, it takes the form of thinking about this person often, wanting to be deeply involved in their life and their journey, desiring an emotionally intimate connection, and making an effort to learn more about them and support them.
When you miss someone so much, can they feel it?
Anecdotal evidence aside, there’s no scientific research that reflects that a person can feel it when you miss them. However, if you had a loving, supportive connection when you were together, they may remember and feel it still when you’re not.
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