Although He’s Gone, I Can’t Stop Thinking About Him

By: Patricia Oelze

Updated February 07, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Alvina Acquaye


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When someone you have loved leaves, life can seem empty and worthless. You may find yourself saying "I can't stop thinking about him." He's on your mind constantly, and you don't know how to change that. But, it doesn't have to be that way. You can make changes that will set you on your new path in life. You may be without him, but you can move on to new relationships, new pleasures, and a new outlook of life.

But, I Can't Stop Thinking About Him!

It can be hard to change your thoughts when they circle around the same subject. It's hard to break out of the loop. The good news is that you've already started the process. Your search for an end to the torment is inherent in your expression of despair. You want to end the seemingly endless thoughts. And, your desire to start anew will carry you through to a more peaceful existence.

Start by Stopping


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Try a technique called thought-stopping. Whenever a thought of him comes into your mind, bring up a mental image of a stop sign ahead. Or, you can yell the word "Stop!" in your mind. If you're alone, you can even say "Stop!" out loud. The more often you do this, the faster you will train yourself to let the thought subside.

Find New Activities You Never Shared with Him


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Thought-stopping can help you stop the thought, but your days might still seem empty without him. If you spend all your time doing activities you once participated in together, you'll be confronted with constant reminders of the life you used to share.

Look for activities that require you to be fully engaged, mentally as well as physically. Often, doing something that takes little concentration can lead you back to thoughts of him. For example, if you take up bicycle-riding, you have to focus on the road ahead and keep your body in motion if you want to keep from falling. It occupies you and gives you a new experience at the same time.

It's Okay to Think of Him Sometimes


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If you had a good relationship with him, you won't want to forget it entirely. Those are pleasant memories you can enjoy from time-to-time throughout your life. So, after you learn to stop your thoughts of him when you want to and get involved in activities that can help you focus on something else, you can think of him occasionally. Set-up a short amount of time you will think of him, maybe 5-10 minutes and keep a timer, once that time is up, focus on you and things you can do for yourself to build up who you are and what you can bring to a new relationship when that time comes. Overtime with the help of some of these suggestions, you'll probably find it easier to think of him for a moment and then let the thought fade and continue about your day, living your best life.

A Counselor Can Help

If the thoughts of him are hard to overcome, a licensed therapist can help you learn and practice these and other ways of changing your thought patterns. You'll learn that you do have control of your thoughts and can learn how to master that control. The time you spend speaking with a therapist can be a time of healing from the loss, too. It only takes a moment to set up a time to speak to them, and soon, you'll feel more at peace and balanced with your thoughts.


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