How To Know When It’s Time To Let Go: Signs A Relationship Is Over And Ways To Cope
The end of an intimate relationship may be one of the most challenging experiences. It may also open new doors in your life. Initially, losing an intimate relationship may feel highly distressing if you once believed it was leading you down the path of lasting love, marriage, or having a family.
When you start to see signs your relationship is in trouble, you may feel urges to ignore the signs. You might also decide to work with your partner to overcome them or decide to end things.
Many relationships aren’t meant to last forever. 64% of Americans have experienced a breakup at some point. When a separation occurs, it can be hard to move past the pain you feel. However, it’s often possible to learn from that experience, grow, and come out better on the other side.
The ending of an intimate relationship may be a sign that you have grown to understand what doesn't work for you and what does work for you. You may have learned to identify your deal-breakers and must-haves along the way. As a result, the chances for success in your next relationship could be substantially higher.
How to know when a relationship is over
Instead of trying to hang on to a partnership that may have run its course, it may help you to understand that intimate relationships can come to an end for many reasons. In many cases, it involves changing desires, personal growth, or circumstances beyond control. Often, two people grow apart and find that they're better as friends. No matter the reason, there are often indicators that the relationship may not work for one or both partners.
The signs of a failing relationship can be hard to see if you're unaware of what to look for. The reasons why one relationship might fail can be different from the reasons another relationship doesn't work out. However, specific behavior patterns can let you know whether it might be time for you to go your separate ways. The following are signs that may signal the end of your intimate relationship.
Lots of emotional arguments
Many couples find that the number of arguments about seemingly “little things” will increase toward the end of a relationship, especially when arguments seem to come out of the blue. Constant arguments may make the relationship untenable, and both parties might decide that ending the relationship is the best step. On the other hand, couples therapy may be an option if you hope to work through the arguments and learn new communication skills.
Always working late
Although you or your partner might need to stay late at work sometimes because your job demands it, some people may use working late as an excuse not to come home and face their partner. If your significant other has suddenly started working tons of overtime that isn't mandatory, consider reaching out to ask what has changed.
Hiding their phone
If your partner used to grant you authority to their phone but has now locked it down or reacts defensively when you are near it, this may be a sign that they may have plans or interests that don't include you.
Sudden changes in behavior
Do you wonder whether you're in the twilight zone because your partner's behavior has changed so drastically? This behavioral change could signify that their feelings about the relationship have also changed.
If abuse has become a factor in your relationship, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for helpful information and resources.
Obvious lack of interest
If your partner used to shower you with affection but is not putting forward as much effort anymore, this might be a sign that the relationship is close to the end or that their feelings have changed.
However, some individuals may become distant when dealing with a personal loss, struggle, or mental health condition. In this case, communicating about the concerns your partner is having may be beneficial.
They tell you it's over
If your partner starts jokingly (or seriously) dropping hints that they want to end your intimate relationship, they might be signaling their true intentions. Pay attention to whether breakup hints have become a regular part of your routine.
If your partner drops these hints frequently, they may be trying to tell you something. If you're the one making those jokes, you might want to examine whether you're serious about ending it or not.
No conversation
If your partner suddenly stops filling you in on all the important details of their life like they used to, they may be thinking about ending the relationship.
Making excuses
Has your partner been making tons of excuses for not answering your calls, abruptly canceling dates, or not remembering essential milestones? This forgetfulness could signify that your relationship may not be their number one priority anymore.
Three ways to cope when your intimate relationship is over
There are several ways to work through complicated feelings after the end of an intimate relationship.
1. Practice self-care
When an intimate relationship comes to an end, individuals may have different strategies for how to deal with the emotions they feel. Some people may isolate themselves, while others might turn to friends and family to help them feel better and heal from the breakup.
When faced with losing someone, you may revert to what makes you feel most comfortable, whether that includes going out with friends or snuggling up on the couch with pizza and a movie. Grief is often a part of the breakup process, so feeling unsteady and wanting to be alone is a normal reaction. However, an important thing to remember is that you can use this time when you're alone to care for yourself and learn to be alone for a while.
Self-care can be especially critical after you've experienced an emotional loss. Remembering to rest, exercise, and focus on deep breathing and meditation to process the feelings you're experiencing may help you get through the pain and move on. Be gentle with yourself and recognize that you are mourning the loss of your relationship. It's okay to go at your own pace while learning to take care of the new you.
2. Exercise
The last thing you may want to do after a painful breakup is exercise. However, exercising is one of the things that may help you feel better. Exercising can relieve the stress that may come with a life change, and it helps produce endorphins that can boost your mood.
Getting your blood flowing can keep your mind and body limber, and you don't have to do anything vigorous if you can't manage it for whatever reason. A ten-minute walk can help ease your mind, center your thoughts, and relieve uncomfortable feelings like anxiety or sadness. Exercise can be especially important for people who have mental health conditions, the symptoms of which might worsen after a breakup.
3. Talk to someone
When a breakup produces painful emotions, it can be normal to want to seek emotional support. Talking through your feelings with a trusted friend or family can help you process the breakup and potentially start to move on with life.
To help you gain valuable insights as you grieve the loss of a relationship or address other life challenges, consider talking to a licensed mental health professional. You can do this in person, if that suits you better, or through an online therapy platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Online therapy may help you learn new coping strategies for losing your intimate relationship. A licensed therapist can also provide advice and support as you try to learn from this experience and grow as a person.
Online therapy is an excellent option for people who want to connect with a therapist from the comfort of their own homes, and studies have shown that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions. You can participate in sessions via live chat, phone call, or voice call, and you'll have the option to message your therapist outside of sessions.
Read below for counselor reviews from BetterHelp users who have reached out for help for similar reasons.
Counselor reviews
"Working with Lynn has truly been life-changing. I came to Betterhelp feeling like I was drowning and had no idea where to even start. The questionnaire placed me with Lynn based on my needs and her skillset, and it could not have been a better match. Lynn provides you with the tools you need to get the life you desire while listening without judgment, calling you out when you need it, and applying humor, logic, and sympathy to difficult conversations. I can honestly say she has made a huge positive impact on my life and my relationships. I am grateful for her every day and highly recommend her as a therapist."
"Like many, I was very skeptical about if therapy would be right for me. Especially given the variance in who you might arrive at as a therapist. Whilst it took a couple of tries to find the right person. I am absolutely blessed to have ended up with Jasmin as my therapist. She is highly professional and her style is exactly the kind I feel suits me. Meaning our sessions always feel valuable and I am more and more comfortable with talking. Especially as a male, speaking to a stranger about how you feel can be daunting and perhaps make us feel 'weak'. However, I am overall a more content person since starting therapy and can be an even stronger individual for the people close to me as a result of this. Jasmin is truly excellent and I could not recommend her more highly."
Takeaway
Now that you know how to recognize the signs that your intimate relationship may end, where will you go from here? Will you fight for your relationship by learning new strategies or participating in relationship counseling with your partner? Or will you decide to break up and go your own way?
Whatever you decide, know that support is available. If you need someone to talk to, therapists and counselors are standing by to help you navigate this difficult time and get you on the path to a healthy, happy future.
What are the signs when a relationship is over?
While break ups can look different for different romantic relationships, there are some common signs it’s time to let go. Some things to look for include:
- Being with your partner feels emotionally draining
- You feel like your partner needs to change in some significant way before you can commit to a future with them
- You find yourself frequently apologizing for who you are
- You find yourself doing all the sacrificing in your relationship
- You break up and get together over and over again
- You don’t trust your partner
- You hide things about your partner from friends or family
- You are experiencing emotional or physical abuse
What does letting go feel like?
As with any kind of loss, letting go of a relationship can bring out a lot of emotions. You may feel sadness, anger, fear, happiness, regret, relief, or bitterness. Initially, you may feel a lot of negative emotions, but as you begin to accept the breakup, you may find yourself feeling more positive. However, everyone experiences loss differently, so there is no one way to feel. Don’t feel frustrated if you feel yourself moving backward into negative emotions--you may go back and forth for some time.
How do you know if a relationship isn't going to last?
You may not always know right away, especially if there are reasons that you want to hang on to the relationship. However, some signs may indicate a relationship is not healthy for the long term. Some of these include:
- You fight constantly
- You don’t feel like you can be your true selves around each other
- Your relationship has a negative impact on your mental state (you always feel anxious, depressed, jealous, etc.)
- You feel a constant need to explain your partner’s behavior to friends or family
What are the 5 stages of a breakup?
There are five stages of grief that many people can experience during a breakup with a significant other. Experts agree that these stages are not always linear and that some people may skip over stages, or reach a stage and move backward to an earlier stage. However, knowing these stages can help give you an idea of what emotions you might expect.
- Denial. Is this really happening? Maybe they’ll come back. Denial is common during the initial breakup period.
- Anger. This stage can often be cathartic. You may find yourself blaming your significant other, or focusing on their past mistakes. However, you can use that energy to get rid of stuff that reminds you of them and to block them from social media platforms.
- Bargaining. During the bargaining stage you may find yourself thinking about things you could have done differently to make things work.
- Depression. You may feel a strong longing for your ex-partner during this phase, and experience symptoms like changes in appetite, fatigue, and a desire to isolate.
- Acceptance. The acceptance stage doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re feeling happy, but that you are in a place where you can see your losses and your gains a bit more clearly.
What are red flags in a relationship?
The term red flags is a colloquialism for problematic behaviors. These are things that your partner may say or do that communicate “danger” to yourself, emotionally or even physically. Red flags can include many different behaviors that are counter indicative of a healthy relationship, up to and including outright abuse.
What is the first step of letting go?
The first step to letting go of a relationship is acknowledging that it no longer serves you, and that it’s time to let go. If you can admit this to yourself, and also expect that there will be pain on both sides, you will be in a stronger place to begin the process, even though it hurts.
What is the most painful stage of a breakup?
There’s no wrong or right answer to this question because people experience emotions (and the breakup that precipitate them) differently.
How long does a relationship breakup last?
This depends very much on the individual relationship. Some breakups can be quick and relatively painless, while others seem to drag on for months.
Why is silence powerful after a breakup?
Silence can be powerful after a breakup because it allows you to create needed space. Even when it’s time to let go we can find ourselves trying to talk ourselves out of it, or to prolong the inevitable with excuses, questions, or explanations. Maintaining silence can allow you (and your ex) to process the breakup and let it happen in a healthier way.
How do you know someone is using you?
It’s often difficult to see that someone is using you in the moment. When we are in the depths of romantic attraction, we tend to gloss over a lot of problematic areas. As the saying goes, “You don’t see red flags when you’re wearing rose-colored glasses.”
However, if you suspect that you’re being used, ask yourself some hard questions. Do you find that you are spending your energy on their wellbeing, but that you aren’t seeing a return? Are you continually present for them, but find that your needs aren’t being met? Do they ask for assistance (money, labor) but in your times of need, they don’t come through? If you notice these patterns, the truth may be that your partner has been using you.
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