I Broke Up With My Girlfriend, But I Think I Miss Her
You finally do it, you rip that Band-Aid off and break up with your girlfriend. Initially, after all that time thinking “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I love her”, and stressing out over it, you may feel relieved and seem ready to be single or find a more fulfilling relationship by dating other people.
But then a few weeks later you find that you feel sad, miss her, and want her back in your world. Why does this happen after a relationship ends?
If Life is so Darn Good without Her, Why Do You Miss Her?
When you break up with someone you care about deeply in your life, it's sometimes because you're afraid of the changes that person represents - like growing up and outgrowing some of your friends.
When it comes down to it, you have to ask yourself how important hanging on to your “freedom” really is when all is said and done. When all your guy friends leave your apartment and go home to their own world - probably to their girlfriends and possibly their kids - you are the one left to clean up the mess and go to bed alone and you might even feel guilty for deciding to end things. If there’s no real closure, you will most likely also still feel sad, hurt and lost too.
When you find yourself missing the person you broke up with and feeling worse about it, you need to tell yourself the truth and reassess the reasons for the breakup in the first place.
Write it down: what was the reason you broke up with her and did that differ from what you told her? If you felt suffocated and your negative emotions led to the idea of breaking up, did you discuss this with her and hope to seek solutions? If that's not the case, then the fault ceases to lie with your girlfriend, but rather with your own ability to establish boundaries and this is a common reason why a lot of relationships end and people head in different directions.
Everyone Needs Space
Everybody needs space in a serious relationship, but should you throw out a whole relationship to get it? If you decided to do this and find yourself missing her every day, the answer is: probably not. Instead of communicating your relationship issues with her, you hastily acted, made a wrong decision, and now you may want to backtrack because you regret breaking up. This is a common thought that pops up even when people start dating someone else.
Is it too Late to Go Back?
If you really miss your girlfriend, there’s no shame in admitting these feelings. It takes time to analyze any situation. Don’t call her back after a single day of the single life, but if a few months or even years go by and you still miss what you had in the past, you might be wondering if she’ll take you back after the break up. Will she even be your friend again?
Maybe, maybe not. But don't let the "maybe not" prevent you from asking about her feelings and emotions on the matter and trying to get an answer. If you entertain the idea of getting back together and you do decide to ask, and she’s willing to take you back, the problems that ended the relationship may still be present. Just because you acted too quickly doesn't mean you were without justification or were in the wrong.
Or maybe you don't know what you want. Before rushing into makeup mode, you need to wait and spend time thinking about what you're willing to do to make the relationship work. You also need to understand what she's willing to do. After all, you need to realize that there's no point in asking her to take you back if the relationship is just going to deal with the same things and problems which may lead to dragging out the relationship again and will lead you to feel worse and want to break up once more.
If you hope to succeed, you’ll need to work these problems out by being honest and showing respect to each other's concerns. It doesn’t matter how much you want it, if you aren’t considerate to the other side of the story.
Once you've given the issue some thought, consider texting, calling, or scheduling a video chat with her. Say you want to get together somewhere and talk things over. Don't get her hopes up or "put the ball in her court" by saying you want to get back together right away. Then explain why you broke things off and that you think your problems could be worked out after all. See where the conversation goes - it’s the right thing to do and you might find the answer you hoped for.
In real life, all lasting relationships have fights and maybe one day you'll see this episode as merely a spat and won’t matter in the long run. Or maybe, you'll be glad you moved on and won’t feel sad and regret breaking up anymore. But the best way to be sure is to have that conversation now, which will be the most important thing you need to do if you hope to attempt to fix the issues. Having this open and honest conversation will make a world of a difference going forward and will help answer questions by allowing you to process things about what happened in the past.
What You Need Versus What You're Willing to Compromise
Relationships are about give and take, and we should only take what is given freely. When we first meet someone and fall in love with that person, we often spend a lot of time together and are too lost in the foggy notion of love to recognize how our wants may change later. By the time those changes occur, we're in so deep and we've crossed so many boundaries with our partner, we don't know how to get back to a state of emotional balance in our life anymore.
It's not impossible to achieve this balance, but most people either break up or continue in a relationship with the wrong person, which isn't working out. If you're reading this, you're likely in the former camp. This brings you back to the option of trying to get back together.
Consider saying you were moving too fast and you needed some time to think. But take that time to think! Spend a moment in that space you craved and see how you feel. Even though she didn't request it, the space may benefit her as well. Once you've settled and you’re feeling ready, reach out for a conversation.
What to Keep in Mind
Whatever your decision is regarding dealing with missing your girlfriend and breaking up with them in the first place, you may need some support while working things out in your own mind before attempting to work them out with her. This is definitely important if you have kids together, since this also impacts their lives too.
You might need some help in uncovering the true reason behind the breakup. That is one thing your girlfriend is going to want to talk about when the makeup negotiations begin. This is one of the more difficult conversations you can have, and won’t necessarily be fun, but showing respect and addressing these feelings and emotions will be the right thing to do if you have any desire to repair your love life.
That's why talking about it to someone on the outside of the situation can help you and your partner gain the clarity you need.
An online counselor is a great option for you to consider when you are thinking about whether to reconcile with your girlfriend. Sometimes talking to a person who is objective and hearing their advice can be freeing and can feel safer than talking to your close friends about emotional issues.
Not only that,’ BetterHelp’s licensed and professional counselors have the experience to help you to understand what healthy relationships should look like and how to navigate disagreements with your potential life partner. That way, when something’s wrong in this relationship or a future relationship you aren’t stuck between staying in a bad spot and pulling out to start over. Research shows that online therapy is a powerful tool in strengthening couples.
You may read the full study here: Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.
If you aren’t familiar with the concept of online counseling, it can seem a little strange to any person first hearing about it. So before you get started, check out more blogs like this one, read the terms and conditions, read the entire articles we have that discuss online counseling in more detail, and read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people dealing with a similar personal experience.
"I've worked with Alyson for 1 month and it was my first time working with a therapist. From when I started, I feel so much better. I was dealing with frustrations in my relationship and I also was constantly stressed and anxious. Alyson showed me ways to communicate better in my relationship and how to work at them. She also helped me with stress management tactics and now I feel really good about how to handle my stress. I feel much less anxious now. Overall I am in a much happier place and obstacles feel like merely obstacles because there's stress-free ways to tackle life problems. Thank you so much, Alyson!"
"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"
Almost all of us experience breakups. Some of those breakups are necessary in the long run, and few are easy, even if you want to break up with your partner. If you have trouble getting through a breakup with a person you loved, especially if it was with someone you considered your best friend, this is normal. Support is available both through your friends and family and through online counselors at BetterHelp. Whatever your story is, you can move forward in your life. All you need are the right tools. Take the first step.
Commonly Asked Questions On This Topic Found Below:
- How do you break up with your girlfriend even though you still love her?
- Can you love someone but still want to break up?
- How do you leave a relationship when you're in love?
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- How do you know you shouldn't break up?
- How do I know breaking up is the right thing?
- How do you break up if you still love each other?
- When should you quit a relationship?
- What do you do when your boyfriend breaks up with you but still love him?