You finally do it, you rip that Band-Aid off and break up with your girlfriend. Initially, you may feel relieved and seem ready to be single or find a more fulfilling relationship.
But then a few weeks later you find that you miss her and want her back. Why does this happen?
If Life is so Darn Good without Her, Why Do You Miss Her?
When you break up with someone you care about deeply, it's sometimes because you're afraid of the changes that person represents - like growing up and outgrowing some of your friends.
When it comes down to it, you have to ask yourself how important hanging on to your “freedom” really is when all is said and done. When all your guy friends leave your apartment and go home - probably to their girlfriends - you are the one left to clean up the mess and go to bed alone.
When you find yourself missing the person you broke up with, you need to reassess the reasons for the breakup in the first place.
Write it down: what was the reason you broke up with her and did that differ from what you told her? If you felt suffocated, did you discuss this with her and seek solutions? If that's not the case, then the fault ceases to lie with your girlfriend, but rather with your own ability to establish boundaries.
Everyone Needs Space
Everybody needs space, but should you throw out a whole relationship to get it? If you did and find yourself missing her every day, the answer is: probably not. Instead of communicating your relationship issues with her, you hastily acted and now you may want to backtrack.
Is it too Late to Go Back?
If you really miss your girlfriend, there’s no shame in admitting it. It takes time to analyze any situation. Don’t call her back after a single day of the single life, but if months or even years go by and you still miss what you had, you might be wondering if she’ll take you back.
Maybe, maybe not. But don't let the "maybe not" prevent you from asking. If you do ask, and she does take you back, the problems that ended the relationship may still be present. Just because you acted too quickly doesn't mean you were without justification.
Or maybe you don't know what you want. Before rushing into makeup mode, you need to think about what you're willing to do to make the relationship work. You also need to understand what she's willing to do. After all, there's no point in asking her to take you back if the relationship is just going to deal with the same things and problems again.
Once you've given the issue some thought, consider texting, calling, or scheduling a video chat with her. Say you want to get together somewhere and talk things over. Don't get her hopes up or "put the ball in her court" by saying you want to get back together right away. Then explain why you broke things off and that you think your problems could be worked out after all. See where the conversation goes.
All lasting relationships have fights and maybe one day you'll see this episode as merely a spat. Or maybe you'll be glad you moved on. But the best way to be sure is to have that conversation now.
What You Need Versus What You're Willing to Compromise
Relationships are about give and take, and we should only take what is given freely. When we first meet someone and fall in love, we often spend a lot of time together and are too lost in the foggy notion of love to recognize how our wants may change later. By the time those changes occur, we're in so deep and we've crossed so many boundaries, we don't know how to get back to a state of emotional balance.
It's not impossible to achieve this balance, but many either break up or continue in a relationship that isn't working. If you're reading this, you're likely in the former camp. This brings you back to the option of trying to get back together.
Consider saying you were moving too fast and you needed some time to think. But take that time to think! Spend a moment in that space you craved and see how you feel. Even though she didn't request it, the space may benefit her as well. Once you've settled, reach out for a conversation.
What to Keep in Mind
Whatever your decision is regarding dealing with missing your girlfriend, you may need some support while working things out in your own mind before attempting to work them out with her.
You might need some help in uncovering the true reason behind the breakup. That is one thing your girlfriend is going to want to talk about when the makeup negotiations begin.
That's why talking about it to someone on the outside of the situation can help you gain the clarity you need.
An online counselor is a great option for you to consider when you are thinking about whether to reconcile with your girlfriend. Sometimes talking to someone who is objective can be freeing and can feel safer than talking to your close friends about emotional issues.
Not only that’ BetterHelp’s licensed and professional counselors have the experience to help you to understand what healthy relationships should look like and how to navigate disagreements. That way, when something’s wrong in this relationship or a future relationship you aren’t stuck between staying in a bad sport and pulling out to start over. Research shows that online therapy is a powerful tool in strengthening couples.
You may read the full study here: Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.
If you aren’t familiar with the concept of online counseling, it can seem a little strange. So before you get started, check out more blogs like this one, read the terms and conditions, read the entire articles we have that discuss online counseling in more detail, and read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people dealing with a similar personal experience.
"I've worked with Alyson for 1 month and it was my first time working with a therapist. From when I started, I feel so much better. I was dealing with frustrations in my relationship and I also was constantly stressed and anxious. Alyson showed me ways to communicate better in my relationship and how to work at them. She also helped me with stress management tactics and now I feel really good about how to handle my stress. I feel much less anxious now. Overall I am in a much happier place and obstacles feel like merely obstacles because there's stress-free ways to tackle life problems. Thank you so much, Alyson!"
"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"
Almost all of us experience breakups. Some of those breakups are necessary, and few are easy. If you have trouble getting through a breakup, this is normal. Support is available both through your friends and family members and through online counselors at BetterHelp. Whatever your story is, you can move forward. All you need are the right tools. Take the first step.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What Should I Do if I Just Broke Up with My Girlfriend?
When you break up with your girlfriend, you may feel a roller-coaster of emotions. Some people may feel relief if it was a toxic relationship, but others may feel upset, afraid, or have another emotion as well. After a breakup, it’s normal for you to feel emotions that contradict each other, or fluctuate.
If you just broke up, here are some pieces of advice we can give:
Will I Regret Breaking Up with my Girlfriend?
This all depends on the person and the situation. Someone may have no regrets breaking up with their girlfriend, especially if the relationship just wasn't meant to be or was toxic for everyone involved.
You may say "I broke up with my girlfriend and I don't regret it," but that may change. The initial breakup may feel sound, but soon, you may change your tune. "I broke up with my girlfriend" becomes "I'm thinking I broke up with my girlfriend too soon," then you may soon say "I regret what I did."
Someone who breaks up can regret it eventually. They wonder what would have happened if they stayed together, and they may beg the girlfriend to come back.
Some people will fluctuate between regretting the breakup and not regretting it.
In the end, time usually determines whether or not it was a regret.
Even if it never becomes regret, it’s normal for you to miss your girlfriend – or at least things that you used to do together – from time to time.
How Do Guys Feel After they Break Up with their Girlfriend?
A man can have quite a few emotions after breaking up with his girlfriend. Some men are stubborn with their emotions and may not show it, or act like they don't care and have gleefully moved on. Yet many men feel the same emotions that women do. A man may feel regret, sadness, anger, confusion, doubt, and other difficult emotions.
If you're a man who has broken up with his girlfriend and you feel these emotions, it's okay to talk about them. Breakups are tough, even if the relationship wasn't meant to be, and speaking about it to your friends, family, or a therapist doesn't make you weaker.
In fact, it makes you stronger because you can come to terms with your feelings and learn how to move past how you're feeling. So, do not be afraid to talk to someone about it.
Is it Normal to Feel Guilty After a Breakup?
When you break up with your significant other, there's a chance that you may feel guilt, even if the relationship wasn't meant to be. You may feel guilty about being the one to break up with them or feel guilty over everything negative you've contributed to the relationship.
Do Dumpers Regret?
Many people who initiated a breakup do feel regret, and this is known as dumper's remorse.
Even though a person was the dumper, they may still feel some type of remorse for what they did. There are many reasons why a breakup happened, and for some dumpers, they aren't sure if they did the right thing. They may feel regret for hurting the other person or feel regret for ending the relationship.
Sometimes, dumper's remorse can lead to the relationship repairing itself. Other times, a dumper may not feel anything at all.
Do Dumpers Miss their Ex?
It depends on the relationship, but many dumpers end up missing their ex. Even if the relationship wasn't the best, the dumper may think about the good times. If the reason for breakup was complicated, a dumper may wonder if it was the right thing to do. Some dumpers may not miss their ex, but there are plenty who do.
Does Your Ex Regret Breaking Up You?
Some exes may feel regret, even if they act like they don't feel anything. If an ex is always trying to speak to you and speaks favorably of you, there's a chance that your ex may feel some kind of regret in the relationship. Sometimes, that regret is temporary, but other times, it can haunt your ex for a while.
Does the Dumper Feel Guilty?
In many situations, a dumper may feel guilty for breaking up, even if they are the ones who initiated it. They may wonder if it was the right thing to do, and if the breakup was intense, they may regret not breaking up with you in a much easier way. There are many reasons why a dumper may feel guilt, even if they don't show it initially.
Do Guys Feel Hurt After a Breakup?
Yes, many guys can be hurt after a breakup, even if they initiated it and they pretend like it doesn't bother them.
A guy may show hurt through different ways, such as drinking, anger, crying, or displaying riskier behavior. Every guy is different, and if you two had a thing together and your man has shown emotion before, they are definitely hurting even if they don't like to show it.
Do Guys Feel Sad After Breakups?
While men are stereotyped as not showing much emotion, many men do feel upset over events, especially a breakup. If a man loved his significant other and they had to break up, he's going to feel sad for a while or express his difficult emotions in another way.
Do Guys Miss You After a Breakup?
Unless the breakup ended with completely bad blood, a man is going to miss his girlfriend or significant other when the relationship has ended. Even if they were in toxic relationships, it's common for guys to miss their girlfriends and want them back.
Does My Ex Feel Guilty for Hurting Me?
It all depends on who your ex is and why she left. Many exes do feel regret for hurting or breaking up with their boyfriend or husband, girlfriend, or life partner. Here are some ways to know if your ex regrets hurting you.
Of course, whether or not you take them back is up to you. For an abusive relationship, this may be crocodile tears. However, for a relationship that broke up due to a misunderstanding, it may be worth it to pursue the relationship some other time.
Why Do Guys Text You After a Breakup?
Some guys will just move on from the relationship and never speak to you again, but there are some who will text you shortly after a breakup. You may wonder why that is, and every guy has their own reasoning for texting you. Some common reasons include:
With that said, if you don't want your ex talking to you, let it be known, and block them if possible.
How Do You Know if Your Ex Feels Guilty?
Your ex may try to hide their guilt if they were the one who broke up with you and if they caused some of the friction in the relationship, but many of them are clever about how they hide it.
However, one thing that most guilty exes have in common is the fact that they cannot get your name out of their mouths. They may talk about you all the time to their friends and even to you. You may get a few texts asking how you're doing, and a few awkward conversations here and there.
How Do You Know if Your Ex is Still in Love with You?
Whether your girlfriend broke up with you or your broke up with your girlfriend, your exe may still love you, even if they don't act like it.
Here are some ways that you can know if your ex still loves you, or at the very least, has feelings for you:
Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped?
The “No Contact Rule” involves not speaking to your ex after you were dumped, and to not talk to anyone about the relationship. The idea is to move on completely by erasing it from your history in any way possible.
If you were dumped, not contacting your ex can be a good move. Usually, one of two scenarios happen. First, not contacting your ex can allow you to move on much faster, and you can do so with grace.
Second, your ex may start to miss you after no contact. Sometimes, it may be a few months or a couple of years, but eventually, your ex may have regret and try to contact you. You may end up repairing the relationship because of this. Anything is possible.
Does the Dumper Suffer too?
When a dumper ends the relationship, they may suffer as well. Some do not and move on, but there are some who regret what they did. They may wonder if it's the right thing to do and wonder what you're doing. They may feel anger, seek emotional support, and even try a rebound in an attempt to move on.
They may talk to a therapist and begin with "I broke up with my girlfriend," and then tell their story. Sometimes, a dumper may suffer for a little bit before moving on, but other times, it can take them a very long time.
What Should I Do if I Broke Up with My Girlfriend?
If you and your girlfriend break up and a long time goes by, what you do next depends on the two of you. That means where you were when you broke up, why you broke up, and where you are now.
If you had a healthy relationship – even if it ended badly – you might reconnect after spending some time apart and growing as people.
You could try dating again, you may decide that you’re better off as friends, or you may decide to keep your distance.
Does No Contact Work if I broke up with her?
If your breakup took more than a single day – and it should – your boundaries on contact should have been negotiated. After all, it’s an important question. After all, the No Contact rule isn’t for everyone.
For some people, a No Contact Rule can give you both time to work through your emotions and can help you get back to a healthy emotional state. For others, talking to your ex and navigating your emotions together may be helpful.
Remember, what you may have seen on television or read online doesn’t matter. All that matters is the two of you and what you decide is best for you.
How Do I Get My Ex Back After I Broke Up with Her?
Maybe the grass is greener where you just were. Maybe it’s time to think about trying to get back with your ex. How?
First, it’s important to think long-term. Is this really what’s best? If it is, take those thoughts and share them with your ex. What was good about the relationship? What went wrong and what would you do differently? If something’s wrong in a month, how will you fix it?
If you’ve thought about it and believe that getting back together is for the best, then try contacting her. If she is interested you can work together to create a fulfilling relationship again. It may require some awkward and difficult conversations, but it is possible.
However, it’s important to not just focus on your own happiness. Since breaking up she may have moved on and found an other partner. Or she may have just moved on for good and want to break things off permanently. If either of these scenarios are the case, you should respect her decision and think about her well-being. Let her move one with her life and you should work to heal emotionally so you can move forward too.
How Can I Make My Girlfriend Jealous?
We could talk about how to make your girlfriend jealous, but that can backfire pretty easily. Instead, think about why you want to make her jealous in the first place.
Usually, when a guy wants to make his girlfriend jealous it’s because he feels insecure and wants to know that he matters. If you want to make your girlfriend jealous to assure yourself that she’ll stay with you, trying to make her jealous might give her reason to go.
Instead, let her know how you’re feeling.
When Do Girls Break Up with You Suddenly?
If your girlfriend broke up with you suddenly, you probably know why.
Did you cheat on her? If not, maybe she cheated on you.
Did you have a falling out with her friends and family? Did you and your family have a fight with her?
Think about it. You’ll probably figure it out. If you can’t figure it out, ask her.
Can Breaking Up Save a Relationship?
Hear us out – breaking up can save a relationship. That is, as long as you’re prepared to think about your relationship in a different way.
If you feel close to your girlfriend but a romantic or sexual relationship isn’t working out, trying to maintain an unhealthy romantic relationship can lead to the end of a healthy relationship as friends. This is particularly common if you were friends with your girlfriend before you started dating.
If you value your relationship as friends more than your relationship as romantic partners and think that one might jeopardize the other, it might be time to break up to save the relationship that you already had.
Do guys miss you after breakup?
It’s important to understand that missing someone after the breakup isn’t the same as regretting the breakup. Even if things ended badly, it’s practically impossible for one person to not miss some aspects of the other, or some of the activities that they used to do together during a long term relationship.
When Should You Break Up No Contact with Your Ex Girlfriend?
Knowing when it’s time to break up a no contact agreement with your girlfriend is difficult, but it should be mutually decided. Again, it if isn’t too late, work with your ex during the breaking up process so that you both fully understand when both of you are comfortable with touching base again.
Let that first window go by without violating it. It might be hard, but both of you should use that time to work out your feelings.
On the other hand, if not talking to your ex isn’t difficult and there’s no practical reason to talk to them don’t feel like you have to.
How Long Should you wait to talk to your ex after a breakup?
How long you should wait to talk to your ex after a breakup depends on the relationship and how it ended. If your ex was abusive in any way, it might be best never to talk to them again if you can avoid it.
However, if things weren’t that bad then there’s no exact figure to tell you when it’s time to break your no-contact agreement and touch base again. The sooner you start having normal communications again, the more likely you are to have a healthy relationship that’s based on friendship and shared experiences instead of romance.
How Can I Re-Attract My Ex?
If you and your ex had a healthy relationship in the first place, you should already know what your ex is attracted to. If you didn’t have a healthy relationship, it’s important to realize that – as bad as things might feel right now – the grass is greener without them.
Be aware of what may seem like changing tastes on the part of your ex. We’ve already talked about making people jealous and this may be what your ex is trying to do. Maybe they’re not actively trying to make you jealous, they’re just experimenting with new things.
Either way, be yourself and if that’s not enough than it wasn’t meant to be. You can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.
How Do You Win a Girl Back After You Broke Her Heart?
The best – and only responsible – way to win a girl back after you broke her heart is to let her know that you’re interested in revisiting the relationship and leave it at that. If you broke her heart, it has to be her call when – or if – it's time to start over.
Should I contact my ex if I broke up with him?
If you broke up with your ex, then you’re less likely to do emotional harm by reaching out first.
That doesn’t mean that they’re going to think that it’s time to start talking again.
Smart – and sensitive – thing to do is to send that first text asking if they would be comfortable talking again. If they are, you’re one step closer to finding out what your healthy relationship is going to look like from here on out. If they aren’t respect that by letting them know that they can reach out when they’re ready rather than blowing up their phone time and time again.
How can you make your ex fall in love with you again?
Making your ex fall in love with you again shouldn’t be at the top of your mind. If you really care about your ex, creating a healthy relationship after your relationship ends should be more important.
If you’re still focused on the present, you may think that a healthy relationship can only take the form that it had before but that’s not the case.
Your healthy relationship may mean getting back together but it may also mean being friends or maybe just calling it quits.
When Should You Quit A Relationship?
So what are some clear signs that you should end your current relationship? After all, many people have their relationships end, only to regret it soon after. Here are some good reasons to end the relationship that are unlikely to lead to regret:
However, when you do decide to end your relationship with your soon to be ex, be civil about it. Movies and television shows love to show dramatic conversations and arguments that lead to breakups, but this is not healthy in real life. Just calmly say you want to end things, have a conversation about it and move on.