I Broke Up With My Girlfriend, But I Think I Miss Her

By Jon Jaehnig|Updated June 16, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Dr. Sonya Bruner, PsyD

You finally do it, you rip that Band-Aid off and break up with your girlfriend. Initially, you may feel relieved and seem ready to be single or find a more fulfilling relationship.

But then a few weeks later you find that you miss her and want her back. Why does this happen?

If Life is so Darn Good without Her, Why Do You Miss Her?

When you break up with someone you care about deeply, it's sometimes because you're afraid of the changes that person represents - like growing up and outgrowing some of your friends.

When it comes down to it, you have to ask yourself how important hanging on to your “freedom” really is when all is said and done. When all your guy friends leave your apartment and go home - probably to their girlfriends - you are the one left to clean up the mess and go to bed alone.

When you find yourself missing the person you broke up with, you need to reassess the reasons for the breakup in the first place.

Write it down: what was the reason you broke up with her and did that differ from what you told her? If you felt suffocated, did you discuss this with her and seek solutions? If that's not the case, then the fault ceases to lie with your girlfriend, but rather with your own ability to establish boundaries.

Getting Over A Breakup Can Seem Impossible, But You Aren't Alone

Everyone Needs Space

Everybody needs space, but should you throw out a whole relationship to get it? If you did and find yourself missing her every day, the answer is: probably not. Instead of communicating your relationship issues with her, you hastily acted and now you may want to backtrack.

Is it too Late to Go Back?

If you really miss your girlfriend, there’s no shame in admitting it. It takes time to analyze any situation. Don’t call her back after a single day of the single life, but if months or even years go by and you still miss what you had, you might be wondering if she’ll take you back.

Maybe, maybe not. But don't let the "maybe not" prevent you from asking. If you do ask, and she does take you back, the problems that ended the relationship may still be present. Just because you acted too quickly doesn't mean you were without justification.

Or maybe you don't know what you want. Before rushing into makeup mode, you need to think about what you're willing to do to make the relationship work. You also need to understand what she's willing to do. After all, there's no point in asking her to take you back if the relationship is just going to deal with the same things and problems again.

Once you've given the issue some thought, consider texting, calling, or scheduling a video chat with her. Say you want to get together somewhere and talk things over. Don't get her hopes up or "put the ball in her court" by saying you want to get back together right away. Then explain why you broke things off and that you think your problems could be worked out after all. See where the conversation goes.

All lasting relationships have fights and maybe one day you'll see this episode as merely a spat. Or maybe you'll be glad you moved on. But the best way to be sure is to have that conversation now.

What You Need Versus What You're Willing to Compromise

Relationships are about give and take, and we should only take what is given freely. When we first meet someone and fall in love, we often spend a lot of time together and are too lost in the foggy notion of love to recognize how our wants may change later. By the time those changes occur, we're in so deep and we've crossed so many boundaries, we don't know how to get back to a state of emotional balance.

It's not impossible to achieve this balance, but many either break up or continue in a relationship that isn't working. If you're reading this, you're likely in the former camp. This brings you back to the option of trying to get back together.

Consider saying you were moving too fast and you needed some time to think. But take that time to think! Spend a moment in that space you craved and see how you feel. Even though she didn't request it, the space may benefit her as well. Once you've settled, reach out for a conversation.

What to Keep in Mind

Whatever your decision is regarding dealing with missing your girlfriend, you may need some support while working things out in your own mind before attempting to work them out with her.

You might need some help in uncovering the true reason behind the breakup. That is one thing your girlfriend is going to want to talk about when the makeup negotiations begin.

That's why talking about it to someone on the outside of the situation can help you gain the clarity you need.

Exploring Options

An online counselor is a great option for you to consider when you are thinking about whether to reconcile with your girlfriend. Sometimes talking to someone who is objective can be freeing and can feel safer than talking to your close friends about emotional issues.

Not only that’ BetterHelp’s licensed and professional counselors have the experience to help you to understand what healthy relationships should look like and how to navigate disagreements. That way, when something’s wrong in this relationship or a future relationship you aren’t stuck between staying in a bad sport and pulling out to start over. Research shows that online therapy is a powerful tool in strengthening couples.

Getting Over A Breakup Can Seem Impossible, But You Aren't Alone

You may read the full study here: Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.

If you aren’t familiar with the concept of online counseling, it can seem a little strange. So before you get started, check out more blogs like this one, read the terms and conditions, read the entire articles we have that discuss online counseling in more detail,  and read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people dealing with a similar personal experience.

Counselor Reviews

"I've worked with Alyson for 1 month and it was my first time working with a therapist. From when I started, I feel so much better. I was dealing with frustrations in my relationship and I also was constantly stressed and anxious. Alyson showed me ways to communicate better in my relationship and how to work at them. She also helped me with stress management tactics and now I feel really good about how to handle my stress. I feel much less anxious now. Overall I am in a much happier place and obstacles feel like merely obstacles because there's stress-free ways to tackle life problems. Thank you so much, Alyson!"

"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"

Conclusion

Almost all of us experience breakups. Some of those breakups are necessary, and few are easy. If you have trouble getting through a breakup, this is normal. Support is available both through your friends and family members and through online counselors at BetterHelp. Whatever your story is, you can move forward. All you need are the right tools. Take the first step.

 

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