Is An Open Relationship A Good Idea For You And Your Partner?

Some couples might decide they want to try being intimate with others. They might open their relationship to improve their sex life or strengthen their emotional bond. This type of arrangement is called an open relationship. 

It can be possible for open relationships to be healthy, but they can also create challenges. If you or your partner wants to try an open relationship, it may be helpful to consider the reasoning behind this choice and your unique situation. In some cases, miscommunication, mismatched desires, and other challenges can make it difficult to be involved in a non monogamous relationship. 

What is an open relationship?

An open relationship is a form of consensual non-monogamy. It can happen when two partners in a romantic partnership give each other permission to engage in a sexual experiences with other partners outside of the relationship. In these partnerships, being intimate with multiple people may not be considered “cheating” the way it could be in a traditional relationship. 

Couples might open their partnership for various reasons, like exploring their sexuality or avoiding the pressures of a traditional relationship. Differing sex drives are another common reason. If one partner wants more intimacy than the other wants to give, nonmonogamy may be a way to meet those needs without putting strain on the partnership. 

How do non monogamous relationships work?

There are several types of non monogamous relationships. Couples may choose one over another based on their goals. Some examples include:

• Open relationship: In one of the most common arrangements, each partner may be free to pursue sexual activities with other people. Partners in this arrangement often stay emotionally committed to their primary intimate relationship, and they may not interact with the other person’s sexual partners. 
• Swinging: Swinging is a situation where people in a committed relationship have sexual contact with other people in committed relationships. Swinging often happens in group settings like meetups and parties, where partners may use the situation to bond and engage in group sex. 
• Hybrid: A hybrid relationship is a type of partnership where one person stays monogamous while the other person has relations with other people. 
• Open marriage: An open marriage is an open relationship between married partners. Open marriages may have features of a standard or hybrid partnership.

Some people may confuse an open relationship with polyamory, another type of nonmonogamous relationship. The main difference between these is the level of emotional intimacy. In open partnerships, the couple often remains emotionally exclusive. In this case, encounters with others may be purely physical. In a polyamorous relationship, someone may have sexual and romantic relationships with multiple partners, though they may have a primary emotional connection with one partner as well. 

Can a romantic relationship with multiple partners be healthy?

You may be exploring at least the possibility of an opening your partnership. Before deciding whether to pursue it, consideration of the potential benefits and challenges is crucial for a prospective investigation into the viability of such an arrangement. 

Some possible advantages include:

• A greater sense of flexibility and sexual freedom.
• Higher sexual satisfaction when partners have different sex drives.
• Improved communication between partners (through check-ins and healthy boundary-setting).
• Less pressure to be exclusive than in monogamous relationships.
• The ability for partners to explore their sexuality, desires, and needs.

That said, there may also be downsides, such as:

• Jealousy.
• Different levels of investment.
• The potential to develop romantic feelings for someone else.
• Having less time to spend with one’s original partner.
• A higher risk of sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs).

These arrangements require honest communication with the primary partner (and with all partners), including about emotional boundaries and sexual health. Foregoing good communication may leave room for negative feelings to thrive.

Thinking carefully about these factors can be a first step in exploring a new arrangement. Understanding non monogamous relationships is a great place to start — discuss what opening your partnership means to you.

How to evaluate what kind of relationship is right for you?

The decision to start a non monogamous partnership is often personal. Because no two couples are the same, what works for one might not work for another. Reflection may be beneficial if you are interested in starting an open partnership. Consider asking yourself and your partner the following questions: 

• Are my partner and my communication skills strong? Are we able to be open and honest with each other?
• Are my partner and I emotionally committed to each other?
• Do I want this as much as my partner does? Is one of us less comfortable with the idea than the other?
• Do I trust my partner to practice safe sex and bring any issues to my attention?
• What are our reasons for considering this? Are we doing it to “save our relationship” or avoid addressing difficult topics?
• Do I have any doubts or reservations that I haven’t brought up with my partner?

If you have doubts about starting a non monogamous partnership, bring them up with your partner. Being pressured or hoping to save your relationship may not be healthy reasons to enter into this arrangement. It may also be helpful to note that successful relationships have boundaries—including successful open relationships.

The defining factor of these partnerships is that both parties agree on boundaries and rules ahead of time. Violating these agreements can be a betrayal, so ensuring you and your partner are on the same page about what is allowed may be vital. Changing the rules without telling your partner may lead to an unhealthy dynamic. 

Support options

Talking to a professional may be helpful if you’re unsure if a non monogamous relationship is a good idea. A counselor may be able to help you and your partner explore potential pitfalls in a nonjudgmental space. One-on-one therapy can also be helpful if you want to talk about stress or anxiety regarding your relationship. 

Attending in-person therapy can be tricky for people with busy schedules or long commutes. For couples, it can be more difficult. Platforms like BetterHelp (for individuals) and Regain (for couples) may be more convenient, offering the ability to attend therapy from wherever is easiest. In addition, you and your partner can attend sessions from separate locations if necessary. 

Online counseling may be an effective alternative to in-person therapy. In a 2022 study, researchers studied 30 couples participating in either face-to-face or online relationship counseling. They found that the online treatment led to improvements in mental health and relationship satisfaction.