Why Are Women So Mean When It Comes To Rejection?
By Ashley Brown
Updated November 19, 2019
Reviewer Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC
Have you ever tried talking to a woman, only to be rejected in a sarcastic or even extremely rude, hurtful way? If this has happened to you, you are not alone, and you are not the only one wondering why women are so mean when they reject someone. The fact is that women can be mean when you try to talk to them or ask them out for a number of reasons. Some of them are not fair to the people on the other end, but others may be justified. Here's a look at why women are possibly so mean when it comes to rejecting men and at some ways to not take the rejection personally.
Why Are Women so Mean to Men?
Women can be mean when it comes to rejecting someone for multiple reasons. There are times when a woman will be smug about you wanting to talk to her, and other times she may act as if she's too good for you. It is important to remember that there are many reasons why she might shoot you down, and some of them have nothing to do with you as a man.
In some cases, others have hurt the woman in the past, so she may feel she must assert herself when approached by anyone. Some might already have a boyfriend and don't want to tell you, and it comes across as aggressive instead. This may be because they don't want to hurt your feelings or even because they want to have to complement of a man hitting on them without having to deal with him. At the same time, if a woman does not explain why she rejects you, she may have just saved you some time.
Research suggests that you won't have a successful relationship without communicating in a successful manner. This means if a girl's rejection makes you feel like scum, she's probably done you a favor because she's not the one for you. You don't want to pair up with someone that makes you feel bad because partners should be able to lift you up. However, do not put all the blame on her at first; you may also need to evaluate how you approached her in the first place.
Reasons Why Rejection Hurts
Rejections are usually difficult to bear. They can be humiliating, and you don't understand why they are happening. Here are a few reasons why rejection from females can hurt you.
- Because it Hurts So Much. Rejection is an emotional trauma, and it rides the same neural pathways through the brain as physical trauma. This pain has a primal basis. Our early hunter-gatherer society made it necessary to work as a group, so rejection and acceptance were the difference between life and death. Memories of physical distress tend to dim over time- no matter how intense the pain was initially; however, this isn't true with emotional pain. Any time memories of an emotionally painful experience arise, the agony you experienced at that time comes along with it.
- There's No Avoiding It. Even mild rejections, such as failing to make a chorus line can sting, but when it comes to relationships, it is a very emotionally painful experience. We can't avoid rejections, they are part of our everyday life, but we can learn not to let them destroy our self-esteem or control the way we respond to others.
- You Really Like Someone. When you really like someone and they don't like you, it can make you feel terrible. At the same time, love and lust are often confused with each other. Love is something that doesn't go away and takes years to build up, while lust is something that can come and go very quickly. Be mindful of your true feelings.
- You Have a Fear of Failure. When you have a fear of failure, it becomes even harder for you to take any sort of rejection. In your mind, it makes you worthless and can cause you physical pain. It may be even harder to get over, and you may even try to avoid situations where rejection could even occur.
- It Hurts Your Self-Esteem Too. If you don't care for rejection, it can really affect your self-esteem when it happens. It is important to remember that you are still a person who deserves love, even if you don't feel like you are.
- Rejection Early in Your Life. Some people do not handle rejection well because they were rejected in a variety of ways as a child. If you had a parent that always rejected you or you were not treated fairly growing up, you will likely be more sensitive when it comes to rejection.
Rejection is not your fault. It simply means you and the other person are not compatible or that somebody else made a move before the relationship had a chance to bear fruit. If she has been avoiding you, turning away when you try to talk to her, or making excuses not to see you, let it go before it becomes an outright rejection. If you're the one who is turning her away, do it as nicely as you can and prepare for the fallout. She may take it well, or she could just turn mean.
What Can I Do?
There is no way to stay away from rejection altogether. Even if you are in a relationship, your ideas may get shut down from time to time. With so many different types of rejection, it is important to have strategies to try to fix the problem. You need to be able to work through it. This isn't something that will physically scar you, but it may affect your mental health for a while.
Change Your Perspective
One thing to consider is that if you can't handle a simple rejection from a woman, how you will handle a larger rejection. Perhaps, you are interviewing for the job of a lifetime, and you don't get it. Will you become depressed if you don't land the job? You need to prepare for rejections big and small, and the first step in doing this is focusing on what is important to you. In the grand scheme of things, a woman not letting you buy her a drink isn't that big of a deal. Keep that in mind and do your best to change your perspective.
You may also try to start on the small side. If you are generally making big gestures, you might want to opt for something small instead. Invite someone for coffee or dinner, instead of a date that seems more formal, such as a work party or a cousin's wedding. In the beginning, women prefer just going to dinner to get to know their date over doing other things with large groups and for longer periods of time.
Control What You Can
If you know your rejection issues may stem from a fear of failure, you can do your best to take control of the aspects of your life that you have control over. While you don't have control of whether or not a girl likes you, you do have control over yourself. You might want to try letting a girl come talk to you instead of approaching her in a bar or club. This may help you face less rejection.
Regardless of how you respond to rejection, there are ways to aid you in lessening your anxiety and the possible self-esteem problems that go along with it. You can seek out advice anytime you need it.
BetterHelp Has Advice for Rejection
Professional help is a good way to get over your rejection problems. Licensed counselors will be able to help you come up with a plan of attack, so you are less prone to facing rejections, and when you do, you'll be able to get through it without categorizing them as failures.
The experts at BetterHelp can help you with all of these things, and since they specialize in online therapy, you can get in touch with them whenever it is convenient for you. Their services are affordable, and you can customize them to meet your needs. Here are a couple of reviews on counselors from BetterHelp, from people experiencing similar issues.
"Chris was an excellent counselor who helped guide me through some pretty big life decisions including but not limited to making a serious career transition, salvaging friendships, and relationship matters. Highly recommend him as a counselor. He was open, friendly, professional and relatable."
"Robin is just amazing. She is helping me with relationship issues."
Everyone faces rejection, and at times, women may be mean about it. Despite how you are rejected, it will hurt, and you won't be able to control it. However, what you can control is how you respond to it. A fulfilling relationship is possible no matter what you're experiencing - all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.