Why Do I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough?
Anyone may experience feelings of insecurity at some point in their lives. Insecurities can be associated with one’s physical appearance, intelligence, social skills, talents, or any number of other personal attributes. If feeling like you’re not good enough gets in the way of your functioning on a personal, social, or professional level, these insecurities may run more deeply than what is generally considered to be healthy. Read on for more information on where such feelings might come from and how to address them.
Low self-worth: Not feeling good enough
Sometimes, even when an individual is in a relationship with someone who cares for them, they may become convinced that the relationship and the other person's love are undeserved. As a result, they could unconsciously engage in efforts to sabotage it. In other words, feeling like they don’t deserve the relationship and having related negative thoughts can cause the person to begin acting in a manner that can cause the significant other to distance themselves, thus potentially validating their feelings of being undeserving of love.
These same behaviors can manifest themselves in the workplace as well, perhaps with the individual slipping up on the job or doing things they know are wrong. In some cases, people with deep insecurity issues may begin to neglect their duties, perhaps by showing up late for work or failing to meet deadlines. When asked to account for these behaviors by their manager, they might not be able to give a rational explanation, which can make the situation worse. But how can a person stop and tell an employer that they are subconsciously self-sabotaging because they don't feel like they are good enough?
Impostor syndrome at work or school
When given praise, people with impostor syndrome may think such thoughts as, “You're just being nice,” or, “I was just lucky, that's all.” People with perfectionistic tendencies often live with impostor syndrome, perhaps due to their own unrealistic standards around their performance. Again, there is typically no basis in reality for these beliefs. The people who have these thoughts are often admired by their supervisors, coworkers, and peers for their competence and hard work. Many people who grapple with impostor syndrome may perceive themselves as having deceived or manipulated others into thinking they are more competent than they truly are, and they may assume they will be discovered at some point. More often than not, this thought has no basis in fact.
Where does low self-worth come from?
There are various potential sources of low self-worth and deeply felt insecurities. Some of the possibilities are described below.
Adverse childhood experiences
An underlying sense of low self-worth can sometimes be traced back to childhood abuse or trauma. Perhaps the child was told by parents or other authority figures that they were worthless or would never amount to anything in life. A child can absorb these negative messages and come to believe that is how everyone views them. Instead of developing a healthy ego, they may then develop a sense of self and a pattern of thoughts that is overly critical or questioning of their abilities. Ultimately, they may feel that they are not deserving of love, respect, or good things.
Feelings of helplessness
Personal insecurity can also stem from an intense feeling of helplessness that was experienced at some point. An example of an experience that could cause this feeling is when someone close to us dies, and we’re not good for a time as we experience grief and loss. While this can be a normal reaction to such a significant life event, it can result in lingering insecurities later on if not properly addressed. Note that many depressive disorders can begin with feelings of helplessness, which can evolve into feelings of hopelessness over time. That’s why seeking support for such feelings can be important.
Toxic environments
People who live in dysfunctional, toxic environments may also question whether they are good enough. Growing up in a dysfunctional family or being part of a dysfunctional relationship can affect a person's self-worth, and so can going to a job where a toxic environment exists. Many people may not realize how much their work surroundings can affect their self-esteem and confidence. Spending their entire workday in a place where they are bullied or belittled or where they can’t stop comparing themselves to others can reduce their positive sense of self over time.
Getting professional help when you’re feeling not good enough
Getting help from a licensed mental health professional can be a positive first step toward learning ways to stop your insecurities from negatively affecting your life and finding ways to build your self-esteem and self-love. Therapy can help people who are experiencing low self-worth, impostor syndrome, and/or other issues concerning difficulties with perceived incompetence. Over time, a therapist may be able to help you realize that these thoughts are just thoughts, stop thinking or feeling like you’re not good enough, and replace these with more realistic, positive thoughts.
Online therapy in particular may be more convenient or less intimidating than in-person visits for many people. Clinical studies have suggested that online therapy can be effective in treating symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other forms of psychological distress.
Takeaway
Feelings of insecurity and low self-worth can have a variety of causes, such as adverse childhood experiences or a toxic relationship or work environment. Learning to challenge these thoughts and focus on your good qualities can be one way to move forward into a healthier mindset. Meeting with a therapist in person or online is an option for getting support on this journey.
What is the feeling of not being good enough called?
A feeling of not being good enough often indicates that a person has low self-esteem. Self-esteem is a personality construct defined by how a person perceives their self-meaning, self-identity, self-image, and self-concepts. A person with high self-esteem will likely consider themselves capable, attractive, driven towards a purpose, and a holder of strong core values. They are probably confident in their actions and comfortable with their social relationships.
In contrast, a person with low self-esteem may struggle to assert themselves, be vulnerable to manipulation, and find it challenging to achieve their goals. Self-esteem forms a cyclical relationship with confidence; high self-esteem typically is part of the foundation for high confidence, and confident people are more likely to take risks and achieve their goals, which further bolsters self-esteem.
What does it mean to feel not good enough?
Not feeling good enough often means a person struggles to maintain self-esteem. Self-esteem is generally described as having two components: an evaluation of the self and an emotional reaction to that evaluation. People with below-average self-esteem may have difficulty in either area. A person’s evaluation of themselves may be inaccurate, their emotional response may be disproportionate, or both. Problems with self-esteem can make it hard to feel good enough and may make it seem like a person has fewer positive traits than they actually do.
What do you do when you're not good enough?
One of the best ways to address not feeling good enough is to work on bolstering self-esteem. A good place to start is probably by working on basic mental and physical self-care. Self-care forms the foundation for good mental and physical health, and an absence of self-care can make mental illness or emotional distress more likely. To start working on self-care, focus on the “big three” components: sleep, diet, and exercise.
A person who doesn't get adequate sleep, eats unhealthy food, and leads a sedentary lifestyle will likely struggle to maintain a high self-image. They will likely also find it challenging to initiate meaningful change in their life, making self-care a great area to focus on when considering self-improvement. Some other ways to increase self-esteem are listed below:
- Spend time with a good friend or family member. Evidence suggests that self-esteem increases substantially when a person engages in positive social interactions with friends or family.
- Practice self-compassion by noticing the monologue of your inner voice. If you frequently put yourself down or are overly critical, consider deliberately replacing some negative thoughts with positive ones.
- Seek help from a professional. A therapist or other mental health practitioner can use their professional experience to dissect why you don’t feel good about yourself and recommend solutions.
What do you say to someone who doesn't feel good enough?
If someone feels down on themselves, you should consider validating and supporting their feelings. Don’t get angry or remind them why they are wrong; they already don’t feel good enough, and judging them is unlikely to be helpful. Similarly, avoid telling them why having high self-esteem makes sense. Most people struggle with a poor self-image occasionally, and they may simply want a reminder that the feeling won’t last their whole life. If they’ve struggled with self-esteem for a while, you may want to suggest that they visit a therapist or other mental health professional to get to the root of underlying causes.
What does it mean to be good enough?
Being “good enough” is often subjective and based on a person’s self-evaluation of their personality, skills, and value. Even if a person seems to be good enough to outside observers, it is still possible they feel inferior or inadequate, especially if they tend to ruminate or struggle with resilience. Of course, it is also possible to not be good enough based on objective criteria. For example, a first-year medical student is not yet “good enough” to practice medicine without close supervision.
However, not feeling good enough based on objective criteria often relates more closely to confidence than self-esteem, whereas challenges with self-esteem are typically based on subjective criteria that vary considerably from person to person. It is normal not to be confident in a skill or ability if it hasn’t been practiced thoroughly enough for a person to be objectively good at it, but that person likely still feels good about themselves, even if their skills are limited in a specific area.
Why is feeling good enough important?
High self-esteem leads to better overall well-being and protects against some mental conditions. A poor self-image is frequently associated with depression and suicidal thoughts; it is difficult for people to see their own value when they consistently rate themselves as not good enough. High self-esteem also likely makes it easier to accomplish goals and stay motivated. People who consistently feel like they are not good enough are less likely to take risks or put extra effort toward self-improvement.
Why do I feel I'm not good enough for him?
If you don’t feel good enough for a relationship partner, you should consider evaluating your whole relationship honestly. Are your feelings coming from a genuine difference in ability, or are you evaluating your contribution to the relationship poorly? If you struggle to maintain good self-esteem, you may be discounting many of the positive things you bring to the relationship.
It is also important to recognize whether your partner contributes to your feelings of not being good enough. If they insult you, put you down, or are overly critical to the point you doubt your self-worth, your self-esteem isn’t to blame. A person who treats you that way is not behaving in a kind, loving, respectful manner. If you regularly feel belittled by your partner, you should strongly consider whether the relationship benefits you.
How do you convince someone they are good enough?
It is often difficult to convince someone they are good enough. Sometimes, a person might need to hear the truth about their worth to feel good about themselves. They may also benefit from hearing how others have fared in their situation. For example, if they don’t feel good enough because they failed an important test, you could tell them a story about a friend’s older brother who took the same course, failed two tests, and still passed. It can often be helpful to help people see that one setback is not the end of the world.
However, if the person is not receptive to friendly encouragement or has struggled to feel good about themselves for a long time, there may be a deeper concern. They may think they have to be a certain way to feel good about themselves, or they may be struggling with a mental health condition that is making it difficult to build self-esteem. In that case, you should consider helping them find a therapist to address their concerns; self-esteem issues can be challenging, and many people find that the care of a mental health professional makes the process much easier.
What is another word for good enough?
Other ways to describe a person as “good enough” commonly include stating that they have “high self-esteem,” a “strong self-image,” or are “confident in themselves.” Humans tend to hold themselves to high standards, and while “good enough” might be roughly synonymous with “adequate,” it is likely many people consider being “good enough” to carry more weight than simple adequacy.
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