I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough: Low Self-Esteem And Mental Health

Anyone can experience feelings of insecurity at some point in their lives. Insecurities can be associated with one’s physical appearance, intelligence, social skills, talents, or other personal attributes. If feeling like you’re not good enough gets in the way of your functioning on a personal, social, or professional level, these insecurities may run more deeply than what is generally considered to be healthy. Read on for more information on where such feelings might come from and how to address them, including with the help of a licensed counselor who understands the various causes of these feelings.

Relationships and feeling not good enough for someone

Some people who experience low self-esteem may feel they are not good enough for another person they are dating. They may feel insecure despite signs of reassurance from the other person. To a person dating someone with low self-esteem, it may be difficult to see things from the other side. Not everyone can fully understand feelings of inadequacy. 

Sometimes, even when an individual is in a relationship with someone who cares for them, they may become convinced that the relationship and the other person's love are undeserved. As a result, they could unconsciously engage in efforts to sabotage it. In other words, feeling like they don’t deserve the relationship and having related negative thoughts can cause the person to begin acting in a manner that can cause the significant other to distance themselves, thus potentially validating their feelings of being undeserving of love.

Feeling not good enough in the workplace

These same behaviors can manifest themselves in the workplace as well, perhaps with the individual slipping up on the job or doing things they know are wrong. In some cases, people with deep insecurity issues may begin to neglect their duties, perhaps by showing up late for work or failing to meet deadlines. When asked to account for these behaviors by their manager, they might not be able to give a rational explanation, which can make the situation worse. 

Impostor syndrome at work or school

When given praise, people with impostor syndrome may think such thoughts as “You’re just being nice” or “I was just lucky.”  People with perfectionistic tendencies often live with impostor syndrome, perhaps due to their own unrealistic standards around their performance. Again, there is typically no basis in reality for these beliefs. The people who have these thoughts are often admired by their supervisors, coworkers, and peers for their competence and hard work. Many people who grapple with impostor syndrome may perceive themselves as having deceived or manipulated others into thinking they are more competent than they truly are, and they may assume they will be discovered at some point. More often than not, this thought has no basis in fact.

Signs this belief is affecting your well-being

Not feeling good enough can have a number of effects on the mind and body. Individuals may experience negative emotions about their abilities and personal traits. Some people may feel like a failure (i.e., never good enough) no matter what they’ve accomplished. 

Physical signs

Low self-esteem can also affect the body in several ways. Some people experience body tension, insomnia, or upset stomach. Others may find themselves sweating profusely in certain situations, such as social settings where they feel they are not enough. 

Where does low self-worth come from?

Where does low self-worth come from?

There are various potential sources of low self-worth and deeply felt insecurities. Some of the possibilities are described below.

Adverse childhood experiences

An underlying sense of low self-worth can sometimes be traced back to childhood abuse or trauma. Perhaps a child was told by parents or other authority figures that they were worthless or would never amount to anything in life. A child can absorb these negative messages and come to believe that is how everyone views them. Instead of developing a healthy ego, they may then develop a sense of self and a pattern of thoughts that is overly critical or questioning of their abilities. Ultimately, they may feel that they are not deserving of love, respect, or good things. 

Feelings of helplessness

Personal insecurity can also stem from an intense feeling of helplessness that was experienced at some point. An example of an experience that could cause this feeling is when someone close dies and a person experiences grief and loss.  While this can be a normal reaction to such a significant life event, it can result in lingering insecurities later on if not properly addressed. Note that many depressive disorders can begin with feelings of helplessness, which can evolve into feelings of hopelessness over time. That’s why seeking support for such feelings can be important.

Toxic environments

People who live in dysfunctional, toxic environments may also question whether they are good enough. Growing up in a dysfunctional family or being part of a dysfunctional relationship can affect a person's self-worth, and so can going to a job where a toxic environment exists. Many people may not realize how much their work surroundings can affect their self-esteem and confidence. Spending their entire workday in a place where they are bullied or belittled or where they can’t stop comparing themselves to others can reduce their positive sense of self over time. 

Perfectionism and the imaginary finish line 

Some people may feel they are not good enough as a result of perfectionism. They may have an imaginary finish line that they constantly fall short of. If you experience this, you may feel like a complete failure and lose sight of all you’ve accomplished in life. 

Comparing yourself to others 

Another reason that you may be feeling like you’re not enough may be a tendency to compare yourself to others. By deciding to forge your own path forward, you may find that you can reduce your comparisons to others. 

External validation and people’s approval 

In some cases, a person may feel that they are not enough because they are seeking other people’s approval. While everyone likes to hear people praise them, some people experience an intense desire for external validation, which can keep them feeling stuck.  

Getting help when you feel you’re not good enough

Getting help from a licensed mental health professional can be a positive first step toward learning ways to stop your insecurities from negatively affecting your life and finding ways to build your self-esteem and self-love. Therapy can help people who are experiencing: 

• Llow self-worth
• Impostor syndrome
• Oher difficulties with perceived incompetence. 

Over time, a therapist may be able to help you realize that these thoughts are just thoughts. Therapy may help you stop thinking or feeling like you’re not good enough and replace these thoughts with more realistic, positive thoughts.

Online therapy, in particular, may be more convenient or less intimidating than in-person visits for many people. Research has shown that online therapy can be effective in treating symptoms of: 

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Social anxiety
• Panic disorder
• Other mental disorders