Feeling Not Good Enough: Low Self-Worth And Mental Health

What is the feeling of not being good enough called?

A feeling of not being good enough often indicates that a person has low self-esteem. Self-esteem is a personality construct defined by how a person perceives their self-meaning, self-identity, self-image, and self-concepts. A person with high self-esteem will likely consider themselves capable, attractive, driven towards a purpose, and a holder of strong core values. They are probably confident in their actions and comfortable with their social relationships. 

In contrast, a person with low self-esteem may struggle to assert themselves, be vulnerable to manipulation, and find it challenging to achieve their goals and build healthy relationships. Self-esteem forms a cyclical relationship with confidence; high self-esteem typically is part of the foundation for high confidence, and confident people are more likely to take risks and achieve their goals, which further bolsters self-esteem. 

What does it mean to feel not good enough?

Not feeling good enough often means a person struggles to maintain self-esteem. Self-esteem is generally described as having two components: an evaluation of the self and an emotional reaction to that evaluation. People with below-average self-esteem may have difficulty in either area. A person’s evaluation of themselves may be inaccurate, their emotional response may be disproportionate, or both. Problems with self-esteem can make it hard to feel good enough and may make it seem like a person has fewer positive traits than they actually do. For example, a person may fear making mistakes, behave as a people pleaser, or struggle to recognize their own sense of self-worth. 

What can you do when you feel you're not good enough?

One of the best ways to address not feeling good enough is to work on bolstering self-esteem. A good place to start is probably by working on basic mental and physical self-care. Self-care forms the foundation for good mental and physical health, and an absence of self-care can make mental illness or emotional distress more likely. 

By taking manageable steps and setting realistic goals, a person may stop feeling "worthless." Taking care of oneself, practing self-compassion, and seeking professional help may be the best antidote to counter a sense of incompetence. 

To start working on self-care, focus on the “big three” components: sleep, diet, and exercise. 

Increase self-esteem through self-care

A person who doesn't get adequate sleep, eats unhealthy food, and leads a sedentary lifestyle will likely struggle to maintain a high self-image. They will likely also find it challenging to initiate meaningful change in their life, making self-care a great area to focus on when considering self-improvement. Findings suggest that exercise, for example, positively impacts a person's overall self-esteem. However, many people take good care of themselves and still feel worthless, indicating that other factors also contribute to self-esteem. 

Some other ways to increase self-esteem are listed below. 

Spend time with loved ones

Spend time with a good friend or family member. Evidence suggests that self-esteem increases substantially when a person engages in positive social interactions with friends, family, and positive people. 

Practice self-compassion and think positively

Practice self-compassion by noticing the monologue of your inner voice. If you frequently put yourself down or are overly critical, consider deliberately replacing some negative thoughts with positive ones. A person's inner critic can manifest in multiple ways. Some people feel guilty, for example, when they do well in school or at work. Self-compassion may reduce self-judgment and help challenge negative beliefs. 

Talk to a mental health professional about feeling not good enough

Seek support from a professional to talk about your feelings of inadequacy. A therapist or other mental health practitioner can use their professional experience to help you understand why you don’t feel good about yourself and recommend solutions. Professional help can also help when you feel lost and are looking for the right direction to take in the present moment. 

What do you say to someone who doesn't feel good enough?

If someone feels down on themselves, you may consider validating and supporting their feelings. Try not to get angry or remind them why they are wrong; they already don’t feel good enough and judging them is unlikely to be helpful. Similarly, avoid telling them why having high self-esteem makes sense. Most people struggle with a poor self-image occasionally, and they may simply want a reminder that the feeling won’t last their whole life. If they’ve struggled with self-esteem for a while, you may want to suggest that they visit a therapist or other mental health professional to get to the root of underlying causes. 

What does it mean to be “good enough”?

Being “good enough” is often subjective and based on a person’s self-evaluation of their personality, skills, and value. Even if a person seems to be good enough to outside observers, it is still possible they feel inferior or inadequate, especially if they tend to ruminate or struggle with resilience. For instance, a person may grapple with strong hurt feelings if they receive a slight criticism. 

However, it is also possible to not be "good enough" based on objective criteria. For example, a first-year medical student is not yet “good enough” to practice medicine without close supervision. However, not feeling good enough based on objective criteria often relates more closely to confidence than self-esteem, whereas challenges with self-esteem are typically based on subjective criteria that vary considerably from person to person. It is normal not to be confident in a skill or ability out of one's comfort zone if it hasn’t been practiced thoroughly enough for a person to be objectively good at it. Still, that person likely can feel good about themselves, even if their skills are limited in a specific area. Someone may also experience impostor syndrome even if, objectively, they are doing well, such as believing they are a "fraud" who will one day be found out by the whole world. This may be the case with a high achiever in medical school who engages in negative self-talk, such as, "All my life I've been mediocre." In this scenario, even if all the people surrounding them compliment their skills and talent, they may still feel that they don't matter as much as others. 

Why is feeling good enough important?

High self-esteem tends to lead to better overall well-being and protects against some mental conditions. A poor self-image is frequently associated with depression and suicidal thoughts; it is difficult for people to see their own value when they consistently rate themselves as not good enough. High self-esteem also likely makes it easier to accomplish goals and stay motivated on making progress. People who consistently feel like they are not good enough are less likely to take risks, cope with challenging emotions, or put extra effort toward self-improvement. For example, a person afraid of making mistakes due to unrealistic expectations may be less likely to do the most important thing to them, such as applying for their dream job. 

Why do I feel I'm not good enough for him?

If you don’t feel good enough for a relationship partner, you should consider evaluating your whole relationship honestly. Are your feelings coming from a genuine difference in ability, or are you evaluating your contribution to the relationship poorly? If you struggle to maintain good self-esteem, you may be discounting many of the positive things you bring to the relationship. It is also important to recognize whether your partner contributes to your feelings of not being good enough. If they insult you, put you down, or are overly critical to the point you doubt your self-worth, your self-esteem isn’t to blame. A person who treats you that way is not behaving in a kind, loving,  respectful manner. If you regularly feel belittled by your partner, you should strongly consider whether the relationship benefits you. 

How do you convince someone they are good enough?

It is often difficult to convince someone they are good enough. Sometimes, a person might need to hear the truth about their worth to feel good about themselves. They may also benefit from hearing how others have fared in their situation. For example, if they don’t feel good enough because they failed an important test, you could tell them a story about a friend’s older brother who took the same course, failed two tests, and still passed. It can often be helpful to help people see that one setback is not the end of the world. 

Is feeling not good enough a sign of a mental health condition?

If the person is not receptive to friendly encouragement or has struggled to feel good about themselves for a long time, it may be a sign of a deeper concern. They may think they have to be a certain way to feel good about themselves, or they may be struggling with a mental health condition that is making it difficult to build self-esteem. In that case, you should consider helping them find a therapist to address their concerns; self-esteem issues can be challenging, and many people find that the care of a mental health professional makes the process much easier. 

What is another word for good enough?

Other ways to describe a person as “good enough” commonly include stating that they have “high self-esteem,” a “strong self-image,” or are “confident in themselves.” Humans tend to hold themselves to high standards, and while “good enough” might be roughly synonymous with “adequate,” it is likely many people consider being “good enough” to carry more weight than simple adequacy.