How Can A Domestic Violence Hotline Provide Abuse Support?

If you are experiencing intimate partner violence and are considering calling a domestic violence hotline, you are not alone. Intimate partner violence affects over 12 million people each year. Knowing what to expect when you call a domestic violence hotline can help you feel more prepared and confident about reaching out for support. 

What are domestic violence hotlines?

Domestic violence, sometimes called domestic abuse, relationship abuse or intimate partner violence, can be defined as physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, or financial abuse by one person against another as part of a pattern of behavior intended to gain or maintain power and control. Domestic violence often occurs in romantic relationships, but might also occur in familial or platonic relationships. 

Experiencing domestic violence can feel isolating, and knowing where to turn for help may be difficult. Domestic violence hotlines exist to provide crisis support for individuals in these situations. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, for example, is free, 24 hours a day, every day of the year whether you are:

• The recipient of abuse

• The perpetrator of abuse

• Another party needing advice on behalf of someone else

What to expect when you call a domestic violence hotline

Reaching out for help can be intimidating, so it may be beneficial to know what to expect before you call. While every call may be unique, you might encounter the following subjects or questions.  

Are you safe to talk?

One of the first questions most hotlines will ask is, “Are you safe to talk?” The reason hotlines begin with this question is that an abuser may be aggravated by a survivor’s action of calling for help. If you are not in a safe, civil environment to voice your concerns or are unable to speak without the abuser hearing, the advocate receiving your call may advise you to call back when the abuser is not present. If you suspect that an abuser may lash out in response to the perceived loss of control, it may be wise to remove the number or website from your phone or computer after contacting a hotline. Consider clearing your browser history so there’s no way to view your communication with the hotline after the fact. 

Gathering information 

Once the advocate has determined whether you are safe, they may ask questions to get to know you and your specific situation. You can divulge as much or as little as you need. You might discuss a recent event or past red flags, or lay out the timeline that has led you to call. The advocate may ask you what steps you've taken or are ready to take.

Part of the potential benefit of calling a domestic violence hotline is the opportunity to talk about your situation with someone trained to listen actively and who has experience helping individuals experiencing domestic violence. An advocate may help you discuss your options to make an informed decision based on your situation.

Hotline advocates may also ask if you're taking care of yourself. An abusive relationship can be taxing and may make it difficult to practice self-care. The advocate might suggest coping strategies like taking a bath, having a nutritious meal, or practicing mindfulness with them over the phone. 

Support and resources 

While each call may be unique, advocates may offer resources to support you in your situation. Many domestic violence hotlines are focused on immediate crises and may refer you to a local emergency shelter.

A hotline can also connect you with:

• Support groups

• Counselors

• Legal advisers

• Other advocates

A hotline advocate will not tell you which option is best for you, but can help you weigh them as you decide. Hotlines can also provide information about domestic violence programs and shelters, and you can search through an online database as you talk to find local options. 

Safety plan with domestic violence hotline counselors

A hotline counselor may also help you create a "safety plan." If you are considering leaving an abusive situation, it might not be safe to walk out or make a solid plan in the presence of the person abusing you. A safety plan can help you determine how to leave without risking harm to you, your children, other family members, or your pets. 

If you and your advocate create a safety plan, they might stay on the line with you while you reach out to other services or pack your items to leave. They might also ask if you need support in setting up an appointment with a counselor. 

What happens after you call? 

What happens after you call a domestic violence hotline may depend on your unique situation. After talking with a hotline advocate, you may have clarity on what you want to do next or seek additional time to figure out the best course of action. If you're not ready to leave your relationship, calling a domestic violence hotline may give you a better understanding of:

• Domestic abuse

• Unhealthy relationship dynamics

• Available resources 

Counselors help you evaluate your options

Hotline counselors may not be allowed to tell you what steps to take or influence your decision-making. However, they can provide thoughtful support and help you evaluate your legal options. They may also let you know if your experiences are dangerous and how to reach out to the police or other support in an emergency. As you talk to the counselor, you might come up with solutions. However, you can ask questions if you're not sure how to proceed on your own. Some of your other options may include: 

• Divorce or separation

• A civil protective order

• Criminal charges

A counselor can provide clarity and comfort

At times, being able to talk about your challenges or struggles with a caring professional may feel like enough to move forward. Objectivity can be reassuring, and speaking with a counselor might offer clarity if you're unsure whether a situation is abusive. The comfort of "talking it through" can also benefit friends and family witnessing or observing abuse of someone they love.  

Support is available whether you need help as a perpetrator or a survivor of domestic violence. In addition to reaching out to a domestic violence hotline, other discreet and affordable services are available to survivors, including online counseling. Online therapy can provide individuals comprehensive care from home or any location. 

Recovering from trauma with online therapy

If you are in a situation where commuting to and from an office may be difficult because of a controlling partner, online therapy may be a helpful alternative. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you can speak with a therapist from wherever is most convenient for you, as long as you have an internet connection. 

The efficacy of online therapy for PTSD and related challenges

Online therapy has been proven effective for survivors of intimate partner violence. For instance, one study found that internet-delivered cognitive-behavioral therapy (I-CBT) significantly reduced symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression for survivors of intimate partner violence.

If you are experiencing a living situation that feels unsafe or unsustainable, a supportive relationship with an online therapist may provide support, guidance, and encouragement to make a positive change. You deserve to feel safe and heard, and speaking with someone, whether through a hotline or a therapist, can be beneficial.