Shifting Expectations: Healthy Ways To Expand The Role Of Parents During Adolescence

Parenting a teenager can be a uniquely challenging experience, leaving you facing obstacles you may have never thought you’d encounter. There can be many ways to prepare for the expanding role of parenting during adolescence, from laying the groundwork for behavioral skills in early childhood to offering age-appropriate choices and responsibilities as they grow. However, it may not always be easy to determine the best ways to support your child during adolescence. Working with a licensed therapist in person or online can provide you with the professional insight and guidance you deserve.

Growing alongside them: How your role as a parent evolves

Life as the parent of a toddler tends to be drastically different from the experiences of the parent of an adolescent child. As they grow, so can you—in knowledge, understanding, perspective, and skill. As your child grows, it can be important to know how to offer your teenager a healthy blend of freedom and responsibility. Knowing the right balance between guidance, discipline, and understanding can help you lead your child through these transformative years.

Build on your existing parenting skills

Researchers at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry say that starting early can be one of the most effective ways for parents to prepare for the teenage years. By instilling skills that promote communication, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution, you can set the parent-child relationship up for success. Consider the following tips as you raise your child:

• Make home a safe, stable, loving environment where they can be themselves. 
• Teach them the importance of thinking before acting. 
• Create an atmosphere of respect, honesty, and mutual trust in your family dynamic. 
• Teach the value of setting, recognizing, and respecting boundaries and limitations. 
• Use mealtimes to create a communication culture where you talk openly about what's happening in your lives. 
• Teach them fundamental and evolving responsibility by assigning age-appropriate household chores. 
• Allow increased opportunities for independence as they grow. 
• Teach them to be responsible for their own belongings and the consequences of being careless with someone else’s things. 
• Establish a parent-child relationship that encourages them to talk to you. 

How to expand your role as a parent during adolescence

While building upon existing skills can be important, it can also be crucial to learn new parenting skills as your child grows up. Evolving with your adolescent and making changes as needed can ensure they develop in a healthy, natural way. Consider implementing the following advice to support a fruitful parent-child relationship and healthy adolescent development.

Offer age-appropriate responsibilities, rewards, and consequences

While you likely wouldn't turn a toddler loose with a functional stove, you might expect your teenager to occasionally pitch in and cook dinner. As they grow, you can teach your child responsibility by giving them household chores to complete. As their ability to perform more complex tasks develops, you can offer additional rewards for meeting expectations and consequences for not fulfilling their responsibilities. 

Be a positive role model

Parents tend to be some of the most influential examples in a teenager’s life, and when they don’t know how to think, act, or feel, they may fall back on what they’ve seen you do. You can model positive behavior and promote a healthy lifestyle and choices through your everyday actions. Even if they don’t show it, your children are likely paying attention to what you do—and how you do it.  

Use language that shows an open mind and willingness to learn

The words you use matter. Many parents prefer to avoid overly restrictive gender roles that confine girls to a limited future or condemn emotional reactions in boys. During conversations with your teenager, try to ensure your language reflects an open mind and a willingness to learn about the things that matter to them. 

Talk about important subjects, like peer pressure, drinking and substance use, sexual relationships, romance and intimacy, respect and consent, boundaries and respect, and other topics that they may need to learn about and discuss. Being a safe place for them can increase the likelihood that they stay open and honest with you throughout the years.

Understand the importance of your child’s friends

Most teenagers are influenced by their peer groups, and throughout adolescence, the importance of those friends in your child’s eyes often increases exponentially. Friends can influence everyday behavior, from music and clothing choices to how they present themselves at school and among their peers. It can be vital to know how to pick your battles without expending your emotional capital on little things that may not matter in the long run. If you tread the water carefully in this area, your teen may retain their trust in you and still turn to you for the big stuff.

Listen without judgment

When your teenager talks to you, it can be crucial to listen without judgment. Instead of listening to respond, try to listen to understand. After they’ve explained a problem, you can ask if they want a sympathetic ear or help brainstorming solutions. Teens don’t always want answers to the problems they’re facing. Sometimes, they may just want someone to listen.

Find healthy ways to work through conflict

Parenting an adolescent virtually guarantees running into some type of conflict at one point or another. It can be key to learn how to navigate these moments together, offering guidance, emotional support, and consistent, loving discipline throughout the disagreement and afterward. Communicating openly with a balance of compromise and boundaries can ensure a clear parental role is maintained while you both determine a solution.

Check in with your teen frequently

One of the most reliable ways to ensure your adolescent’s continued health and overall well-being can be to check in with them regularly. If you establish a baseline of how they normally behave, you may be able to spot an off mood with greater ease. 

Sometimes, behavioral or emotional changes could indicate a mental health condition like anxiety or depression, which could necessitate getting extra support for them. Even a quick chat before or after school can help you stay connected and recognize when your child isn’t acting like themselves.

Make spending time with your child a priority

Actions can be more effective than words when it comes to parenting. Make it a priority to spend time with your teenager as they mature toward adult life. Show up in their lives when you can and do your best to make it evident that you care enough to make time for them. If your work schedule makes it challenging to meet up face-to-face, the importance of in-person quality time can become even more significant.

Helpful parenting skills to prepare for adolescence

As your child develops and enters adolescence, you’ll likely grow right alongside them. The following tips might be useful to you as a parent as you prepare your child for the next stage of their life.

• From an early age, teach your children about their emotions so they can develop a sense of emotional intelligence that allows them to recognize what they're feeling. Emotional awareness can help them understand how their feelings influence their mood and behavior. Help them feel comfortable coming to you with their feelings and teach them emotional literacy so that they can communicate what they need and feel to others. 
• Foster a strong sense of self in your child to build their confidence, independence, and self-esteem. Teach your children bodily autonomy and how to say no when they are young. This can be useful when they encounter peer pressure as teens. 
• Develop open communication channels with your child, ensuring that they know they're loved and protected without question or condition as a foundational fact. 
• Show your children how important it is to care for their physical, emotional, and mental health by engaging in regular self-care yourself and explaining how it helps you be a better person and parent. 
• Parents or guardians tend to be a child’s first role models. Ensure your kids see you working through conflicts without violence, discussing issues and reaching compromises, and speaking to others respectfully, even when you’re upset. Try to model the behavior you want to see in your children as they age. 

As a 2021 study explains, “Research on parental involvement has found that adolescents with strong bonds with their parents tend to show better personal outcomes, such as academic performance, emotional development, and fewer behavioral problems.”

Benefits of online therapy

Many parents encounter unexpected and confusing challenges with their teenage children through adolescent development. In many cases, working with a licensed professional through an online platform like BetterHelp can be helpful. Parents and adolescents alike can have busy, time-consuming schedules, which may make it difficult to make it to therapy sessions in person. With the ability to speak with a therapist through video chats, phone calls, or in-app messaging, online therapy may give even the busiest individuals the chance to get the care they deserve.

For parents and guardians who believe their child’s development would benefit from online therapy, TeenCounseling can provide guidance for kids aged 13 to 19. 

Effectiveness of online therapy 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is generally a standard psychotherapy treatment that helps people explore the connection between their thoughts and feelings. In addition to building emotional regulation and expression, therapy can help your teenager channel their natural feelings into productive, healthy action that enables them to maintain their growth and maturation. Likewise, parents can benefit from CBT by learning how to cope with their child’s changing emotions and increasing independence. Studies typically show no significant difference in patient outcomes for online and in-person CBT treatment. 

Takeaway 

Raising a teenager can be challenging for parents. As the parental role expands and changes during adolescence, it can be difficult to learn how to maintain a stable and supportive bond with your child. However, by trying to understand where your teen is coming from, keeping a positive attitude, practicing curiosity instead of judgment, and keeping the lines of communication open, you can continue to shape who your child becomes as an adult. While the adolescent years can be a turbulent time, resources like online therapy can be beneficial for parents and teens alike.