Understanding The Influence Of Friends In Adolescence

Adolescent friendships can be powerful influences. Your teen’s behavior and mental health could be impacted by those in their peer group. It may be important to note that adolescent friendships are often fleeting. Most fade within a year or two as teens quickly shift interests, activities, and friend groups. In addition, similarity can lead to stronger, healthier teenage friendships. When your child is friends with someone very different from them, you may expect increased conflicts in their connection. Learning the emotional skills to identify their own and others’ feelings, understanding how they influence mood and behavior, and communicating their needs and emotions to friends, family, and romantic partners may be crucial to adolescent child development. As a parent, you may wish to consult with a licensed therapist to learn how to best support your child through adolescence and beyond.

How much influence do an adolescent’s friends have?

Teenagers may be driven by an overwhelming desire to fit in and be accepted. As their friend groups change and evolve, your adolescent will likely adopt numerous ways of talking, behaving, and thinking from their peer group—with varying results. 

Trying to force your child to be (or not be) friends with a particular child or otherwise exerting your parental power over their social connections can backfire. Instead, consider fostering a healthy sense of identity, teaching them about functional, positive relationships, and then trusting them to make good choices. Positive, supportive teenage friendships can predict adult mental health. 

Social changes your child may experience during adolescence

As children transition from middle school to high school, they may experience many physical, mental, emotional, and social changes that influence how they think, act, and feel.

Expanding social circle and emulating friends

Beginning in middle school, you can expect your child's focus and priority to start shifting away from the family and toward friends and social connections. As their social circle grows and they spend more time with their friends away from home, you can expect their moods and behaviors to fluctuate. 

You might also see echoes of their friends in their language, attitude, and behavior. Teenagers may begin looking to their friends and peers for guidance, inspiration, and support. They may also gravitate toward people with similar interests.

Overwhelming drive for acceptance

Adolescents are usually still discovering their values and who they want to be. Sometimes, they may have ill-advised ideas about what their peer group may see as acceptable or desirable behavior. As a result, they may choose to do something out of character to fit in with their friends. 

Spending less time with family

During adolescence, you can expect your child to show more interest in social contact with people outside the family, expanding their mental, emotional, and social horizons. Teenagers might seek ways to understand and define themselves as separate from their families.

Making and outgrowing friendships

Lifelong friendships may be considered a rare and precious gift. Through adolescence, you can expect your child’s friend groups and peers to shift many times. A study conducted by Florida Atlantic University determined that just “one percent of friendships that began in the seventh grade continued to the 12th grade.”

Additional Adolescent Social Changes

You may observe other social changes in your teen, including: 

• Developing stronger and more complex relationships
• Forming connections with mentors, such as teachers and coaches
• Experimenting to discover their style
• Being influenced by culture, media, and friends
• Demonstrating interest in romantic partners

Understanding how friends can influence your teenager

Parenting adolescents can be easier when you understand the reasons for their behavior, including when their friends influence them. While you may want to believe your child couldn’t be the one to instigate trouble, it might be important to keep in mind that their mistakes may not always be the result of peer pressure. Sometimes, teenagers simply make bad choices. 

Adopting Negative Habits

Your child may absorb some of their friends’ habits. If they get close to someone who likes to argue or solve problems with violence, you may notice your child demonstrating aggressive behavior as well. If their friends are permitted to curse and act disrespectfully, your child may begin doing the same.

Participating in risky behaviors

Your child may emulate risky behaviors they’re exposed to through their teenage friendships. This could include smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, experimenting with recreational drugs, or engaging in sexual activity, for example. 

Influencing them toward good or bad grades at school

A teenager’s friends can influence how much effort they put forth and how well they perform in school. If several of their friends routinely skip homework and make no effort to get good grades, your child’s behavior may reflect that. 

Teen friendships can be a positive influence, too

Not all teenage friendships may be negative. These adolescent relationships can also have benefits, such as encouraging mental health and self-confidence and supporting emotional growth and development. If your teen’s friends have a positive outlook, supportive attitude, or a desire to help others, you can expect your child to absorb some of that, too. 

“Most 10 to 18-year-olds name a friend as one of the top three most important people in their lives. Friendships contribute to positive psychosocial adjustment in multiple domains, such as greater well-being, lower symptoms of depression, less delinquent and risky behaviors, and higher academic achievement; they also protect against the negative effects of victimization and internalizing behaviors.” –The Power of Friendship, Society for Research in Child Development

Building up their confidence and self-esteem

As your teenager builds stronger, more complex friendships, you can expect their close friends to become a significant source of emotional support. Good friends can help teens develop their confidence and self-esteem, celebrate their triumphs, and offer support through challenging times. 

Developing individual, social, and cultural views

While your teenager may be an individual with their own mind, their friends can often influence how they think. For example, an adolescent with passionate friends active in social justice, politics, or volunteer work may want to get more involved. 

How can you support your child’s adolescent friendships?

Consider these tips to support healthy relationships and communication:

• Teach them to stick to their convictions and that good friends will let them say no. 
• Help them choose their friends wisely. Friendships based on shared interests and values tend to be more likely to succeed.
• Emphasize the need for reciprocal care and attention in healthy teenage friendships. Teach them how to be a good friend. 
• Encourage your child to embrace the possibilities of varied friendships and experiences.
• Teach them that honesty and communication are often at the heart of healthy friendships.
• Model compromise, communication, and conflict resolution for your child from an early age, so that working together and talking through problems can become instinctive behaviors. 
• Build up your adolescent’s confidence, encouraging them to be themselves. This may make it less likely they’ll be manipulated by others. 

Benefits of online therapy

Parenting doesn’t typically come with a convenient guide to help you navigate the challenging situations your child will likely face as they grow. Still, parents may benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist online through a virtual therapy platform like BetterHelp. Therapy can equip you with valuable parenting, communication, and conflict resolution skills to create a healthy, functional family dynamic. Busy parents may find the convenience of online therapy appealing. With this form of internet-based therapy, you can attend sessions day or night from the comfort of your home. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

Therapists may use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help patients explore the connection between their thoughts and feelings. They can then identify and reshape harmful habits into healthier, more productive patterns. Online and in-person therapy generally produce the same client outcomes, making both valid choices for those seeking professional help.

Takeaway 

Making and keeping friends through the teenage years can be challenging. As a parent, you may worry about the influence your child’s friends have over them or how you can support them to create healthy friendships and make good choices. While your teen’s friends may negatively influence them by encouraging them to participate in risky behaviors or develop bad habits, they can also be a positive influence, motivating them to work hard in school and building up their confidence. If you’re not sure how to handle the adolescent years and the relationship challenges that can come with them, consider reaching out to a therapist in your local area or through an online therapy platform.