"Who Am I?" Exploring Identity In Adolescence And Supporting Your Children

Throughout adolescence, your teenager is likely to experience a variety of influences, situations, and connections with others in their quest to discover their identity. As a parent or guardian, you can play a vital role in guiding them through this complex time in their life. A licensed therapist can help you determine the most effective ways to support your child through in-person or online therapy sessions.

Helping them answer “who am I?”

Outside influences often shape young people's identities. This could include peer groups and friends, school, media, family dynamics and support, cultural and societal expectations, and other factors. 

During adolescence, young people often ask many questions about who they are, actively making choices and directing their personal identity formation. Feedback from others—particularly peer groups—tends to be an essential factor in adolescent identity development, allowing teens to adjust their beliefs and behaviors and form into unique individuals.

Stages of adolescent identity development

As they grow and mature through the transition from childhood to adolescence and eventually into adulthood, people tend to experience many milestones of identity development. These different stages can help them understand who they are, what they believe, and how they want to be seen by others. Below are some examples of what individuals typically experience as they move through the various stages of identity development.

Early adolescence (ages 11 to 14)

• Increased awareness of peer groups and how they see themselves fitting into a particular group
• Demonstrating a desire to identify themselves in areas that don’t involve their role in the family dynamic
• Developing a sense of flexibility in how they present themselves and the image they want others to perceive, depending on the situation
• Exhibiting a higher sensitivity to peer feedback and external perceptions
• Prioritizing their own personal values and decisions, allowing their choices to reflect how they see themselves

Middle adolescence (ages 14 to 18)

• Starting to imagine their personal identity in different areas and what role they see themselves playing as adults
• Establishing more complex viewpoints and taking stronger stances on ethical, moral, or social issues that are important to them
• Increasing stability in how they view themselves and the image they wish others to perceive across social groups and situations
• Exploration with various forms of identity expression or trying different things until they find something that fits
• Starting to consider their role concerning broader social and cultural groups as they work to establish how much influence these factors will have on their life

Late adolescence (ages 18 to 24)

• Taking the time to consider the adult roles they wish to take on, as well as their career goals
• Making strong identity commitments to personal and social groups, such as religion, gender, race, sexual orientation, or others, while still staying open to further learning, growth, and change
• Developing their understanding of who they are within the context of romantic, intimate relationships, including what they want in a partner and what type of partner they want to be
• Gaining enough life experience to balance their younger, more idealistic views with a realistic understanding of how the world works

Different types of adolescent identity development

As children grow, mature, and step into their unique identities, they can have a lot to contemplate and decide on. They may look to their parents, peers, or other outside influences as they consider the type of person they’d like to be. One’s identity can be made up of many different factors, including:

• Ethnic identity: Many teenagers engage in ethnic identity exploration, striving to learn more about where they come from and who their ancestors were. They may learn about their cultural past and the traditions they can carry on to keep that history alive.
• Social identity: Many teenagers place significant importance on social identity, viewing it as a critical source of pride and self-esteem. Social identity is typically related to the sense of self one feels based on the groups they are included in, such as family, friends, teams, clubs, social class, etc. 
• Gender identity: Gender identity can be an essential part of anyone's identity formation. However, if an individual feels an innate sense that their feelings, emotions, and personality don’t match the gender they were assigned at birth, they may find their gender identity to be a more crucial part of themself. 
• Political identity: How your teen thinks of themself concerning the politics and government of their country generally refers to their political identity. A person's political identity and values are often shaped by the components of their values, ideals, and experiences.
• Family identity: Family identity can refer to an individual’s understanding of the habits, traditions, and rituals their family undergoes and their place in that legacy. This category can also include family values, oral histories, and ancestry research. 
• Sexual identity: Teens typically undergo many physical and hormonal changes during adolescence as their reproductive organs develop. This stage of development can be crucial to sexual identity, in which they learn how their body works in a sexual capacity, discover whom they are attracted to, and explore sexual relationships. 

Alana Butler of ACT for Youth explains, “Our identities are not simply our own creation: identities grow in response to both internal and external factors. To some extent, each of us chooses an identity, but identities are also formed by environmental forces out of our control. Identity is dynamic and complex, and changes over time.”

What issues can occur during adolescent identity development?

While identity formation can be an exciting time in an adolescent’s life, it can also come with some potential concerns, such as the following:

• Identity diffusion generally refers to a lack of focus or stability in a person's sense of self and other identity elements. This symptom can be common in people with borderline personality disorder. 
• Identity foreclosure can be characterized by an unwavering and premature dedication to a set of values or beliefs without considering one’s own preferences. Those experiencing identity foreclosure might take on the beliefs and expectations of others without giving enough thought to their own unique worldview or exploring alternative identities. 
• Identity moratorium can refer to the process of actively exploring and experimenting with establishing a self-identity but making no clear commitment to any particular identity. While exploration can be crucial, failing to eventually commit to an identity and continuously debating one’s options can lead an individual to be unsure of who they are for great lengths of time. 

How you can support your teen’s identity development

Every teen’s journey to forming their identity may look different. Parents and guardians can support their children through this process in numerous ways. 

• Be prepared for them to be sensitive about their looks and how others perceive them. 
• Pick your battles and try to let the little things go. Only expend trust and goodwill between the two of you if it's over something important. 
• Understand how much friends matter to your teenager and how much influence they hold. 
• Have open, honest discussions about religion, sexuality, race, and gender, showing them that you are open-minded and willing to expand your horizons to learn something new. Help them see all parts of their identity as healthy, natural parts of themselves. 
• Be prepared for your adolescent to challenge or disagree with your values as they develop their own, and understand that this means they are beginning to think for themselves—a healthy part of development that you can encourage.
• Talk openly about peer pressure, the types of situations they may encounter, and how they can resist its influence. Encourage their sense of self and confidence so they feel comfortable making the right decision and saying no when they feel uncomfortable. 
• Avoid disparaging or derogatory comments about your teenager’s appearance, hobbies, or friends. It is unlikely to have the desired effect and may cause your teen to decide they can't share things with you.  
• Understand that your teenager may be embarrassed by you; this can be natural and is likely to pass with time as they mature.
• Base your decisions on what is right for your family and your child, not according to what other teens’ parents allow. 

How therapy can support adolescent identity formation

While forming their identity is a task only your adolescent can accomplish, as a parent or guardian, you can support your child’s mental health and emotional development in many ways, such as working with a licensed therapist.

Benefits of online therapy

Many parents work with licensed therapists online through virtual therapy platforms like BetterHelp to learn valuable parenting tools, communication skills, and conflict-resolution methods that help them relate to their teenagers while supporting their own mental health and overall well-being. With online therapy, you can meet with a therapist through video chats, phone calls, or in-app messaging, depending on your preferences and availability. 

Parents or guardians who believe their adolescent would benefit from speaking with a professional can find online therapy for kids ages 13 to 19 at TeenCounseling. 

Effectiveness of online therapy 

As adolescents navigate identity concerns, parents may struggle to understand how they can be most helpful. The guidance of an online therapist may clear up some of the confusion and support parents in being there for their children. In one study, researchers compared the efficacy of an online behavioral parent training intervention vs a face-to-face intervention. They found that the online intervention typically produced high levels of engagement, acceptability, and parent treatment knowledge and fidelity. These outcomes were similar to the face-to-face intervention, suggesting that online therapy can be just as effective as traditional therapy. 

Takeaway 

During adolescence, your teenager may go through many different identity phases as they work to understand who they are. As confusing as this might be for you as a parent, it can be important to remember that it’s ultimately your adolescent’s experience, and they’re likely to be under the most stress. Learning about the various stages of identity formation can be useful for supporting healthy adolescent identity development. However, simply learning how to be a supportive, positive, and encouraging individual in your child’s life can make a difference. You might consider using online therapy if you’d like to understand how to be there for your child more effectively while maintaining mental well-being yourself.