How To Stop Being Angry At Someone Who Hurt You & Why It's Good To Let Anger Go

By Dylan Buckley|Updated August 9, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Lauren Guilbeault, LMHC

Are You Wondering How To Stop Being Angry?

If you've ever been hurt by someone you care about, you know how painful it can be. Unfortunately, it's surprisingly common. Perhaps someone has broken your trust, lied to you, gossiped about you, or any number of other things that led to the destruction of a close relationship. When someone hurts you like this, it's normal for people to experience a myriad of negative thoughts as well as emotional pain. One of the emotions that many people experience is anger.

Do You Want To Stop Being Angry At Someone Who Hurt You?

Anger is a natural emotional response to being hurt or wronged by someone else. But staying angry can be harmful to your mental health if not treated or worked through. That's why it's important for us to work through it when it arises and we need easy ways to do that. It can even help us to better assess ourselves and the situation that prompted it. Unfortunately, some people hold on to anger for longer than they need to instead of processing it and learning from it.

When you remain angry at someone, you're only hurting yourself. Anger is tied to a number of health issues that can harm you over time including physical tension if anger is left unresolved. In addition to these risks, staying angry doesn't resolve anything. It doesn't impact the other person, nor does it change anything. The only person being affected by the anger is you! In this article, we'll look at the side effects of anger and what you can do to work through it as well as some common-sense solutions. You might be surprised to find how many easy ways there are to healthily process and calm your anger.

People sometimes ask these questions about feeling this way:

How do you make someone realize they hurt you?
What does it mean when someone hurt you emotionally?
How do you stay away from someone who hurt you?
How do you become strong when someone hurts you emotionally?
How do you talk to someone who hurts your feelings?
Should I talk to someone who hurt me?
What is the best revenge for someone who hurt you?
How do you act around someone who hurt you?
Is silence the best revenge?
Is ignoring the best revenge?

Why Do I Need to Stop Being Angry at Someone Who Hurt Me?

If someone has hurt you, it's normal to wonder why you should stop being angry at them. When you feel they deserve your wrath, it's not easy to understand why you need to let that anger go. However, staying angry is bad for you physically and emotionally. Letting go feels good.

Anger and stress impact the chemicals in your brain, changing the way your brain and body function. For example, when you're angry, you tend to have a faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, and high blood pressure. Being angry can also impact the circulation of your blood throughout your body. Over time, this built-up stress can impact your heart, your brain, and the rest of your body as it breaks down in the presence of these chemicals. These changes may suppress your immune system and cause you to be prone to illnesses.

 

Stress and anger also have an impact on your physical health. They can make your muscles tense or cause you to be verbally or physically lash out. In severe situations, heightened anger can cause you to go into fight or flight mode.

Even if you aren't feeling the physical side effects of anger, they still impact you mentally and emotionally. Being angry at someone is emotionally exhausting. It consumes your thoughts, makes it hard to trust other people, and can make you unnecessarily irritable. In short, staying angry at someone can steal your ability to feel happy. In the long term, it can also cause anxiety and depression if left untreated.

Harboring anger can have a serious negative impact on relationships. With all romantic relationships, sex is an important component of the relationship. When you feel angry at your partner, sex is often the last thing on your mind.

If your sex life is dwindling due to hidden anger issues, a therapist can help men and women and their partners to get past those painful issues and restore feelings of intimacy.

Being healthy in every way is important for men and women, and there's nothing better for your health than releasing that anger and aggression. Read on to learn some easy ways for how to do just that.

Some Easy Ways for How to Stop Being Angry

If someone has hurt you and you've been holding onto it for months or even years, it's time to learn how to deal with your anger. If you choose to not deal with it, it’ll do you more harm than good. It's also important to understand that this does not mean you think what they did was okay. If they hurt you, it's not all right, but nothing is going to change what happened in the past.

However, choosing to stay angry at them is choosing to keep yourself in a negative place, and make no mistake, this is your decision. For your own sake, it's important to learn some ways to stop the negative thoughts and turn your thought process around as to how to release your anger. Here are some ways you can start working on it and move past it.

Put Yourself In Their Shoes

Depending on the situation, reframing your thinking may help calm you down. Sometimes people act in hurtful ways due to previous trauma or emotional baggage. Some people struggle to work through those past events and are emotional as a result. Furthermore, the other person may be experiencing low self-esteem or simply just be having a bad day. When some people feel bad, they don’t know what to do besides make others feel bad as well. So even though you may feel hurt, try to see things from their point of view.

 

Obviously, there are situations where this isn’t applicable and this isn’t the same as condoning someone’s harmful behavior. However, if it is simply an argument with a friend or family member and you know they are going through a rough time, then understanding where they are coming from may ease your anger and help resolve the situation.

Talk to the Person

Sometimes, releasing your anger is as simple as talking to the person who hurt you. It might help to express your feelings clearly to them. It's also possible that there was a misunderstanding, and the other person might not even be aware of it.

However, it is important to stay calm and collected during this conversation. Practice what you are going to say beforehand and try not to let your anger get the best of you. You don’t want to lose control and conduct any hurtful behavior yourself that would make the situation worse.

However, if you're certain the person knows what happened and doesn't care, or if it's an unsafe situation, skip this strategy and try something else.

Journal

If you're unable to talk to the other person or if you just don't want to, journaling can be a healthy way to process your hurt and anger. When you take the time to put your feelings and thoughts down on paper, it gives you an objective view of your feelings. This can be an eye-opening experience, and it can also be just the thing you need to move past your anger.

Journaling is one of the easy ways to process your thoughts. And the best part is that it helps you process your emotions privately as only you have access to your journal entries.

Forgiveness

Forgiving someone can be a long and difficult road, but many people are grateful once they've done it. Forgiveness is often confused with accepting an apology or trying to mend a relationship, but neither are required. You don't even need to remain in contact with someone or accept their own explanation for the situation. Many people don’t realize that forgiveness is for you more than anyone else.

There's a popular saying that says, "staying angry at someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." The truth is that someone who hurt you may never ask for your forgiveness. They may not realize they hurt you, or they may not care. Either way, it doesn't matter because you alone can deal with your anger.

Even though that person may not be waiting for your forgiveness, it is still in your best interest to forgive them anyway. Staying angry can lead to bitterness and resentment. Instead, learn how to forgive that person, so you can let go of your anger and move on with your life.

Let Go of the Relationship

If you stay in a relationship with someone who hurt you, it's important to take some time and think about whether or not that's a good thing. There are times when relationships can bounce back from issues, but that doesn't always mean they should. If you've been hurt in a relationship, you might want to evaluate what you want and need in the future. Sometimes, letting go of your anger or working with a relationship coach isn't enough. You may need to end the relationship as well to free yourself from the anger and pain of what happened.

Learn From the Situation

Every situation in life teaches us about ourselves and others--even the painful ones! Take some time to reflect on what you've learned. Instead of staying angry, allow yourself to feel the anger in your body and think about the overall lesson associated with it. What have you learned about yourself? What could you have done differently? What will you do differently in the future? The lessons you learn can help you avoid similar situations down the road.

Meditation for Anger

Breathing deeply will help to diffuse your anger which is why meditation works nicely for many people dealing with anger. Meditation is another effective strategy that you can use to manage anger. Meditation helps you learn to control your thoughts, clear your head, relax your body, and get to a better place. In addition, practicing meditation can help you learn how to take your thoughts off of the situation and the person who hurt you and transform them into something that will be released over time.

Do You Want To Stop Being Angry At Someone Who Hurt You?

Deep breathing is usually part of a meditation practice that can help your anger disappear. This is another exercise that can be used on its own or with meditation to help you learn to control your anger. If you find yourself in a place where you're upset about the person who hurt you, deep breathing can help you regain control. When you focus on your breath, it takes your focus off your anger and it feels good. It also helps to slow your heart rate and your breathing, essentially reversing the physical symptoms of your anger.

Anger Management Groups

If you have a really hard time dealing with your anger after someone hurts you, joining an anger management group may help. Groups show you that you're not alone and allow you to share your troubles with people who understand. This support can be beneficial during any stage of the healing process.

In a group, you'll learn about strategies and tactics that have worked for others, while also learning about things that haven't worked. It's a great way to be able to share information and tips from your own experience as well.

Quick Coping Tips for Anger

When a situation triggers intense anger or a fight or flight response, it can be hard to deal with the immediate aftermath. Here are some quick coping tips that can help you manage your anger in the heat of the moment.

Work It Out

Physical exercise comes with a host of health benefits. Getting out and about can boost your mood, relieve stress, and get your mind off of the things you're angry about while you work out your aggression. If you're feeling especially angry, consider visiting your gym or taking a run outside to help you blow off some steam and leave you feeling refreshed.

Acknowledge and Express Your Anger

Working through your anger does not mean suppressing it. People who suppress their emotions are inevitably going to explode later, so you should never ignore your anger. The key here is to acknowledge it and express it in a healthy way that doesn't put you and others in danger. Whether that means punching a pillow or screaming at a wall, a release is necessary for you to feel good.

Come Up With Solutions for the Problem

Many people remain angry because they don't know what else to do. However, like anything else in life, there are always solutions to the problem. When you feel angry, take some time to sit down and figure out what you can do about your anger and the situation that led to it. If the person who’s feeding your anger is a coworker, it may be time to consider getting a new job. It's better to use that anger productively, so channel that energy into positive action.

Learn How to Move On From Anger

If your anger is so overwhelming that it's impacting your life in a negative way, consider talking to a counselor who can help you learn to manage it. Licensed counselors are trained to handle anger and the many mental and physical side effects associated with it. To that end, you might want to consider something like BetterHelp.

BetterHelp is an online counseling platform that gives you access to thousands of certified counselors. They can provide you with support and strategies to guide you through your anger. Whether you're on the go or at home, you can easily squeeze in sessions that work with your schedule, and you can join these sessions from anywhere you have an internet connection. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

"Since being with Josh I have felt that I am not alone when I'm angry. I'm rubbish at verbally saying how I feel but writing/ typing it to josh helps me explain it to some and he always helps me see it from different sides which helps. Josh has helped give me strategies for when I get angry."

"Regina helped me pinpoint where my anger issue stemmed from in the very first session, and has been helping me become more self aware of my warning triggers. Very insightful and helpful!"

Conclusion On Anger

When someone does something that hurts you, it's natural to be angry, but there's a fine line between healthy and unhealthy anger. If you've been holding onto anger for far too long, you're only hurting yourself. Stop letting anger control your life and learn to process and heal your own feelings. You can learn to release that anger and enjoy a more fulfilling life -- all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.

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