The Power Of Forgiveness: How To Stop Being Angry At Someone Who Hurt You
Forgiveness can be a tool with the potential to significantly impact a person's mental and emotional well-being. Holding onto anger and resentment may cause stress and even harm physical health. On the other hand, releasing anger and practicing forgiveness may lead to improved relationships and bring peace. You may be able to forgive others by practicing empathy, focusing on the present moment, and letting go of the desire for revenge. If you’re having trouble forgiving yourself or others, a licensed therapist may be able to help. You can seek out a therapist locally or through an online therapy platform.
Understanding forgiveness
Engaging in forgiveness can be a choice to abandon resentment and bitterness and move forward with a clearer, more positive outlook. There can be various forms of forgiveness, including self-forgiveness, the forgiveness of others, and even forgiveness of circumstances or situations. It’s usually a gradual process that takes time, effort, and a willingness to release negative emotions. Despite the challenges, the rewards of forgiveness are often worth pursuing.
The benefits of forgiveness
Releasing anger and bitterness through forgiveness may lead to the following:
Improved relationships
Holding onto anger and resentment can damage relationships and make it hard to connect with others. Forgiveness may rebuild trust and enhance communication, potentially leading to stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Reduced stress and anxiety
Carrying anger and bitterness can increase stress and anxiety levels. Forgiveness may offer relief from these negative emotions and bring peace and calm.
Improved physical health
Chronic anger and stress may harm physical health in the long term. Forgiveness may reduce stress levels and improve overall health and well-being.
Increased self-esteem
Forgiving others and letting go of anger can increase self-esteem and self-confidence. It may also reduce feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame.
Better emotional well-being
Forgiveness may improve mood, reduce negative emotions, and increase positive feelings like joy and gratitude.
Forgiveness may not always be easy, but it can be a transformative experience. It may require facing your emotions and confronting the past, but it can also open the door to a brighter future.
Forgiveness may not be a one-time event, but a continual process that generally requires effort and patience. It may involve setbacks and challenges, but the rewards of improved relationships, reduced stress, and increased well-being are likely worth pursuing. As you practice forgiveness, you can learn to let go of anger and bitterness and find peace in your life.
The challenges of forgiveness
While forgiveness often has many benefits, it can also be difficult.
Common challenges people tend to face when attempting to forgive can include the following:
Difficulty releasing anger
Holding onto anger and resentment can be deeply ingrained.
Fear of being hurt again
When someone hurts your feelings, forgiving that person can be scary due to the fear that they could hurt you again.
Difficulty forgiving yourself
Forgiving yourself is often even more challenging than forgiving others. Many people struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame, which can make it hard to forgive themselves.
Resistance from others
Forgiveness can be a personal process, but resistance from others frequently makes it challenging.
Despite these challenges, the rewards of forgiveness can make it a valuable and worthwhile practice. By letting go of anger and bitterness, you may improve relationships, reduce stress and anxiety, and lead a more fulfilling life.
Steps for forgiving others
Forgiveness is usually a process that takes time, effort, and a willingness to release negative emotions.
Here are some steps that may aid in the process of forgiving others:
Acknowledge your feelings
Acknowledging anger and resentment can be important in understanding why these emotions are held and what needs to be released to forgive.
Practice empathy
Understanding the other person's perspective and what may have led them to act in a certain way can reduce anger and resentment while increasing empathy and compassion.
Let go of the need for revenge
Holding onto a desire for revenge usually only perpetuates negative emotions and hinders forgiveness. Releasing this need may help you release anger and bitterness.
Focus on the present
Forgiveness is generally about moving forward and leaving the past behind. Focusing on the present moment and what you want to create in life can shift your focus away from anger and resentment.
Seek support
Forgiving can be a difficult process, and seeking help from friends, family, or a therapist may be helpful. Having someone to talk to and process feelings with often makes forgiveness easier.
Steps for forgiving yourself
Forgiving yourself can be even more challenging than forgiving others. Here are some steps that may help with the process of forgiving yourself:
Acknowledge and accept your feelings
Acknowledging and accepting feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame may be necessary.
Practice self-compassion
Treating yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a friend, can reduce feelings of guilt and shame and increase self-compassion.
Focus on the present
Focusing on the present moment and what you want to create in life can shift focus away from negative emotions toward self-forgiveness.
Seek support
Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be helpful in the process of forgiving yourself.
Benefits of online therapy
If you are struggling to forgive, consider seeking out therapy services. A licensed therapist can provide an unbiased and non-judgmental space to explore and address the feelings that may be preventing forgiveness. They can also offer guidance, support, and tools to aid in forgiveness.
Online therapy may be particularly beneficial for those who wish to experience the power of forgiveness. Online therapy can make it simple and quick to match with a licensed therapist who has experience helping others with similar challenges. Plus, you can attend sessions from the comfort of your home at a time that fits your schedule.
Effectiveness of online therapy
In general, online therapy can be highly effective in treating a variety of mental health concerns. When it comes to forgiveness and letting go of anger, research shows that online therapy can help. If you’re ready to let go of anger and resentment, consider reaching out for professional help.
Takeaway
What are some signs of anger issues?
Uncontrolled anger—for instance, “seeing red”—in response to an otherwise minor upset is perhaps the biggest indicator of what are colloquially called “anger issues.” You may benefit from anger management assistance if your anger escalates frequently, or if the physical symptoms of anger (like your blood pressure rocketing upward) persist despite your or others’ calming words and good-faith attempts to ameliorate it.
Why do I feel angry so easily?
There are a few potential causes. You may be setting unrealistic expectations that, when not met, trigger other negative feelings and cascade into rage. Anger is also potentially a symptom of undiagnosed mental illness, such as an anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, borderline personality disorder, or intermittent explosive disorder, and can be symptomatic of neurological conditions like dementia. If you have or suspect you may have one of these conditions, adequate treatment may minimize anger episodes.
What are other techniques I can use to control anger?
- Practice deep breathing exercises. Practicing relaxation skills such as breathing can calm your nervous system and assuage your anger response.
- Listen to music. Some people find that mellow music relaxes their anger and gives them a moment to cool down, but energetic music like metal can also reduce anger. It just depends on your individual response.
- Exercise. This can be a healthy way to release anger or agitation and can give you a few moments to yourself to think. Sports, hiking, or other enjoyable physical activities can diffuse tension and promote healthy emotional states.
What do you say when you’re mad at someone?
One commonly recommended technique is to emphasize I-based language—that is, to explain how you feel rather than blame someone. For example, instead of, “You made me upset when you said X because you meant Y,” you might say, “I felt upset when you said X because I thought you meant Y…” I-based language can help keep disagreements—and anger—from escalating, as well as offer the other person a chance to clarify any misunderstandings.
But it may be a better idea to take a moment to cool down and practice one of the above-mentioned techniques, especially if you feel close to bursting. Just make sure to give the other person a heads-up that you need a moment.
Can you forgive someone and still be angry?
Yes, but it depends. If you’re angry and want retribution, you likely haven’t sincerely forgiven the other person. But if you’re angry and working toward moving past it, you’re probably just experiencing the normal flow of emotions. What matters most is your attitude toward your anger.
How do I stop being bitter?
If you are bitter toward someone else, empathy is one potential first step. Consider what may have contributed to the other person’s actions. Were they tired, stressed, or hungry? Do they hold a different philosophy from you, or come from a different background? Additionally, working through your own bitterness in therapy or through journaling can also help. Ultimately, the best way to eliminate bitterness is to seek to forgive—including forgiving yourself, which is linked with improved well-being.
No matter what, avoid giving in to the temptation to seek revenge. This isn’t the same as seeking justice, which is acknowledgement of and amendment for what has been done wrong. Rather, it means resisting the urge to inflict pain on another for their transgression, which may actually make you more bitter.
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