Managing anger is a skill that can be learned, much like effective communication or dealing with difficult people. Learning to control extreme emotions can be very important, preventing you from saying something you'll later regret or making poor decisions in the heat of the moment. Many times anger is the symptom of deeper feelings such as rejection, regret, or disappointment. Everybody gets angry from time to time, but letting your emotions control you is largely a matter of choice. Anger management techniques can be adopted by anyone in order to live a happier, better regulated life.
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Medically Reviewed By: Aaron Horn, LMFT, MA
Anger is a Valid Emotion
Don’t be ashamed of your anger. Everyone gets angry from time to time, and it’s okay to express these feelings. It becomes an issue when you find yourself getting angry a lot of the time, and you can’t seem to control your temper. It is especially important to realize when you are frequently misplacing your anger onto people who do not deserve it. With any mental health issue, it’s okay to ask for help. You can learn to manage your anger with the right treatment, which could include counseling. The first thing to consider when you’re managing anger is what triggers your rage. You might have problems controlling your temper if you’re a survivor of any abuse. It’s important to realize that it’s not your fault that you were abused. The anger you’re experiencing is normal, but there are ways to cope with it. You may become angry if you’re easily frustrated, or you have a mental illness where you are prone to outbursts of anger, such as Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. We’re going to look at the causes and treatment for anger problems.
Why Are You Angry?
Some things make us angry in life. Maybe someone isn’t treating well in your family. It could be that your job is toxic, or perhaps you’re in a romantic relationship where your partner does things that make you angry. There are many reasons that you could find yourself angry, whether they are situational, or the result of mental illness. You may become mad after getting fired from a job. You might experience anger because of childhood trauma or a traumatic event you experienced as an adult. You could feel angry after a bad breakup or a divorce. People become angry when they think they are being mistreated or their feelings are not valued. Remember that it’s important to find ways to appropriately and constructively express your anger.
How You Express Your Anger
The way we express anger is partially influenced by the way we were raised. Imagine that you grew up in a household where people yelled and broke things to show their displeasure. You believe that this is an appropriate way to express your anger. Your abusive background influenced you, and you think that it’s acceptable to take your rage out on others no matter how intense those feelings are. Some people manage their anger well. They know when something or someone makes them feel mad, and they take a deep breath, walk away, count to 10, or observe their physiological symptoms rather than react immediately. They take a moment to process their feelings and then respond to the situation.
Learning to Communicate Anger in a Healthy Way
It’s important to learn healthy ways to express your anger rather than just exploding. Sometimes people struggle to understand their emotions, and they snap. Their anger goes from level zero to 100 seemingly in an instant. It can feel frustrating when your anger comes out explosively. When an individual is expressing uncontrollable rage, they’re not aware of that their feelings building to the point of an explosion. They need to learn how to slow their anger down enough to figure out how to cope with it.
Before you can slow down your anger, you need to be aware of it. One thing to note is that once you’re able to observe your baseline anger, you can start to make changes to manage it. You don’t have to live with an uncomfortable level of rage surging through you. When you notice that little things make you extremely angry, it’s crucial to ask yourself why. Is this item really the cause of my feelings, or is it something else? One place where you can explore these questions is counseling.
Counseling Helps You Understand and Manage Anger
The first step to getting help with anger problems is recognizing what they are. When you work with a counselor, they will help you address your issues with anger and teach you coping techniques so that you feel in control of your emotions. Online counseling is an excellent place to learn what kind of things make you angry, and how to manage these feelings. A professional online counselor can help you find healthy ways to express your anger. You can turn a negative into a positive. You can also find ways to communicate it to your loved ones, so they understand what you are feeling. Talk therapy is one of the most effective ways of improving your mental health, including learning ways of managing your anger. You can speak to a qualified therapist who is affordable, remain anonymous, and communicate from a secure location of your choice. Check out the database of online counselors here at BetterHelp, and find one who is right for you.
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