My Husband Is Always Angry - What Do I Do? Learn To Cope With An Angry Partner

By Darby Faubion|Updated July 22, 2022

Why is My Husband Or Spouse Always Angry?

Protect Your Mental Health & Have A Support System In Place

Living in a marriage with an angry husband, especially where there seems to be a constant presence of anger or negativity, it can be easy to feel hopeless. However, as lonely as you may feel at times, there is help for overcoming the anger issues plaguing your relationship. In fact, with proper intervention, your husband can learn ways to manage his anger and to be optimistic. Also, by using the right resources, you can learn ways to cope with the effects of your husband’s anger.

For many couples dealing with marriage problems, marriage counseling can be an excellent resource. But, perhaps there are some things you can clear up in this moment by taking a look at his point of view. Does your husband work full time? Is he under a lot of stress? Although lashing out isn’t right, that could be where your husband’s anger comes from. The marriage problems you are experiencing could be because he’s mad at a certain situation outside of your relationship. Maybe your husband’s anger is due to the fact that he has anxiety and would rather stay at home, so he is very defensive. There could be many factors going on that affect his mood, which is important to keep in mind.

Some questions to ask your therapist about this topic are:

How do you react when your husband yells at you?

Should husbands yell at their wives?

How does yelling affect the marriage?

Is yelling at your partner disrespectful?

Is yelling in a relationship normal?

What does yelling do to a relationship?

Is yelling traumatic?

What does it mean when your partner swears at you?

Is yelling aggressive?

Effects of Anger and Negativity On Marriage, Family, and Relationships

Living in a marriage with an angry husband, especially where there seems to be a constant presence of anger or negativity, it can be easy to feel hopeless. However, as lonely as you may feel at times, there is help for overcoming the anger issues plaguing your relationship. In fact, with proper intervention, your husband can learn ways to manage his anger and to be optimistic. Also, by using the right resources, you can learn ways to cope with the effects of your husband’s anger.

For many couples dealing with marriage problems, marriage counseling can be an excellent resource. But, perhaps there are some things you can clear up in this moment by taking a look at his point of view. Does your husband work full time? Is he under a lot of stress? Although lashing out isn’t right, that could be where your husband’s anger comes from. The marriage problems you are experiencing could be because he’s mad at a certain situation outside of your relationship. Maybe your husband’s anger is due to the fact that he has anxiety and would rather stay at home, so he is very defensive. There could be many factors going on that affect his mood, which is important to keep in mind.

When you’re in a relationship with an angry person, some of the following may occur:

Damage to a feeling of safety and trust

Fear toward self-giving and of receiving love

Fear of being hurt

A spouse becoming distant

Sadness, loneliness, and anxiety

Damage to self-esteem and the sense of being a gift to one's spouse

A weakening of self-giving to children

An increase in sexual temptations

An increase in drinking, gambling, and other compulsive behaviors.

You fight over the same things multiple times.

Two approaches are important for you to consider. The first is doing your best to help your husband, in a healthy way, to cope with his own anger issues. The second is ensuring that you are protecting yourself. His anger should never be taken out on you and it’s important for you to have a support system in place. More importantly, he should never turn to physical abuse or emotional abuse. These are unacceptable behaviors and should not be tolerated.

How to Deal with Angry People ?

Find Out Why Your Husband Is Always Angry to Begin With

To address issues of anger and negativity, you have to get to the source behind your husband’s anger issues. Finding out what events or feelings are leading to your husband’s anger issues that are having a negative impact on your marriage is a great place to begin healing. Perhaps you are a stay at home mom and the pressure of his full time job is just too much to handle. Or, perhaps he is getting stir crazy because he never gets to leave the house. No matter the concern, get to the bottom of your husband’s anger. Online therapy for couples has been proven to strengthen relationships, and may help with anger management and communication skills.

Outcomes of Online Therapy for Couples

An extensive study published in the Journal of consulting and Clinical Psychology found an online therapy program to be Effective in Strengthening Relationships.

94%

Reported being satisfied with online relationships services

57%

Made significant progress in relationships satisfaction

You may read the full study here:
Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.

One of the best ways to figure out your marriage problems, and get to the root of why he’s mad, is to attend marriage counseling. No matter if you’re 20 years married and know your husband like the back of your hand or are newlyweds, a counselor can help reveal some deep issues he’s having. Getting support from a licensed mental health professional to help resolve your husband’s anger issues is one of the best things you can do for your marriage.

When you take part in individual and couples counseling sessions, your licensed provider can teach you how to help your husband with expressing anger in a healthier way. For example, your counselor can teach you how to respond when your husband has an angry outburst. In counseling, you’ll learn coping skills for managing a relationship with an angry spouse. To get to the source of your husband’s feelings, there are a few things to do.

Protect Your Mental Health & Have A Support System In Place

01 Talk to Your Husband or Spouse - Start a Discussion about Potential Reasons Why Your Husband is Always Angry

It’s important to find out where your husband’s anger is coming from. He is the one you plan on spending the rest of your life with and this is impacting your mental health. The chances of having a happy life with an angry person are slim, especially if that person is verbally abusive or displays verbally abusive behavior. It’s okay to talk about your husband’s anger issues with him. It’s important to listen to hear where your husband’s anger is coming from. Let him talk. Show a genuine interest in what is causing his feelings and let him know that you want to help him through this. Simply being able to talk about his thoughts and feelings with you could be a breakthrough for him.

It’s likely that your husband’s anger issues are coming from unresolved mental health issues, early childhood trauma, or current events that are causing anger issues to fester and grow. Most people with anger issues have unexpressed emotions about unexpected situations in their lives, and this may be causing your husband’s anger. People who have mental health issues may display anger issues as a symptom of a larger mental health condition. This is especially true for people who have developed anger issues as a result of trauma, abuse, or neglect in early childhood.

When you have important conversations with your husband about his anger issues, it’s important that you allow him to express himself without judgment. It’s natural to want to express how your husband’s anger issues are affecting you. However, the best time to address issues with an angry person is after they’ve calmed down and with a trusted third- party (like a licensed therapist) present; otherwise, you could find yourself on the receving end of such behavior such as being constantly yelled at.

Remember, there will be a time for you to express your thoughts and feelings about how your angry husband’s outbursts have affected you. First, you have to open the door of communication to begin a conversation with an angry person – even your husband. Remind yourself, “I love my husband”, when you feel frustrated, this is not the time to express that. The idea here is to show support and let him know you’re in his corner. If he lashes out at you, remember: you are not a punching bag. Go out and enjoy an activity that brings you joy, such as getting a nice meal with a friend, enjoying a manicure, going for a walk outside, calling a friend, etc. You do not have to succumb to your husband’s anger.

02 Consider His Quality of Life - Look at Things From His Perspective With Feelings of Compassion and Without Blame or Placing Fault

As mentioned previously, some men find it difficult to talk about things that concern them. This can be aggravated by anger issues. This may be especially true if your husband is the primary breadwinner in the family or is responsible for caring for others outside of your household. Changes in his career or in your family dynamic are all factors that may affect your husband’s mood. Your husband’s anger can be coming from any of these things. This is why it’s important to address your husband’s anger issues delicately.

It can be easy to compare your own thoughts and feelings and to wonder why you can “keep it together” when your husband may not be able to. However, remember, you are trying to get to the source of his anger and frustration and may need to be the better person in this scenario. Talk to your therapist about how your angry husband makes you feel in individual and couples counseling sessions to assure your voice is heard so next time you both can navigate this behavior.

03 Have There Been Recent Events That Have Impacted Your Husband or Spouse? Could These Events Have Caused Feelings of Stress, Trauma, Grief, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, or Guilt?

Human beings are emotional creatures, and this includes both men and women alike. The difference between men and women, however, is that women often find it easier to talk about their feelings openly. Being open and honest about your feelings is the first step to take in addressing anger issues. Men, on the other hand, have been led to believe talking about their feelings is “sappy” or “not manly”, and feel they have no other option but to hide their feelings one way or another. Being unable to honestly express themselves can be one symptom of an angry husband.

Think about any changes that may have occurred that affected your husband. For example, the loss of a friend or loved one, change in or loss of a job, if you live separately now, or changes in his physical health are common causes of many angry husbands. Any of these things can cause stress, which affects mood and behavior. These factors can contribute to having an angry husband to deal with – more often than not. If you find that you’re dealing with an angry husband more often lately, it’s time to seek help.

Protecting Yourself From Your Angry Husband Or Angry Spouse

If having to deal with an angry husband is starting to take a toll on your marriage – it can be easy to take it very personally. It’s important to remember that anger issues are a strong indicator of a deep-rooted issue. His anger and his negativity are not your fault. Ignoring the way you feel about his issues and internalizing your feelings could lead to depression or anxiety for you. So, don’t trick yourself into thinking, “I’m happy,” as this can lead to more issues. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help and support when you have to deal with an angry husband. Talk to your therapist about how you’re affected by your husband’s anger, and how you feel to learn new anger management techniques that both you and your husband can apply. It’s important to seek advice when you’re dealing with an angry person on a daily basis (in order to avoid becoming an angry person yourself.)

Being there for your husband and showing support is great. However, don’t forget that you must take care of yourself, too. Having a support system of friends and family will help prevent you from feeling lonely while living with your husband’s anger. Also, if you begin to feel overwhelmed, by constantly being in the presence of an angry person, talk with a counselor or therapist to help you work through your emotions. No matter how much you care for your husband, you are responsible for your own health and well-being. It’s OK to take steps to make sure you are living your best life by mitigating the effects of living with an angry person.

When You and Your Husband or Spouse Need

The Help and How Online Therapy May Be The Answer

Even the most open and loving relationships may experience times that intervention is necessary. Being supportive of your husband means being willing to say it’s time for help. During times like this, you and your husband may benefit from individual or couples’ therapy. While your husband may benefit from individual therapy, he may feel more at ease going to couples’ therapy with you at first.

There are many options available for counseling. Some couples may prefer to find a counselor or therapist that they can meet with in person, such as in a counseling center or support group. When meeting with a counselor in person seems difficult, especially if both your husband and you are unable to meet at the same time, another option is online counseling.

The trend of online counseling is experiencing increased popularity. With online counseling services (including marital counseling), clients can schedule a time to chat online or have video calls with a marriage counselor or therapist. BetterHelp, for example, is dedicated to providing professional counseling services to individuals experiencing difficulties. Our team of counselors, doctors, and social workers are educated to deliver quality mental health care. Our goal is to offer mental health care that is convenient and affordable, no matter what your situation. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues, but you can always contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if things have escalated.

Counsellor Review

Linda Seibert

MA, LPC, NCC

"I've only had two sessions with Linda but have learned a lot about my relationship with my husband and she has given me a lot of food for thought and different ways to look at the situation as well as ideas on communication. She has been very helpful!"

Valorie Bronstone

LPC-MHSP

“My husband and I are very appreciative of Valorie’s help and guidance in helping us work through some marital issues. After a few months of working weekly with her, we feel better equipped to weather our storms.”

Conclusion

If your husband is an angry person who is experiencing issues with anger, negativity, and lack of communication, it can feel overwhelming at times. Living in a relationship with an angry person isn’t easy. Ask yourself, what does “I love my husband” mean to you? Does it mean labeling your husband as an angry person without delving into the issues causing the anger? Or does it mean becoming an angry person yourself and refusing to address the elephant in the room? Can you go to bed at night thinking, “I’m happy”? Knowing how you feel about your husband’s behavior can keep you two on track to healing.

Being patient and understanding that your husband may be more than just an “angry person” will help open the door of communication with him. There are times that intervention for someone consistently engaging in angry behavior or who comes across as an angry person (most of the time) may be necessary. No matter what you’re experiencing, or even if you’re the angry person in your relationship — you should ensure that you’re protecting your mental health and your relationship. Take the first step today.

For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Therapist
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