What To Do When Someone Hurts Your Feelings

When someone hurts you with their words or actions, you may feel angry, sad, embarrassed, shocked, or everything all at once. The actions you take and how you control your emotions after the fact may define the effectiveness of resolving the conflict or dealing with the situation.

What to do when someone hurts your feelings

For many individuals, the initial response to hurt feelings may be to retaliate and hurt the person who caused the hurt. Unfortunately, seeking revenge may create a cycle of negative behavior that might not offer a favorable outcome.

Rather than responding in haste, consider thinking about the situation and choosing to respond from a place of calmness and healthy thought patterns. 

How to respond calmly

There are a few ways you might choose to react to a person who has hurt your feelings. 

Have an honest conversation

This conversation may result in a variety of responses. The person who has hurt you may react angrily or tell you that they don’t care. However, they may also actively listen to your point of view and apologize. They might not have realized that they hurt your feelings in the first place.

You may also find that, because you communicated how you felt, resentment didn’t have a chance to build up, which could improve your relationship with the person you care about. 

If they react poorly, you might decide that the relationship isn’t healthy for you and you don’t need to keep that person in your life. Someone else’s reaction to your communication efforts doesn’t necessarily indicate anything negative about you. Positive psychology suggests that even if you don’t want to continue the relationship, you can benefit from forgiving the person and releasing the negative feelings you have.

Journal about it

Journaling can be a way of acknowledging your feelings by writing them down. It may allow you to make sense of your emotions and gain relief from them. Studies show that journaling often improves mental health.

Writing down what you feel and reading it out loud may give you a different perspective on your feelings. It can be helpful to have a journal that no one else reads because you may be able to be more honest when you aren’t worried about the opinions of others. 

If people hurt your feelings often or you’re experiencing a lot of mixed emotions, keeping track of how you feel in a journal may help you notice any patterns or triggers to help you avoid these situations in the future.

Consult with your doctor

Many people might not realize that physical illness, such as high blood pressure or diabetes, can have psychological and emotional effects.

If you worry about controlling your emotional responses to others, consider visiting your primary care physician. Be open about your feelings and how you are reacting to others. Your doctor may be able to assess any physical reasons for your emotions.

Engage in healthy distractions

Reading is one method of distraction that may encourage you to focus on something else rather than dwelling on your hurt feelings. Healthy distractions can help us cope with the pains of everyday life, such as hurt feelings, by focusing our minds on other things.

Engaging in something that distracts you does not necessarily mean you shouldn’t find a resolution for your problem. However, it may allow you to clear your mind and address the situation with more logical thinking in the future. 

Try physical exercise

Exercise has a close tie to mental health. It can relieve stress, boost your mood, help you sleep better, and improve your memory.

When people exercise, the body releases endorphins, also sometimes known as the “happy chemicals” in the body. Endorphins may cause a feeling of joy or euphoria. Even a brief exercise session may increase your mood, and sad or hurt feelings are often lessened.

Counseling for hurt feelings 

Talking to a counselor or other mental health professional could be helpful when it feels difficult, or even impossible, to let go of hurt feelings.

Sometimes deeper issues may cause us to feel unable to release feelings of hurt or anger. During these times, a counselor or therapist can help you get to the root of your feelings and guide you as you learn effective coping mechanisms. They can help you identify healthy ways to respond when someone hurts you so that you don’t turn to unhealthy habits such as depression eating or substance use.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Some individuals choose to find a counselor near their home or work and engage in face-to-face sessions. Others choose to go to mental health clinics offering individual and group counseling. Many individuals choose online therapy, as it allows them an exclusive and affordable way to discuss mental health concerns or feelings that arise. 

Due to its success, one of the most common types of therapy is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Online cognitive-behavioral therapy has been proven effective in treating the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Other studies have shown that online CBT is typically more cost-effective than in-person therapy.

If you’re considering online counseling, consider a platform like BetterHelp, which offers a vast database of counselors specializing in various areas.