Five Steps To Take When Things Go Wrong
It’s baked into the very nature of life: Things don’t always go as planned, whether it’s a relationship, a job opportunity, a cross-country move, a friendship, a trip, or any other anticipated event. Even if you’ve planned a situation down to the last detail, or pictured every element of it going perfectly in your head, it may work out differently than you thought. Accepting this truth instead of dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about what you cannot change can be a healthy way to handle scenarios like these. Read on for five steps to take when something bad happens to you.
1. Analyze what happened
Sometimes things go wrong for reasons that are entirely out of our control. Other times, it happens because of a mistake, misstep, or misjudgment on our part. In many cases, it can be helpful to reflect on the choices we made and why and think about what we could’ve done differently. First, gaining clarity on how things ended up the way they did can give you a sense of peace. Second, you might learn something in your reflection that you can use next time, making you feel more confident going forward. As a simple example, missing the flight for your vacation because you were late to the airport can teach you the valuable lesson of leaving earlier next time, setting multiple alarms, checking the traffic beforehand, or parking by a different entrance, so you can be more likely to make it next time.
2. Focus on the good
In tough situations, it's easy to feel angry or sad about what went wrong. Instead, focus on managing your reaction and finding practical solutions. Reminding yourself of the positives and seeking the silver lining is essential. Making this conscious effort in a situation can help you have a more positive perspective on current and future challenges. What did you gain by things not working out? What other negatives may you have avoided in the future by things having gone this way? For instance, if a relationship you were excited about ended, you could ask yourself: What did you learn from this experience? What other positive connections might you now be open to? What supportive friends and family do you have to lean on during this time?
Research has found that positive thinking may have a wide range of health benefits, including lower rates of depression, increased life span, better cardiovascular health, lower levels of pain and distress, and more. In addition, other research has shown that practicing gratitude can increase happiness. Jotting down any positive outcomes from a situation that didn’t go your way or making a list of other good things in your life despite this setback can be a helpful exercise.
Some research has even found that “gratitude journaling,” or listing things you’re thankful for, may be linked to positive outcomes like better sleep, lower stress, better interpersonal relationships, healthier eating, lower risk of heart disease, and fewer symptoms of depression. Plus, it gives you a physical reminder of the good in your life that you can refer back to next time you’re facing a challenge.
3. Ask for advice
Dealing with difficult situations can be overwhelming, making it hard to think objectively, especially if we’re emotionally attached. Asking a trusted friend, family, or a mental health professional for advice can be a helpful next step. They might be able to point out other factors that contributed to the situation that you hadn’t thought of, or share advice about what to do differently next time. A friend might even commiserate with you about a time when they faced a similar scenario or made similar mistakes so you can feel less alone.
If mental health conditions are causing you to make decisions that aren’t best for you, a therapist can help you identify the underlying cause, develop strategies to manage symptoms and overcome future challenges. A therapist can help you uncover the deeper reasons why you may have made the decisions you did, or equip you with tools for weighing your options and making healthier choices in the future.
Some people who choose to seek the support of a therapist decide to connect with one virtually. Research has found that online therapy offers similar benefits to in-person therapy for the treatment of conditions like depression, social anxiety disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder, as well as support for other life challenges people may be facing. Since a virtual meeting may be a more accessible, convenient, and cost-effective method for some people, online therapy has become another option on the table for those who are looking for treatment.
4. Prepare yourself to move forward
A situation not going according to plan may leave you feeling angry, upset, confused, afraid, hurt, or a combination of these. While it’s healthy to feel and move through your emotions rather than bottling them up or trying to ignore them, it will eventually be time to move on. Wallowing in your feelings for too long can prevent you from moving forward to new life experiences with potentially better outcomes. Likewise, spending too long considering how to approach the situation differently next time can lead to “analysis paralysis,” which can also keep you stuck. Try to recognize when you’ve been caught in one of these phases for too long, and look for the courage to move forward. Remember that challenges are a part of life and are often vessels for learning and growth, and try to cultivate optimism for even better outcomes in the future.
5. Try again
One key element of emotional resilience is the ability to take the lessons you learned, adapt, and move forward. Emotional resilience involves learning from past experiences, adapting, and trying again. If you let disappointments hold you back, you'll miss out on potential opportunities and growth.
If we let hardships, challenges, or disappointments keep us down, we could miss out on all kinds of helpful and interesting life experiences in the future. Remember, it's important to rest and regroup when facing setbacks, as these tough times will pass. The best way to grow is to embrace the one thing we can control—our response to adversity—and keep moving forward, refusing to let disappointments kill our enthusiasm for life.
Use the lessons you've learned to try again with confidence and optimism. That way, you can evoke change and increase the chances of a better outcome. If you’re having trouble motivating yourself at this stage, some of these quotes about trying again might give you a boost:
- “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” –Thomas Edison
- “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” –Michael Jordan
- “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” –Beverly Sills
- “Failure is the only opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely.” –Henry Ford
- “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.” –Confucius
Takeaway
It’s inevitable that life will confront us with difficult situations where things go wrong, despite our best-laid plans. Setbacks happen and are a part of life, but your ability to adapt and learn from them is what truly matters. The five steps outlined here can help you make sense of what happened, deal with adversity, and be able to move forward. The guidance of a therapist can also assist you in gaining perspective on the situation and building your skills for potentially better outcomes next time.
What do you do when things go wrong?
There are five steps you can take when things go wrong. First, analyze what happened. Regardless of why things went wrong, reflecting on your choices and what you could have done differently can help you gain clarity or learn something you can use next time.
Second, try to focus on the good. It can be easy to feel sad or angry when things go wrong; instead, try to find the silver lining. Doing so can give you a more positive outlook on current and future challenges.
Third, ask for advice. When things go wrong, it can be hard to think clearly. Asking someone you trust for advice can be helpful. They may be able to point out things you hadn’t thought of or share what they have done in a similar situation. If your mental health is preventing you from making good decisions, talking to a therapist can help you find an underlying cause and develop coping strategies to overcome challenges in the future.
Fourth, prepare yourself to move forward. You might feel upset, angry, scared, or hurt when things go wrong. It’s healthy to move through your emotions, but eventually, you have to be ready to move on. Similarly, spending too much time thinking about what you can do differently can also keep you stuck. Instead, try to find the courage to move forward.
Finally, try again. A key element of resilience is taking what you learned, adapting it to your current situation, and moving forward.
When something goes wrong, why does it seem like everything goes wrong?
Everything may not be going wrong, but sometimes, it can feel that way. The more things go wrong, the more it seems nothing is going right. When multiple things aren’t going your way, it can make you feel sad, cynical, or angry. These emotions can make it hard to notice anything positive. If you feel this way, step back, analyze what is happening, and try to see the positives.
How can you have a positive mindset when everything is going wrong?
Research shows that people who practice gratitude may have better trauma resilience, subjective well-being, and better social relationships. One easy way to practice gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal; this can be as easy as keeping a list of what you’re thankful for. Some recent research shows that doing so can lead to better sleep, lower stress, and fewer symptoms of depression.
What is the word for when everything goes wrong?
There are many words and phrases that can be used to describe when everything goes wrong. You may hear someone say things are going haywire, wonky, or kaput or declare that chaos prevails. Other words and phrases include all hell breaking loose, being on the fritz, and when it rains, it pours.
How do you control your emotions when things go wrong?
If you’re having difficulty controlling your emotions or staying calm when things go wrong, there are a few things you can try. Mindfulness and meditation can help you learn how to stop dwelling on negative emotions and focus on the present moment rather than the things worrying you. Journaling can also have psychological health benefits. Also, it may help to remember that feeling your emotions can be healthy, but getting stuck in them can stop you from moving forward. Talking to a therapist can help you work through your feelings and learn coping skills to use the next time things go wrong.
How do you stay positive in difficult times?
When something goes wrong, it can be hard to get through it, much less stay positive. But your ability to learn from difficult times and make sense of what happens can help you cope with what happened, be able to move forward, and learn skills for the next time something goes wrong. A therapist can also help you gain perspective on the situation and help you figure out a better outcome.
Why is it important to stay positive in tough times?
Staying positive is not about denying difficult emotions. Instead, it can be more about cultivating the good in life. Counting your blessings and appreciating the positive things can help you gain perspective. Staying positive can help in times of grief or stress, helping you bounce back more rapidly.
How do you stay happy and positive?
There are many ways to stay happy and positive. Not all of these things work for everyone, but here are some things you can try.
- Pay attention to your self-talk. Try to consciously bring more positive things into your awareness and turn your mind away from negative thoughts and self-doubt.
- Spend time outside. Reconnecting with nature can help you ground yourself in your natural surroundings. It can be as simple as walking in the park, watching the sunset, or star gazing at night.
- Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves focusing your attention on your body or an object in front of you and allowing your thoughts to pass by. Learning how to practice mindfulness can be challenging, but the more you practice, the easier it can be to refocus your mind on the here and now.
- Practice self-care. Self-care can benefit your mental health, helping you manage stress and even increase your energy. Some ways to get started with self-care include eating a healthy diet, staying hydrated, exercising regularly, and staying connected to friends and family.
Why do things go wrong sometimes?
Things can go wrong because of mistakes or misjudgments, but sometimes, things can go wrong for reasons beyond our control. Even if you plan everything to the last detail, things may go differently than expected. It can help to accept this rather than dwell on mistakes or continue to worry that things will go wrong.
How do I find happiness again?
If you are having a hard time finding happiness, you can try a few things. First, connect with other people. There are many ways to do this, including reaching out to friends and family, joining a club or group, or volunteering. Taking care of your physical health can also help improve your mood. Try getting regular exercise, prioritizing sleep, staying hydrated, and eating a healthy diet. If you are having difficulty coping when things go wrong or if you need more support, talking to a therapist can help.
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