How To Be Happy Again
Depression can be a vicious cycle. A unique combination of genes and environmental factors build the storm clouds that result in chronic, episodic depression. Once the cycle starts, it tends to become more intense. But an episode of depression — like asking yourself "Why can't I be happy?" — is something that you can recover from. If your mind tells you there is no point, try not to listen to it. You are the point and your well-being matters.
Here is a quick guide on some ways to begin to boost your mood in order to be happy again.
Create a fresh routine
If one day blends into the next, you might benefit from mixing up your routine. A new routine can provide you with a fresh perspective and approach to life. You may be able to find happiness by grounding yourself in a few "comfort" activities from your old routine while enriching your experience with new, and maybe even spontaneous, activities.
Try being open to new people, new experiences, and unknown adventures. You do not have to feel “up” or vivacious while trying new things. You may also try to do one small thing every day that feels a little out of your comfort zone, such as by experimenting with a new route to the grocery store or buying a new exotic-smelling shampoo; “new" things can be small.
Pay attention to your self-talk
Imagine having a parrot on your shoulder who voices negativity constantly – criticizing, nitpicking, and insulting you. Pretty unappealing? You may not be aware of it, but you likely talk to yourself in the same way.
According to evolutionary psychologists, people naturally have a negativity bias, especially when it comes to critiquing themselves. This means that if you hear ten things that are positive about yourself versus one thing that is negative, your brain tends to naturally focus on the one that feels bad. For example, while you might forgive your friends for forgetting your birthday, you may condemn yourself for forgetting theirs.
If you want to feel happier again, try paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Help your brain out by making a conscious effort to bring more of the positive things about yourself into your awareness. Turn your mind away from the thoughts that are not serving you and towards the thoughts that are more positive and self-esteem-building.
Spend time in nature
You do not need to go far – just take a walk in a green space without distracting yourself with headphones or talking on the phone. Take a moment to notice the sunset or even an interesting-looking cloud. Even watching nature-based documentaries have been shown to improve mood and well-being and reduce sadness.
Mindfulness
Many people waste their lives living in the future or past while neglecting the present. But you can cultivate an attitude of mindfulness, engaging your five senses in the present moment. This shift in focus does wonders to conquer worry or regret. Mindfulness has been proven to help reduce depression, stress, anxiety, pain management, and addiction, and possibly improve the immune system.
Mindfulness practices involve focusing your attention on bodily sensations –oftentimes it is the natural act of breathing – or on an object in front of you. The goal is to notice everything about that activity or object, letting the thoughts in your mind float away without attachment to them. It can be difficult at first to let go of thoughts instead of following them, but with practice, it gets easier to refocus your mind on participating in the here and now. If you are unsure where to begin, you can find many mindfulness exercises on the internet, or an online therapist can help guide you in how to practice it.
Gratitude journal
People who consistently write down their blessings tend to be less depressed. This has something to do with the negativity bias mentioned above. If we are focused too much on what we do not have rather than what we do have, that focus brings down our mood. Spend some time appreciating all the things that it can be easy to take for granted.
Spirituality
Religious practices can inspire feelings of faith and hope and cultivate strong community bonds. These factors may act as a shield against life's challenges. Not only that, but religious beliefs may alter your perspective of what makes up a happy life.
For one example, Buddhism teaches that all struggles and sadness are rooted in desire. To be happy, focus on what you do have instead of fixating on what you do not have. You do not have to have structured religious beliefs to connect to a sense that the world is greater than your current struggles.
Develop real connections with others
Research shows that social media can sometimes trigger loneliness by reducing face-to-face communication. Instead of wasting time perusing Facebook, you may try to spend time developing real connections with others by taking a genuine interest in them, volunteering your time or resources, or inviting them to a special event.
Self-care
Too many people become overwhelmed and depressed because they prioritize helping others over taking care of themselves. Be sure to schedule regular self-care, in the form of meditation, a healthy diet, and exercise, so that when you do reach out to help others, you'll be at full force.
Develop independence
An unhealthy attachment to another person traps you on an emotional rollercoaster, on which his or her every emotion can influence how you feel about yourself. Develop your outlets, hobbies, and social groups to increase emotional independence and create sustainable happiness.
Talk to an online counselor to discover how to be happy again
If you are living with depression that just will not lift, you do not have to experience this alone and you can feel better. Overcoming chronic depression and achieving lasting happiness can be tough – but it is possible. The right resources can help you do it successfully. These may include speaking with a professional therapist along with other ways of investing in your mental health now, so you can increase the possibility of a healthier, happier future later.
Many studies have found that psychotherapy can help people living with depression improve their moods, thoughts, and ability to physically function. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is one of the most popular and successful types of therapy for patients with depression. It works by helping identify triggers and false beliefs, and then reframing your thoughts so you can experience happiness no matter the situation.
Because depression can lead to exhaustion that makes it difficult to get out of bed, nonetheless traveling across town to talk to a therapist, online therapy is often a smart and effective way to get the help you deserve. Studies have found that online CBT – such as through BetterHelp – is just as effective as in-person therapy for many situations, and offers the added convenience of talking with a therapist via phone, video call, or online chat from the comfort of your home and at a time that works best for you.
Takeaway
Why am I not truly happy?
Life comes with ups and downs, and feeling unhappy sometimes can be normal. However, certain mood disorders can affect overall happiness and life satisfaction. Long periods of unhappiness may be caused by a mental illness such as:
- Major depressive disorder
- Bipolar disorder
- Persistent depressive disorder
- Postpartum depression
- Seasonal affective disorder
However, mental illnesses aren’t necessarily the only possible cause of unhappiness. Other triggers may include:
- Dissatisfaction with a job or relationship
- A major life transition
- Social isolation
- A lack of enjoyable hobbies
- The loss of a loved one
- Stress
How do I know if I'm not happy?
Unhappiness can look different for different people. However, some signs to be aware of include:
- Feeling negative emotions more than positive ones
- The sense that something is “wrong” or “missing” in your life
- Frequently feeling anxious or irritable
- Wishing your life were different
- Finding it hard to maintain a positive attitude
- Experiencing physical symptoms like fatigue or brain fog
- Using alcohol or drugs to numb negative feelings
- Having trouble managing your responsibilities
The above signs may point to a level of unhappiness that’s more than the occasional low mood. If you are experiencing persistent unhappiness, it may be worth talking to a mental health professional. You can also message the Crisis Text Line any time by texting HOME to 741741.
What happens to your body when you are not happy?
Being unhappy can raise your body’s levels of stress hormones like cortisol. Over time, this may lead to inflammation, weaken the immune system, and raise blood pressure. Feeling depressed can also have other physical effects, including:
- Fatigue
- Trouble concentrating
- Headaches and muscle pains
- Changes in appetite
- Changes in sleeping patterns
- Low libido
The above symptoms may make you feel worse, increasing feelings of unhappiness.
How do you get rid of stress and depression?
Depression and stress can feed on each other. The symptoms of depression can be stressful while feeling overwhelmed by stress can lead to feeling depressed.
This combination can be distressing, and feeling happy again may seem challenging. However, there are steps you can take that may help you manage stress, reduce your symptoms, and promote a happier life. These include:
- Getting enough sleep
- Practicing mindfulness or meditation
- Eating a healthy diet and limiting junk food
- Practicing stress reduction techniques, like box breathing and physical activity
- Keeping a gratitude journal
- Using time management techniques to stay on top of your responsibilities
- Getting support from the people in your life—for example, talking to a best friend or family
- Joining a support group for stress, depression, or both
These strategies may have a positive impact on your mental health and well-being. If you would like additional support, a therapist or counselor may be able to offer more tips and suggestions.
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