Seven Signs Of Manipulative Behavior

How can you tell if a person is manipulative?

It can be challenging to tell when a person is being manipulative. By its nature, manipulation is often deceptive and underhanded; it is important that manipulators do not reveal their true motives. However, concealing manipulative behavior often comes with its own challenges. If you can see an ulterior motive in someone’s behavior, it is possible that their true intentions are not entirely hidden. 

It is likely easier to protect yourself from manipulation than it is to try and identify every manipulator in your life. While every person who tries to manipulate you will have an ulterior motive guiding their behavior, not every person who approaches you will have ill intentions. You will be approached in good faith by people who could potentially manipulate you, and incorrectly identifying them as manipulators could be harmful. 

What is an example of a manipulative person?

A manipulative person will typically use deceitful tactics and unhealthy communication patterns to mislead the person they are trying to manipulate. They often attempt to make you question your judgment and may misrepresent information. The tactics used in manipulation are based on deceit and dishonesty, and a manipulative person is usually comfortable lying to you and others to achieve their goal. 

It is important to distinguish between manipulation and influence. Influence is not inherently positive or negative, while manipulation is usually negative. For example, consider an employer who is open with their team, presents well-reasoned arguments, and leverages their leadership position to make changes that benefit their employees. This person will likely use openness and honesty to gain buy-in and acceptance from their team, influencing the team through positivity. 

In contrast, consider a manipulative employer. They regularly withhold information from some or all of their employees, downplay employee achievements, and tacitly encourage team members to be critical of each other. The employer can manipulate - or negatively influence - their employees by lowering their self-esteem and discouraging communication, which allows the employer to maintain control. 

What causes people to exhibit manipulative behavior?

Ultimately, a manipulative person’s behavior is intended to change the thoughts and behavior of others to achieve a goal. However, there are positive and negative ways to accomplish this. Positive methods of gaining acceptance from another are usually referred to as “influence,” while negative methods are typically referred to as “manipulation.” Whether or not someone will be manipulative largely depends on whether they have the skills to influence someone positively or if they must resort to manipulative tactics. Personality disorders may also play a role, as manipulation has been associated with some mental conditions. 

Is manipulation a sign of narcissistic personality disorder?

While evidence suggests that any personality type can potentially manipulate others, there are certain personality traits that predict a higher likelihood of using manipulative strategies. Evidence indicates that those with high emotional intelligence, while also possessing a grandiose sense of self, are more likely to use manipulative techniques. Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to perceive the emotions of others and control one’s own emotions. 

High levels of emotional intelligence can contribute to both positive and negative styles of influence, but the addition of narcissistic, self-serving beliefs makes it more likely that negative, manipulative methods will be used. This may be why manipulation is often associated with a personality disorder, like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, although manipulative behavior alone is not a mental illness. While those disorders are treatable, they typically require more mental health resources than some other conditions. 

How do people engage in emotional manipulation?

Many behaviors are associated with manipulation primarily due to inconsistent definitions of what constitutes a manipulation tactic. Generally, “manipulation” refers to negative, dishonest behaviors undertaken to achieve a goal. Some common manipulative behaviors are described below: 

• Superficial charm. Manipulators want you to like them; likeability is strongly associated with persuasion and influence. Manipulators may also use charm to coerce you into doing things you don’t want to do. They may offer false praise, small favors, or public recognition to obtain your acceptance. 
• Comparisons to others. A manipulator may negatively compare you to others, increasing your self-doubt and lowering your assertiveness. They may also compare you to a nonexistent “ideal” entity, such as when an employer describes how a person differs from the perfect employee. Manipulators may also use passive-aggressive behavior to communicate shortcomings or unworthiness. 
• Misinformation. A manipulator may fabricate or twist information to alter how you perceive them or others around you. They might spread rumors, encourage dislike of another person, or provide you with incorrect practical knowledge. Manipulators may also encourage you to maintain secrecy or otherwise deceive others. 
• Lies of omission. While manipulators are not above fabricating outright lies, lies of omission are likely much more common. A manipulator may withhold some or all details to change how you perceive a person or situation. They will probably tell you only what supports their goals. 

How do you expose a manipulator?

Before exposing a manipulator, be sure that you understand the potential impacts of doing so. There may be unintentional consequences associated with exposing a manipulator, especially if there is a power imbalance, such as those in many professional relationships. For example, if you know that your boss is manipulative, be sure that you are protected from potential retribution before exposing them. Often, it is more helpful to protect yourself against manipulation than it is to expose the manipulator. 

If you do intend to expose a manipulator, it is likely best to do so through a small confrontation in a public setting. It is important that the manipulator not be able to refute you when you call them out. When pointing out manipulation, be polite and courteous. Consider framing the exposure as concern for another person or as an intent to deliver the best result possible. 

What are manipulators good at?

Evidence suggests that manipulators tend to be good at reading the emotions of others. A manipulator likely uses their ability to “read the room” to choose how and when to employ manipulative strategies. It should be noted that high emotional intelligence - or a strong ability to regulate one’s own behavior and read other’s emotions - can be used for both positive influence and negative manipulation. 

Evidence suggests that a personality that combines high emotional intelligence with a grandiose sense of self and a willingness to disregard the well-being of others is likely to lead to manipulative behavior. 

What are the 4 stages of manipulation?

The four stages of manipulation are commonly used to describe manipulation that occurs in romantic relationships, but it may also apply to other interpersonal relationships as well:

1. Targeting. The manipulator assesses the strengths and weaknesses of a potential target to determine if they can be manipulated and which strategies will work best. 
2. Flattery and charm. The manipulator initially presents a caring and kind demeanor. This instills a sense of trust in the person they are trying to manipulate. 
3. Isolation. Once the manipulator has won their victim's trust, they attempt to reduce the influence of others as much as possible. 
4. Devaluing. When the person being manipulated can't acquire support networks or other positive influences, the manipulator begins to lower their self-esteem. They may make backhanded compliments, use cruel humor, or directly insult their abilities. 

What types of people are easy to manipulate?

The people most easy to manipulate tend to have low self-efficacy and struggle to advocate for themselves. The following traits are commonly found in those who are most susceptible to manipulation: 

• Immaturity. People with a naive or idealistic worldview tend to believe that manipulative behavior is exceedingly rare and may deny that they are being manipulated, even if the evidence is clear. 
• Over-conscientiousness. If someone routinely holds themselves to very high standards, they may inadvertently be willing to give the benefit of the doubt to a manipulator while critically examining their own actions. 
• Low self-esteem. Those who struggle with self-doubt and lack confidence are easy targets for manipulators due to their relative lack of self-assertiveness.
• Over-intellectualization. Some people believe that others only do harmful things, like manipulation, when they have a legitimate, understandable reason. They may search for a reason to justify a manipulator’s behavior. 
• Emotional dependency. The more dependent on approval and validation a person is, the more vulnerable they are to exploitation and manipulation. 

How do you improve your mental health after manipulation?

Beating a manipulator is often best achieved through self-improvement rather than directly confronting or exposing the manipulative party. Minimizing your vulnerability to manipulation may not achieve the same sense of justice as exposing a manipulator directly, but it can prevent the negative effects of manipulation from impacting you and make you less likely to be targeted in the future. Shielding yourself from the other person’s behavior may help guard against retaliation. 

One of the best ways to protect yourself against manipulation is to improve your self-esteem. Having a strong sense of self-worth makes it easier to assert yourself and notice when you are being manipulated. It will also likely help you manage confrontations with a manipulator, if necessary. You will also likely find it easier to recognize emotional manipulation and defend yourself against it.