Feeling Alone On Valentine's Day? Six Ways To Embrace Solitude

While Valentine’s Day may be a romantic and enjoyable holiday for many, it’s common for others to feel down about it. Singles, for example, might experience loneliness, frustration, or cynicism, while those who have lost a romantic partner may miss their partner or experience grief about their loss.  

While Valentine’s Day might be isolating for those who don’t have a partner with whom to celebrate, it may be possible to reframe the holiday as a time to celebrate independence and embrace solitude. Singles may enjoy advantages over their partnered peers, such as more expansive social networks, self-reliance, and increased autonomy. 

If you’re going to spend Valentine’s Day alone, it may be helpful to explore a guide to redefining Valentine’s Day as a time to celebrate self-love. With several evidence-based strategies, you can transform the day into one of freedom, flexibility, and personal growth.

How Valentine’s Day can affect singles

If you’re unpartnered and feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day, it may be comforting to know that other singles are feeling the same way: One study by the dating app Plenty of Fish found that about 20% of singles would prefer that the holiday be canceled. An even more significant number—43%—felt pressured to participate by societal expectations, social media, and commercialization. 

For those who don’t have a partner with whom to spend the holiday, constant exposure to Valentine’s Day-related messaging and imagery can seem inescapable. Between advertisers seizing the opportunity to market their products and peers posting messages of adoration for their partners, the pressure to participate in the holiday can be intense, and those who are unpartnered on February 14th may believe they are left out. 

Though individual experiences can vary, loneliness is a common theme among singles—some may find themselves nostalgic for a past Valentine. In contrast, others may yearn for the experience of celebrating with a partner. Those looking for a partner may also have complicated feelings or thoughts about the holiday, which can bring up insecurity, a sense of inadequacy, or frustration that may accompany dating.

How to spend the holiday without a partner

No matter how complex your feelings or relationship status may be, several strategies may guide you in spending Valentine’s Day alone with resilience, high self-esteem, positivity, and gratitude.

Reframe your mindset

If you’re lonely on Valentine’s Day, reframing the holiday in your mind may be helpful. While romantic love can add joy and meaning to one’s life, its absence may not necessarily be negative in every scenario. Adopting a healthier mindset about Valentine’s Day may be the first step toward overcoming loneliness.

Below are several considerations that may be helpful for recontextualizing what it means to be single:

• Reframe your experience: Being single doesn’t indicate something is wrong with you. It can suggest that you’re holding out for the right person, are focused on other priorities, or have left an unhealthy relationship. 
• Examine the origin of cultural expectations: Gender roles, legal considerations, and social stratification once significantly shaped ideas about love and marriage. However, cultural perspectives are shifting away from traditional values and norms. Rather than prioritizing marriage, for example, some people choose to pursue career goals, leave unhealthy partnerships, or focus on self-fulfillment.
• Acknowledge external influences: Various factors beyond personal choice can affect your experiences with love and romance. For example, the shift towards working from home, the prevalence of digital communication, and your built environment can shape your social experiences and opportunities for romance.
• Remember the advantages of being single: While being single might be lonely at times, being partnered does not necessarily equate to happiness. Singlehood may have several benefits, such as more time for personal development, greater freedom in making life choices, and more opportunities to build a strong network of friends and family.

Practice gratitude and self-reflection

While loneliness can be understandable, it may be possible to mitigate it by focusing on how your solitude empowers you. For those experiencing a single Valentine's Day, it can be a time to reflect on powerful words of encouragement and affirmation you've received or told yourself. It's a day when many others of every age and relationship status are doing the same.

Has singlehood allowed you to achieve more in your education or career? Has the prospect of finding a partner inspired self-improvement? Has being unpartnered afforded you the freedom to make important life decisions? Consider how being single may have contributed to your personal growth. 

On Valentine’s Day, especially, you might benefit from a gratitude practice or journaling exercise to help you become more aware of the positive aspects of your life as it is.

Spend quality time alone

While solitude can sometimes worsen loneliness, it may also offer an opportunity to engage in activities that bring you joy, comfort, and fulfillment. For example, you might try cooking yourself a delicious meal, buying yourself flowers, listening to love songs, watching romantic comedies, going for a long walk, or spending the evening on the couch with a book or movie.

Explore a new hobby, place, or opportunity

On Valentine’s Day, you might seize the opportunity to get out and try something new. While it can be tempting to stay in, finding a reason to leave the house may help you feel less alone and provide a sense of accomplishment and connection. 

For example, you might find out what’s happening in your area and take a fitness class, attend a volunteer event, or explore a new hiking trail. Whether you connect with your community or the outdoors, it can be a refreshing change of pace and help you shift your focus to the broader world around you. Engaging in this way may broaden your horizons and help you meet new people with your interests, potentially opening the door for meaningful friendships and relationships.

Nurture other relationships

Although Valentine’s Day is often considered a couples’ holiday, it can also offer a moment to express your love and gratitude for friends, family members, and other significant people in your life. You can take the time to cherish and remind your loved ones of their importance in your life with a heartfelt conversation or a simple reminder. Love can take many forms, and you may find that you feel less lonely or sad if you take the opportunity to nurture these relationships.

Consider making a phone call, giving a gift, or writing a thoughtful message to the other relationships that imbue your life with love and meaning. You might even schedule a Valentine's Day outing with your friends to celebrate the occasion. Whether you attend a friend’s art exhibit, host a game night, schedule a “date night” with dinner and a movie marathon, or host a potluck dinner, you might be comforted by surrounding yourself with people about whom you care.

Engage with your community

Getting involved in your local community can be a rewarding way to spend Valentine's Day and might be an effective strategy for mitigating loneliness in the long term. Research has identified social integration as a facet of well-being, as it can ensure individuals receive the emotional and practical support to thrive. Volunteering can be an opportunity to realize that, even without a romantic partner, you're an integral part of a larger community.

Consider volunteering with a local organization, attending a community gathering, or participating in a class or workshop on Valentine's Day. By engaging meaningfully with your community, you can bring a smile to someone else’s face and create new connections. You may even gain a sense of belonging and purpose that may come from contributing positively to your city, town, or neighborhood.

How to cope with feeling alone

If depression, self-pity, or overwhelming loneliness have begun to happen more frequently, causing you to feel bad and lose sleep, the next course of action might be to connect with a licensed therapist. A therapist can help you cope if you are feeling lonely, offering a safe space to talk about the experiences, challenges, and patterns that may affect your social or romantic life and daily routine. Therapy may also help you address the fear of being perpetually single or any sadness that reminds you of points in your life when you thought you were alone.

With a therapist, you can explore and understand your feelings, identify specific problems and solutions, and receive practical guidance for achieving your goals. Therapeutic modalities like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT)  may be beneficial for overcoming loneliness and have been backed by a substantial body of scientific research. 

If you face barriers to in-person therapy, online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp may allow you to connect with therapists trained in these methodologies from home. It may offer some distinct advantages over traditional in-person appointments. Online therapy has been proven as effective as face-to-face therapy and allows for flexible scheduling, greater availability, and affordability.