7 Reasons Why Some People Have Kissed Dating Goodbye

Updated October 5, 2022by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Have you had it with dating? Have you met loser after loser, and you feel like you're completely spent on the whole thing? You're not alone. Plenty of people out there are giving up on dating, tired of sifting through the wrong people and waiting on Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Mental Health Concerns Can Prevent Us From Growing

It may seem like women would be more likely to give up on dating than men, but men are just as likely to give up and throw in the towel in their search for a relationship. If you want to know more about why you may be giving up on dating, online therapy is a great place to start. Here are seven reasons why some heterosexual men and women are giving up on dating.

  1. They Will Be Used For Their Money

Some have sworn off dating because they are afraid of so-called “gold diggers,” or partners who only want them for their money. Many people would prefer their romantic partner to earn an income, rather than depend on them for every little thing.

A good way to vet out a potential gold digger in your search for a partner is to not let on how much money you have. Perhaps choose clothes that appear more ordinary, keep the fancy watches and jewelry at home, and meet up with friends, so your date doesn't see the kind of car you drive. Downplay your workplace and your position, and keep any other details of your income close to the vest. The right person will grow to love you regardless of your income, and their reward can then be finding out just how lucky they truly are to find you. Remember that both genders can be financially successful. 

  1. Annoyed By "Inequality"

A lot of women report being frustrated by the fact that the men they date do not see them as equals. The “he’ll go to work while she stays home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids" family roles are outdated, and women have been frustrated by the fact that men do not seem as enthusiastic about being an active part of a family unit. Traditional roles can cause both men and women to be hesitant to pursue serious long-term relationships, and they may even quit dating as a result.

  1. Afraid Of Commitment Or Long-Term Relationships

When it comes to dating, some would rather not have to worry about getting married anytime soon or otherwise ending up in a long-term relationship with a loving partner. Let’s face it, some men and some women just aren’t ready to settle down and would rather not have to worry about stuff like who is going to choose what to make for dinner each night, or whose family they should spend the holidays with.

For these types, casual dating is more appealing than hunting for the perfect person. While casual dating is still a form of courtship, it doesn't come with nearly as many rules or restrictions as dating to find a long-term mate. You don't have to worry about emotions getting in the way with a casual fling, so long as the relationship is defined as a casual one right from the beginning. Otherwise, emotions can get in the way, and things can take an unwanted turn for the serious.

  1. Men And Women Both Have Been The Victims Of Abusive Relationships

Understandably, those who have survived a verbally or physically abusive relationship can be turned off by the idea of dating. After harmful failed relationships and bad dates, some people are fearful to let a potential low-quality partner in because there is a chance they can be hurt again.

While it is certainly a valid concern, cutting yourself off from the dating world entirely ensures that you will never meet that special person who truly deserves you. Consider whether it would be better to take a break from the dating world rather than abandon your search entirely. You may find that it’s possible to find happiness and turn your love life around later on.

If you or someone you loved has experienced domestic abuse, know that help is available. Feel free to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) if you need resources or support.

  1. Going Out Takes Effort

In today's world, you can have virtually any kind of experience from the comfort of your couch. You don't have to go to the movies anymore when you have Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, and Google Play. You don't even need to get on a plane to enjoy a high-quality panoramic view of practically every notable landmark. Even traditional dating methods have largely been replaced by signing up on online dating sites and dating apps. So, the idea of getting dressed up, putting on a splash of cologne or perfume, and driving to a particular location to meet someone in person may simply feel like more effort than anyone wants to put in or has time for.

The truth is, you'll never meet anyone if you never leave your house. And the best way to confirm a negative bias is to keep doing what you're doing without extending yourself past your comfort zone. Sure, it might be exhausting to put effort into jumping into the dating scene and meeting new people only to strike out in the end, but you never know who you'll meet until you try. At the very least, you might end up making a good friend during your search. At most, you may find your soulmate and experience what good quality and healthy romantic relationships are meant to be.

  1. A Person Has Not Yet Achieved The Goals They Have Set For Themselves

Of all of the reasons to give up on dating, this is perhaps one of the noblest, if not the noblest. Ending your search is a very self-aware thing to do, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with focusing on your own needs and embracing the single life for now. Maybe you want to be more settled in your career. Maybe you want to be able to move out of your parents' house. Maybe you want to save up for a better car or work toward other financial goals that will improve your quality of life now and in the future.

Mental Health Concerns Can Prevent Us From Growing

Whatever the reason, you may not yet be satisfied with your lot in life, which is a responsible motive not to go looking for the perfect mate just yet. It's so important to have your ducks in a row before you involve a new person in your life. And if you're not ready, that's perfectly okay.

  1. A Person Is Simply Too Young To Settle Down

This reason goes together well with reason #6. The average young person simply isn’t quite ready to commit to another person forever. If a person is too young to settle down, then they may decide to push pause on dating until they’ve established a career or improved a hectic home life. This is an honorable and responsible reason to give up on dating temporarily. The right time to meet that special person is when it is right for you, not some specific age or stage of life.

Why You Shouldn't Give Up On Dating

Dating new people is like going out for a job interview. Sure, you may have to go on a ton of them, but all it takes is that one to feel like a good match. All you need is that one needle in the haystack. But you'll never find it if you stop looking, that’s why you shouldn’t give up on dating.

If you're tired of being jilted in love and having bad luck with first dates, and causing you to believe you should be giving up on dating, your best bet is to establish a life that you love away from the dating game. Your ultimate mate should be a complement to your already great life, not a way to fill a void. 

What's great about establishing that kind of life first is that if you do meet someone and it doesn't work out, you have the best thing in the world to fall back on: yourself and the quality of life you created. This is the very definition of if you don't care about you first, then who is going to?

If you seem to always pick the wrong person and end up in a bad relationship, one option is to work with a dating coach. This can help you figure out where you’re going wrong and what you could do differently to have more success in the dating world.

Research shows that there is a link between self-esteem and our relationships. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for example, found that high self-esteem enhances the quality of our relationships, and good relationships boost our self-esteem. Therapy has been proven to help patients work through self-esteem, self-worth and interpersonal relationship challenges, and new research finds that internet-delivered therapy is as effective as in-person therapy. 

If you’re struggling with self-esteem challenges or relationship concerns, and you’ve been thinking about giving up on dating, consider speaking with a therapist to develop healthy habits that can help you love yourself and love others.

Through their site, BetterHelp offers a convenient and confidential way to speak with a trusted medical professional. Appointments are conducted by phone or videoconference, or you can communicate with your counselor by email or text. Our licensed counselors on our site take confidentiality seriously, and you will never have to worry about your privacy. BetterHelp maintains strict standards, and all correspondence between you and your counselor is secured and encrypted by banking-grade 256-bit encryption on the site. Read these testimonials from patients like you who’ve made real progress with their BetterHelp counselors.

“I started out as a real mess, but Pam led me through a whole bundle of problems and now I'm much more healthy. I started out being alone and lonely, then started some light dating, found a girlfriend who is now my fiancé, and we got a Marriage License last Saturday. We'll have an outdoor ceremony overlooking the ocean in a couple of weeks. All is good, and Pam helped me get from there to here!”

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Below are some commonly asked questions on this topic:

  1. Is it normal to give up on dating?

Giving up on dating is a normal response to the frustration that people experience during the process of trying to find the right person in their life. However, many people don’t give up on dating permanently, as these feelings that affect their current mental health are often temporary and pass with time. If you feel like giving up on dating right now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this idea, and you’re free to jump back into the dating game whenever you’re ready to have a new beginning and resume your search for a casual relationship with a person or a life partner.

  1. Why people are giving up on dating?

People give up on dating for many reasons, and some of them include being concerned about being taken advantage of, especially with their money, fearing a commitment to a long-term relationship, regularly running into the wrong people and having bad dates, recently leaving a bad relationship, as well as the whole process of trying to meet people to date in the first place. For example, a lot of men and women feel that online dating isn’t a positive experience for them and that it’s not good for their self-esteem and overall mental health and many of them are giving up on dating for this reason.

  1. How do you know when to give up on someone you are dating?

Giving up on dating a person is entirely an individual’s decision. Perhaps you don’t have the same values and goals in life, or you’re looking to date someone who is around a specific age, or there is a sign there is a lack of a physical and emotional connection, which could affect you and your partner’s self-esteem. Everyone has their own needs and ideas of what a quality and meaningful relationship means to them. If you decide to give up on dating an individual, try to be courteous as possible while telling the truth, and communicate that you’re going to move on with your life, rather than ghost them, since this can cause a lot of hurt feelings. This is advice you should use in all of your relationships going forward and also expect out of others as well.

  1. Should I give up on trying to find love?

There may be a sign that you should be giving up on dating right now, but you shouldn’t necessarily lose hope and give up on trying to find love with the right person forever. Instead of being on the search for a romantic partner right now, you can use time away from dating and relationships to try to focus on enhancing your life by practicing self care and improving your mental health so you can be ready to look for that special person in your world when the time comes again. Try not to think of this as giving up on dating men or women, rather, it’s a hiatus from all of the first dates and relationship problems.

  1. What to do when you feel like giving up on dating?

If you feel like you need to give up on dating for the foreseeable future, that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with that, but don’t plan on giving up on dating for the rest of your life. Instead, if you have the urge to give up on dating women or men right now, due to failed relationships or any reason really, this is a sign you should take a break to invest in yourself, with or without money, and find ways to achieve self-improvement and build up your sense of self-esteem. Along with your friends and family, you can also discuss these feelings with a dating coach or relationship counselor who can answer your question and give you professional and high-quality advice and tips on how to navigate your life right now and going forward into your future relationships, if you choose to date again down the line.

  1. Is it OK to stop dating?

Absolutely! If you feel like giving up on dating, you have every right to quit dating for any reason you see fit. You may have had a streak of bad luck with an online dating site or app or perhaps your life currently prevents you from pursuing long-term romantic relationships with men or women. Casual dating can be an option for you, but many people ultimately desire commitment and hope to find the perfect person to fall in love with so dating without purpose or effort doesn’t seem as appealing to them.

If this sounds like you and you’re tired of the problems you’re running into while exploring the dating world, this is a sign that you can give up on dating for the time being, enjoy the single life, and resume your search some other time, without any repercussions, other than possibly feeling lonely from time to time. You can find happiness while outside of romantic relationships, and if that requires a break for some self-discovery with the help of your friends and family and trying to find your own way through life, that’s perfectly fine and it may be an excellent idea for you. It can make a world of a difference - just think of all the money you can save too and spend towards healthy and productive hobbies and other fulfilling activities that bring you a better quality of life.

  1. What does it mean when a guy is not interested?

If a guy seems like he is not interested, it’s probably a sign that you should trust your gut feeling and shouldn’t pursue a romantic relationship with this person. In life, many men and women will try to play hard to get, but if you’re looking to find love and have a healthy relationship with a quality individual, you shouldn’t have to play any games with that person if you don’t want to, especially if it’s harming your self-esteem.

If you are self aware, you can quickly find out you’re dating the wrong person for you. Though, you also have the option of trying to see what real intentions the guy has, but this effort to find any sign they’re interested might not lead you to the answer you’re looking for. Nonetheless, there are other guys out there you can meet and date who will be more honest and upfront about whether or not they are interested in you, which are quality and valuable traits in all relationships.

  1. Can you find love in your 40s?

If you’re towards the end of your 30s, and you’ve grown tired of finding a relationship and you’re beginning to be thinking of giving up on dating for the time-being, it’s important to understand that people can find quality relationships and achieve love and happiness at any age.

However, the truth is, the ability to search for a partner in the dating scene can get harder and people can become more lonely as they get older, especially when one reaches their 40s or 50s, mainly due to life circumstances like being busy and settled into a career, having children or another person in their family to take care of, or simply other commitments that can prevent a person from meeting new men or women to date frequently.

Don’t lose hope though -  if you have the drive to date around and search for a relationship, and possibly fall in love, you can always spend time putting yourself out there in the dating world, especially with online dating apps, but don’t be discouraged if it takes a while to find a good man or woman who is compatible with you and your lifestyle, it’s not unusual and nor is it a sign you’re doing something wrong. Finding love is rarely ever straightforward for both guys or women, and a high quality dating coach and their advice can also make your life easier and can be well worth the money if you’re interested in putting in the effort to get back into the game as well.

  1. When should you give up on a woman?

Just like with leaving a guy, giving up on dating a woman is a personal decision that depends on what kind of life and relationship goals you both have. Some women may have a desire to find a special person to create a family with as soon as possible, whereas you might not be interested in having kids; you may prefer to settle down in a long-term relationship but she wants to stick to casual dating. Many women find happiness through becoming career women these days, whereas many guys want a loving partner who they can bond and spend time with leisurely on a regular basis while still having a decent quality of life. As you can see, the love life and relationship goals can vary between all guys and women in the dating scene, and if yours conflicts with the women that you date, this is a sign you can give up on dating and pursuing relationships with them if that seems like the best course of action for you and your mental health.

  1. How long is too long to date without commitment?

Dating with or without commitment to a healthy relationship is a decision that often gets made after a certain time, but of course, it varies; there isn’t a specific time frame. Sometimes, there is no commitment at all, such as in many friends with benefits situations, but those types of relationships are usually agreed upon beforehand and those can individuals thrive and find happiness knowing this because it can reduce the risk of hurt feelings. To these guys and ladies, it is their idea of a quality relationship, and that’s perfectly valid.

That being said, it’s generally accepted that people can date casually up to 3 months before they decide if they want to try to settle down into an official relationship with them. After all, before jumping into relationships, it can take a while before you realize you’re with the right or wrong person. You can take up to several dates without any commitment, but be sure to try to be communicative with the men or women you’re dating so that you can be on the same page. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or not with a person, it’s not always about your own needs, and trust, respect, and communication issues that lead to relationship problems are a common reason why people are giving up on dating.

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