7 Reasons Why Some People Have Kissed Dating Goodbye
By: Sarah Fader
Updated January 29, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Debra Halseth, LCSW
Have you had it with dating? Have you met loser after loser, and you feel like you're completely spent on the whole thing? You're not alone. Plenty of people out there are giving up on dating, tired of sifting through the losers, and waiting on Mr. or Mrs. Right.
It may seem like women would be more likely to give up on dating than men, but men are just as likely to give up throw in the towel. Here are seven reasons why some heterosexual men and women have decided to give up on dating.
- They Will Be Used For Their Money
Some have sworn off dating because they are afraid of so called “gold diggers,” or partners who only want them for their money. Many people would prefer their partner to earn an income, rather than depend on them for every little thing.
A good way to vet out a potential gold digger is to not let on how much money you have. Perhaps choose clothes that appear more ordinary, keep the fancy watches and jewelry at home, and meet up with friends, so your date doesn't see the kind of car you drive. Downplay your workplace and your position, and keep any other details of your income close to the vest. The right person will grow to love you regardless of your income, and their reward can then be finding out just how lucky they truly are to find you. Remember that both genders can be financially successful. Many people share concerns that a potential mate is more interested in their earning potential than building a mutually beneficial, healthy, and satisfying relationship.
- Annoyed By "Inequality"
A lot of women report being frustrated by the fact that the men they date do not see them as equals. The “he’ll go to work while she stays home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids" family roles are outdated, and women have been frustrated by the fact that men do not seem as enthusiastic about being an active part of a family unit. Traditional roles can cause both men and women to be hesitant to pursue serious long-term relationships.
- Afraid Of Commitment Or Long-Term Relationships
When it comes to dating, some would rather not have to worry about getting married anytime soon or otherwise ending up in a long-term relationship. Let’s face it, some men and some women just aren’t ready to settle down and would rather not have to worry about stuff like who is going to choose what to make for dinner each night, or whose family they should spend the holidays with.
For these types, casual dating is more appealing than hunting for the perfect mate. While casual dating is still a form of courtship, it doesn't come with nearly as many rules or restrictions as dating to find a long-term mate does. You don't have to worry about emotions getting in the way with a casual fling, so long as the relationship is defined as a casual one right from the beginning. Otherwise, emotions can get in the way, and things can take an unwanted turn for the serious.
- Men And Women Both Have Been The Victims Of Abusive Relationships
Understandably, those who have survived a verbally or physically abusive relationship can be turned off by the idea of dating. Some people are fearful to let a potential partner in because there is a chance they can be hurt again.
While it is certainly a valid concern, cutting yourself off from the dating world entirely ensures that you will never meet that special person who truly deserves you. Consider whether it would be better to take a break from the dating world rather than abandon it entirely.
- Going Out Takes Effort
In today's world, you can have virtually any kind of experience from the comfort of your couch. You don't have to go to the movies anymore when you have Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, and Google Play. You don't even need to get on a plane to enjoy a panoramic view of practically every notable landmark. So, the idea of getting dressed up, putting on a splash of cologne or perfume, and driving to a particular location to meet someone in person may simply feel like more effort than anyone wants to put in or has time for.
The truth is, you'll never meet anyone if you never leave your house. And the best way to confirm a negative bias is to keep doing what you're doing without extending yourself past your comfort zone. Sure, it might be exhausting to put effort into meeting new people only to strike out in the end, but you never know who you'll meet until you try. At the very least, you might end up making a good friend. At most, you may find your soul mate.
- A Person Has Not Yet Achieved The Goals They Have Set For Themselves
Of all of the reasons to give up on dating, this is perhaps one of the noblest, if not the noblest. You may not be ready yet to share your life with another person, and so you temporarily give up dating for a while. Maybe you want to be more settled in your career. Maybe you want to be able to move out of your parents' house. Maybe you want to save up for a better car or work toward other financial goals.
Whatever the reason, you may not yet be satisfied with your lot in life, which is a responsible motive not to go looking for the perfect mate just yet. It's so important to have your ducks in a row before you involve a new person in your life. And if you're not ready, that's perfectly okay.
- A Person Is Simply Too Young To Settle Down
This reason goes together well with reason #6. If a person is too young to settle down, then they may decide to push pause on dating until they’ve established a career or improved a hectic home life. This is an honorable and responsible reason to give up on dating temporarily. The right time to meet that special person is when it is right for you, not some specific age or stage of life.
Why You Shouldn't Give Up On Dating
Dating new people is like going out for job interviews. Sure, you may have to go on a ton of them, but all it takes is that one to feel like a good match. All you need is that one needle in the haystack. But you'll never find it if you stop looking.
If you're tired of being jilted in love, your best bet is to establish a life that you love away from the dating game. Your ultimate mate should be a compliment to your already great life, not a filling for a void. You want to be able to share the life of your dreams with the person of your dreams, and sometimes you need to create that life before you meet that person.
You will feel infinitely more fulfilled when you have something substantial to share with another person. Your confidence and happiness will attract the right kinds of people who have something to share, as well. What's great about establishing that kind of life first is that if you do meet someone and it doesn't work out, you have the best thing in the world to fall back on: yourself and the life you created. This is the very definition of if you don't care about you first, then who is going to?
Research shows that there is a link between self-esteem and our relationships. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for example, found that high self-esteem enhances the quality of our relationships, and good relationships boost our self-esteem. Therapy has been proven to help patients work through self-esteem, self-worth and inter-personal relationship challenges, and new research finds that internet-delivered therapy is as effective as in-person therapy. This study, conducted by Brigham Young University researchers, found that technology-based therapy offer other added benefits including “lower cost, no travel time, easy access, no waitlists, and trackable progress.”
If you’re struggling with self-esteem challenges or relationship concerns, consider speaking with a therapist to develop healthy habits that can help you love yourself and love others.
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