Everything You Need To Know About Older Women And Dating

Updated October 18, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC

If you’re curious about what it would be like to date an older woman or partner, you’re not alone. You may have noticed the huge age gap in your favorite celebrity couple and wonder how that works. It has become increasingly common for older women to have younger partners. And they’re not just dating them but having long-term relationships with them that even lead to marriage. According to an AARP survey, approximately 34% of women between 40 and 69 have dated younger men or partners. What are the reasons behind this new trend? You may be wondering if it is all about sex, or is there something else going on?

A variety of factors come into play when it comes to age gaps in a relationship. Unsurprisingly, sex is a factor. Most women reach their sexual peak in their thirties and early forties and enjoy the increased stamina (as well as the greater physical attraction) that a younger partner can provide. But this is only a small part of the puzzle. Women over 40 may also enjoy having a partner free from the remnants of a past marriage — i.e., divorce and children.

People May Find Older Women Attractive

Want To Learn More About Older Women And Dating?
Source: rawpixel.com

Some individuals may find older women to be incredibly appealing. Older women tend to be more confident and assertive compared to younger women. They have more life experience and have usually figured out their needs and know how to express them. They often know what they want from a relationship where younger women may still find themselves. These qualities can be a welcome change to a younger partner. An individual who prefers older women may find that older women have a lot to teach them, not just about the relationship but about life in general. This strength and wisdom can be very appealing to some individuals.

 

Benefits Of Dating Older Women

If you’re considering dating an older, there may be many benefits that you would appreciate from experience. Here are some of the top benefits of dating an older woman.

  • Older women tend to know what they want. Older women have had more time to learn about themselves throughout their life and tend to know what they want and need in a relationship and life. They may not play games the way younger individuals do, and they may be more direct in communicating their needs.
  • She can teach her partner a few things. Having an older partner means they have more life experience. They may be able to teach you things about sex, relationships, and life in general. A younger partner may benefit from their knowledge and experience and gain a new perspective.
  • She has control over her emotions. An older woman most likely has experienced more challenges in life and has learned a lot from them.  Over time, she may have learned to regulate her emotions better than a younger partner.
  • She is independent. A woman at this stage of life is usually more secure with herself. There’s a good chance as a woman ages, she may become self-sufficient emotionally and financially. This may relieve her partner from the pressures of feeling like they need to take care of her. Depending on the stage this older woman is in, she may not have the need or desire to start a family as she may already have done that.
  • She may want to have fun with no strings attached. If the older woman is divorced, there may be a chance she does not want to commit to anything serious. This may be a refreshing change to a younger partner who also isn’t ready for anything serious. They may be able to enjoy each other's company without the societal pressures of getting married or starting a family.
Challenges of Dating Older Women
Source: rawpixel.com

No relationship is perfect, and older women do come with their own set of challenges.

  • She is at a different stage of her life than you are. She is likely to be occupied with her career and possibly with children. These things will most likely be a priority in her life. Also, she may have more financial security than you do, which can be a source of conflict with couples, especially if she wants to go on vacations or out to nice restaurants. If she is divorced, you may have to accept that she has a past relationship and children.
  • Family and friends may not approve. Unfortunately, you may face stigma around dating older women. Some people may not approve of the age gap in your relationship. There may be a chance that sharing details about your relationship with family and friends may invite negative comments, which can put a strain on your relationships with them.
  • She may not want to have children or be able to. An older woman has probably already raised young children and doesn’t want to do it all over again. By the age of 40, her ability to get pregnant is compromised, with menopause starting between 45 and 50. If you want to have a family someday, this is something to consider.
  • She will have different social references. At times, you may find it difficult to relate to a partner when there is a large age gap. There are often different references to pop culture that you may not understand. This generational gap may sometimes cause a disconnect in your relationship.
  • Subtle or Not So Subtle Power Differences. There could potentially be power struggles within the relationship. This may stem from differences in income, career, life experience, or how much they can provide for you.

If you have decided that this kind of relationship is for you, here are some suggestions.

  • Dont Focus On The Age-Gap. As they say, age is just a number. Couples can have extremely fulfilling relationships regardless of the age difference.
  • Communicate Clearly and Assertively. Older women tend to know what they want, so it may be beneficial to play games with an older woman. They will most likely respect you more if you state your needs assertively and with confidence.
  • Dont Label Her. Avoid words like “She may find such terms offensive. Have fun and be respectful.

Stigma And Double Standards

Even though we’ve become more open-minded as a society, people will have their individual opinions on how they feel about relationships with large age gaps. You may face stigmas if you decide to get into a relationship with an older woman. You may even find double standards in certain gendered relationships. Older men may not face as much stigma having a younger partner as older women do.

However, the younger generation seems to be more open-minded when it comes to age differences in relationships. It's important to remember that your relationship is between you and your partner, and it shouldn’t matter what other people think as long as you are happy together.

Online Therapy Can Help

Want To Learn More About Older Women And Dating?
Source: rawpixel.com

If you need help navigating your relationship, a licensed therapist may be able to help. They can provide tools and guidance to help you improve your relationship and overcome any challenges you may be experiencing.

If you’re curious about couples counseling, online couples counseling can be a very effective tool to help you strengthen your relationship.

How BetterHelp Can Support You

If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship or your life that you’d like to work on individually or together, then reach out to the licensed therapist at BetterHelp. Below you can read reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people who have been helped with similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He’s not only supported me but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self-improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”

“Brilliant! He helped me out of a pretty dark place and was nothing but helpful! For men looking for a counselor who understands what it is like to be a man in today’s world with a family, kids and responsibilities, job, etc. I was extremely impressed with his ability to get down to it and understand what I was talking about. He’s great at getting to the root of the issue too. No need to slog through 8,000 words to find out what point he’s trying to make. He has a knack for asking exactly the right question in about 2-3 sentences. If you’re looking for a counselor who isn’t the typical counselor, he’s your guy!”

Conclusion

A relationship between an older woman and a younger partner can be just as fulfilling as any other relationship. As long as you’re both willing to commit to the relationship and put in the work, it’s possible to have a healthy and strong relationship regardless of the age difference. If you need help managing any issues within your relationship, reach out to a couple’s counselor for support.

For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Therapist Today
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.