Everything You Need To Know About Older Women And Dating

By Robert Porter|Updated June 28, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC

If you’re curious about what it would be like to date an older woman or partner, you’re not alone. You may have noticed the huge age gap in your favorite celebrity couple and wonder how that works. It has become increasingly common for older women to have younger partners. And they’re not just dating them but having long-term relationships with them that even lead to marriage. According to an AARP survey, approximately 34% of women between 40 and 69 have dated younger men or partners. What are the reasons behind this new trend? You may be wondering if it is all about sex, or is there something else going on?

A variety of factors come into play when it comes to age gaps in a relationship. Unsurprisingly, sex is a factor. Most women reach their sexual peak in their thirties and early forties and enjoy the increased stamina (as well as the greater physical attraction) that a younger partner can provide. But this is only a small part of the puzzle. Women over 40 may also enjoy having a partner free from the remnants of a past marriage — i.e., divorce and children.

People May Find Older Women Attractive

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Some individuals, such as younger men, may find older women to be incredibly appealing. Older women tend to be more confident and assertive compared to younger women. They have more life experience and have usually figured out their needs and know how to express them. They often know what they want from a relationship and be willing to accept you how you are, where younger women may still find themselves. These qualities can be a welcome change to a younger partner. A younger man who prefers older women may find that older women have a lot to teach them, not just about the relationship but about life in general. This strength and wisdom can be very appealing to some young men.

Benefits Of Dating Older Women

If you’re considering older women dating, there may be many benefits that you would appreciate from experience. Here are some of the top benefits of dating an older woman.

  • Older women tend to know what they want. Older women have had more time to learn about themselves throughout their life and tend to know what they want and need in a relationship and life. They may not play games the way younger individuals do, and they may be more direct in communicating their needs.
  • She can teach her partner a few things. Having an older partner means they have more life experience. They may be able to teach you things about sex, relationships, and life in general. A younger partner may accept this and benefit from their knowledge and experience and gain a new perspective.
  • She has control over her emotions. An older woman most likely has experienced more challenges in life and has learned a lot from them.  Over time, she may have learned to regulate her emotions better than a younger partner.
  • She is independent. A woman at this stage of life is usually more secure with herself. There’s a good chance as a woman ages, she may become self-sufficient emotionally and financially. This may relieve her partner from the pressures of feeling like they need to take care of her. Depending on the stage this older woman is in, she may not have the need or desire to start a family as she may already have done that.
  • She may want to have fun with no strings attached. If the older woman is divorced, there may be a chance she does not want to commit to anything serious. This may be a refreshing change to younger men who also aren’t ready for anything serious. They may be able to enjoy each other's company and date without the societal pressures of getting married or starting a family.
Challenges of Dating Older Women
 

No relationship is perfect, and older women dating does come with their own set of challenges.

  • She is at a different stage of her life than you are. She is likely to be occupied with her career and possibly with children. These things will most likely be a priority in her life. Also, she may have more financial security than you do, which can be a source of conflict with couples, especially if she wants to go on vacations or out to nice restaurants. If she is divorced, you may have to accept that she has a past relationship and children.
  • Family and friends may not approve. Unfortunately, you may face stigma around dating older women. Some people may not approve of the age gap in your relationship. There may be a chance that sharing details about your relationship with family and friends may invite negative comments, which can put a strain on your relationships with them.
  • She may not want to have children or be able to. An older woman has probably already raised young children and doesn’t want to do it all over again. By the age of 40, her ability to get pregnant is compromised, with menopause starting between 45 and 50. If you want to have a family someday, this is something to consider.
  • She will have different social references. At times, you may find it difficult to relate to a partner or other members of her inner circle when there is a large age gap. There are often different references to pop culture that you may not understand. This generational gap may sometimes cause a disconnect in your relationship.
  • Subtle or Not So Subtle Power Differences. There could potentially be power struggles within the relationship. This may stem from differences in income, career, life experience, or how much they can provide for you.

If you have decided that this kind of relationship is for you, here are some suggestions.

  • Dont Focus On The Age-Gap. As they say, age is just a number. Couples can have extremely fulfilling relationships regardless of the age difference.
  • Communicate Clearly and Assertively. Older women tend to know what they want, so it may be beneficial to play games with an older woman. They will most likely respect you more if you state your needs assertively and with confidence.
  • Dont Label Her. Keep an open mind when you date an older woman. Have fun and be respectful.

Stigma And Double Standards

Even though we’ve become more open-minded as a society, people will have their individual opinions on how they feel about relationships with large age gaps. You may face stigmas if you decide to date an older woman, especially in the case of younger men. You may even find double standards in certain gendered relationships. Older men may not face as much stigma having a younger partner as older women dating younger men do.

However, the younger generation seems to be more open-minded when it comes to age differences in relationships. It's important to remember that your relationship is between you and your partner, and it shouldn’t matter what other people think as long as you are happy together.

Online Therapy Can Help

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If you need help navigating your relationship, a licensed therapist may be able to help. They can provide tools and guidance to help you improve your relationship and overcome any challenges you may be experiencing.

If you’re curious about couples counseling, online couples counseling can be a very effective tool to help you strengthen your relationship.

How BetterHelp Can Support You

If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship or your life that you’d like to work on individually or together, then reach out to the licensed therapist at BetterHelp. Below you can read reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people who have been helped with similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He’s not only supported me but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self-improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”

“Brilliant! He helped me out of a pretty dark place and was nothing but helpful! For men looking for a counselor who understands what it is like to be a man in today’s world with a family, kids and responsibilities, job, etc. I was extremely impressed with his ability to get down to it and understand what I was talking about. He’s great at getting to the root of the issue too. No need to slog through 8,000 words to find out what point he’s trying to make. He has a knack for asking exactly the right question in about 2-3 sentences. If you’re looking for a counselor who isn’t the typical counselor, he’s your guy!”

Conclusion

A relationship between an older woman dating younger men can be just as fulfilling as any other relationship. As long as you’re both willing to commit to the relationship and put in the work, it’s possible to have a healthy and strong relationship regardless of the age difference. If you need help managing any issues within your relationship, reach out to a couple’s counselor for support.

Commonly Asked Questions:

  1. How can I find an older woman?

If you are interested in dating a mature woman, there are a number of dating sites that you may want to look into further. There are many older women dating younger men nowadays, and if this is the type of relationship you are looking for, you may be able to find it best through online dating. It may be hard to find out about their user base before signing up, however, so you might want to read the reviews of a dating site before you opt for a premium subscription to one.

  1. What is the best site to hookup with older women?

There are likely a number of dating apps that you can utilize which are not necessarily older women dating sites but have many mature users. One site specifically for connecting older women with other members is silver singles, but there are likely many more you can investigate as well, if you are interested. If you wish to use a dating app like this, make sure that you are honest when it comes to profile creation, so you will have the best shot at finding someone that you want to date and spend time with.

  1. What is the attraction of an older woman?

Some individuals prefer to date mature women because they tend to know exactly what they want. In some instances, they may already have families and careers, so they won’t have the same needs as other women. For example, they may not be interested a serious relationship, which could seem attractive to younger men. Older women dating may want different things, so be sure to find out what they want before you become serious with an older woman.

  1. What are the benefits of dating an older woman?

One of the benefits that you may see when you are dating single older women aka cougars is that they are looking for casual dating, and not always seeking something serious. Besides that, they may be sure in what they want and know how to handle themselves.

  1. Where can I find a female cougar?

There are a number of dating sites or dating apps to consider using when you are looking for the perfect cougar or are interested in older women dating. You may want to check out adult friend finder or search for older women dating sites as well. This may help you find if a dating site focuses on meeting older women or not. In other words, you can determine if a specific site is worth your time and energy.

  1. How do you attract cougars?

If you are interested in dating an older woman, most older women will likely just want you to communicate that to them. Like with other relationships, getting to know someone may be the first part of dating. You can also check out cougar dating sites, so you can be sure that the possible tens of thousands of users are interested in dating younger men.

  1. How do you tell if an older woman wants to sleep with you?

Many women dating nowadays will likely let you know if they want to become intimate with you. Even if you are interested in cougar life, this doesn’t mean that mature women are any different. If you want to know how they are feeling about you, feel free to ask them.

  1. How do you tell if an older woman wants you?

Again, the best way to tell how a woman feels about you is to ask them. They will likely be forthcoming with their feelings and whether or not they find you attractive. However, you must be sure you are ready to accept the answer that they give you.

  1. What is the most beautiful age of a woman?

Women can be beautiful at any age, as there is no perfect age to be a human being. It is up to you to determine what women you like and find beautiful.

  1. Can a 20-year age difference work in a relationship?

A 20-year age difference in a relationship may be trying for some but easier for another couple. If you are interested in serious relationships with older women, you can decide for yourself how you feel about age differences and if you will be able to accept the ups and downs related to this type of pairing.

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