Everything You Need To Know About Older Women And Dating

Updated January 6, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

If you’re curious about what it would be like to date an older woman or partner, you’re not alone. You may have noticed the age gap in your favorite celebrity couple and wonder how that works. It has become increasingly common for older women to have younger partners. And they’re not just dating them but having long-term relationships with them that even lead to marriage. 

According to an AARP survey, approximately 34% of women between 40 and 69 have dated younger men or partners. What are the reasons behind this new trend? You may be wondering if it is all about sex, or is there something else going on?

People May Find Older Women Attractive

A variety of factors come into play when it comes to age gaps in a relationship. Unsurprisingly, sex is a factor. Most women  and enjoy the increased stamina (as well as the greater physical attraction) that a younger partner can provide. But this is only a small part of the puzzle. Women over 40 may also enjoy having a partner free from the remnants of a past marriage ( i.e., divorce and children with a former partner).

Is The Age Gap In Your Relationship Contributing To Conflict?

Some individuals may find older women to be incredibly appealing. Older women tend to be more confident and assertive compared to younger women. They usually have had more life experience,figured out their needs, and learned know how to express them. They often know what they want from a relationship and may be more willing to accept you how you are, where younger women may still be establishing their identities and preferences for a relationship partner. 

These qualities can be a welcome change to a younger partner. A younger person who prefers older women may find that older women have a lot to teach them, not just about the relationship but about life in general. This strength and wisdom can be very appealing to some younger people.

The Benefits Of Dating Older Women

If you’re considering dating an older woman, there may be many benefits that you would appreciate from experience. Here are some of the top benefits of dating an older woman.

  • Older women tend to know what they want. Older women have had more time to learn about themselves throughout their life and tend to know what they want and need in a relationship and life. They may be more direct in communicating their needs.

  • They can teach their partner a few things. Having an older partner means they generally have more life experience. They may be able to teach you things about sex, relationships, and life in general. A younger partner may accept this and benefit from their knowledge and experience and gain a new perspective.

  • They may have more control over their emotions. An older woman most likely has experienced more challenges in life and has learned a lot from them.  Over time, they may have learned to manage their emotions better than a younger partner.

  • They may be more independent. There’s a good chance that, as a woman ages, they may become more self-sufficient, emotionally and financially. This may relieve their partner from the pressures of feeling like they need to be a breadwinner or provider. Depending on the stage this older woman is in, they may not have the need or desire to start a family, as they may already have done that.

  • They may want to have fun with no strings attached. If the older woman is divorced, there may be a chance they do not want to commit to anything serious. This may be a refreshing change for younger partners who also aren’t ready for anything serious. They may be able to enjoy each other's company and date without the societal pressures of getting married or starting a family.

The Challenges Of Dating Older Women

No relationship is perfect, and dating older women does come with its own set of challenges.

  • They are at a different stage of her life than you are. A woman is likely to be occupied with their career and possibly with children. These things will most likely be a priority in their life. Also, they may have more financial security than you do, which can be a source of conflict with couples, especially if one wants to go on vacations or out to nice restaurants. If they are divorced, you may have to accept that they have a past relationship and children borne from it.

  • Family and friends may not approve. Unfortunately, you may face stigma around dating older women. Some people may not approve of the age gap in your relationship. 

  • They may not want or be able to have children. An older woman has probably already raised young children and may not want to do it all over again. By the age of 40, their ability to get pregnant is potentially compromised, with menopause starting between 45 and 50. If you want to have a family someday, this is something to consider.

  • They will have different social references. There are often different references to pop culture that you may not understand. This generational gap may sometimes cause a disconnect in your relationship.

  • There may be power struggles within the relationship.  Power struggles may stem from differences in income, career roles, life experiences, or how much one can provide and contribute to the relationship.

Stigma And Double Standards Of Dating Older Women

Even though we’ve become more open-minded as a society, people will have their individual opinions on relationships with noticeable age gaps. You may face stigmas if you decide to date an older woman, especially in the case of younger men. You may even find double standards in certain relationships. Older men may not face as much stigma about having a younger partner as older women dating a younger partner do.

However, the younger generation seems to be more open-minded when it comes to age differences in relationships. It's important to remember that your relationship is between you and your partner, and it shouldn’t matter what other people think as long as you are happy together.

Is The Age Gap In Your Relationship Contributing To Conflict?

Seeking Guidance For Dating Older Women

If you have decided that this kind of relationship is for you, here are some suggestions:

  • Avoid focusing on the age gap. As they say, age is just a number. Couples can have extremely fulfilling relationships regardless of the age difference.

  • Communicate clearly and assertively. Older women tend to know what they want, so it may not be beneficial to play games with an older woman. They will most likely respect you more if you state your needs assertively and with confidence.

  • Don’t label her. Keep an open mind when you date an older woman. Have fun and be respectful.

If you need help navigating your relationship, a licensed therapist may be able to help. They can provide tools and guidance to help you improve your relationship and overcome any challenges you may be experiencing. If you’re curious about couples counseling, online couples counseling can be a very effective tool to help you strengthen your relationship.

How BetterHelp Can Support You

If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship or your life that you’d like to work on individually or together, then reach out to the licensed therapist at BetterHelp. Many people find that online therapy has benefits over in-person therapy, including the ability to participate from a preferred setting and schedule appointments at convenient times. 

Online therapy has shown significant promise in supporting intimate partners in couples therapy. In a study involving 60 participants in couples ranging from ages 21 to 69 years old, researchers used an internet-based couples behavioral education program and found that couples therapy via videoconferencing was a viable alternative to in-person interventions; results showed that the participants experienced significant improvements in overall mental health and relationship satisfaction.

Below you can read reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people who have been helped with similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

“He’s not only supported me but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self-improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”

“Brilliant! He helped me out of a pretty dark place and was nothing but helpful! For men looking for a counselor who understands what it is like to be a man in today’s world with a family, kids and responsibilities, job, etc. I was extremely impressed with his ability to get down to it and understand what I was talking about. He’s great at getting to the root of the issue too. No need to slog through 8,000 words to find out what point he’s trying to make. He has a knack for asking exactly the right question in about 2-3 sentences. If you’re looking for a counselor who isn’t the typical counselor, he’s your guy!”


A relationship between an older woman dating a younger partner can be just as fulfilling as any other relationship. As long as you’re both willing to commit to the relationship and put in the work, it’s possible to have a healthy and strong relationship regardless of the age difference. If you need help managing any issues within your relationship, reach out to a BetterHelp counselor for support.

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