Navigating Senior Dating: A Guide

Are you getting back into dating after divorce, widowhood, or a long-term single life? Many find that the dating scene for older adults is growing—possibly meaning that there are more potential matches out there for you. 

Below, we’ve summarized some of the top senior dating and flirting skills that can help you get started in this new phase of life. We’ve also explored the role that online therapy can play as you work to navigate this season.

Tips for dating as a senior

Dating as an older adult doesn’t need to be rushed, and it doesn’t mean you have to change your standards. If you don’t feel like dating is right for you at this time, you may find it helpful to remember that you have the option of staying single or spending time with non-romantic friends. You might still choose to spend your time with people you sincerely respect and enjoy the company of, such as friends and family. 

However, if you find yourself in the dating pool, you may find that many of your dating experiences now might be similar to your earlier experiences in the dating scene. For example, you might get jitters. You might feel nervous “butterflies” because you might want to make a good impression. You might even feel that special first-date connection with a new love interest.

Everyone can respond differently regarding dating and romance, with some not experiencing attraction or romantic feelings. No matter how you feel, it can be freeing to understand that your cumulative life experience can make your later-in-life dating experience fresh and new—rather than overwhelming. 

Here are some additional tips to help when or if you're ready to enter the dating pool.

Be honest

Many people may try to present themselves as the perfect version of themselves on a date with someone new. The problem with this is that if you hit it off, they might eventually see the real you, which can lead to feelings of surprise and concern that this wasn’t the side you were showing in the first place. Plus, you can deprive yourself of the acceptance and support that many crave, which you deserve simply by being yourself. 

Trust your instincts in dating

Whether you perceive that something isn't right in the situation or you feel "struck by magic" and get along with this person right from the start, trusting those feelings can benefit you. Your gut often knows what it's doing.

It can be helpful to remember that if things feel too good to be true, you can always step back and take a logical look at the situation. That way, you can ensure you’re dating safely. However, if you feel ready to go all in, you may just walk away with a lifelong connection you’ll value. 

Ask questions on dates

If you’re on a date, feel free to ask about the things that are important to you. It can keep the conversation going and help you determine whether this person is someone you'd like to spend more time with.

Additionally, when a person answers your questions, consider listening to them closely. You may benefit from simply believing that they are telling you the truth, even if the answer is one you don't want to hear.

You might also try to ask the important questions. These can include asking about their financial standing, relationship goals, and life goals. This can save you both a lot of time and help you determine if you are a good fit.

Some people might date looking for a future spouse. For others, that's not the goal. It can be helpful to know what type of relationship you are looking for and what type your date is looking for. If your relationship goals don't align, you can accept that this person isn't likely to match your personal goals.

Be patient

Many older people who are dating might have a lot of standards they want to meet with a potential partner. This can be because they often have the life experience to know what they want and do not want. This means that you might want to take your time, making sure you're choosing the right person to spend time with.

Don't tolerate disrespect

If someone seems patronizing or disrespectful to you on a first date, you can thank them and end the date. First dates are usually when people try to make their best impression, so if they're disrespectful this early on, it can be helpful to acknowledge that their behavior may not improve over time.

Examples of disrespect can include being condescending about your career or life choices or outright derogatory and rude. However, any remarks that make you feel guilty or uncertain about yourself can be signs that this person is disrespecting you. You generally always retain the right to leave an unhealthy situation and seek the love that you deserve—free of behavior like this.

Look for someone similar to you

While some differences can balance people out or help each person to enhance their strengths or mitigate their weaknesses, placing equal focus on finding a mate that aligns well with similarities can be helpful.

Be positive about senior dating

Being optimistic and unafraid of making connections that could turn into dating opportunities can help you confidently navigate senior dating. Consider approaching someone to talk—it likely can't hurt and might turn into a pleasant conversation (even if they're not a potential match).

Make eye contact with people

Eye contact can be a way to gauge interest and start a conversation. For example, if you meet someone's gaze and they smile, you can try to begin a conversation. You can then mutually determine if you want the conversation to continue or if you wish to pursue a relationship with the other person.

Removing expectations: Limiting fear about senior dating

Expectations can limit your dating experience, especially expectations around others’ behavior. That’s why it’s generally best to try to keep your expectations under control if you’re meeting someone for a first date. 

While having some expectations about your experience can be common, you may benefit most by keeping expectations neutral. You may find yourself positively surprised if you don't have specific expectations, and not having expectations can help reduce your disappointment if they don't occur.

Standards vs. expectations: What’s the difference? 

It can be helpful to understand that dating expectations are not necessarily the same as dating standards. While many may believe that one should certainly have a set of standards you are looking for in a potential partner, expectations can limit some possibilities. Remaining open-minded can open the door for many to have new and impactful emotional experiences.

Where to meet people

You may be wondering: Where do you meet potential dates? 

For many, the best way is to just do the things you would do anyway. This method allows you to go places you love to go, possibly meeting other enthusiasts and like-minded people in the process.

For example, if a healthy lifestyle is important to you, the gym may be a good place to look for people to talk to. You can still respect their workout time while remaining open to opportunity, especially if you find yourself in conversation.

Alternatively, bookstores and museums may be potential places to go if you prefer intellectual stimulation. You can also try special interest groups or fairs.

Consider senior dating sites

Senior dating sites are online platforms specifically designed for individuals typically over the age of 50 looking to begin a new chapter in their romantic lives. The top senior dating sites cater to older women and men by providing a user-friendly interface and features. Users can create a dating profile, upload profile photos, and use various communication features like video chat to connect with suitable matches. 

While exploring these platforms, seniors may need to be mindful of online dating scams and avoid giving out too much personal details. It’s important to use these sites safely, perhaps even involving a family member in the process to help set up the profile and navigate the site. Many senior dating sites offer free versions, allowing users to explore services without financial commitment and making them available options for starting a heartwarming senior dating journey. 

However, it can be challenging for some seniors to adapt to online dating sites and other dating platforms, especially if they are not technologically savvy. Some sites may match users based on a personality test to ensure mutual compatibility, aiming to help seniors find their perfect match. Success stories from these sites can be particularly inspiring, showing that age limits do not need to hinder meaningful connections and new relationships.

Finding support along your journey

Dating can be difficult at any age. If you're feeling overwhelmed or need help finding yourself before you find someone else, consider enlisting the help of a professional therapist to keep you optimistic and on the right path.

Online therapy can be convenient in this context, as it allows you to check in from anywhere with an internet connection—whether that be home, the office, or elsewhere. It can also be more available  than in-person methods for people with mobility issues or who simply can't find the time to take off work and make it to a doctor's office in person.

Several clinical studies have been published, suggesting that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy methods. Many people who participate in online therapy have expressed that they find it easier to open up over online mediums due to the extra level of separation between the person and the therapist.