My Mom Is Mean: How To Deal With An Angry Parent
Do you struggle with your relationship with your mother? You're not alone. It's incredibly common for children and parents to butt heads, especially during the teenage years. Usually, as children grow, exercise their independence, and leave the home, the relationship stabilizes and reconciles; but not always. If you often think, "My mom is mean!", here's how to deal.
My Mom Is Mean
Most people think their mother is mean at some point during their growing up years. Often it's due to a child's struggle for independence while still living under their parent's authority; the parent is trying to keep their child safe while the child bristles against their parent's rules (and consequences).
However, there could be more going on. Sometimes parents suffer from mental health disorders, live under a lot of physical, emotional, or financial stress, or wrestle with dysfunction from their own formative years. This can often present itself as anger within the mother-child relationship making things more challenging.
How to Deal With an Angry Parent
Sit down and talk to them. If you want to improve your relationship with your parent, talk to them at a time that is not emotionally charged. Trying to get your point across while in the middle of a fight has a pretty low chance of success. Instead, talk to your mother calmly. Say something like, "We seem to argue a lot and I think we'd both like to improve our relationship. Can we talk about that for a little bit?"
Then, as you describe the way you feel and the way the relationship hurts you, use "I" statements. Instead of saying, "You yell at me all the time for the silliest things," say "I feel like I can't do anything right in your eyes. I really value your approval and I want us to have a better relationship, but I'm not sure how to do that."
Evaluate your own behavior and expectations. While your mother may seem angry, evaluate whether you have any part in the negative cycle of your relationship. Do you regularly disrespect her? Do you flaunt choices that go against her personal values? While you certainly have your own autonomy, don't expect approval from her if you're living contrary to her rules.
Set boundaries. No two people are going to agree on everything - and sometimes larger issues will prevent a relationship from ever being healthy. To preserve your own sanity, you will need to set personal boundaries with your mother. If you're living at home but old enough to move out, start working on a plan to get your own space so you no longer have to live under your mother's authority.
Help Is Available
If you need help figuring out how to set appropriate boundaries with your mother, consider working with a counselor. You may even want to go to counseling with your mother to improve the relationship. Counseling can even help you figure out whether, in some cases, it might be beneficial to cut off your relationship completely if it's toxic and unhealthy. Betterhelp.com offers affordable counseling in a convenient online format - get started today to improve both your relationship and your life.