My Mom Is Crazy: How To Have A Relationship With Your Mother
When you're growing up, your Mom isn't supposed to be your friend. She's supposed to be there to guide you into adulthood, even if this means dealing with you, telling all your friends "My Mom is crazy" as you grow.
When you become an adult however, the need for total guidance goes away and friendship arises.
But what if this natural progression doesn't happen for you? What if you find yourself well established in your adult life and wants a relationship with your Mom but you still find yourself saying "My Mom is crazy, I can't be around her"?
If this is the case, don't worry, you can still work on building a meaningful relationship with her. You just have to take a few extra steps to get there.
Step 1: Try to understand her craziness.
Try to understand the reasons behind why she behaves the way she does. Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how you'd be feeling if you were her. Furthermore, do some investigating about her past. A lot of times the way your Mom grew up has a huge impact on the way she behaves as a parent. Maybe her parents never cared and so now she over compensates with you?
Step 2: Use this new found knowledge of your Mom to forgive her.
While there is no excuse for harmful behavior, understanding the reasons for her craziness (as you learned in step 1), can really help you to let go of any residual anger you have towards her. Often times when you are attempting to build a relationship with your Mother, an apology for wrongs you feel she's did to you never comes. This step allows you to move forward even without said apology.
Step 3: Understand what you're looking to get out of the relationship.
It's important to understand what you are looking to get from this relationship before you begin. If you are looking for a close relationship where you tell each other everything, know this will take significantly more work than if you are just looking to be able to grab dinner and chat once a week. Also note, it is important not to set your expectations too high. If for example, your Mom has a particularly Type A personality, it may be too much to hope she will ever stop trying to convince you to live a less care free lifestyle.
Step 4: Set boundaries.
In order to build a relationship that can stand the test of time, you need to make it clear what is off limits from the start. If for example, you have different religious beliefs, tell her conversations involving either of your beliefs are off limits. In doing this you minimize potential arguments before they begin.
Step 5: Accept that you will still probably think "my Mom is crazy" on some occasion
Any relationship is going to have its ups and downs. At times the things that drive you crazy are going to resurface, and you are just going to have to accept that. You cannot expect your Mom to change her personality just because you are putting in the effort.
Having said all of this, what having a relationship really comes down to is how much you want to be a part of each other's lives.
If however, you find yourself struggling with these steps, consider getting professional help. A professional therapist will be able to talk you through what you are feeling and guide you in the right direction, so that you will be able to complete these steps and have the relationship you desire.